Dance and Be Glad

by Melissa Wardwell

  “It’s a bit chilly out, isn’t it?” Jill asked. It was warmer than normal for the end of February, but it was still freezing out.

  “Not unless you’re the one at the grill. Come on.” Tiffany grabbed hold of Jill’s arm and pulled her out of the pew.

  Jill looked back to Mike, who was hot on their heels with her coat and Bible. They were greeted at the door by Emily, Katie, and Sarah, all bouncing with excitement. Emily and Katie asked in unison, “Are we going?”

  Emma and Ryan approached with Stephen and Aaron, laughter in their eyes. “You better be coming. I have more meat in the fridge than I know what to do with,” Ryan stated.

  “Hey, I am always game for grilled meat and friends,” Mike answered as he shifted his smiling face in her direction. “You coming?” he inquired while he squatted down next to their girls and in stereo they said, “Please!”

  Three sets of pleading eyes focused on her and no matter how hard she tried to stand firm, she couldn’t resist. After all, Sunday afternoons were for family and friends. What broke her resolve was when Mike popped out his bottom lip and batted his eyes.

  “Okay, I give up. We’ll go,” she relented. The cheers from the girls caused everyone in the foyer to turn and look. Jill expected to see frowns and judgment, but instead saw warmth, compassion, and a bit of humor.

  “How about…” Emma looked to Ryan who stood just over her shoulder. He winked at whatever secret language they were speaking, “How about we take all the kids? It isn’t like we don’t have room in the SUV, for now,” she stated as she rubbed her growing belly. Mike and Jill both agreed and the lively brood said their good-byes as they left the building.

  “Well, this is a first,” Jill thought aloud.

  “How so?” Michael inquired.

  “I’ve never been without her.” A hint of sadness pricked her heart.

  “Well, it isn’t like it is a long separation,” he remarked as they shook hands with Pastor Cross and said their good-byes.

  Mike walked Jill out to her truck, which was parked at the far end of the parking lot; the penalty for arriving late.

  Side by side they walked without a word spoken. He was close enough that his hand brushed hers a couple times. Each graze shot shivers up her arm and straight to her heart. Her mind was still processing the sermon and now her responses to him were sending her into overdrive. She didn’t know which to process first.

  How about you just relax.

  “So, what did you think?” Mike’s question broke her concentration. Relaxing around him was getting more difficult.

  “About the sermon? It was great. Very refreshing. More than if I do my own thing at home. My last church wasn’t so welcoming, even before Doug went off to war.”

  She expected more questions but none followed.

  When they arrived at her truck, Mike waved and said, “See ya in a bit” and began walking to his car which was parked all the way back at the front of the building. She had to admit, he was still such a gentleman.

  Once in the classic, she put the key in the ignition and turned it. The engine sounded like it was trying to turn over, but had no success. She tried again, pumping the gas like her life depended on it. She looked through the windshield in Mike’s direction to see he had stopped and looked back at her. She turned the key again, watching him all the while. The truck roared to life and she let out a sigh of relief. A clunking, knocking sound rumbled from the truck and then the engine went silent. Her gaze still fixed on Mike, she watched as he began to walk back to the truck with eyebrows furrowed. She didn’t want him to come back, she needed time to think. She needed the truck to start. She gave it one more shot. Repeating steps one and two again, just like she was told she had to with old trucks, but this time all she heard was click, click, click.

  Completely lost on what to do, she put her arms on top of the steering wheel and laid her forehead on her arms. God, why now?

  The driver’s side door opened, the wind carrying Mike’s spicy peppermint scent into her truck cab and muddling her thoughts more. Man, he smells good.

  “Sounds like she’s dead. Need help?”

  “I have a feeling….” She let the words hang as she turned her head while leaving it on her arm.

  “How long has it been giving you trouble?”

  “Too long. I try to keep it going but I think it is hopeless now.”

