by Mary May
Sabrina felt like her body was going to fly off in a million pieces, she felt so shattered. She tried to keep from crying, not wanting to upset the baby. But the sobs tore up from her very soul, the center of wherever it was that she started. She called out to Luke, then to Jesus, then to Luke. The pain was so intense she knew her heart had literally been jerked out of her chest and trampled on. She drew in a deep breath, trying to calm herself, but wave after wave of fresh agony would roll over her. How could she survive this? How could anyone survive this much pain? “Oh, Jesus, please make it stop, please!” she cried out.
Gideon had never felt so helpless in his whole existence. He paced the room trying to think of something he could do to help, something he could do to make her stop crying so violently. He frantically paced and paced; finally not being able to stand it any longer he went over to the bed and leaned over the shaking body that was imploding with heartbreak. He spread his wings out over her and wrapped his arms around her as tightly as he dared, trying to hold her together. He knew she couldn’t feel him but maybe she could sense him somehow.
Sabrina slowly started to calm. She drew in a deep breath and then cautiously drew in another. She waited for the searing pain to come ripping up from her heart, but it had dulled down to a point she thought she could maybe get some control for a minute.
She closed her eyes and tried to focus on Luke in heaven with Jesus, tried to picture what he was seeing right now. Who he was seeing? Had he found his Grandpa Samuel? Were they even now hugging each other and laughing with joy? Was he being shown around the kingdom of heaven? He had two uncles that had passed on into glory years before Luke was born; had they introduced themselves? Her Grandmother Lilly had passed before she and Luke had met; would she know he was her husband? With these sweet images firmly in her mind, Sabrina drifted off to sleep.
Gideon left the hospital room and walked up to the roof. He drew in a deep breath of the warm night air and looked out over the city with its bright lights and busy freeways. Life was going on for these people. They were completely unaware of the events that were taking place. Would they even care, he wondered. Would they even pause for moment in their own lives to recognize the passing of another? He thought about little Charlie growing up without knowing how much her father truly loved her. He thought about Sabrina trying to be both mother and father to the child. He thought about how senseless it all was. With that last thought firmly in his mind he dove off the roof. He felt the air whipping past his face and just before impact he snapped open his wings and soared over the roofs of the cars that were zipping along the freeway.
Chapter 4
“Sabrina, darling, are you sure you feel up to attending the funeral? Everyone will understand if you’re still too weak.” Sabrina’s mother had been hovering close ever since she arrived the day after the accident.
Gideon decided he was glad he didn’t have a mother if they were all as overbearing as Catherine Avila!
Poor Sabrina hadn’t been able to make a single decision on her own about the funeral, her recovery, or anything else that had come up. He was about one more order away from taking dear old mom on a nice flight over the Sierra Nevada mountain range!
Fortunately, Sabrina had a lot more practice in handling her mother. “Mom, I’m not going to miss the funeral. I need to attend. You will be close by if I need you, won’t you?”
Gideon smiled, very smooth little lady, he thought.
“Of course, I’ll be right by your side, darling!” the mother gushed. Sabrina had redirected her mother’s controlling nature in another direction by asking for assistance instead of permission. “Now don’t you worry about a thing; I’ll handle everything! Oh, where did I put my good black shoes?” Catherine bustled off into the other room, leaving Sabrina alone for a few precious moments.
Sabrina let out a deep sigh then dropped her head back onto the pillows. She still looked too pale and drawn to suit Gideon, but he supposed that was to be expected, considering the circumstances. She hadn’t cried since that first night in the hospital, and that concerned him as well. He knew that when all the business of the funeral was over and Catherine went back home, and she was going home -- he would see to that -- that Sabrina was going to crash and crash hard. Right now she was just rubbing her swollen tummy and softly whispering soothing words to “baby Lukey.” “We have to go to daddy’s funeral now, sweetie, to say goodbye. But don’t worry. Daddy is in heaven with Jesus and all the angels and your Grandpa Samuel and Grandma Lillie, and one day when you’re older mommy will explain how death isn’t the end for those in the Lord’s family.” She gave a small sigh, “It’s still hard, though. “ She closed her eyes and sent up another prayer.
