Dance and Be Glad

by Melissa Wardwell

  "You hold onto much more than that. You should've moved out of the house years ago. I never intended for you to stay there that long."

  "It just seemed right. That was home."

  "And it about killed you. The same is bound to happen if you don't park the truck."

  "I thought you would want to keep it in the family; a piece of you for Katie."

  "No you want to hold onto me. You know that. Please stop holding on to us, you know, we really weren't that great together. My need to be with my men overshadowed our marriage and I'm sorry for that."

  A ringing noise in the background broke her focus and Doug's image began to fade into the bright light around them.

  Shaking the fuzziness of sleep she looked around for where the ringing was coming from. Just as she caught sight of it, Mike dashed from the couch and went to the kitchen. Judging by the tone of his voice, they had news. While she waited, she placed her elbows on her knees and leaned into her hands. She wiped her face in an effort to shake the dream.

  "They think they found her," Mike stated from the doorway between the kitchen and living room. "They found a car matching the description up near the bridge. If I remember right, Tom had told me that they had a cabin deep in the woods in the Upper Peninsula. It's pretty remote up there. I can't imagine a woman like her living with a nine-year-old girl in such a place."

  "That's great. When will we know for sure that's who it is?"

  Mike's returned to the couch and sat beside her, putting his arm over the back and around her shoulder. "The officer said they should know more within the hour. They are sending helicopters to the area to see if they can find the cabin."

  Turning slightly to face him more head on, she placed a hand on his forearm. Without thinking she replied, "That's great Mike. You should have her home before morning."

  Something sparked between the two of them. She tried to tell herself that it was just the excitement of the moment but she knew better.

  "Thank you for sitting here with me. I don't know what I would've done without you."

  Mike's eyes traced the contours of her face, caressing each feature.

  "It was the least I could do. You did give up your home for Katie and I for three weeks.

  “You seemed to have slept well.”

  Neither refusing to look away from the other, her thinking began to shift from that of Emily to what she was truly longed for.

  "I wasn't really sleeping. It was something I learned in medical school to calm nervous tension." A smile crept across Mike's face. It was the first she had seen all day. "There was no way I was going to sleep with you running your fingers through my hair, Red."

  Embarrassment and shock washed over her as she caught on to his meaning. "I didn't mean to. . ."

  "Don't think anything of it. I've seen you do it to Katie several times; I just wanted to warn you. What might be nice and comforting for a little girl was doing something completely different to me." His voice was low and enticing.

  As the seconds clicked by and they continued to gaze longingly at one another, her heart began to pound in her chest with anticipation as to what would come next. It had been so long since she had been on the couch with a guy without others around. When Mike's focus went from her eyes to her mouth, she thought for sure he would kiss her. At that moment Katie came barreling into the room, breaking the moment and leaving Jill surprisingly disappointed.

  While Mike explained what was going on with Emily, Jill contemplated whether or not to listen to her deceased husband's words.

  There was still a lot to pray and think about.

  Chapter 17

  Emily was home. She remained confused but safe and sound. Her grandmother’s trial was set for a month from now but was on house arrest due to her age. The custody suit was thrown out of court. There had been a big celebration that following Sunday at Cornerstone Church in honor of her return. But there was still no progress in things as far as Jill was concerned.

  Brushing his teeth before they went to the dance recital, Emily came to his bathroom door with a decorative bag of some kind filled with a hair brush and a curling device. Or it was a hot poker of some kind. No matter what it was, they were girly items that he had no clue what to do with.

  “What’s all this for?” he asked once he rinsed his mouth.

  “You need to do my hair and make-up for the recital.”

  “Um, how?”

  “Well, you need to make a curly pony tail for one dance, then I have to have pigtails for another dance. The make-up just has to be darker than normal.”

  Panic ridden, “You never wear make-up.” He noted the change in his voice. Like that of a squeaking pubescent teenager.

  “Don’t freak, Uncle Mike. I’ll tell you what to do. It’ll be easy.”

  Emily proceeded to plug in the iron and get out all of her make-up, hair pins, and brushes.

  “Wait. Wait! Is there a mom who can help you with all this? I know without a doubt that I will make you look like a frizzy clown.”

  She laughed at his dramatic tone. “Yeah, maybe Mrs. Daniels can help. I’ll go call her.”

  “Thank you, sweetie.”

  Mike prayed until she came back with a confirmation that Emma would help.

  An hour later, he found himself sitting in the living room of Ryan and Emma, waiting for Emily to come downstairs looking like a little dancer.

  “You freaked, didn’t you?” Stephen asked with an arrogant grin on his face.

  “Don’t tell me you wouldn’t if your sister dumped all that goop, paste, and torture items out in front of you.”

  “Nope, because I have a sister and I at least know what those items are. Need a tutor?” Stephen laughed.

  “Stephen, leave the man alone. Don’t you have homework to finish or something?” Ryan’s irritation was no secret.

  “No.”

  “Then go shoot hoops.”

  In a huff, Stephen got up from the beanbag chair and walked outside.

  “I have no clue what has gotten into him. Yesterday he was a good kid. Today he is a bratty teenager. He is driving me nuts today.”

