by Mary May
Catherine would rebuff that, saying that Sabrina never even thought about how much trouble and expense they had all put forth to throw her and little Charlotte this welcome home party.
To which Sabrina responded that she didn’t even know these ladies and if only Catherine had asked, she could have saved them all the trouble and expense.
Catherine then stated that she would never be able to show her face at the Ladies Club ever again.
“Mother, everything isn’t always about you! I just gave birth. I have to go home and face the fact that I’m a single parent. I’m tired and emotionally worn out; the last thing I need or want is to have to play hostess to a bunch of people I don’t know!” Sabrina’s voice broke and she turned her head and looked out the window.
Catherine actually looked ashamed. They rode in silence until they reached the Relax and Stay Inn. They pulled into a parking spot and sat in silence for a few moments. Sabrina was still visibly upset, wiping the occasional tear away. Catherine cleared her throat and finally broke the silence. “Maybe I should have consulted with you before planning the party. I truly did not think you would mind.”
Sabrina leaned her head back on the head rest and stared at the ceiling of the car. “Mother, I’m sorry I snapped at you, and it was a lovely gesture, but I’m just not ready to face that crowd yet and maybe if you had warned me ahead of time I could have been more prepared.” She then turned and looked at her mother. “Do you think they could reschedule? Maybe give me a few days to settle in with Charlotte?”
Catherine smiled, “Oh, I’m sure they will, darling. I’ll just give them a call and tell them to put everything away for now and that we will do this when you’re feeling stronger.” Catherine patted her hand then got out of the car to go see about getting a room for the night.
Sabrina closed her eyes and prayed. “Father, I’m sorry I let my emotions get the best of me. I was disrespectful to my mother and that doesn’t reflect well on you. Please help me to be the example you want me to be. Help me to be strong for Charlotte and to be the Godly mother I need to be. Oh, Jesus, I’m scared! I’m scared to do this on my own.” Sabrina sobbed softly in the front seat and once again Gideon felt useless. He reached up and laid his hand on her shoulder. “I’m here, Sabrina; you’re not alone. I’ll protect you and make sure you and Charlie are both safe.” He knew she couldn’t hear him, but she did seem to calm down a little and began to gather up the baby and baby bag.
Catherine came back to the car. “I got us a room, dear. I thought we would share so I could help you with Charlotte.” Sabrina just nodded but Gideon had to turn and walk off a ways to keep from doing something he was sure would be frowned upon in the heavens.
The next afternoon they finally made it home. The living room still had the banner that read “Congratulations, Catherine.” It was strung across the wide doorway between the kitchen and the living room. There were enough pink balloons to fill an Olympic-size swimming pool; streamers hung from every available inch of ceiling space. The kitchen table was decorated with a centerpiece of pink and white roses with baby’s breath and a cake that was three-tiered like a wedding cake. Plates and glasses all in a matching floral design were stacked neatly on the counter with a pile of pink and white napkins that were monogrammed with a curling cursive capitol C. A pile of gifts that were extravagantly wrapped were lined up on the buffet and Gideon would bet his right wing they were for Catherine.
Sabrina stopped dead in the doorway and just stared. Catherine looked around the room as well and acted like she finally saw what it was all about. Sabrina didn’t say anything. She carried Charlie into the nursery and softly closed the door.
Catherine slowly walked around the room picking up the fallen balloons and streamers; she gathered up all the decorations and put them in a large trash bag. She then jerked the banner down and wadded it up in a ball. “Selfish! I’m so selfish!” she said softly. She then proceeded to clear away any remains of the party. It all went into the trash. The three-tiered cake, the floral centerpiece, monogrammed napkins, plates and cups. She gathered the presents and went through them seeing if any were actually for Sabrina or Charlotte. There wasn’t a one. They went into the trash bag as well. An hour later the house was back to normal and Catherine was fixing a simple meal of pasta and salad with a large glass of milk for Sabrina. She then knocked gently on the nursery door.
“Sabrina? May I come in?”
