Mike is still pressed against me, so with nowhere to run my sister is able to fully express her rage, blindly slapping us both using both hands.
‘Get them off it, get them off it,’ she cries as Dan and my mum try to restrain her.
‘It’s too late now,’ my mum tells her softly.
You’re damn right it is. I have icing so far up my butt I can taste it. This cake is a write off, I’ve helped Mike cheat on his long-term girlfriend and Leo looks both distraught and furious having watched me getting off with his best friend’s brother. Everyone is looking at me like I’m the most disgusting person in the world, my sister is crying her eyes out and if Mike doesn’t get his cake-covered cock away from me right now, I will rip it off with my bare hands.
Leo storms out of the back door, slamming it behind him. Everyone else filters out of the kitchen and it takes several minutes before I can no longer hear my sister’s crying. It’s just the two of us now.
‘I don’t suppose you want to finish?’ Mike jokes as he swipes a little frosting up with his finger and tastes it. At least I hope he’s joking.
‘Get off me before I shove the rest of this cake up your arse,’ I warn him.
Mike does at he is told, finally releasing me before pulling his pants up and running upstairs.
Finally alone, I hop down off the counter and examine the cake. You can’t even call it a cake any more, it’s just the remains of something delicious-smelling with my butt-print right in the middle of it. Thank God there wasn’t a little plastic bride and groom on top.
In my defence, the room was very dark and it’s quite a small cake. It didn’t stand a chance, but letting Dan carry my heavy case, showing the kids Pulp Fiction, jinxing the wedding, hitting my sister in the face with a rounders ball – none of that compares to this. This really takes the cake.
Chapter 37
There is cake everywhere. It’s all over the counter, the floor – me! I have cake in places I didn’t think possible. It can’t have been a very big cake, which only makes me feel worse. As expensive, TV show worthy cakes go, this one was in their budget and I’ve literally fucked it. I suppose that’s why it was so easy for Mike to plonk me down on top of it, the fact it wasn’t that big. I’d guess there were two tiers. Maybe. The only reason I know it was a cake is because it smells like buttercream and because my sister repeatedly cried out ‘my cake, my cake’ as they carried her upstairs.
Completely unsalvageable, I scoop the cake into a plastic bag and wipe myself down as best I can. Now I have a choice to make: I can run upstairs and apologise to my sister or I can go out and search the beach for Leo. One thing I know for sure is that it did not feel good doing that to Leo. It wasn’t my intention for him to watch me kissing someone else, but I was doing it to prove that I feel nothing for him. So why do I feel so bad? A pattern has occurred to me: when I’m around my family, they give me such a hard time I end up doing stupid stuff like this… which only seems to give them more reason to be mad at me. It’s a never ending cycle.
I decide that I have to go and speak to Belle, she’s my sister. Leo can wait.
I practically tiptoe up the stairs, ever so cautiously just in case my sister thought to booby-trap the place in case something like this were to happen. I don’t have to hover on the landing wondering which room she is in for long, because I can hear her sobbing loud and clear. I have upset her several times in the short time I have been here, but this time I take full responsibility. I didn’t do it on purpose, but I did do it, and I have to apologise.
I knock on the door and wait to be called in. No one shouts, but my mum shuffles out to talk to me.
‘She doesn’t want to see you, Mia. Just go to bed,’ she tells me sternly. ‘Your own, if you don’t mind.’
‘I suppose I deserved that,’ I start, ‘but I just want the chance to apologise.’
My mum opens the bedroom door a small amount, just loud enough for me to see my sister crying.
‘Do you think apologising will do anything to mend that?’ she asks me and I shake my head.
‘Let her in,’ Belle calls out.
My mum does as she asks and reluctantly leaves the two of us alone to talk.
Belle is sitting up in bed, surrounded by used tissues. Her eyes are full with tears that turn black as they escape her eyes, leaving her with a face of messed up makeup that Alice Cooper would be proud to rock.