  Mike could see why. He wondered if Emily would be the same way. Stephen was only five years older than Emily but he knew that some things would be coming shortly. Whether or not he was ready for them was the question.

  “So, have you made headway with the dance teacher yet?” Ryan teased.

  “Not yet. It’s frustrating, all the waiting.”

  “Well, good things come to those who...”

  “Don’t even finish that phrase. I’ll…”

  “Wait.”

  Mike shot his friend a dirty look before the baseball announcer shouted his excitement over a record breaking hit made by a Tiger’s player.

  “So, when are you going to make your move?”

  “Not sure yet. How about you leave it alone?”

  Before another word could be said, the creaking of a step broke the conversation and little feet came into view.

  Mike had never seen Emily look so grown up. Where was his little girl? His sweet little Emily had disappeared and before him stood this young lady. She was beautiful, but he hated how grown up she looked; especially with her dance costume hugging her curves. He was seeing things that made him wonder when they came into the equation.

  “Well, what do you think, Uncle Mike?”

  Her hopeful look squashed made him smile.

  “You look beautiful. You don’t even look like a little girl.” Her blond hair hung in ringlets around her face while her lips glowed red and her already blue eyes were accented with shadow in different shades of blue. It wasn’t overdone and it blended nicely together; it looked natural. He loved and hated it all the same.

  Overcome with emotion, he went to give her a hug, but her protest halted him. Clearly she did not feel the same about this moment as he did.

  “We all need to get going. Jill needs the girls to be there an hour early,” Emma dictated as she rushed thr
ough the house. “Don’t worry about her hair changes, Mike. I’ll get those since Sarah and Katie have them as well.”

  “Great. Thank you, Emma.”

  On the car ride to the school, Emily nailed him with question after question about Jill.

  “Why haven't you taken her out yet? When are you going to? You’re not getting any younger you know and I’d like a sibling. I think Katie would be the best sister ever. Don’t you? Why don’t you just ask Mrs. Matthews? I know you want to. You get all puppy dog eyed when she walks in the room.”

  Emily kept talking, but if Mike didn’t tune her out, he would go crazy. He had never heard her talk so much. She is clearly doing better.

  As they pulled into the parking lot, an answer finally hit him.

  “Em, I don’t know. I’m trying to follow God’s lead and Jill’s. How about you pray about it all? You might get more answers.”

  Her mouth shut. He worried he had been harsher than he planned.

  “Do you love her, Uncle Mike?”

  He thought for a moment. He wasn’t sure why, he knew the answer. There is no wondering but saying out loud made it real.

  Something clicked in his heart and he knew it was time to acknowledge what everyone already knew.

  “Yes, Emily, I think I do. But, I can’t rush her. She knows how I feel; I’m just waiting for her to accept.”

  She didn’t respond to him, directly but he heard her mumbled prayer. “Lord, put a fire under her backside.”

  Mike laughed as he walked in behind her. This side of Emily was a joy to see. He could tell that things were going to be very interesting as she grows up. He prayed he could live through her teen years.

  Men weren’t allowed in the dressing area, so Mike found a chair in the school hall and parked himself in it as he waited to be seated.

  Emma and Sarah walked in shortly after him without Ryan and the boys. “They’re in the car. They don’t come in until they have to. Is Jill in here?” She pointed to the doors that lead to the stage. Mike shrugged his shoulders. Emma giggled and went through the door anyway.

  Mike leaned his head back on the wall and closed his eyes. Things had been so hectic that he needed just a couple minutes to rest his eyes before people arrived.

  Music coming from the auditorium beckoned him from his sleep. He had no idea how long he had been sleeping, but the lack of people told him one of two things; either his nap was short, or he had slept through part of the show.

  Getting up to investigate, he quietly went into the auditorium, praying the latter was not the case.

  What he saw made his heart jump. It was amazing. Determination boiled within him and he promised himself he wouldn’t leave this school without making things clear to Jill, no matter what.

  *****

  Standing on the stage, looking over the auditorium, Jill took in all the seats. She thought about the people who would sit in those seats and how honored she felt to be teaching their children the joy that can be found in dancing. Recitals were a time of excitement as the children performed for their loved ones all they had learned. The girls especially liked dressing up in their costumes, like the red feather ones Jill had chosen for the five-year-old tap class. The joy the kids and parents felt on these days were typically reflected in her own heart, but not today.

  This should be a happy time, instead she felt empty; maybe even broken. The last five months had been busy, even eventful at times, and more stressful than she had anticipated.

  Jill searched within herself for an answer.

  “Why do I feel like a hot mess? I should be enjoying this. I should be happy that another banner season is coming to an end. I should be happy with the new direction my life is going. Why can’t I be excited?”

  “Is this a private conversation or can I interject?” Emma’s voice came from the shadows of the stage.

  “I guess if you have some great revelation I don’t, please, enlighten me.”

  Emma crossed the stage to the edge and took a seat. Patting the space next to her, “Come have a seat. I’m too tired to be standing next to you right now.”

  “How are you feeling?” Jill asked as she complied.

