by Mary May
Randall stopped and looked at Sabrina. “He just stood there holding his glass of Coke and said he didn’t have any deal, didn’t want any deal and stood there looking at me with his head cocked to one side studying me.
“Well, for some reason that made me mad. Now I had a couple of drinks under my belt, so I took offence at his attitude and took a swing at him.”
Sabrina gasped, “You did not!”
Randall chuckled, “Oh, yeah, I was gonna lay little prissy preacher boy out! But Luke stepped aside and I missed everything but the ground when I fell over. I struggled to get to my feet, so Luke reached down and helped me back up, and I swung at him again! I don’t know how many times I would swing and miss and Luke would help me back up.
“I finally just laid there and he squatted down beside me and asked me if I was done swinging at him.”
“What did you say?” Sabrina asked.
“Nothing, I just rolled over and threw up in the grass! Luke helped me get cleaned up and took me back to my room. After he made sure I made it to bed ok, he left. The next day I hunted him down and found him behind the Dean’s office. He asked me if I was feeling ok.”
Randall laughed, “After I had taken a dozen swings at him and threw up at his feet, he was concerned about me. I said whatever it was that he had I wanted it, that peace, contentment, and self-assurance. He didn’t have that driving need to fit in or go with the crowd.
“Luke sat down and for the next hour he told me about Jesus. He didn’t preach at me; he just talked to me. He invited me to go church with him the next morning, and I’m going to be honest. I didn’t want to go. I remember church growing up, and I was bored stiff. The preacher yelled and screamed we were all going to hell if we didn’t change and no one was perfect and he yelled out a long list of do’s and don’ts and quite frankly if going to heaven was going to be like going to church, I was signing up for hell.
“But there was something about Luke that seemed different from the other so-called ‘Christians’ I had met before. He didn’t seem out to prove anything to anyone or condemn me for my actions. He just lived his life the way Christ would want him to. So I went to church with him, and I was surprised that everyone there was like Luke! They all had that ‘something’ that I wanted.
Randall paused and looked at Sabrina. “Did Luke invite you to church, Sabrina?”
She nodded. “I was afraid to go because I think me and you must have gone to the same church growing up. All I remember was the list of do’s and don’ts, too. Right before my daddy died, he told me that he had received Christ, but I didn’t know what that meant. He died not long afterwards.” She looked at Randall. “I had a really good time with Luke on our date; he was so nice that I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop so to speak, and for the ‘real’ Luke to show up. There had to be something wrong with him; the night had been just too perfect. So when he mentioned church, I figured that was the problem -- he was a Jesus freak.”
Randall really laughed at her then. “Oh, Sabrina, you were right. Luke most definitely is a Jesus freak, but, baby, that’s a good thing! It’s Christ in him that makes Luke so special; he will tell you that himself. Tell you what, why don’t you give Luke another shot? Go to church with him; see what it is all about. Spend time with Luke and see that he really is a good guy and if in a week you decide that he isn’t the one for you, then you can walk away. I just hate to see you miss a chance at a guy like Luke because you’re scared of the ‘church thing’ as you put it.”
Sabrina thanked Randall then walked back to her room. She really did have a great time on their date and until he mentioned church she was all for seeing him again. Randall said it was Christ in Luke that made him so special; she wondered about that. Later that evening she spotted Luke in the courtyard with some friends. She watched him for a few minutes as he laughed and picked at one of the girls there. He seemed so at ease with himself. She slowly approached the group, and when Luke spotted her, a smile lit up his face.
“Hey there, blue eyes, you want to join in?” he asked her. Sabrina nodded and walked over and joined them. Later that week she asked if the invitation was still open to attend church with him. Luke smiled that smile she was growing to love and said it was always open.
He picked her up the following Sunday morning and Sabrina was so nervous. The church looked like any other with pews and an altar and a podium, but when she walked in she felt the difference. The people all smiled and greeted her warmly; the pastor shook her hand and said he was glad to see her.