I sit at the end of her bed, as far from her as physically possible. She scared me a little when she started hitting me, she just went wild. All sense and reason went out of the window, her emotions and her anger got the better of her and I don’t know what she would have done if people weren’t around to stop her.
‘I’m sorry,’ I start, knowing that my mum is right, that sorry won’t be good enough, but it’s all I’ve got.
‘Well, as long as you’re sorry,’ she sobs sarcastically. ‘Is that for destroying my cake, cheating with Mike or breaking Leo’s heart?’
All of the above.
‘The thing is,’ I start, and my sister rolls her eyes. ‘The cake thing was a complete accident, you know I wouldn’t do that on purpose. Mike didn’t tell me he had a girlfriend, and no one else has mentioned her to me, so how could I have known that? And as for Leo…’
My sentence trails off as I struggle to find the right words to come next. My sister stares at me expectantly.
‘After talking to his mum, I realised Leo might be thinking something was happening that wasn’t, so I needed to nip that in the bud.’
‘And you had to do that by having sex on my cake in front of him?’ she snaps.
‘No, look, we didn’t have sex, we just kissed. I didn’t know Leo was there. And that wasn’t for his benefit, it was for mine.’
‘Nice.’
‘Not like that,’ I insist. ‘Look, I don’t do feelings or relationships, this is hard for me. I needed to prove to myself that I didn’t have any of those sorts of feelings for Leo.’
‘By having sex on my cake?’
I sigh.
‘And did you prove that to yourself?’ she asks.
‘Yes,’ I lie. The truth is, I thought I was proving it to myself but even if we hadn’t been interrupted, I knew there was no way I’d be able to go through with it. And as soon as I realised Leo was there to see it, I felt all kinds of feelings that I’m not used to feeling. I feel embarrassed, not because I was caught kissing, but because of who I was kissing and who we were caught by. I feel guilty for hurting so many people; my heart feels like it has dropped right down in the deepest part of my body. And then there’s the way I feel about Leo… I do feel strongly about him, stronger than I have ever felt about anyone, but is it worth acting on when we live so far apart? Is it love? How are you supposed to know? No one tells you what love feels like. I mean, I write about it often enough in my movies – it’s like walking on air, butterflies in your stomach, the best feeling in the world with your heart full of joy, etc. – but that’s fiction, it’s rubbish I write to sell movies to hopeless romantics. I certainly don’t feel any of those things. I don’t feel like I’m walking on air, I feel like I’m trying to balance on a tightrope with no safety harness. I don’t feel like I have butterflies in my stomach, I feel like I’ve been trapped on a malfunctioning rollercoaster for twelve hours. And as for the so-called best feeling in the world, my heart doesn’t feel like it’s full of joy, it feels like it’s made of really thin, fragile glass that could shatter at the slightest touch.
‘Oh, well, at least you’re sorted,’ my sister says sarcastically, a terrifying false smile plastered across her face to help get her point across.
‘I’m far from sorted,’ I reply.
‘My God, it’s all about me me Mia!’ she shouts, jumping out of bed. ‘You come here, you ruin my wedding, you sleep with everyone! And then you’re all “poor me, I need to sleep with more people just in case I’m in love”.’
As my sister approaches me angrily, my mum rushes back in the
room and gets between us.
‘Just leave,’ she insists, and I think it’s for my own safety as well as because I am upsetting Belle. I have never seen my sister so hurt and angry in my entire life.
Well, there’s my failed attempt to smooth things over with Belle, now I can go and find Leo, I’m sure he’ll be equally as pleased to see me.
Chapter 38
I woke up thinking last night must have been a terrible nightmare, that there’s no way that could have happened, but as I spied my cake-stained dress on the floor, I knew that it absolutely did happen.
After having no luck with Belle last night, I went out looking for Leo. I didn’t find him, but that’s probably for the best. I didn’t know what I was going to say to him anyway. Babbling ‘sorry I got off with another guy in front of you, it’s just I know you like me and I was scared I liked you so I had to prove a point to myself’ probably won’t cut it.
