I’m an idiot.
“Do you want to go away somewhere next weekend? We could leave Friday night after work and drive down to the Keys or something. Or even stay in Sarasota, maybe out on the beach.”
He wasn’t so clueless he couldn’t make out her sad little sigh. “No, not next weekend,” she said. “I’d rather stay around here.”
“Eliza and Rusty’s daughter went off to college last year. Maybe Eliza can give you some advice.”
“I’ll be okay.”
Although she didn’t really sound like it.
She wasn’t much of a talker, in some respects. They’d always done okay between them as a couple, but she wasn’t someone who liked to take her deeper thoughts and issues outside their relationship, even if it had nothing to do with their marriage.
But he knew it couldn’t hurt to make the suggestion. Even if she likely wouldn’t take it.
“You can talk to me.”
She finally looked up at him. “I know. I’ll be okay. I just need to get through it.”
He didn’t bother suggesting she talk to her mom. Jenny would sooner run naked through Tampa in the middle of Gasparilla. And with his mom and dad living in California the past twenty years, it wasn’t like she had a close relationship with them, either.
“Sorry.”
“You don’t need to apologize. You haven’t done anything wrong.”
He smiled. “Just covering my bases.”
As he’d hoped, at least it had pulled a smile out of her.
“How about,” he said, “we grab a shower and go out for a huge, carb-laden breakfast somewhere. Then we come back here and collapse like slugs in front of the TV until we’ve recovered enough to think about sexy time.”
That earned him a nod, although her eyes still bore a haunted sadness he never remembered seeing there before. “That sounds good.”
While he wasn’t convinced, he also knew enough to let the subject drop. If she wanted to talk to him about whatever was on her mind, eventually, she would. Him pushing and digging at her wouldn’t make things better.
I wonder if there’s anything I can do to make this transition easier on her?
Until she was ready to talk about it, he’d have to let her work through it in her own way, no matter how much he wanted to fix it for her.
* * * *
It took Jenny until Wednesday night to finally get up the nerve to approach the subject of BDSM with Michael. She waited until they were snuggled in bed together after another nice round of lovemaking.
“Can I ask you something?”
She could tell he was already close to dozing off from the sound of his voice. “Sure.”
“We’ve been reading some books in our book club that talk about…stuff.”
“What kind of stuff?”
“BDSM.”
She sensed his shift in awareness by his now wary and slightly more awake tone of voice. “Yeah?”
“I did some looking around and there’s a local group that meets once a month at a restaurant to talk about…stuff.”
“Yeah?” He’d gone from sounding wary to extremely on-guard.
“I’m just…I’m interested in some of it. Not the extreme stuff,” she quickly added. “But…can we go?”
“Go?”
“To dinner. It’s at Torino’s this coming Sunday.”
“We’ve eaten there before.”
“I know, right? Great food.”
He rolled over onto his side to look at her in the dim light. “Is this really important to you?”
She needed to suck in a couple of breaths before she could finally form the words. “I don’t know. Maybe. That’s why I want to go. I mean, one of the gals in our book group, she researched it here locally. She said she met a lot of great people, really nice folks. I’d like to meet some new people. Maybe this is a way to do it.”
“Through BDSM?”
She knew she wasn’t handling this well at all. “It’s in a public restaurant. I went onto the group’s website and it said it was a great way for people who are curious about things to come talk to them and ask questions.”
“I’m not going to beat you—”
“No!” she quickly said. “I’m not asking you to do that. I just…” She groped for the words, wishing they’d magically come to her the way they always seemed to in the books she read. “There were some things in the books that weren’t like that, they were kind of…interesting. I just thought maybe now that we have some freedom, maybe we could explore a little.” When he didn’t reply to that, she added, “We don’t have to go. It’s okay. I just thought I’d ask. Never mind.”
But the tears prickled at her eyes, trying to break through and she didn’t even know why.
She tried to roll over, away from him, when he reached out and gently caught her arm. “Is this really important to you?” he quietly asked again.
“Maybe. I’d like to at least see what it’s about. Talk to people. Not just for me, for us. Hey, if nothing else, we pick up a few extra ideas for in bed. Right?”
He kissed her. “If it’s important to you, we’ll go.”
“Okay. Thank you.”
Relief filled her. It wasn’t anything but a starting point.
She didn’t know where the journey would lead, but she felt excited at the prospect of going in the first place.
* * * *
Now wide awake and unable to get to sleep, Michael lay there long after he heard Jenny’s breathing slow and deepen as she fell asleep.
What.
The.
Hell?
He knew from the way her voice had sounded, despite her words, that yes, it was important to her.
Very important.
And she was obviously still trying to figure out why it was important to her.
After twenty-five years of marriage, he wasn’t a complete idiot when it came to his wife’s moods and tones.
This was absolutely not something he wanted to do. He’d heard enough things via the media and various people talking here and there about books that had made international bestseller charts to know that BDSM wasn’t a new phenomenon, but it had now gone more mainstream than ever before.
It just wasn’t something he was personally interested in.
The absolute last thing he’d ever do in his life would be to raise a hand to his wife.
