Acceptable Risk

by Lynette Eason

  “Her reputation didn’t need saving. She’s one of the most highly respected journalists over there. She speaks the language, she has a relationship with the locals—and she writes the facts. People who don’t trust their own family members trust her. And she’s not suicidal.”

  “She has PTSD.”

  “Yeah, well, you would too if you went through what she’s experienced, but using your clout to get her discharged wasn’t your call—and not really something I thought you were capable of.”

  “I was trying to save her life!” The words burst from his father’s lips, a momentary loosening of his iron-clad self-control.

  “It’s not your life to save,” Caden said, purposely lowering his voice. “She’s an adult. A very smart and capable one, if you’d open your eyes and take a good hard look at her.”

  “You know how she was in high school. She’s not capable of looking out for herself. And since you baby her, I have to take measures to make sure she’s safe.”

  “I accept her. Sarah is who she is. She’s not who she was. That was a long time ago. She’s forgiven herself for all of that. At least I think she has. But if you ever want her to speak to you again, you need to undo what you’ve done.”

  The general ran a hand over his graying head, and Caden realized for the first time that his father was starting to look older. Not old. Just . . . older. At fifty-five, he was still in excellent health. Running five miles a day was a habit he’d had since Caden was a boy. And he’d never once invited Caden or Dustin to go with him. Resentment stung and Caden swallowed it.

  “Get out of here, Caden. What’s done is done and I’m not going to undo it. Couldn’t if I even wanted to try.”

  “Bull. I don’t believe that and neither do you.” Caden held on to his temper with effort. “Dad, I’ve always done my best to treat you with respect whether I felt the emotion or not because that’s what Mom asked me to do. So, I’m only going to say this once. It’s time you stop thinking that just because you’re a lieutenant general in the Army, you can rule your family like you do your soldiers—because one day you’re going to look back and wish you’d made some changes.” He paused, taking advantage of the man’s shocked silence. “Mom would be terribly disappointed in you.”

  Caden did a perfectly executed about-face and walked out of his father’s office.

  CHAPTER

  NINE

  Gavin pulled into the hospital parking lot, put the truck in Park, and let it idle while he watched Sarah sleep. She’d conked out about three minutes into the twenty-minute drive and hadn’t stirred. For the next thirty minutes, he let her sleep while he answered a few emails on his phone, checked in with her father via text and feeling like a rat the whole time—and set up a security detail request for a visiting politician who’d be arriving in town next week. Lastly, he texted his sister.

  Come on, Kaylynn. PLEASE TEXT OR CALL ME. I’m SORRY for handling the situation the way I did. It’s been a year. Can we please talk?

  He waited.

  No three little dots indicating a return text.

  Nothing.

  He sighed and shook his head. What else could he do?

  Finally, Sarah shifted and opened her eyes—which landed on him. She groaned. “I fell asleep again, didn’t I?”

  “It’s okay. I was productive while you snoozed.” He waved his phone at her.

  She rubbed her eyes. “I feel guilty sleeping while poor Brianne may need help.”

  Putting things off was just stressing her even more, but he had a question that had been burning a hole in his gut for a long time.

  She placed a hand on the door handle, and he touched her shoulder, stopping her movement. Her brow rose.

  “Sarah . . .”

  Wariness flickered in her gaze. “Yes?”

  “When we were in Kabul and went out a few times . . .” And shared a bone-rattling kiss he still thought about. “Why did you . . . disappear on me?”

  Her eyes slid from his and a flush darkened her pale cheeks. “It doesn’t matter, Gavin.”

  “It matters to me. Why?”

  She finally met his gaze. “I shouldn’t have ghosted you. I’m sorry.”

  “Thanks, but I’m not looking for an apology. I was kind of hoping for something along the lines of an explanation.”

  Her eyes searched his for a moment before flicking back to the building. “I . . . don’t know if I can explain it in a way that makes sense.”

  “Try me. Was there someone else?”