The praise and worship service was unlike anything she remembered. The people didn’t sing the traditional hymns; they sang praise choruses and the live band played extremely well. She found herself clapping along and following the words on the screen. The congregation seemed to enjoy the session and they had their hands raised and were openly praising the Lord. She tried not to get caught staring, but it was all so different.
The sermon was about knowing God as your Heavenly Father but also as your Daddy, being able to come to Him without fear, and having complete faith in His acceptance. She had never heard anything like that before. She grew up hearing fear God. Obey God! Respect God! But no one had told her He could be approached like a child approaches her daddy, without fear.
After the service was over, Luke took her to lunch. She was so lost in thought she was startled when he snapped his fingers under her nose.
“Earth to Sabrina, come in, Sabrina!” he laughed. “I don’t know where you went, Blue Eyes, but it took a couple of snaps to bring you back. What are you thinking on so hard?”
She looked up at him. “I was just thinking about what the preacher was talking about this morning, being able to approach God like you would your daddy; I was very much a daddy’s girl before he died. I would run to him when he got home from work and crawl up in his lap and sit for hours while he read me stories. I was trying to imagine being that comfortable with God. He is so big and holy…”
Luke reached across the table and took her hand. “Yes, He is big and holy, but He is also loving and gentle with His children just as your daddy was with you. You can crawl up in His lap, too, in a spiritual sense. All He wants is for His children to love Him and come spend time with Him, like any father would. He wants to help you make it through this life, and by accepting His Son’s sacrifice on the cross, you can be accepted into the Kingdom of Heaven.”
Sabrina leaned closer and asked Luke to tell her about the cross. For the next two hours Luke answered her questions about the cross, what it meant and why it had to be that way. When he dropped her off that night, Sabrina had a headful of thoughts to work through. She was in bed that night and just wasn’t able to get the preacher’s sermon off her mind. She finally rolled over and dialed Luke’s number.
“Hello?” Luke answered sleepily.
“Luke, it’s me, Sabrina.”
“Sabrina? What’s wrong? It’s almost four in the morning.”
Sabrina started sobbing softly. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me, Luke! I can’t get the preacher’s sermon off my mind. I feel so lost and alone…” She could hear Luke shifting around in his bed on the other end of the line.
“Sabrina, would you like for me to come get you? We could get some breakfast and talk if you wanted,” he said.
“Yes, Luke, please, I …I... need to talk or something,” she stammered out.
“Ok, sweetheart, give me twenty minutes and I’ll be at the lobby door.”
True to his word Luke was standing at the lobby door twenty minutes later. He opened the truck door and then walked around and slid in behind the wheel. He turned and looked at Sabrina, “Ok, where to, sweetheart?”
She sat there for a minute. “Can we go somewhere private?” she asked.
“Sure thing.” He pulled away from the curb and began driving toward the city limits. He could see from the glow of the dash lights that Sabrina was still crying. She wasn’t making any noise, just wiping away the tears that were
rolling down her face. Luke didn’t speak or ask her any questions; they rode in silence until he pulled up to an old church that sat nestled in a grove. He got out and walked around to her side of the truck. He opened her door and she got out looking around.
“Where are we, Luke?”
He took her hand to keep her from stumbling on the uneven ground. “This is my grandpa’s old church. It’s been closed up ever since he died, but I still have the key and I like to come out here from time to time. This seemed like the perfect spot when you said you wanted to go somewhere private.” He looked around at the surrounding hillside. “You really can’t get more private than this.”
She laughed, “No, I suppose not.”
Luke unlocked the door and reached for the light switch.
Sabrina gasped out loud when the lights flooded the small sanctuary. It was small but lovely. The old country church had wooden pews that looked hand-carved and log walls that were stained a dark walnut. On the wall behind the podium a portrait of Jesus on the cross was lit up by small footlights. Along the walls were small stained glass windows that depicted different Bible scenes. She could actually feel the peace and love in this old church.
