I had started to feel guilty and convicted I should get baptized, even if I didn’t understand why an ancient practice was still taking place and I felt uneasy about being in front of an auditorium full of people, but when I’d mentioned my thoughts to Jonathan, he said something that brought me a lot of peace.
“That’s between you and Jesus, sweetheart. He’ll let you know when the time is right, and guilt won’t be your motivation. Joy will be.”
So I’d waited and forgotten about it for awhile. But when this weekend trip had been announced and I heard they were going to be baptizing people in the lake, I had immediately felt that spirit of joy enter my heart. I wasn’t sure why even now, but it was there, and I was looking forward to it, except for the aspect of being in front of everyone.
But Jonathan assured me once I was out there, I wouldn’t be thinking about the people watching me. I would be thinking about Joshua and all the ways I had seen Him touching my life, and I hoped that was true because that’s what I wanted it to be about. And I also knew being outside in a natural body of water was more me. I’d grown up on the beach, not in church. I had always felt close to God’s creation, even before I knew Who had made it all, but now that I did, I couldn’t imagine a better place to be.
I was excited about camping too. I hadn’t been camping at all since last summer, except for going to Sunset Bay with Jodi, which I didn’t consider to be true camping. I’d been more focused on the conversations Jodi and I had than what we did, but I was in the mood for adventure and relaxation and getting back to nature this weekend.
Marissa wasn’t as excited. She was a city girl who liked all the conveniences of home. I kept laughing at her when we arrived at the campsite and she made faces at everything from her cell phone not working to the dirty ground where we had to set up the tent. She was somewhat encouraged when she saw the shower house complete with flush toilets and plenty of sinks, but the floor was a little dirty and it had an interesting smell that I was pretty sure was the deodorizer they were using, but it was hard to say for sure.
“Why exactly did you come this weekend?” I had to ask, knowing she loved this group, but everyone had their limits.
“Are you kidding?” she said. “I wouldn’t miss you getting baptized. I had to come!”
I was surprised it meant that much to her. I could understand Jonathan wanting to be here, and Marissa too if she enjoyed camping, but when she didn’t? She came just for me?
“I’m nervous,” I admitted.
She gave me a hug. “Don’t be. Everyone is going to be thrilled to see you out there. Especially Joshua.”
I didn’t often think of Jesus watching me. I thought about praying to Him and asking for direction and living the way He said to live. But I didn’t see myself as an object of His affection. I knew I should because I believed I was, but I didn’t think about it in such concrete terms. Marissa often said things that made me see God differently, and myself, and I knew she was a part of helping me to know Him every bit as much as Jonathan, Pastor Dan, and others who spoke up front and during group discussion time.
“Thanks for helping me to see Him,” I said. “I’m glad you’re here this weekend. Sorry you don’t like camping. I could have done this at church.”
I laughed and Marissa teased me about how much more convenient that would have been, but she turned serious and said what I would expect her to say.
“No, you need to do this in the best way for you, Jen. And you’re going to love it. I got baptized in a lake when I was ten, and I’ll never forget that day.”
***
The first evening was nice. We had hot dogs for dinner we roasted over a campfire, along with some fruit and chips. After dinner we had some free time, and Jonathan and I took a walk down to the lake and back before everyone gathered for a scavenger hunt and then regrouped for some worship time and a message from Pastor Dan.
It was dark by the time he finished, and we were instructed to be in our tents by eleven, which was in an hour. Jonathan, Marissa, and I remained in the main campsite area, talking until Marissa and I went to the shower house to get ready for bed. We were sharing a large tent with eight other girls. It had three separate sleeping spaces, but somehow Marissa and I ended up on one end, and it was just the two of us, so we had plenty of room.
“Not much different than at school, huh?” she said.
“No. This is nice. Keep your sleeping bag away from the side so it won’t get wet.”
“If I have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, will you go with me?”
“Yes,” I said. “In fact, I forbid you to go alone.”
“Okay,” she replied.
We stayed awake talking for a long time. We didn’t usually do that at school because we were tired from studying and knew we needed to get up early, but neither of us were very tired tonight, and Marissa had some things on her heart she opened up to me about.
One of them was her career path she was still undecided about, and the other was about a guy who was here I didn’t realize she liked. Marissa had a lot of friends, including guy-friends, and I had seen her talking to Cole a few times in the last month or so, but not in a way that stood out to me or had happened often enough for me to suspect where her heart was.
“I actually didn’t realize I was feeling this way until about a week ago,” she said. “Last Saturday when you and Jonny were gone, Rachel and I and a bunch of others went out for pizza, and he was there. He wasn’t with our group, just one of his roommates and a couple of girls. I thought they were double dating and assumed one of the girls was his girlfriend, but then when I went over to say hi, he introduced one of the girls as his roommate’s girlfriend and the other one as her older sister. And, I don’t know, I got this really strange feeling, like I was glad to know he wasn’t on a date.”
“Have you talked to him since we’ve been here?”