It’s only two days until the wedding, and as much as I want to hide away I only have to tough it out for a little longer and then I can go home and write this off as a holiday from hell. But, as I walk into the kitchen where lots of people are gathered, I realise that it’s not going to be that easy. As I headed downstairs I could hear the kitchen buzzing with people, I could hear chatting, cutlery on plates, the clinking of mugs… now that I’m here, everyone is silent, which means everyone knows. There isn’t even the slightest trace of the cake. I had cleaned up as best I could, including the base it was sitting on, which I left on the table. That’s gone too.
‘Hi,’ I say, but no one replies. Not Belle, my mum, Maria, Nancy, my gran or Dan’s mum Harriet so much as give me an acknowledging nod. It’s all women in here, and I wonder if the men would judge me as harshly – women can be so judgmental of other women. Then I remember it’s not the act that’s making them mad, it’s the who, the where and the why.
‘Is there anything I can do today?’ I ask.
‘Yes, pop over to Paris and pick me up a replacement cake,’ Belle snaps.
I suppose I deserved that, but I do want to help.
‘What are you doing about a cake?’ Harriet asks her future daughter-in-law.
‘I don’t even want one now,’ she replies. ‘I’m just not going to bother. It’s just one more thing for Mia to ruin.’
I open my mouth to protest, about how it was an accident and how I would never do anything like that on purpose, but a furious looking Auntie June bursts into the room and I don’t get a chance to speak.
‘Something you want to tell us,’ my auntie yells, and I realise she’s talking to me.
‘Me? No.’ I don’t know what else to say.
She nods down towards my outfit. I’m wearing a pair of denim shorts and a bikini top because the plan was to go for a long walk on the beach, to give everyone some space. I self-consciously run my hands down my body. I didn’t think I was dressed too inappropriately, certainly not for the beach, and definitely no worse than the way I’ve been dressing this entire time.
‘About this,’ she says as she thrusts something white and plastic towards me, holding it just inches from my face. I have to take a step back just to focus on it, it was that close to me. That’s when I realise it’s a pregnancy test – I’ve never seen one in real life before, I’ve never had reason to – and that she wasn’t nodding towards my outfit, she was nodding towards my womb, and unless some cake found its way up there, it’s definitely empty.
‘Eww, get that out of my face,’ I tell her with an awkward laugh. No one has ever waved a pregnancy test in my face before, I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say.
‘Where did you get that?’ my mum asks her.
‘In the downstairs bathroom, in the bin. It’s positive.’
Under normal circumstances I’d ask why she was rooting around in the bathroom bin, but she seems quite angry, I’d best not antagonise her.
‘It’s not mine,’ I squeak in amazement. ‘Why would you think it was mine?’
‘You used the bathroom yesterday,’ she replies.
‘Everyone used the bathroom yesterday,’ I reason, although my auntie has another reason up her sleeve.
‘You’re the only one who is… promiscuous.’
I feel almost grateful she paused to find an appropriate word, but is she suggesting I’m some kind of slut? And why would she assume I wasn’t a careful slut? As if I’d risk getting pregnant, I can hardly take care of myself. A baby would ruin both my body and my life, so of course I use protection. Not that it’s any of her business.
‘You have been sleeping with everyone,’ my sister interjects, and everyone stares at me.
My jaw drops in shock, does everyone think it’s mine? I know that I didn’t take that test, so whose is it? No one in the room is speaking up or looking guilty, most of the other female relatives are probably too old, Heather was frantically looking for tampons last night so it’s not hers… that’s when it hits me. I know who took that test and I know who is pregnant. It’s Hannah. I thought she was being odd, sneaking off to the pharmacy, and her mum knew her period wasn’t now – that must be what’s wrong with her at the moment, and the thing she told me she was too scared to tell her mum. As Auntie June stares at me angrily, the test still held up accusingly in front of my eyes, I’m not surprised Hannah is too scared to talk to her. With my auntie branding me a careless slut in front of everyone, I would love nothing more than to wipe that look off her face by telling her it’s her fifteen-year-old daughter who is knocked up, but I would never do that to my cousin. She needs supporting, not to be shouted at in front of everyone. I’ll make my excuses and go find her. People already hate me, let them think it’s me if they want, but all I want to do is find Hannah and tell her that she’s not alone.