That would be number two hundred and three in the past three days, and yes, Gideon was keeping count. It fascinated him how easily she communicated with the Lord; there was no formality, no structure, just easy comfortable fellowship. It was something that Gideon didn’t have with the Lord even after all his centuries of dwelling in the heavens. He never thought to be envious of anything a human might have, but he envied Sabrina this…
It was soon time to load up in the family car to ride to the funeral. Getting Sabrina into the car was no easy feat even as small as she was, with her leg in the heavy bulky cast. Gideon could tell she still tired easily. By the time she was settled, she was even paler and the rapid beat of her heart could be seen fluttering at the base of her throat. He chose to ride on the roof of the car to be near Sabrina without actually being in the same car as her mother. How someone as sweet and gentle as Sabrina came from someone as domineering and antagonizing as her mother was beyond him; maybe she was really adopted.
There was a line of cars attending the funeral of Luke Allen Blakely that stretched for over a mile. It was apparent that the young man was very much loved and respected. Gideon had never attended a funeral service before, so the process was all new to him. He had a good vantage point standing on the roof of the car and could see over the heads of the hundred plus well-wishers that had come to support Sabrina and say their farewells to Luke. The casket was already in place and a sea of flowers and green plants surrounded the area. The morning sun was casting warm rays on the ground, and the gentle breeze sent the leaves on the plants swaying. It was a beautiful morning for the service.
They carried Sabrina to the front row under the funeral canopy sitting her next to Luke’s father, Carl. From what he had heard over the past couple of days, Luke’s mother had passed away several years ago from breast cancer. Carl, like Sabrina, didn’t seem to be angry at God for the death of his wife. Their faith had seemed to bring them great peace and comfort.
Sabrina’s mother jockeyed to be placed next to Sabrina, dislodging another member of Luke’s family, but they just smiled and scooted to the back row without complaint. After a couple of minutes the pastor came into the tent and stopped to shake Sabrina’s and Carl’s hands, whispering comforting words to each of them. He then stepped up to the podium. He stood for a moment, seeming to gather his thoughts before he spoke.
“I spoke to the Lord this morning about how to approach this service. While we are here to say our farewells to Luke, I also feel I need to address what is happening in heaven as well.” He paused and looked around at the crowd. “I’ve known Luke and his family since he was a child and I know Luke to have a strong close relationship with the Lord. I also know beyond any shadow of a doubt that Luke is, at this moment, in the warm embrace of Jesus.”
Gideon could hear amen and murmurs of agreement throughout the crowd. He wondered how Luke would approach the Lord when he saw Him for the first time. He thought about it for a moment then decided that Luke was definitely a fall-to-his-knees type.
“Luke is even now exploring the Kingdom of Heaven in all its glory and wonder!”
Gideon felt a wave of homesickness wash over him. He wondered if Luke had seen the Crystal Sea yet.
“He is being greeted by loved ones that have passed on into glo
ry before him and is meeting all the saints of old!” There was even more head nodding and whispers. “Every question that Luke has ever had has now been answered.” He stood and studied the crowd again. “Luke was a young man with a long life before him. He had a lovely young wife and they are expecting their first child this fall. No one would have expected that Luke would be called home so soon.”
This time Gideon heard a few sniffles and he looked to see how Sabrina was holding up. She had her head down and her lips were moving again. That’s prayer two hundred and four.
