by Cross, Amy
Am I finally going crazy?
“You're a tough cookie, Elizabeth Marter,” he continues. “I'm gonna admit, when I first met you and your brother, I had the pair of you pegged the wrong way round. I thought Henry was the smart soldier, the kid who'd survive in this bleak world. I thought you'd crumble into nothing, that you'd either die or that maybe your brother would keep you alive. I'm a proud man, but I'll admit when I'm wrong, and I was wrong with you. You're a survivor, Elizabeth, and a damn fine killer.”
“Shut up,” I murmur, with tears in my eyes, hoping to make him go away. “You don't know anything about me.”
“People die all around you,” he says, “but you survive. It's like you refuse to die, and I respect that. Even losing a foot and getting it sewn back on didn't stop you. You just go on and on, leaving people behind when necessary. Like Henry.”
I shake my head.
“And Toad.”
“No.”
“And little Rachel.”
“You're full of -”
I stop myself just in time. I know I'm talking to myself, but Bob's driving me insane.
“You have to go out there when the sun comes up,” he continues, “and look at what you've done. Look your victim in the eyes, if he's still got eyes. Going out there might be the hardest part of all this, but it's the part that'll make you stronger. And you might not like me, Elizabeth, but you know I'm right. You also know I'm really just the smart part of your mind, giving you some straight-talk. I must say, though. The fact that your subconscious mind appeared as Bob seems a little... weird. Pervy, even.”
“Shut up!” I snap.
“You know how to make me go away,” he replies. “When the sun comes up, go out there and -”
“No!”
“You know I'm right.” He starts laughing. “Own what you did, girl. It's the only -”
“No!” I shout, getting to my feet and stepping toward him as his laughter continues.
“Elizabeth?” another voice says suddenly.
Turning, I see that Violet is standing in the doorway, staring at me with a somewhat concerned expression. I stare back at her for a moment, before looking back across the room and seeing that Bob is gone.
Of course he's gone.
He was never here.
“Are you okay?” Violet asks. “Were you talking to someone?”
For a few moments, I'm not sure how to respond.
“No,” I say finally, turning back to her. “I was just thinking out loud, that's all. I was just...thinking.”
“Cool.” She pauses, as if she's still worried, and then she comes into the room and starts removing her jacket. “I just finished paroling the eastern wall. Didn't see anything, but maybe I was being watched. Dunno. I heard a few shots, though. Did something happen at one of the platforms?”
“I...”
My voice dries up.
“Elizabeth?” she continues. “Are you okay?”
“I'm fine,” I lie, “I just didn't get much sleep and now I have to be somewhere.”
“Tell me about it,” she says, rolling her eyes. “I'm back on duty at sunrise. Let me tell you, before all this started I was not an early-riser. Do you know what I'd give right now for a finger-pinch of dope? Or even just a regular cigarette? If old me could see current me, she'd be shocked. It's crazy how we're all becoming different people, huh?”
I try to reply, but I honestly don't know what to say. In my mind's eye, all I can see is that man running across the yard, and then his head being blasted open by a bullet that I fired. I keep seeing it again and again, and hearing the shot too, and hearing the faint thump of the body hitting the ground. And then it repeats, over and over, until I feel like I'm really going to lose my mind.
“Are you sure you're okay?” Violet asks, putting her hands on her hips. “I've never seen you look quite so green around the gills.”
“I have to be somewhere,” I reply, heading to the door and then slipping past her, despite the fact that I desperately need some sleep before I'm due back on duty at the platform. In fact, I'm going to be up there at sunrise, which means I'll see the body. In some kind of sick way, that feels like poetic justice.
“Why do you put yourself through this?” Violet asks.
I turn to her.
“I know I've asked you this before,” she continues, “but I still don't understand. Everyone knows who your father is. You could pull some strings and get a way more cushy job than this. Why do you insist on hanging out with us dogsbodies? Are you trying to prove that you're just one of us? 'Cause you're not, you know, because any one of us would leap at the chance to get out of here.”
“I have a job to do,” I tell her.
“But you can choose your job,” she points out, “unlike the rest of us. Hell, you could get out of your next guard duty if you wanted. You could go stand around talking like the members of the council. Your father wouldn't blink, he'd reassign you in the blink of an eye.”
“I wouldn't be good at that.”
“Do you think you're so good at this?” She glances at my new reattached, which is still kind of weak. “I'm just saying you could take it easy,” she adds, “especially since you're disabled.”
“I'm not disabled,” I reply, wincing a little at all this unwanted pity, “and I'm fine doing the job I do. In case you didn't hear, I shot a man tonight. He was trying to get into the storage unit so I took him out.”
“Seriously?” Her eyes widen with shock. “Did you kill him?”
“What do you think?” I reply, before turning and walking away. I tell myself that I won't look back, not even if she says something really dumb, but fortunately she keeps quiet as I make my way around the next corner.
Stopping, I lean back against the wall and try to get my head straight. I don't know why I just admitted to killing that man. In fact, I didn't just admit to it; I basically bragged about it, to make myself seem tougher. What's wrong with me? It's like I'm becoming the kind of person I hate the most. At the same time, I just had to put Violet in her place, especially after that dig about my foot. Maybe I really am losing my mind.