  Mike cupped her face, his fingers entwined into her hair and his thumb brushing her cheek. “Don’t cry.” His voice was soft and tender. She was transfixed on his calming blue eyes. “We’ll see about getting it fixed tomorrow. Okay? I know how important this truck is to you. For now, let me take you to Emma and Ryan’s.”

  What else was she to do? She couldn’t stay with the truck. The temperatures were dropping by the second.

  *****

  Having Jill in the car next to him, he struggled to pay attention to the road in front of him. She was his past, in his present, and he wanted nothing but to have her in his future. Images of him, Jill and the girls swirled in his peripheral vision where trees should be. If he didn’t know the way to Ryan and Emma’s by heart, he would be in trouble right now.

  “Penny for your thoughts?”

  Her sweet voice, begging for conversation, was like a beautiful melody. You’re losing it, Mike.

  “Oh, nothing much. It’s kind of a mess in there. Not sure you want to know.”

  What he really wanted to do was reach across the center console and take her soft hand in his; maybe run his thumb over that extra soft part on her hand between her thumb and first finger. If he was bold enough, he’d even kiss her hand. He knew that it wouldn’t be enough for him.

  Questions whirled like a tornado through his mind.

  “Mike, you’re white knuckling the steering wheel. You sure you don’t want to talk? It’s what friends do you know.”

  That was the last thing he wanted.

  “Trust me, you don’t want to know.” He could hear the agitation in his voice. It wasn’t her fault his head was swimming. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound so harsh.”

  Without warning, her hand was in his. Shivers ran up his arm and went right to his head. He really couldn’t see anything but her now.

  “Mike. Please talk to me. It’ll help to get things off your chest.”

  She was so compassionate, in a friendly way.

  He couldn’t talk through the confusion. She didn’t let go of his hand and it made him wonder. He glanced her way to see her looking straight ahead, no indication of whether or not this was affecting her the way it was him.

  Pulling into the driveway, he decided to lay it all out on the line for her.

  Once the car was in park, Jill moved to open the door. It was now or never for him.

  “Jill, can you wait a second?”

  Her hand still in his, she turned to him. Her body language told him he had her attention.

  He looked down at their entwined hands.

  “Jill, why are you holding my hand?”

  Her forehead furrowed, “What do you mean?”

  “You’ve been holding my hand for fifteen minutes. Why?”

  She looked down and then back at him. “I took it because you looked like you needed a friend. I’m not sure why I didn’t let go. It seemed…natural. I guess.”

  She began to pull her hand away but he held tight.

  “Why do you think it was so natural for you?”

  He had to be messing this up, but he had to know where she was in this thing.

  She was hesitant to respond, the gears turning as she evaluated the predicament they were in. He enjoyed just looking at her, until his heart beat so hard in his chest that it hurt.

  “Mike, I…I don’t know.”

  “You don’t know or you won’t say it.”

  She now looked pretty irritated. “Okay, sorry. I’ll tell you why I asked.” Mike took a deep breath. This would not be easy. “You keep throwing the word friend around, but I have to admit
, I don’t feel for you the way friends should.

  “I don’t believe in coincidences and the two of us meeting again after so many years apart isn’t one.”

  “I don’t believe in them either, but I think what I am seeing is not the same as you.” Her skittish behavior told him differently. Confidence built.

  “You don’t fool me, Jill. You feel something besides friendship between us, don’t you?” Looking back down at their hands, he lifted them, “This tells me something different; different than these are.” He placed a finger on her lips and his mouth went dry. He swallowed so hard he felt his Adam’s apple hit in his throat and he pulled his finger away.

  She glanced from their hands to his eyes and back again. He wished he could read her thoughts. Reading people’s faces was one thing, but oh, what he would give to know exactly she was thinking.