  “No.” She spit the word out on a huff of humorless laughter. “No, not at all. It wasn’t that.”

  “So, is this where you tell me it wasn’t me, it was you?”

  She shook her head. “No, because it was you.” He huffed a humorless laugh, and she bit her lip.

  “Wow,” he said. “It’s a good thing I have a pretty healthy ego. Or at least I used to. Okay then. It was me. ’Nuff said.”

  “Partly you. And partly me.”

  He stilled and waited.

  “It was just a combination of things, I guess.”

  “You realize that’s clear as mud?”

  She sighed. “I . . . I had some . . . issues in high school that have, unfortunately, followed me into adulthood.”

  “What kind of issues?”

  She blew out a slow breath. “Boy, that’s a loaded question. And one that I don’t know I can answer adequately right now.”

  He studied her, then gave a short nod. “All right, then. Ready to go see what we can find out in there?” She didn’t move. “Sarah?”

  “No.” Her fingers curled into fists. “That’s not fair to you. It wasn’t fair when I refused to answer your calls or texts. I was horrible and I do owe you an apology whether you want one or not.”

  “You’ve already apologized.”

  “What it boils down to is . . . I was scared.”

  Three little words had never wounded like those. His fingers flexed around the wheel. “I’d never put my hands on you to hurt you, Sarah.” He glanced at her.

  “What?” She blinked at him. “Oh, I wasn’t scared of you physically, it was more of an emotional thing.”

  Okay, now he was just confused. “How so?”

  “That last date after our kiss—”

  “That was a really good kiss, by the way.”

  She laughed and rubbed a hand over her eyes. “Yes. Yes, it was. But that was beside the point. I think it was . . . you just reminded me too much of my dad that night.” She grimaced. “Minus the kissing part.”

  “Ouch. Thankful for that anyway.”

  A short laugh bubbled from her lips. “How can you make me laugh when I’m talking about things I’d rather not?”

  “It’s a gift.”

  She looked away but didn’t seem quite as tense as she was at the beginning of the discussion. “Being reminded of my father brought up other memories that brought to mind . . . other stuff that I didn’t want to think about.”

  “And we’ve moved from mud to tar.”

  She groaned. “I’m sorry. It’s just really hard to talk about it.”

  “Then at least tell me how I reminded you of your father.” He had no idea what she was talking about but knew that reminding her of her father was bad. Very bad. “What’d I do?”

  “I told you a little about the story I was working on. The drug ring that was operating on base.”

  Oh yeah. He remembered that.

  “You said, ‘That’s not something you want to mess with, Sarah. It’s dangerous and will come back to bite you. You need to back off before you get hurt, and back off now.’”

  He frowned. “I remember that. I also remember thinking, ‘I’m just getting to know this amazing woman and I want it to continue.’ I thought about what you were investigating, who you were investigating, and I was scared to death something would happen to you.” He cut his gaze to hers. “I guess I came across as a bit of a dictator?”

  “Just like my father.”

/>   “I see.” He cleared his throat. “Well, thank you for clarifying.”

  “I’d also like to clarify one more thing.”

  “What’s that?”

  “The truth is, I know you’re really not like him. You’ve demonstrated that over and over in the last few days. I know you’re Caden’s friend, so I guess I’ve just chalked your presence up to that.” She gave a small laugh. “I suppose, as much as I don’t have the right to wish it, part of me was hoping you might be sticking around because you wanted to.”

  Hope inflated, even while he shut his mind to the real reason he was sticking tighter than superglue. “I’m definitely sticking around because I want to.” A completely true statement. He squeezed her fingers. “Now, are you ready to do this?”

  “Ready as I’ll ever be.” She still didn’t move.

  “So?”

  “So, I’ll tell you the rest of it one day.”

  “Soon?”

  “Yes, soon.” She punctuated the promise with a nod.

  “Then I’ll be ready to listen when you’re ready to talk.”

  Stepping back into the hospital sent chills down Sarah’s spine, and she couldn’t help the flash of memory from when she’d entered Brianne’s room to find the woman in such agony. A shudder rippled back up her spine.