Ever.
Everrrrr.
So if she decided after all these years that it was something she wanted, he wouldn’t be able to do that. But if it was just idle curiosity on her part, he’d be a selfish bastard not to let her explore this. Maybe she’d talk to some people there, totally lose interest, and that would be that.
He damn sure wouldn’t let her go alone. Not because he was jealous, but because he didn’t want her in any situation that might jeopardize her safety, public restaurant or not.
Although, somewhere in the back of his mind, he wouldn’t deny there was the tiniest tendril of curiosity lurking there. To see what it was about this that she wanted. If she just wanted to get a little kinkier in the sack, hell, that’d be fine.
In good conscience, he couldn’t deny her this request.
Didn’t mean he had to be comfortable with it, or even like it.
But he’d do it. Because he loved her that much.
Chapter Five
Thursday night, Michael sat and stared at the battle mat spread out on his dining room table, his mind totally not on the game.
It was a completely different kind of dungeon he was contemplating at that moment. In fact, he’d felt out of sorts all day, his thoughts scattered and jumbled following a restless night of little sleep.
Eliza poked him in the shoulder. “Hey, you all right?”
“What?”
“It’s your turn. Round-robin.”
They weren’t currently in combat, so Axel was going around the table in order to find out what they were going to do as their next action.
“Oh, sorry.” Mike
sat up straighter in his chair. “I want our party out from under this damn mountain. I vote we head toward the entrance the dwarves told us about.”
“Bok,” Rusty teased from across the table.
“Not all of us are power gamers who’ve maxed out our stats,” Mike shot back, testily lacking tolerance for his friend’s usually funny trash talk. “I can’t take a hundred points of damage in a round and still be standing like some barbarians can.”
“That’s not my problem, dwarven dude.”
This was a common back and forth. He’d been friends with Rusty since ninth grade. In all the years they’d played, Rusty was the one who memorized the rules and the loopholes so he could build powerful characters that could kill things, absorb hit points, and basically be their gaming group’s front-line hammer and meat shield when it came to fighting opponents.
“I swear,” Eliza said, “if he could have figured out how to min/max Kailey’s soccer gear years ago, he would have.”
Rusty’s grin widened. “She would have been kick-ass with a rocket launcher. Damn peewee league rules, anyway.”
Heaven help the boy who ended up trying to date his way into Eliza and Rusty’s family. Their daughter and only child, who was a year older than Mikey, had secured a softball scholarship to UF in Gainesville. In addition to stellar grades, she shot competition trap in her free time. It looked like she was on track to make the women’s US Olympic team if she kept it up.
She also had a black belt in karate and taught it part-time.
Then there were her archery awards, and all the time she and Rusty and Eliza had spent as part of SCA throughout the years.
In some ways, Michael felt a little like a failure as a father. He’d gone to his fair share of Mikey’s events over the years, especially on weekends, but Jenny had shouldered the majority of the burden of after-hours parenting while Mike focused on working.
“You seem to be distracted,” Milo said to Mike.
That was an understatement. “A little.” He addressed his next comment to Rusty and Eliza. “Hey, how did you two handle it when Kailey left home?”
Eliza snorted. “Heaven. Absolute freaking heaven. I mean, you know I love our daughter, but I am glad to have our life back.”
Rusty grinned and did a little bump-and-grind dance in his seat. “Nakey time, allll the time,” he said. “Oh, yeeeaaah.”
Eliza rolled her eyes. “Like that’s news to any of these guys.”
“It’s not news to me,” Mike snarked. “Remember how long I’ve known the guy.”
“The rest of us,” John said, “could do without that mental image, thank you very much.”
“So how is Jenny handling her empty nest?” Eliza asked.
Mike didn’t want to go into it in depth. Not there. Especially not the part about their plans to attend the munch. “It’s an adjustment for her. She’s still trying to figure out what to do with her free time.”
“Don’t worry,” Eliza said. “She will.” She smiled. “Just hope it’s not an expensive hobby, like skydiving or mountain climbing.”
“We don’t have mountains in Florida,” Rusty countered.
She smacked her husband’s shoulder. “Exactly my point. That’s why it’s expensive. Duh. You have to travel to the mountains before you can climb them.”
Rusty’s brow lifted. “Ah. Smart woman.”
“That’s why you married me, remember?”
Actually, had Jenny come to Mike with either of those requests, he suspected he would have handled it a lot better mentally and emotionally than he was now.
At one point, Eliza went to the kitchen to make herself a cup of hot tea. Mike followed her in. He kept his voice down so the others couldn’t overhear him. “Can you and Rusty hang out for a few after everyone leaves?”
Her gaze narrowed. “Sure,” she whispered back, “but why the double-probation super-secrecy?”
“I just need some advice.”
“Okay.”
When the others left, leaving Rusty and Eliza behind, Jenny still wasn’t home from her book club yet. That relieved Mike.
“Okay, so what’s up, chief?” Eliza asked. “You look like you have something serious on your mind.”
“Just between us, okay?”
His friends nodded.
“How did you guys really deal when Kailey left for school?”