“Yes. After dinner, and we talked the whole time until the game started, and then we paired up together with two other people for that and sat together during the meeting. Maybe it’s nothing, but I feel really different with him now.”
“You know what surprises me most about you?”
“What?” she asked.
“Back in September, during that first week, I expected you to have a lot of different boyfriends this year.”
She hadn’t had any, and she laughed. “Why?”
“Just your personality. I knew a lot of guys were going to like you, and I expected you to be like Jodi in terms of going out with whoever asked, but not really settling down with one guy for too long.”
Marissa had told me she started giving the same standard answer to guys who asked her out, starting with Michael back in September and at least once a month since. She would say, ‘I don’t think I know you well enough yet. Let’s be friends for awhile and see how it goes.’
She found most guys didn’t put too much effort into friendship. By a week or two later they were usually going out with someone else, or seemed to drop off the radar, and she was fine with that. There hadn’t been anyone she felt she’d lost her chances with, and she had developed a lot of friendships with guys--both those who had asked her out and those who hadn’t, and she wasn’t desperate for a deeper kind of relationship with any of them.
“Has Cole asked you out?”
“No, and I don’t know him that well. He could have been with his girlfriend last Saturday for all I knew, and I’d never met his roommate before. I actually thought he was roommates with Luke because they come to church together.”
“What would you say if he asked you out?”
She smiled. “I think I’d have to say yes, considering we only have a few weeks of school left.”
“Do you know where he lives? Where he’ll be this summer?”
“I know he’s from Portland, but I don’t know if he’s going home or someplace else.”
“Maybe you should ask him tomorrow.”
She laughed. “Maybe I will.�
�
We got some sleep then, and it was good because we were awakened early in the morning by some loud crows cawing in the trees above us. We decided to get up and take hot showers. Marissa and I had some time before breakfast to go down to the lake and enjoy the early morning stillness. Imagining myself being baptized later this afternoon, I could picture it perfectly, and I had a vision of being baptized by Jesus Himself. I didn’t feel as nervous now.
Going back to the campsite to help with breakfast, we made ourselves useful by getting out the plates and other tableware while some of the adult sponsors who had come along took care of cooking the eggs, bacon, sausage, and pancakes. Breakfast was served as people came to get it, and when Jonathan arrived we ate with him.
Cole came to get in line while we were eating, and I noticed Marissa watching him, but I didn’t say anything. I knew Marissa was more than capable of attracting Cole’s attention if she had a desire to do so, but Cole came to sit with us without her doing anything. I smiled when Cole said good-morning to Marissa but acted like the rest of us weren’t there, including several of Marissa’s friends who were also available.
The morning took its scheduled course with some small group discussion time followed by worship and Pastor Dan talking to us for a bit before sending us out to have some personal time with God, either individually or with one other person. Jonathan wanted to pray for me, and we found a place for the two of us to sit by the lake, but he allowed us to have some quiet moments first to do some Bible reading, and I picked up where I had left off yesterday. Last fall Jonathan had suggested I begin reading through the New Testament when I said I wanted to understand more about Jesus and what God wanted for me. So far I had been reading through the first four books about Jesus and His ministry, and I was now in John. My heart began to beat fast when I read His words in John Ten:
“...the one who enters through the gate is the shepherd of the sheep...the sheep recognize his voice and come to him. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them...I am the gate. Those who come in through me will find safety...My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.”
I knew that was exactly what had happened to me. God had called my name and drawn me into a relationship with Him. He made me feel safe and cared for, and He was leading me into a rich and satisfying life. Not only a good education and a pleasant relationship with someone, those things were just the beginning. He had so much more to show me, give me, and teach me.
Jonathan wanted to pray for me because he thought I was nervous about this afternoon, but I actually wasn’t. I told him about imagining being baptized by Jesus and how that had calmed me, along with the words I had read just now.
“Grace for the moment,” he said. “I’ve had that happen many times.”
“You can still pray for me though.”
He did and he told me something afterwards. “It doesn’t matter what I think of you getting baptized, because I want this to be between you and Joshua, and I know it is. But I’m proud of you for doing this, Jennifer. I know it’s not easy for you to get up in front of people, but you’re not letting that stop you.”
“Thank you. But I wouldn’t be here without you, Jonathan. You’re the one who showed me God this year, and I’m so grateful.”
“You made it easy, sweetheart. I‘m glad you received His love so easily, and mine.”
I was too.
Chapter Twenty-Six
We had some free time after lunch before everyone was supposed to be down at the lake for the baptisms. After taking a leisurely walk together, Jonathan and I decided to rent a canoe, and we spent an hour paddling around the water, taking breaks often to drift and talk and enjoy the beautiful scenery.
When we returned to the lake shore, Jonathan said he had a surprise for me, and we headed back to the campsite. I tried to get it out of him on the way there, having no idea what he could have planned, but he wasn’t talking, except to say, “You’ll see.”
I did get him to stop briefly for a few kisses along the quiet trail, and I asked him something on a different subject. “Are you still thinking about spending the summer with me in Bandon?”