  “You okay?” Gavin asked.

  “Yes, why?”

  “You shivered and went all tense when we walked in.”

  Observant, wasn’t he? “I’ll be all right.” She walked past the information desk without pausing.

  Gavin stayed with her. “Not going to announce you’re here, huh?”

  “I think I’ll just see if I can find the nurse who was on that night. Donna.”

  “She might not be working this shift.”

  “I know. But first, we need to make a stop.” Hand pressed against her side and moving carefully, she made a beeline for the gift shop located on the first floor across from the elevators.

  “What for?”

  “Flowers.” With their conversation fresh in her mind and wishing she had time to process it further, Sarah pushed open the door and made her way back to the floral arrangements. Fortunately, there weren’t a lot of premade choices to consider, so that made the decision easier. She chose a vase with an assortment of pink and yellow calla lilies.

  “That’s one of our most popular arrangements,” the woman to her right said.

  “I can see why. They’re gorgeous. I’ll take them.”

  “Wonderful.”

  Sarah paid for the flowers. While the woman worked, she glanced at Gavin from the corner of her eye. She’d been truthful when she said he scared her off a bit when he’d gone all dictator on her, but there was more to it than that. She bit her lip when she realized she wanted to be fully honest. How would he react if she told him of her past? The things she’d done—and the reasons she’d done them? What if she spilled everything?

  Once again, pushing the thoughts aside to deal with at a more appropriate time, she nodded to Gavin. “Now, I’m ready to go find Donna and thank her for her excellent care.”

  They made the elevator ride to the third floor in silence while Sarah mentally prepared herself for battle. Brianne had not been a figment of her imagination and she’d go toe-to-toe with anyone who tried to convince her otherwise.

  In a nice way, of course.

  With Gavin slightly behind her, Sarah made her way to the nurses’ station where three medical personnel sat in front of laptops. The older woman with short and stylish gray hair and a name tag that said Camilla looked over her bifocals at their approach. “May I help you?”

  “Yes, hi. I was a patient here a couple of weeks ago and there was one nurse who was really kind and I just wanted to say thank you.” She lifted the flowers, and Camilla smiled, the corners of her eyes crinkling.

  “Who was your nurse, hon?”

  “Donna.”

  “Sure. She’s with a patient right now, but I’m happy to give them to her.” She held her hands out.

  “I appreciate that,” Sarah said, “but I’d like to deliver them myself, if that’s all right.”

  “Of course.” Camilla dropped her hands. “Just hang out here. She’ll be around shortly.”

  Camilla went back to her laptop and Sarah leaned against the counter. Five minutes ticked by and her fatigue grew with each passing moment. She was pushing too hard, too soon. Weakness slipped through her.

  Great, she was going to face-plant right there in front of Gavin and everyone else. She spotted a chair outside the nearest room and walked over to it. Gavin followed her.

  “You okay?” he asked.

  “I’m fine.” She lowered herself into the chair, hoping the strain didn’t show on her face.

  “But you need to sit so you don’t keel over and draw attention to yourself?”

  She wanted to refuse to be amused, but the corner of her lip twitched before she got it under control. “Exactly.”

  “Which is why you probably should have stayed home, but I’m aware that wasn’t an option, so I won’t bring it up.”

  “I’m glad you’ve got a clear understanding of things.”

  “Stubborn,” she thought she heard him murmur. If he only knew. Again, she almost laughed but didn’t have the energy.

  Two female nurses walked past them, but Sarah didn’t recognize them. Then a door opened midway down the hall and a young woman stepped out. Sarah perked up. “That’s her.” She stood and Gavin slipped a hand under her elbow. She raised a brow, but decided it was better to lean on him than land on the floor.

  Donna walked their way, and her eyes met Sarah’s. For a brief moment, confusion creased her face before her eyes went wide and her nostrils flared. Just as quickly, her expression cleared and she offered a smile. “Rochelle Denning. How are you doing?”