The couple looked at each other and giggled. “Seriously?” Eliza asked.
“Yeah.”
She hooked a thumb at Rusty. “The barbarian here joined a nudie club.”
Rusty rolled his eyes. “It’s not called a nudie club. It’s a clothing-optional community. Sheesh.”
That arched Mike’s eyebrows. “What?”
“You know, one of those places up in Pasco,” Rusty said. “Terrapin Lakes. It’s a clothing-optional community. Some people even live there full-time. Family friendly.”
Mike knew a lot of stuff about his friend.
This he did not know.
“How can a nudist colony be family friendly?” Mike asked.
“It’s not a nudist colony, it’s a clothing-optional community,” Rusty said. “I mean, sure, there are some places where you have to be eighteen or older to be a member, but some of the places are also very strict about who can join, codes of conduct, all that, because they do have families.”
Mike was still trying to wrap his mind around his six four, two hundred and eighty-five pound friend running around in the buff. He looked at Eliza. “Do you go?”
She let out a laugh. “Hell no. It’s his thing. I don’t care if he does it.”
“But…What?”
“I can see you are confused, my friend,” Rusty said. “I like my sun to come without tan lines. I go lay by the pool, walk the nature trails, even play a little golf.”
“Where do you put your balls and spare tees?” Mike asked without thinking about what he was saying.
Rusty grinned. “I—”
Eliza smacked his shoulder and wagged a finger at him. “Hey, don’t.” Her expression sobered as she looked at Mike. “Do I need to send his royal smuttiness out to the car so we can have a grown-up discussion?”
Mike knew they wouldn’t tell their other friends. There were secrets he shared with Rusty about shit they’d pulled as stupid teenagers that had never been talked about.
What he didn’t want, however, was for them to look at Jenny any differently. Or him, for that matter.
He took a deep breath. “Jenny’s book club has been reading…stuff. She did a little research and asked if we could go to a BDSM munch—”
“Oh, dammit!” Rusty said, smacking his forehead. “That’s this Sunday!” He looked at Eliza. “We already told Kailey we’d come up and visit this weekend.”
Mike supposed, of all his friends, that he shouldn’t have been shocked that they were aware of and involved with the local BDSM community.
It didn’t make it easier for him to believe. “Say what?”
“Yeah,” Rusty said. “It’s this Sunday at Sigalo’s.”
“Torino’s,” Eliza corrected. “It was at Sigalo’s last month.”
“Oh, that’s right.”
Mike stared at his friends. “What?”
“Yeah, there’s a couple of different people who take turns hosting it,” Rusty said, an enthusiasm entering his voice that Mike knew all too well. “We’ve only managed to get there hit-and-miss the past few months, but everyone seems really nice.”
Mike didn’t want to believe his friend beat his wife. Hell, Eliza was some sort of black belt herself, which was why Kailey got into martial arts to start with. “You mean to tell me you beat your wi—”
Eliza snorted while Rusty burst out laughing, interrupting Mike.
“Um, nooo,” Rusty said. “For starters, I wanted her to beat my ass. Secondly, we just do it for fun, not seriously.”
Despite knowing he should be able to talk to his friend about anything after all the years they’d known each ot
her, the last thing Mike wanted to talk about was this.
Especially with Rusty.
“You sure you don’t want me to send him out to the kiddie table?” Eliza snarked.
“Um, no. That’s okay. I was just curious.”
“Hey,” Rusty said, “go. Have fun. Eat a good meal. Either go back, or not. If we hadn’t already promised Kailey we’d come up, I’d be happy to go with you guys.”
Somehow, that made it even worse. “That’s okay,” Mike quickly said. “Never mind. Not a problem.”
“Would you like me to talk to her for you?” Eliza asked.
Mike shook his head. “Nope. It’s okay. Please, don’t say anything to her. She’d be mortified if she knew I’d told you.”
Which was the truth. He also didn’t want his wife thinking anything differently about his friends.
But their revelation also made an odd sort of sense. Eliza had always been like an animal handler to Rusty’s big-puppy personality. She was the one who’d directed and reined in his boundless energy all these years.
The more Mike thought about that, the less their revelation shocked him.
After seeing them out he stood at the door, worry crossing his mind.
Maybe in his initial shock when Jenny had approached him about going to the munch, he’d misinterpreted her motives.
Maybe she’d really wanted him to be the one getting beat.
Um, okay, that’s not going to happen, either.
He had no desire for that. And while he didn’t mind if she got a little feisty in bed, he had absolutely no desire for her to run his life.
I guess I need to have another talk with her.
When Jenny arrived home a few minutes after Eliza and Rusty left, he gave her a kiss and hoped his question came off as nonchalant as he’d intended it.
“Um, this thing on Sunday. Can I ask you a question about it?”
She instantly grew wary, her entire body tensing in a familiar way he knew meant she was about to retreat out of fear of hurting his feelings. “Yeah?”
“Maybe this is a stupid question, but you’re not, like, wanting to, like, make me into your servant or something, are you?”
A Roll of the Dice [Suncoast Society] (Siren Publishing Sensations) Page 4