  Her eyes began to well up and his heart stopped. He wanted her to talk to him, not cry. “Jill, I didn’t…”

  “Stop. You’re right, Mike. I just can’t let it, no matter how bad I might want it. I can’t let anything happen between us. My heart isn’t whole enough for more. Besides, I have Katie and the studio and they need my attention. Friendship is all I have to offer right now. If that isn’t enough for you, then let’s just cut the cord.”

  Not again. Why does this happen?

  He looked around the car. This was all too familiar but he had much stronger feelings for Jill than any of the other women he had pursued, dated or married.

  “No, I’d rather have you in my life as a friend than not at all.” It killed him inside. Why can’t the good guy get the girl for a change?

  “I’m sorry, Mike.” She let go of his hand and the pain on her face reflected his heart. At least they were in the same boat.

  A knock on the window broke the moment as Tiffany stood on the passenger’s side of the car, with no coat on and shivering. “Hurry up you two. Ryan needs help,” she charged and then ran for the house.

  He followed Jill into the house, laughter and joy filled the air. He just wished his heart could feel it.

  Mike felt bad for being down throughout dinner, but he was tired of being alone; tired of being passed up for another guy or a child. It may be selfish but he had given so much to others, had so much taken from him, and very little was given in return.

  At dinner, Ryan sat at the head of the table. Mike was next to him and Emily on his other side. Jill was seated on the other side of the table by Emma. Tiffany, Stephen and Aaron - Ryan and Emma’s boys - were between Ryan and Jill. On the other side of Emily sat Sarah and Katie. They looked like a family, and it grated more on his wounded heart.

  “Boy, you look sour.” Ryan bumped his hand.

  “Sorry, man. Just have a lot on my mind.”

  “Does it have anything to do with the redhead down there by my wife?”

  “What makes you think that?”

  Ryan leaned over, “You were pretty happy at church. You sat in my driveway for fifteen minutes with Jill then walked in my door grumpier than a bear with a sore hind end.”

  Mike didn’t answer. He wanted to sulk.

  “We’ll talk after dinner.”

  When the ladies began to clear the table, Ryan tilted his head in the opposite direction. Mike caught the meaning and followed his friend up to the room that would be the nursery.

  “Really? The nursery?”

  “Hey, until the baby arrives, this is my getaway. It kills my leg but the solitude is worth it. Have a seat,” Ryan said, indicating to the recliners.

  “How did you get these up here?”

  “Did you see those two boys down there?”

  Understanding hit. Stephen and Aaron had grown ridiculously since he first met them. Was it only six months ago?

  Keeping up with the lighthearted talk, Mike commented, “I understand why you’re needing the solitude. How do you do it? I mean, I know they were your family before, but you had a lot of time away.” It hit him how his words might affect his friend, “I didn’t mean anything…”

  “Don’t worry about it. I know what I did. I made my peace, asked for forgiveness and that pretty blond and those kids gave it. I’m still learning though. The boys are easy to understand but not so much with Emma and Sarah. Especially now with Emma being pregnant and Sarah doing her thing. The boys and I feel like we are in hormone hell.”

  The men laughed. “I hear that. I only have one but I have no idea how to handle her crying for no reason. It’s different when she cries for parents.” The thought of his brother and sister-in-law hit him in the chest. “It’s been two months, Ryan.” Ryan’s face blurred as Mike felt as if his eyes were being pricked with a pin.

  Ryan eased himself out of the chair, saying, “I’ll be right back.”

  Mike knew his friend was giving him space to cry it out without dashing his male pride.

  His life had been so hectic these past months that he hadn’t had time to think about the loss. When it came to mind, it was when he was in the midst of giving comfort to Emily. She had begun crying in her sleep right after that day at school. It was the final weight to break the dam causing a flood of tears.

  “All clear?” Ryan’s voice came from the hall.

  Mike laughed, “Yeah. It wasn’t that bad.”

  In Ryan’s hand was a box of Kleenex. “Just wanted to give you space. Anything you wanna talk about?”

  “Naw, I just need to work some things out.”

  Ryan’s head bobbed up and down. “I get it. I’m here if you need me though.”