  “I go by Sarah, but I’m doing much better, thank you.” She tilted her head. “You remember me?”

  “Of course. I remember all of my patients—at least the most recent ones anyway.” She gave a small laugh. “Don’t ask me about the ones who came through last month.”

  “Good, because I have a question about a patient of yours who was here the same time I was. But first”—she passed the flowers to the woman—“thank you for taking good care of me.”

  “Oh, they’re beautiful, thank you so much.” She sniffed them and smiled. “Which patient did you want to ask me about?”

  “I don’t know her last name, but she was the one next door to me. Brianne.”

  Donna’s brow furrowed. “I’m sorry, I don’t seem to remember having a patient by that name.”

  “Well, that’s really weird, because I was in the room when she was screaming and you rushed in with her medication.”

  Donna huffed a short laugh that held no humor. “I don’t think so. I remember you were out of your head with a fever and wandering the halls, but the room next to yours was empty. I think the combination of the drugs and the fever must have caused you to hallucinate.” Her eyes softened. “You were really sick, hon.”

  Sarah held onto her patience with effort. “That’s true, I was, but not so sick I was out of my head. I know there was someone in that room.”

  The woman blinked. “I see. Well, even if there was—and I’m not saying there was—there are laws protecting the patients here, including you. By law, I couldn’t tell you about this Brianne even if I remembered her.”

  Okay, that was a valid argument. However . . . Sarah caught sight of Dr. Kilgore at the end of the hall. Brushing past the nurse with a hurried “Excuse me,” she headed for the man. “Dr. Kilgore.”

  He turned. “Rochelle?”

  “Sarah.”

  “Right, sorry. How are you? I didn’t think we had another appointment until next week.”

  “I’m healing and we don’t. I’m here looking for another one of your patients. She was in the room next to mine. Her first name is Brianne and she was terribly upset the last time I saw her. I . . .
I guess I just wanted to know that she was okay and got the help she needed.”

  “I told her there was no patient here by that name,” Donna snapped from behind her. “Now, it’s time for you two to go.”

  “I really don’t think I can leave until I get some answers,” Sarah said, keeping a smile on her face.

  The doctor frowned. “Brianne? Wait a minute. Someone called up here looking for a patient by that name, and I told him I didn’t know who he was talking about.”

  “That was my brother, Caden.”

  “I see. Well, nothing’s changed since I talked to him. I still don’t know who you’re looking for.” He tucked the file in his hand under his left arm and pulled a phone out of his pocket. “Now, I really must get to the next patient. I’ll see you next week, Sarah.” He turned on his heel and headed down the hall.

  Sarah barely managed to hold in a frustrated growl. Why were they giving her the big runaround? Why deny the woman existed?

  “Dr. Kilgore, wait! Please.”

  “Sarah—” Gavin touched her hand.

  “I see you found your phone,” she blurted.

  The doctor froze. And slowly turned. “What?”

  “You’d left it in the room and came back for it. You were talking with another man. Who was he?”

  Dr. Kilgore’s smile flattened. “I’m sorry, I have no idea what you’re talking about. I really have to go. I’ll see you next week.” With that, he turned and headed into the next room.

  “Now, will you two leave?” Donna asked, shifting the flowers to glance at her watch. “Believe it or not, we have more patients than we can handle and never have enough time to get everything done. I’m falling behind as we speak. Please, go.”

  Gavin’s hand gripped Sarah’s upper arm in a gentle, but firm hold. “Of course,” he said. “We understand. Thanks for your help.”

  Sarah started to object but caught his look and snapped her lips shut. He wasn’t shutting her down, he was up to something. “Well, anyway, enjoy the flowers,” she said.

  “That was very kind of you. I appreciate the thought.” Somehow, the words didn’t hold the gratitude the first thank-you had.

  Once they were in the elevator, the doors started to shut and Sarah whipped around to face him, wincing in the process of moving too fast. She pressed a hand to her side. “What was that all about?”