“Yeah,” Bob says, “maybe you are.”
Turning, I see him standing at the far end of the corridor. I immediately start limping the other way, determined to find somewhere I can hole up and get some peace until my next shift starts.
3am
Thomas
“There!” McGuinness hisses, pointing straight ahead. “Against the night sky. You see it?”
At first I don't see anything, but then I realize I can just about make out something stumbling across the parking lot. The only light comes from the stars above, but that's just about enough to let me make out a slowly moving figure. Immediately I recognize the way that it's walking, and I have to force myself to stay in position. The thought of another zombie encounter is enough to make me want to turn and run.
“You remember the plan, don't you?” McGuinness asks.
“We do,” Toad replies.
“The light'll be the signal,” McGuinness continues. “We don't know how the creature will react to that. It might not react at all, but be ready for the unexpected. Sometimes the eyes on these fuckers give out first, and they're left stumbling around in the dark. I saw that happen with one of them once, it was pretty fucking hilarious. But we want to get this right the first time, without any risks. And remember that these things might be slow, but they're still dangerous.”
“I don't think anyone's forgotten that,” Toad says sternly.
“Determine its weakness first,” she adds. “They all have one. Blindness. Unstable on their legs. Crippled by some -”
“We get it,” Toad says, interrupting her. “You're not the only one who's met a zombie before.”
“Have many have you met?” she asks.
“I haven't been keeping count.”
“And you?”
After a moment I realize that, in the darkness, she's turned to me.
“I don't know,” I tell her. “Lots.”
“I've personally taken down seventeen,” she says, sounding a little proud, “and assisted in three further take-downs. I've encountered another twenty-four that, for reasons, I was unable to neutralize at the time.”
“That's nice for you,” Toad says, clearly not particularly impressed. “Let's focus on this zombie for now, okay?”
We wait in silence for a moment.
“Are you jealous?” McGuinness asks suddenly.
“Am I what?” Toad replies, sounding exasperated.
“That I've got a higher score than you.”
“A higher score? This isn't a game!”
“Don't worry, I understand.” She sniffs. “Some people take down zombies, some run away from them. It's a matter of personal choice.”
Toad mutters something under his breath. I manage to just about pick out a few of the words, and they're not particularly pleasant.
“Patterson and the others should be in position by now,” McGuinness says, as I hear her checking her gun in the darkness. “I want the kid to stay back when we make our move. This is strictly for grown-ups.”
“Hey,” I reply, “I'm -”
“Don't rise to it,” Toad mutters, stepping past us and making his way toward the distant creature. “Stay focused, Thomas, and everything'll be okay. It's when people get emotional and cocky that they make mistakes.”
“Whatever, you pair of losers,” McGuinness replies. “Let's get the rope around this fucker's head, then we can start with the dick-measuring contest. Let's see who actually steps up when it's zombie-hammering time.”
I hear Toad sigh in the darkness, but he and McGuinness are already creeping forward so I set off after them. A moment later I spot a flash of light up ahead, which I know is the pre-arranged thirty-second signal. Miller, Taylor and Sharpe must be out there on the other side of the creature, ready to strike. Part of me wants to turn and run, so that I don't have to see another one of these creatures ever again, but I quickly remind myself that I have to be strong.
We must be down to fifteen seconds by now. When the countdown ends, all hell is going to break loose, but for a moment we all stop and wait in the darkness. The only noise is the distant shuffling sound coming from the creature as it edges closer, but so far it doesn't seem to be aware that we're here.
Five seconds.
There can't be any more than that to go.
Any second now, the light will -
Suddenly a bright blast of light erupts nearby, and in an instant I see the zombie stumbling straight toward us. I just have time to register that she's female, and that her eyes are intact, before she turns and snarls directly at the light.
“Move!” McGuinness yells.
Toad rushes forward and throws the lasso at the end of the rope. Amazingly, the lasso goes straight over the zombie's head on the very first try. The creature snaps around and rasps at him, before taking a step in his direction. Seconds later a second lasso hits the zombie's shoulder and then falls to the ground, as Toad takes several steps back while holding onto the first rope.
“Get on with it!” he shouts.
The second lasso is pulled back toward the light, and then it's thrown again. This time it misses by a mile, and I watch with a growing sense of panic as Miller hauls it closer and prepares to try again.
“Will you get that fucking thing under control?” McGuinness calls out, holding the wooden stake that's attached to the other end of Toad's rope. “We've done our part!”
“Shut the hell up!” Miller replies, taking a little longer this time to prepare the rope. “I can do this if you stop screaming at me!”
“Will you both shut up?” Toad snaps. “I'm literally at the end of my tether now! I'm holding my tether and I need somebody to put the other tether around the zombie's goddamn neck!”
“I'm not the one you need to tell,” McGuinness says. “It's Miller who -”
Suddenly Miller screams, and I turn to see him running up behind the zombie. The creature begins to turn, but Miller quickly places the lasso around its neck and then scrambles back just in time. Although he stumbles and falls, Miller then manages to get to his feet and hurry away, and then he and Taylor start pulling on the rope.