Sabrina opened the door. “Of course, Mother. Charlotte is sleeping. I was just coming out.”
Catherine walked over to the crib and looked down at the sleeping baby. “You were such a good baby, Sabrina. Everyone said you were an angel.” Sabrina waited, not sure where this was going. “Your father was so much better with you than I was. I was scared to death of a baby.” She laughed. “When I first brought you home, I wouldn’t even pick you up for the first week in fear that I would drop you.”
Catherine reached and adjusted the blankets to cover Charlie’s ears.
Sabrina came up beside her mother. “I can’t imagine you being scared of anything, Mother. You always seem so strong and sure of yourself.”
Catherine paused. “It’s an act, Sabrina. I learned long ago to just fake how I want to feel, hoping someday it would become how I really did feel.”
Sabrina laid her hand on her mother’s on the crib rail. “How do you feel now, Mother? How do you really feel?”
Catherine raised her head and looked at her daughter. “Like an old fool!” Catherine burst into tears. “I’m so sorry, honey, for everything. I know that doesn’t even begin to cover it, but I am truly sorry!”
Sabrina stared at her mother for a moment; her confession was so unexpected. Sabrina felt the tears start in her own eyes and hugged her mother close. She couldn’t remember the last time she had hugged her mother; Catherine had always seemed so emotionally distant. Sabrina had a very close relationship with her father he was open and affectionate. When he had passed from heart disease, Sabrina was sixteen and she had felt abandoned. Catherine raised her daughter to be socially accepted. She had tried to teach her to keep all emotions locked inside.
“A lady never cries, Sabrina; it will make your face red and unattractive. A lady doesn’t get angry, Sabrina; you will never catch an acceptable husband with such a show of emotion. You must be a model of virtue and decorum at all times!”
Sabrina had often wondered what her father saw in Catherine Riley. Adam Avila loved to laugh and be silly. He would chase a young Sabrina on his hands and knees growling like a bear, threating to “eat her up” when he caught her. Sabrina would squeal and run but her father always caught her, sweeping her up and “gnawing” at her tummy until Sabrina convulsed with uncontrollable laughter.
Her father was always her protector against Catherine’s strict rules and regulations. He would sneak her out to the movies and let her watch stuff that would, according to Catherine, “rot” her mind. He would dance with her in the living room when her mother was out at some social occasion. They would move the expensive furniture and roll up the Persian rugs and slip and slide in their socks to “Old Time Rock and Roll” and “Jail House Rock.” Sabrina lost more than her father when he died; she had lost her best friend.
She thought back to the last conversation they had before he slipped into a coma. He was lying in the hospital bed pale and gaunt, a shadow of his former self. “Baby, I need you to look after your mother for me. She isn’t as strong as you are.”
Sabrina couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Daddy, no one needs to look after mother, she is so strong.”
Adam Avila sighed deeply. “That’s what she wants you to think, Sabrina. Trust me, your mother isn’t as invincible as she would have you believe she is.” He went into a coughing spasm that left him winded and weak. He grasped Sabrina’s hand, his grip that used to be so strong, she could now barely feel. “Sabrina, your mother is going to need you. I’m sorry that your relationship with her isn’t what it should be.
I feel partly responsible for that.”
He paused for a minute, gathering his strength. “Your mother wasn’t always…” he searched for the right words. “Your mother wasn’t always so tightly wound. She was so different when we first got together. She was so spontaneous and fun!”
Sabrina honestly thought her father was suffering from oxygen deprivation, HER mother spontaneous and fun?
Adam swatted her hand, “Don’t look at me like that, young lady! I’ve got full function of the old gray matter.” He knocked on the side of his head. “It’s the ticker that’s playing out, not my mind.” He looked off in the distance for a moment. “Your mother was full of life and energy; she just had a glow that would pull you in.”
He smiled, “The first time I saw your mother she had your uncle Brian on the roof of an old barn. They had tied a hay rope to his belt loop and then tied the other end to a large oak tree. They had a towel tied around his neck for a cape. She was dressed in your grandmother’s best Sunday dress and heels, trying to convince Brian to swing out and swoop up Lois Lane like in the Superman movies!”