They walked to the second pew from the front and sat down. Luke sat there silently looking up at the portrait of Jesus. Finally he spoke. “I used to sit right in this spot every Sunday and listen to my Papaw preach and look at that picture. It would amaze me that the artist had captured something very few of them did, the pain on the face of Christ, and the love in His eyes.
Sabrina looked up at the painting and could see what Luke was talking about. His eyes were looking down on the crowd that had crucified Him with love and concern.
“I think that painting had as much to do with me giving my heart to Christ as my Papaw’s preaching.”
Sabrina turned and looked at Luke. “This is where you accepted Christ?”
Luke nodded. “Yes, I was maybe thirteen years old and Papaw had preached his message about the cross and what it meant. I had heard it probably a dozen times, but this time it struck home. I was looking at that painting and at the love in His eyes while His body had to be in so much pain and I broke down. I asked Christ into my heart and to wash away all my sins. I promised I would live my life to serve Him and help bring others to the saving knowledge of Christ. I knelt down right there at that altar and when I got up, Sabrina, I was different. I could already feel the changes in my heart and soul that fast! I wasn’t a bad kid or anything, but I could definitely feel something very different in my heart. I had been flooded with the love of Christ and I’ve never been the same.”
He stopped and looked over at Sabrina. She had tears rolling down her face one after another. “Luke,” she whispered, “I want that; I want that love inside of me.”
Luke turned in the pew to face her and took both of her hands in his. “It’s so simple, Sabrina. Just talk to God; tell Him exactly how you feel and what it is that you want. He is right there waiting for you to invite Him in.”
Sabrina bowed her head and opened her heart to Jesus. She told Him she wanted Him to live in her heart and to take away all the bad things inside of her. She wanted the peace and love that Luke had and to know the feeling of complete love and acceptance.
When she raised her head, her eyes were shining. “Oh, Luke, I can feel it! You were right; it feels like He just swept out all the junk that was in my heart and replaced it with His love. It feels so wonderful.” Sabrina was laughing and crying at the same time. “Oh, my goodness, this is amazing! Everyone should feel this.”
Luke laughed with her. “Well, that has pretty much been my mission ever since I got up from that altar.” They talked for a few more minutes; then they walked out of the church. As they were pulling away, Sabrina turned around to watch the little country church disappear
“Thank you, Luke, for bringing me here,” she said softly.
Luke reached and lifted her left hand. Brushing a soft kiss across her knuckles, he whispered, “You’re welcome.”
Chapter 14
Gideon stood by while Sabrina finally made the long overdue trip to the cemetery. She had dreaded facing the cold reality of seeing the headstone with Luke’s name. She had left Charlie with a neighbor who would babysit from time to time. At the cemetery, she got out of the car with the bundles of flowers she had picked up. The March winds blew her long curls into brown ribbons streaming behind her.
She slowly walked up the hillside and down the rows of gray headstones until she stopped. Gideon studied the marker that memorialized the existence of Luke Blakely. It was simple without the flowery words or script that was so often found on headstones. Sabrina stood and prayed with her eyes closed for several moments. She finally opened them and knelt and placed the flowers on the edge of the stone. She kissed her fingertips then briefly touched the stone and with tears in her eyes she quickly walked away. Gideon stayed behind and looked at the cards that were attached to the flowers. One read, “I’ll love you forever, Sabrina.” The other said, “I love you Daddy, Charlotte….”
Sabrina walked back in the house and tossed her keys on the table. She needed to go pick up Charlotte but she was feeling too volatile right now. When she was at the cemetery, she felt an unexpected emotion…rage! She was angry! She wasn’t sure who she was mad at, maybe God, maybe Luke, maybe the driver of the Mack truck who was so irresponsible.
She took deep breaths and tried to calm the simmering cauldron of emotions that were threatening to over flow. She walked around the living room picking up toys and straightening pillows on the couch. She beat one to fluff it and instead of setting it back on the couch, she continued to beat it. She hit it harder and harder and harder. She tore into that pillow ripping at it, feeling satisfaction when the fabric began to rip and tear. She put every ounce of hurt and anger and loss into destroying that pillow.