“Make sure you don't rip its head off!” McGuinness shouts, as she pulls the other rope and then drives the wooden stake deep into the ground.
The zombie starts stumbling toward us, but then Sharpe digs the other stake into the ground, securing the creature with the two ropes and holding it in place.
“Make sure they're firmly in the ground!” Toad shouts.
“Yeah yeah,” McGuinness grumbles, “we know how to do it.”
“Did we get her?” Taylor asks breathlessly, as if he can't quite believe that the mission was a success. “Seriously?”
“Don't relax just yet,” Toad says, watching as the zombie struggles to get loose from the ropes. The creature seems confused, as if it doesn't understand what's pulling on its neck and preventing it from walking. “We don't know how strong this thing is.”
“Suck on that!” McGuinness yells, stepping toward the creature as the others start bringing the light closer. “Eat my shit, you zombie motherfucker!”
“Be careful,” Toad yells. “It's still not safe to get too close. Always leave a margin for error.”
Despite that, he follows McGuinness, and I go after them.
“You think you can come into our world and fuck shit up?” McGuinness continues. “You're going straight back to whatever nightmare you crawled out of. And you can wipe that pathetic, rotten look off your face at the same time!”
Ahead, the zombie is snarling as it tries desperately to break free of the trap. Now that Taylor is aiming the light directly at the creature, I can see that it's a girl with shoulder-length black hair. She can't have been much more than fifteen or sixteen years old when she was turned, and she's wearing an army-style jacket over her t-shirt and jeans. Just like the patrol noted, she's not too rotten at all, although her eyes look slightly sunk in their sockets and there's a dark, rotten gash on the left side of her cheek. Her clothes are torn and there's a foul smell in the air, but otherwise she looks less degraded than any zombie I've seen since this whole mess started.
“Ugly fucking bitch,” McGuinness says, stepping over one of the ropes as she circles the creature. “Stinks of piss and shit too. Have you noticed? She must have messed herself right after she turned into this thing. Or maybe she was just a filthy piece of work all along.”
“Are the stakes secure?” Toad asks.
“Of course they are,” McGuinness replies, “stop asking me.”
“I'm going to go and tell Patterson that we did it,” Taylor says, still sounding a little breathless as he takes a step back. “I know he's working on the plans for our approach to Boston, but he has to come and see this. I bet he never thought we'd actually succeed.”
“So is anybody in there?” McGuinness asks, stepping up behind the zombie as it continues to struggle against the ropes. “Anything you wanna say?”
“The damm thing should have spoken by now,” I tell Toad. “In the past, Joseph always started up at the first opportunity.”
“Let's not jump to any conclusions just yet,” he replies, turning to me. “Thomas, you've spoken to these things before, maybe more than any of the rest of us. I'm going to talk to Patterson and tell him that I think you should take the lead here.”
“Me?” I reply, shocked by the suggestion. “I don't think I'd know what to do!”
“You've probably got a better chance than the rest of us,” he says, “and I trust you more than some of the hot-heads around here.”
“Look at her,” McGuinness says, throwing a rock at the zombie's head from behind. “Pathetic. We should give her a nickname. Stinky's too obvious, how about Fuckwitina?” She chuckles. “That kinda suits her, don't you think? She was probably a complete idiot when she was normal, too.”
“See w
hat I mean?” Toad asks, clearly trying to ignore her. “Thomas, you're -”
Suddenly I hear the creature let out a much louder snarl, accompanied by a crunching sound. I turn just in time to see that one of the wooden stakes has come loose from the ground, allowing the creature to swing around and lunge at McGuinness.
“Move!” Toad yells, rushing toward them.
I race over to the stake and grab it, pulling as hard as I can and forcing the rope to go tight before driving the sharpened wooden end back into the ground. Determined to make sure that it can't come loose again, I slam my foot down against the top and push as hard as I can manage. As I do so, I hear voices shouting over my shoulder, and I turn to see Toad pulling McGuinness back as the creature flails against the ropes.
Once more under control, the creature turns and reaches out toward me, but the ropes hold. To my horror, however, I see that there's now blood smeared around its mouth.
“Damn it!” McGuinness shouts nearby.
Turning, I see that Toad is stepping back from her. Kneeling on the ground, McGuinness is holding up her left arm, revealing a deep bite just above the wrist.
4am
Elizabeth
The door's handle sticks slightly, so I have to give it a proper shove before I manage to get it open. Finally, however, I step out from the rear of the building and I stop to look along the dark, pre-dawn street.
I guess I'm still not used to how empty this place is. Thanks to various new arrivals to counter the numerous departures and deaths, we now have a little over four hundred people living here in Boston, which is up from a little under eighty when I first arrived. For a city of this size, that's not a whole lot of people, and the vast majority work at the very edge, guarding the perimeter. It's really only the members of the council who spend much time in the city's more central areas, which means that I barely even see my father these days. He's usually too busy working with Diane and the others, which I understand.