Sabrina tried to imagine her mother pretending to be Lois Lane or trying to convince her uncle Brian into doing anything like that, but the picture just wouldn’t come.
“When poor Brian couldn’t take any more of your mother’s taunts about being “Chicken,” he swung out from the limb they had the hay rope tied to. He hung there playing Superman for all of thirty seconds before the loop on his pants tore loose. Brian came crashing down and broke his collar bone!”
He smiled at the memory. Sabrina looked worriedly at her father. “Daddy, that isn’t exactly a funny story.” Maybe he really wasn’t getting enough oxygen.
Adam looked up. “No? Maybe because I’m not finished yet, smarty pants.” He waited for Sabrina to nod before going on. “Your uncle Brian breaking his collar bone wasn’t funny, no ma’am, it sure wasn’t. But what your mother had to promise him for not telling on her was.” Adam chuckled. “Do you remember that your grandfather used to run a hog farm?” Sabrina nodded. “Well, it was your Uncle Brian’s job to clean out the hog pens every day. Now your mother was just as squeamish about getting dirty or muddy or smelly back then as she is today; that hasn’t changed. So in exchange for his silence your mother had to promise to take over the pen duties for a whole month!”
Sabrina closed her eyes, imagining her ever so immaculately dressed mother cleaning a hog pen. She giggled at the image that came to mind.
“Oh, yes, your mother was slinging hog manure for over three weeks when her delicate senses just couldn’t take it anymore. She finally told your grandfather what had happened and she was ready for her punishment.” Adam paused and caught his breath. “Your grandfather told her he had known all along what had happened, and that it was his idea for her to clean the pens until she confessed to him. Her brother had played along with it!”
Sabrina busted out laughing. “You mean all mother had to do was confess and she wouldn’t have to clean the pens anymore?”
“That’s right, but your grandfather knew how stubborn your mother could be, so it would take her a while to decide she had enough and confess; in the meantime your uncle got a break from the chore until his collarbone could heal.”
Sabrina laughed some more. “I just can’t imagine mother acting like that!”
Adam looked earnestly up at Sabrina. “Your mother is stubborn and doesn’t easily break, but she can break, Sabrina. I need you to be there when she does, ok? Promise me you will be there for her?”
Sabrina leaned down and hugged her father. “Of course, Daddy, I promise.”
Chapter 8
Gideon stood in disbelief as Catherine admitted to Sabrina that she wasn’t what she seemed. She admitted to being scared and unsure of herself. The women stood over Charlie’s crib and cried and held on to one another. Finally Sabrina suggested they take the conversation into the living room before they woke up the baby.
“Oh, I forgot. I made us some dinner. It’s probably stone cold by now.” Catherine looked shamed-faced that she had forgotten.
Sabrina laughed, “Mother, I would eat cold dinners for the rest of my life to be able to talk to you like this!”
Catherine hugged Sabrina again as they walked into the kitchen. They warmed up the pasta and sat and talked about everything; it was as though a barrier had been lifted from between them.
“Sabrina, you seem to handle everything so well. You always seem so at peace no matter what the circumstance. I envy that; I really do.”
Sabrina put down her fork. “Mother, I’m terrified most of the time. I feel so alone and unable to cope most days. But when I feel like that, I turn to the Lord and He gives me the peace and strength I need for each day.”
Catherine looked uncomfortable. “How are you able to just go to the Lord? Don’t you need a priest or a minister or something? I’ve never understood that.”
Sabrina smiled. “Do you remember when I would run to Daddy when he got home from work? I would tell him about my day or about my troubles?”
Catherine nodded. “You were such a daddy’s girl; I was jealous,” she admitted a little sheepishly.
“Well, it’s the same way with the Lord. I just run to Him with whatever I want to talk about. He is always there and ready to listen. I don’t need anyone to talk to the Lord for me; I just talk to Him and He answers.”