“I only had him a year! A year… God, do you hear me?”
When nothing was left but shredded material and mounds of stuffing, she reached and grabbed another one.
“We were supposed to raise our babies together. He said he wanted a houseful! And buy a bigger house.”
Rip! Tear! Shred! Another pillow mutilated!
“He was my best friend and Charlotte’s daddy!” She snatched another pillow.
Gideon stood watching with his jaw unhinged. He had never seen this side of Sabrina. She was tearing into every pillow she could lay her hands on like they were at fault for Luke’s death.
“How DARE You give him to me only to take him away so suddenly! What kind of heavenly love is that? That’s crap! Do you hear me, God, a big fat stinking load of CRAP!”
She destroyed every pillow in the living room and was looking for something else she could start in on; when nothing else was readily available, she crashed into a heap on the floor and cried harsh ragged sobs, beating her fists on the floor, demanding an answer from her God!
Gideon didn’t have a clue what to do but watch her and keep her from hurting herself. He closed his eyes and willed for the Lord to intervene because he was really out of his element here.
As he stood with his eyes closed, Gideon noticed a fragrance starting to fill the room. He sniffed again and his eyes shot open.
The swirling golden ribbons of love that spread across the Heavens were here in Sabrina’s living room! They smelled like Heaven! Gideon closed his eyes and breathed in huge lungfuls of it. It smelled like the precious smell of newborn babies and meadows full of wildflowers and pine forests with clean ocean breezes all rolled into one. There was nothing else like it.
He opened his eyes and watched as the golden ribbons swirled tighter and tighter around Sabrina until she was wrapped in a blanket of Heaven’s love. She had gotten quieter as soon as the swirls had appeared, and now she was just lying on the floor softly crying like she normally would -- no sound, just tears rolling off her face. Her eyes were closed and her lips were moving so Gideon knew she was praying, communicating with her Hea
venly Father. He knew he wasn’t needed here; she was wrapped in the arms of the Lord, so he left them alone.
After Sabrina had destroyed every pillow she could find, she felt her knees go out from under her and she collapsed on the floor. She cried out to God to help her. The pain was too overbearing and she couldn’t even breathe anymore because of it. She was tired of acting strong like everything was ok, when on the inside she was still a mess. She couldn’t even sleep at night unless she took Luke’s pillow and sprinkled his aftershave on it. After it had run out, she bought another bottle. It had been almost a year now and she didn’t feel not one ounce better about it.
As she was lying on the floor, she started to feel a warmth creep over her, a gentle pressure surrounding her, easing her pain and heartbreak. She felt the aching emptiness inside her start to fill up with God’s presence and love. He was here with her! She could feel Him. She lay quietly on the floor, keeping her eyes closed as her Heavenly Father held her and eased her pain.
After about an hour Sabrina got up off the floor and looked around her living room in astonishment. What a mess! There was shredded pillows and stuffing covering her entire living room. It looked like a blizzard had struck. She laughed at the craziness of her actions and once she got started laughing she couldn’t stop.
Once more Gideon stood looking at Sabrina, unsure about what to do. At least she wasn’t crying. He could handle her laughing. She finally stopped and started cleaning up her mess. She looked better, he thought. Her face was red and tear-stained but she looked better, more at peace.
After she had cleaned up her mess and washed her face, she walked over to the neighbors to pick up her daughter. Charlotte was in the floor playing with her neighbor’s little girl who was about a year older. Sabrina had never felt so happy to see her. She scooped her up, raining kisses over her face and neck while Charlotte squealed with laughter. “Let’s go home, my snuggle bunny!” She said good bye to Connie and thanked her for watching Charlotte then she took her daughter home. Sabrina didn’t get an answer to why God took Luke home; what she did get was the assurance that she was not alone and she was going to be ok. That was enough.