Before I have a chance to speak, my auntie ups the dramatics. If my jaw hit the floor before, then hers has dropped straight through to somewhere just off the coast of New Zealand. She drops the pregnancy test and slaps her hand across her mouth, the same hand that was holding the test that someone has definitely peed on. My auntie goes a ghostly shade of white. Has it crossed her mind that Hannah might be pregnant? If so, I hope she doesn’t blurt it out in front of all these people.
‘Tell me it isn’t Steve’s,’ my auntie says with real panic in her voice.
‘I can’t think of any sane reason why your husband would take a pregnancy test,’ I reply, but I know what she’s getting at. She not only thinks that I’m the one who is pregnant, she thinks there’s a chance it could be my uncle’s.
‘Don’t get smart with me, young lady, I’ve seen the two of you together.’
I hear a gasp from my gran, who is clearly entertaining the possibility.
I massage my temples for a moment. I’ve put up with so much already, there’s no point losing my temper now.
‘You people watch too much Jeremy Kyle,’ I tell them, shaking my head. ‘You think I would sleep with a married member of my own family?’
No one says anything, until my gran eventually opens her mouth.
‘Well, he isn’t a blood relative,’ she reasons, and I’m not sure if that’s an argument for the prosecution or in my defence, but it makes me feel sick.
‘And that would make it OK?’ I ask, but I don’t want an answer. I just want to find Hannah.
‘We’re not done with you,’ my auntie calls after me but I ignore her and head upstairs.
Would you believe it, the first person I clap eyes on is Uncle Steve, who is about to head down.
‘Good morning,’ he says brightly to my chest.
‘Where’s Hannah?’ I ask. ‘I need to talk to her.’
‘I think she went for a walk on the beach, is everything OK?’
‘It will be,’ I tell him. ‘I promise you it will be.’
My uncle looks confused but smiles as he heads downstairs.
‘You might want to avoid your wife,’ I call after him, stopping him in his tracks about halfway down.
‘Why?’ he asks
nervously.
‘Just trust me.’
Chapter 39
As I sit on the sand and look out to sea, I think about how I can’t wait to get away from these people. If these people are normal and I’m unconventional, then I’m happy to be different. I can’t imagine being like Belle, obsessing over this one day like her entire life depends on it, like if her wedding doesn’t go well, her marriage will be doomed. What’s so great about marriage anyway? Look at the couples in my family. My dad hardly speaks to my mum, my auntie thinks my uncle is cheating on her and even people who were happy, like Leo’s mum and dad – well, he died. There’s no such thing as a happy ending.
I had a quick look around for Hannah, but it’s a big beach and I don’t know which way she went. She could have got back while I was looking in the wrong direction, but I’m too scared to go back inside. I’ll just sit here until I figure out what to do.
‘Mia,’ I hear Leo’s voice from behind me. As he approaches me I consider how I’d do anything to avoid this conversation. In fact, I would jump in the sea and swim home were it not for the fact I’d probably be headed for Spain/die trying.
‘Hello,’ I chirp. ‘Go on, let me have it. I have no fucks left to give.’
‘My mum told me about what happened this morning,’ he says seriously. I thought he was going to yell at me about last night.
‘Crazy, isn’t it?’
Leo sits down on the sand next to me and takes my hand.
‘Is it mine?’ he asks softly.
My eyes widen with horror as I snatch my hand back from him.
‘Not you as well,’ I babble, jumping to my feet. ‘I expect this crap from everyone else, but not you.’
‘I’ll support you,’ he calls after me as I’m walking away.
‘I don’t have time for this shit,’ I call back. I just need to find Hannah.
***
After sneaking back into the house and creeping upstairs unnoticed, I eventually find Hannah in the room she is sharing with Meg, her younger sister.
Bad Bridesmaid Page 21