Catherine looked a little doubtful. “He actually answers you? He speaks to you?”
Sabrina nodded. “Sometimes it’s with a feeling or a Bible scripture will pop into my head that will answer my question or put me at ease. But, yes, sometimes He answers me just like we are talking now.”
“You seem so comfortable with speaking about the Lord, like you are very familiar with Him. I wish I had that.” Catherine had her head down and was folding her napkin over and over.
Sabrina reached over and laid her hand on her mother’s. “Mother, anyone can have that close relationship with Jesus by asking, then opening your heart and letting Him in.”
Catherine raised her head and tears were filling her eyes. “Do we have to go to church or something because I want what you have, Sabrina; I want that peace and assurance.”
Sabrina laughed, “No, Mother, we can speak with Jesus anywhere. He is here right now waiting for you to let Him in.”
Gideon could feel the presence of the Lord so strongly he actually looked around expecting to see Him standing with them.
Catherine gripped Sabrina’s hands so tightly it’s a wonder she didn’t crack a bone. “Yes, Sabrina. Help me! Show me what to do, what to say. I’m so nervous.”
Sabrina pulled her mother into the living room and they knelt down beside the couch. “Mother, never be afraid or nervous when approaching Jesus. He loves you so much and all He wants is to be close to you and to help you through this troublesome world.”
Catherine was shaking and tears were rolling one after another down her face.” Yes, I want that…”
Sabrina bowed her head and said, “Mother, just talk to Him. Say whatever is on your mind and in your heart; He wants to be your closest friend.”
Gideon bowed his head with the women; he listened as Catherine Avila gave her heart to the Lord and opened hers for Him. There was a sweet presence in the air and when Catherine raised her head, Gideon could see the joy of the Lord shining in her eyes.
“Oh, Sabrina, it’s real! He is real! I can feel Him moving in my heart!”
Sabrina laughed and cried at the same time. “I know, Mother! Isn’t it wonderful?”
“Look at me! I’m shaking like a leaf! Is that normal?” Catherine was looking at her hands that were visibly trembling.
Sabrina took her mother’s hands. “It’s alright, Mother, it happens sometimes, but it’s a good thing!” The women got to their feet just as Charlie woke up from her nap. “I’ll go get her.” Sabrina said then left the room.
Catherine stood looking around the room like she had never seen
it before. Gideon was looking at Catherine like he had never seen her before either. She looked different; her presence felt different somehow. She radiated a joy and a peace that was missing before. He thought he could maybe like this person.
Sabrina came into the room holding Charlie. “Mother, would you hold her for a moment while I warm up a bottle?” Catherine reached to take the baby from her daughter’s arms and while Sabrina warmed a bottle Catherine gazed at Charlie with such adoration that Gideon was actually moved by it. He stood leaning against the door way with his arms crossed over his chest, wondering what in the world had just happened.
The church that Sabrina attended was a small non-denominational gathering of people. It was a very diverse group that attended. Gideon liked to look out at the crowd and see the different cultures mix and relate and praise the Lord with love and harmony. It was like looking at God’s beautiful rose garden with all the different colors coming together to make a beautiful bouquet.
Gideon smiled at that pretty thought. His warriors would laugh at his poetic words, but it was a good description of what he was looking at. This was the morning that little Charlie was going to be dedicated. Sabrina had her dressed in a white ruffled dress with little white socks and a white headband with a small bow on her forehead. Gideon had never seen anything so precious!
Sabrina stood with the pastor at the altar, holding Charlie while the pastor asked Sabrina if she promised to raise the child in the way of the Lord. Sabrina bowed her head and offered her baby to the Lord and asked for the Lord to guide her in raising Charlotte. The pastor then anointed Charlie’s head with a dab of oil making a cross then blessed the child. Sabrina sat down and the pastor made an announcement.
“We have another dedication this morning. Sabrina’s mother, Catherine Avila, has recently given her life to the Lord and would like to make a public declaration of that.”