We hadn’t talked about it for a couple of weeks, and I wanted to know if he was set on that at this point or if he was considering other options.
“That’s my plan,” he said. “Is that what you want?”
“Yes, if you want to.”
He smiled. “I want to. It’s been a busy year, and we’re going to have some busy times ahead of us, Jennifer. I want us to take a break while we can, and I’m looking forward to taking some long walks on the beach, sitting by the campfire and watching sunsets, and whatever other lazy, relaxing things we can find to do.”
“Me too. I’ve had a good year, but I’m going to be ready for a break and some time with my family.”
“Maybe next summer I’ll take you to Mexico or Brazil, but not yet. Joshua told me to wait on that, and I’m listening.”
I knew in that moment why I had heard God telling me to follow Jonathan in whatever he felt led to do. He wanted me to know I could trust Jonathan to listen and make the right decision for himself and for us. Going home had been the desire of my heart, but I was open to the possibilities. This was what I wanted, but I wasn’t demanding it. Jesus was giving it to me.
I was thinking more about that as we neared the campsite than about the surprise Jonathan had mentioned. I could hardly believe my eyes when I saw who was waiting for us at one of the picnic areas. I saw Jodi and Ben first because they were facing us, but then I realized whom they were sitting with besides Marissa, who had apparently been here to greet them when they arrived.
“Hey, baby,” Mama said, smiling at me and rising to her feet to give me a hug. I saw that Uncle Stewart was here too.
“Mama! What are you doing here?”
She held me tight for a few moments and then revealed the secret. “Jonathan invited us.”
That didn’t surprise me, nor the fact they had accepted the invitation, but I hadn’t been thinking of them being here to share this with me. I was happy to have them here though, and my mother’s words were encouraging.
“We’re happy about the path your life is taking, and we want to celebrate that with you.”
“Thanks, Mama. I’m glad you’re here.”
I said the same thing to my dad, accepting him a little more as being such, and then I stepped over to hug Jodi and thank her and Ben for coming too. Jodi informed me of one more thing.
“After Jonathan called to invite us, I asked Ben what baptism is, and when he told me, I asked him if I could do it too. When he said yes, I called Jonathan back and asked if I could get baptized this weekend with you--the person who introduced me to Jesus.”
To think of how I had almost given up on Jodi and our friendship, and to see where she was now and hearing her say that made me cry. I hugged her again and said I would be thrilled to share this day with her.
We went to get changed into our swimsuits, wearing some shorts and t-shirts over the top, and then we went down to the lake to find a place to sit and wait for the scheduled time to arrive. While we were waiting, Pastor Dan came over to meet my family and friends, and most specifically Jodi, whom he had talked with via email before today about her decision to do this but had never met in person.
“Would you like to be out there with her, Jennifer?” he asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Sometimes when a certain person has been instrumental in leading someone into a love relationship with God, I invite that person to be out in the water with me as I baptize them, or I have them do the baptizing if they have the physical ability to do so. You probably aren’t up for that, but if you want to be close or have your hand on her, you’re welcome to.”
I didn’t hesitate to say I would, but another thought occurred to me and I went ahead and said it without taking time to ponder too long. I knew we would be getting underway soon, and there wasn’t time to put my thoughts on ho
ld.
“Could Jonathan be out there with me? And Marissa? They did the same thing for me.”
Pastor Dan laughed and glanced at Jonathan and Marissa. “You heard her. Ready or not, you’re going to get wet today. And Jonathan, I know you can support her weight just fine.”
The weather this weekend wasn’t especially warm, and I knew they probably hadn’t come prepared with the best clothes for going into the cold lake water, but I hadn’t been thinking of that when I asked. Pastor Dan stepped away before either of them responded to his words, and I told them they didn’t have to go out there with me. I had just wanted to ask if they could.
“We’ll go,” Jonathan said. “Won’t we, sis?”
Marissa laughed. “Absolutely,” she replied. “I did pack some shorts. How about you?”
“No, but I’m glad I decided to put in an extra pair of jeans.”
Marissa hurried off to change into her shorts and a better top, but Jonathan remained, saying he would go in ‘as is’. In a way I felt bad for asking, but at the same time I knew he would be happy to be out there with me, and I felt more excited about being baptized if Jonathan was going to be the one holding me. I listened to Pastor Dan speak every Wednesday night, but I didn’t know him well personally. He’d had a part in teaching me about Jesus and the abundant life God had planned for me, but Jonathan and Marissa were the ones who lived their faith in front of me and shared God’s love with me in tangible ways every day.
The next hour was simple in some ways but in other ways glorious and incomparable to anything I had ever experienced. There were others being baptized today too, but I wasn’t sure how many and lost count after five people had gone. I was nervous about my turn coming up, but once I was out there I felt better and was mostly thinking about how cold the water was and how loving it was for Jonathan and Marissa to be going out with me when they didn’t have to.
The Lighthouse Page 15