  “Promise you won’t make me fall in love with you?”

  More laughter ensued.

  “Man, if you fall in love with me after a chat, you’re not who I thought you were.

  “I mean it though. Call me anytime.”

  This is what he needed: camaraderie.

  “So when does baseball season start?”

  Chapter 10

  “I’ve only seen Mike look that dejected one other time, and it was my fault. What did you say to him out there?” Emma probed as she gathered the coffee pot. She gave Jill a stern look when she placed it on the hot pad on the tray with the other items to dress up one’s coffee.

  “What do you mean? How was it your fault?”

  Jill had only known the Daniels for a few months. Though they became fast friends, there were still some things about each other that weren’t known.

  “Back in October, I met Mike in the ER. Sarah had fallen and broken her arm and he was the attending physician. Well, Mike and I became friends and he did not hide the fact that he liked me. Now keep in mind, this was when I thought Ryan was this guy named David.” Emma rolled her eyes and shook her head, “I still don’t understand myself why I didn’t put two and two together; but any way.

  “It was right here at this kitchen table that I broke that poor man’s heart and told him that I had my own issues to deal with and a relationship was not a good idea. He walked out that door with the same look on his face. What did he say?”

  Jill knew Emma and Ryan’s story, and boy was it a crazy one, but it hadn’t dawned on her how short the timeline really was. It hadn't’ even been a year. Then she realized what she had done. Mike had been rejected twice, in one year, by two women with the same excuses.

  “I told him I wasn’t in the right place right now.”

  She felt like a terrible woman but it was true. No matter how bad her heart wanted the love of another man, Jill did not see how it could be possible.

  “I had a good reason. What's yours?” Emma teased.

  “Not as good as yours, I suppose. I have a feeling God didn’t allow you to let go because of Ryan.”

  “Right, and you have no one waiting for you. Do you?”

  “No, I don’t. I’m just…” She paused as she searched for the right word; possibly one that would get her off the hook. “I’m just content with my life right now.”

  “What are you girls talking about?” Tiffany chimed in as she came in fro
m the living room. Jill looked at Emma, asking her with her eyes not to say anything. Emma complied.

  “Girl talk,” Emma answered her sister-in-law while winking at Jill.

  “Have you heard from Brad?” Jill asked, relieved for the attention to be on something else.

  “We talked for about five minutes on the phone last night, before it became a fight. I am so tired of all of this deployment stuff.”

  Doug may have been gone longer than Tiffany and Brad have been married, but she can still remember the stress of him being gone.

  “Let’s talk about something else. You ladies do not want to hear my sob stories,” Tiffany interjected before anyone could respond, “I just heard the cutest thing when I walked by Sarah’s room. Those three girls are in there hatching a plan.”

  “That sounds scary,” Jill commented as she put cream and sugar in her coffee.

  “It should be for you,” Tiffany teased.

  Jill’s hand froze with the spoonful of sugar balancing in her hand in midair.

  “They are planning a way to get you and the doctor together.”

  Sugar scattered across the table as the spoon slipped from Jill’s hand. “Excuse me?”

  Tiffany’s small laugh seemed louder than it really was. “They are talking about how cool it would be if you two married. I mean, come on. We all dreamed about being sisters with our best friends. Those two have that possibility.”

  “If the mom wasn’t so chicken,” Emma teased.

  Jill didn’t take any offense as she knew it was all in friendly banter. There was a piece of her that wondered though if her friends really did see her that way.

  Minutes later, the herd of thundering elephants, as Emma liked to call the kids running down the stairs, came barreling through the kitchen. Ryan and Mike were hot on their heels.

  “Hey, sweetie, how ya feeling?” Ryan leaned over and kissed Emma’s forehead.

  “Pretty good. What do you guys have in mind?”

  “We were going to take the boys to pick up Jill’s truck. You okay with that? Well, after we get a piece of that enticing cake on the counter.”