  “Miserable, but we’re talking about you right now.

  “You know why you can’t find joy? You are only looking at the struggle in your life, not the gifts God has given you.”

  “I’m grateful,” Jill replied with irritation.

  “You tell yourself to be grateful but you don’t let your heart feel grateful. You see everything going on around you as an interruption to your plans; your house, your sister, Mike. They are all interruptions, but maybe they are blessings from God.”

  Jill searched the events to see the silver lining, but it escaped her. “I guess I’m not getting it.”

  “Your sister came to you for shelter, not to your mom. Your rundown home caved in but now you have a beautiful apartment that is twice the size of that shack. You have a man who has kept my husband up the last three nights seeking advice about you.” Emma ended the later phrase with a pointed, accusatory look. Jill had seen his efforts as well as heard it in his words. He wasn’t hiding the fact that he wanted more than a friendship with her. “All I am trying to say is you have some beautiful things going on in your life right now and you are only seeing the doom and gloom. Wake up girl, before it is all gone.”

  “I see what could be, Emma,” Jill paused, trying to process what she wanted to say. “I just don’t want to lose anyone else.” The words that came from her mouth surprised her, but it was the heart of the issue and she knew it. “I have had more pain and heartache than a human should have to endure. If I open up to anyone else, they can just be taken away. I can’t do that again.”

  “But Jill, living is about the joy, the love and the heart break. You can’t have one without the other. Besides, I am sure Doug would not be very happy that you stopped living when he died. It’s been over nine years now, let’s move on.”

  Anger flared within Jill’s chest, “Who are you to tell me to move on? You never found someone else after Ryan left.”

  The room echoed with an air silence. She had no clue where it had come from. Pain, the longing to hold on to the past, not liking be called out on her sin; she knew Emma was right in her diagnosis of the situation. Instantly hit with remorse, Jill did her best to backtrack her words, “I’m sorry, Emma. That wasn’t fair. . .”

  “No, you’re right. I didn’t move on. Not in a relationship sense, but I had to, like yourself, for the kids. But in my defense, I actually did date other men. None ever worked out though. I see now that it was for a reason.

  “Listen, all I’m saying is try to look at things through God’s eyes. He was with you through the first devastating blow; He will be there for the rest.” Emma made an attempt to rise, but the growing mound in her middle made it difficult. Jill rose quickly to help her friend and waited until she had left the room.

  Jill looked at her watch to see the time. The recital would start in an hour so she chose to take full advantage of having the stage to herself. The yearning to do something she hadn’t in a long time hit her.

  Plugging her phone into the sound system, she selected a series of songs that she used to enjoy dancing to when she wanted one on one time with God. She would pray and dance before her Maker and always found comfort, clarity, and peace in those moments.

  Eyes closed and moving to the rhythm she had no worry about who might see her. The world outside those doors no longer mattered. Concerns for Katie and her schoolwork as well as how to help Julie disappeared, the hopeful glance in Mike's eyes that had been haunting her evaporated, the uncertainty of whether the truck would make it for another winter vanished. All that mattered in this moment was matching her heart with the rhythm of the song and meeting with the One who gave her the talent and drive to dance.

  Where some people go on vacations or read a book to clear their minds, it was dance for Jill. This was her peaceful place.

  The t
hird song in the playlist was one that was sure to force Jill to give her all to the One who gave her the talent she loved. It was sung by a well-known Christian artist and reflected Jill’s heart at the moment. The song had come out shortly after Doug's death and had become a lifeline for her during those first few years. As the smooth voice spoke of sitting at the feet of Christ and spending time with Him, she felt her heart begin to soar. She imagined doing just as the woman sang and lost all track of her movement. She was dancing before the Lord as well as giving Him all her troubles. A picture came to mind as she twisted and turned. Holding her hands out before her, she saw the images of each trouble as tears streamed down her face. Crouching down, she visualized setting them at a pair of feet that had holes in them. Once she let go of the issues, she instantly felt free. Free of worry, fear, and the unknown. Whatever You have for me, Lord, help me to follow Your leading.

  After that, all sense of time stopped. Song after song she continued with her worship dance, feeling lighter and more joyful with each move.

  It wasn’t until she heard someone cough that she opened her eyes and saw Mike sitting in a chair in the center of the room. For the first time in the five months they had spent time together, she didn’t want to run and hide. Peace washed over her. An almost audible voice spoke to her heart, “Go to him. He’ll take care of you. Your time of wallowing in loneliness is over.”

  As her first act of trusting God with her future, she left the stage and walked up the aisle toward him. Mike stepped out of the row and met her halfway. His jeans hung low on his hips and the blue shade of his slim cut, button-up shirt made his eyes look even bluer yet. The smile on his face was just wide enough that the dimple on his cheek was prominent. It was a completely kissable dimple.

  The longer she surveyed the handsome man before her, the stronger the fluttering within her stomach became.

  "Can I help you Dr. Emerson?"

  "No, I'm just enjoying the show."

  "How about you buy a ticket next time and you might get more of a show."

  "I don't know, I kind of like the private viewings."