“But even at this young age Luke was ready. He had invited Jesus into his heart many years ago and through him Sabrina came to know the Lord and be saved.” The pastor paused and let that sink in. “But now I have a question for you. If we were attending your funeral instead of Luke’s, could the same be said about you?” Gideon heard nothing but silence this time. “Are you ready if you’re called home today? Would your loved ones have the same peace that Sabrina and Carl have, that they will see you again?” Gideon looked around and the heads that were nodding before were now still. “Folks, the Bible plainly states that we are not promised a tomorrow, or the next five minutes.” Gideon could now hear some uncomfortable shifting in the seats. “I know this isn’t what you expected to hear at this young man’s funeral, but let me tell you something about this young man. Luke was nothing if not secure in his salvation. He would rather me try to reach even one person here today than to sing praises about what a wonderful person he was.” The pastor looked around.
“The fact that I’m looking at this massive crowd is proof enough of what a wonderful person Luke was.” Luke’s father reached over and took Sabrina’s hand, which of course meant that Catherine had to take her other. “ I would like to take this time to invite anyone here today that has not invited Christ into their hearts, or maybe you did but have fallen away, or maybe you’re just not one hundred percent sure where you would spent eternity, to please come to me after the service.” The pastor then motioned to a young woman standing off to the side.” This is Luke’s cousin, Alicia, who will now sing Luke’s favorite hymn. Gideon watched the crowd as the young lady sang “The Old Rugged Cross.” He saw a couple of people that he thought the pastor might have touched. He bowed his head while he listened to the words of the old hymn.
“On a hill far away, stood an old rugged cross, the emblem of suffering and shame. How I love that old cross where the dearest and best, for a world of lost sinners was slain.”
Later that night after the service and after Sabrina had been asleep awhile, Gideon went for a walk. He thought about what the pastor had said about being ready. He wondered if he had been born instead of created, if he had been human instead of an angel would he have given his heart to Christ? He thought about why he didn’t have a closer relationship with the Lord. He looked up into the dark skies and felt for someone who had been around pretty much since the dawn of time that he had a lot more questions than answers.
Chapter 5
“Sabrina! You don’t need to be up! It’s not good for your leg!” “Sabrina, you don’t need to eat that; it’s not good for the baby!” “Sabrina, why are you trying to go back to work so soon?” Gideon had been on battlefields fighting thousands of demon fiends that were more peaceful than this house with Catherine Avila running the show.
“Mother, you have sacrificed so much of your time taking care of me these past few weeks, I’ll never be able to thank you enough,” Sabrina told her. Catherine fairly preened under her daughter’s praise.
“Nonsense, darling, I wouldn’t dream of being anywhere else. Why what kind of mother would I be if I wasn’t here in your hour of need?”
Gideon rolled his eyes. An hour he could have tolerated but Miss Mother of the Year had been here knocking on a month. He really was about to play “ghost” and reveal himself to her just so Sabrina could have some peace.
“I know, Mother, I never could have held it together without you, but I’m afraid I’m going to become too dependent upon your care and never be able to take care of myself.” Gideon watched hopefully while Sabrina wielded her magic.
“Well, you are getting around a lot better now,” Catherine admitted.
“I’m doing so much better than the doctors thought; I’m sure it’s because of your expert care, Mother.” Sabrina piled it on some more.
“Yes, well, you just can’t find good home health care these days; why, they are just as likely to rob you blind as to take care of you!” Catherine lowered her voice,” It’s mostly the Hispanics, you know. Why, the very idea of someone like that in this house while you’re so vulnerable, I just couldn’t stand for it!”
Gideon wondered what a person “like that” would think of someone as snooty and racially biased as Mrs. Avila.
“Mother, it’s time you got back to your own life, really.” Gideon could hear the strength in Sabrina’s voice. “I’m getting the cast off soon and I have so many friends who also want a chance to help me.”
Catherine let out a loud dramatic sigh, “Well, I’m sure the Ladies’ Club is frantic without me. It’s almost time to plan the Summer Garden Party and some people just have no sense of decorum or style at all! So maybe it is time I left you to get along on your own; I can’t be babying you forever, Sabrina. I mean, honestly I’ve been gone from my own life for several weeks now!”
Gideon could have sworn he saw a twinkle in Sabrina’s eyes. “Yes, Mother, I understand,” she said meekly. Catherine went hurrying into the spare bedroom she had taken over, talking a mile a minute about how happy the ladies were going to be to see her. He turned to see Sabrina smiling and shaking her head.
Later that week Sabrina was again at the doctor’s office to get her big cast removed and a smaller more flexible one put on. “Now remember, young lady, this leg is not anywhere close to being fully healed, so you still have to use your crutches and keep most of your weight off of it for several more weeks.” Sabrina wanted to cry in relief. Getting the heavy cumbersome cast off felt so good! She immediately reached down to scratch all the itchy places she hadn’t been able to reach for six weeks. Gideon smiled at the look of pure pleasure on her face as she clawed her poor skin raw.
The doctor laughed,” Ok, that’s enough scratching, or am I going have to put mittens on you like I use on the children?”
Sabrina laughed back “You just might.”
Sabrina was finally able to move more freely on her own. She was looking forward to when she would have the house to herself. She missed Luke so much and needed time on her own to come to terms with his passing. With company she could almost pretend he was still here. The baby was doing well and she had entered into her third trimester. The baby’s nursery needed to be finished; the crib was still in a box in the hallway. Her best friend Rachel was leaving this weekend and maybe she would be able to get some things done. Everyone had offered to help her with the baby’s room but she wanted to do it herself. She knew that it was going to be hard because she was supposed to be doing this with Luke.
She had decided to name the baby Luke Adam Blakely, after Luke and her father. She still needed to go out to the cemetery to make sure Luke’s headstone was as she had ordered it, but that was just one more thing on the long list of things she wasn’t ready to face yet. His clothes still hung in the closet; his toiletries were still in the bathroom. She would sometimes take his aftershave and sprinkle it on his pillow to help her sleep. She didn’t know how someone could go through this without the presence of the Lord in their life; she was just barely hanging on. She knew one day the pain wouldn’t be so overwhelming, but, honestly, knowing that didn’t make it any easier now.
She got up and slowly made her way over to the window. She looked out into the night scene. “Lord, I know your word promised that you would be a husband to the widower, a father to the orphan, and the protector to the weak. Right now I feel like I’m all three rolled into one. I thank you for getting me through another day. I thank you that the ba
by is healthy and growing. I thank you for my mother and I pray for her salvation, for my friends and family that have been so supportive. I want to thank you for getting me through this pain. I know one day when I’m on the other side of this valley I will look back and see what all you have brought me through.”
Sabrina then closed the curtains and got into bed. She pulled Luke’s pillow close and breathed deeply of the spicy scent of his aftershave. “Goodnight, Luke, I love you, sweetheart.” Sabrina then closed her eyes and soon was fast asleep.
Gideon stood in the corner basically feeling like an intruder. He marveled at the strength Sabrina seemed to possess. He noticed that she never said amen at the end of her prayers. She would often just pick up where she left off. He knew it wouldn’t be long before it would be time for Charlie to be born; he really hoped Sabrina wouldn’t be disappointed that it wasn’t a boy. She already had a name picked out, naming the baby after Luke. Once Charlie was born, she would be his primary charge, but he knew he wouldn’t be able not to protect Sabrina if she were ever in danger. Sabrina mumbled something in her sleep and rolled over, sticking one leg out of the covers; she then toed off her socks. A few minutes later she kicked the covers off completely. Apparently she was hot; Gideon walked over to stand close by her bed and gently fanning his wings he create a cool breeze….
Sabrina hugged her friend Rachel goodbye. “Are you sure you’re ready to be on your own? I can stay for a few more days.”
Sabrina hugged her again. “Yes, I’m sure; I can never thank you enough for being here with me this past week, but I’ve got to face this, and baby Luke will be here soon. I want to have my breakdown out of the way before he arrives.”
