by Wende Dikec
Mr. Wan appeared very small and old all of a sudden. I felt bad for him. I felt bad for Nick too. He still looked like he’d been punched in the stomach.
I stood up to leave. “I’m sorry, Mr. Wan. I took up a lot of your time.”
“It’s okay, Lily. I’m sorry I cannot help you more. Miss Lin is right. I am getting old. I will ask my friends, and maybe I can find an answer for you by your appointment on Saturday.”
I thanked him and we left the shop. It was a bright, sunny spring day, but I shivered thinking about dark shadows and soul reapers.
Nick ran a hand through his hair and then hooked his thumbs on his belt loops. He looked even paler than me, and I nearly glowed in the dark. “Well, that was interesting.”
“Yes, and we found out so much useful information.”
Nick laughed at me. “Like what?”
“Like the fact that you aren’t dead.”
“Oh. That is good news. You didn’t mention the fact that I’m not exactly alive either.” He gestured to his not quite solid form body.
“There is that, yes, but I think it’s still good news. I expected her to say you were a ghost.”
“So did I.” Nick winced. “Kind of. But I know I’m not, Lily.”
“I’m starting to think you might be right.”
Nick rocked back onto his heels. For the first time I noticed he wore black converse sneakers. Extremely cute.
“Did you just say I was right?”
I rolled my eyes. “Don’t get used to it.”
We walked down to Mrs. Chang’s shop, just as dark and cluttered as I remembered. Nick poked around, looking at the boxes and objects that lined the dusty shelves.
Before long, I heard the familiar shuffling noise that signaled the approach of Mrs. Chang. Today, instead of traditional Chinese dress, she wore capris with Keds and had on a white visor. Her face lit up when she saw me.
“Hello, Tiger Lily. Were you waiting long? I just got back from tai chi.”
I handed her the note from Mr. Wan and followed her as she walked down the aisle. “Are you taking a class?” I asked, impressed that the old lady was so spry. Her grasp of English impressed me as well. The last time I’d come here, she’d spoken to me almost exclusively in Chinese.
She smiled at me. “I am the teacher.”
“Very cool.” I looked at Nick and he nodded. Mrs. Chang, so tiny she barely came up to his navel, was absolutely the cutest little old lady I’d ever seen.
The blob rubbed against her cheek and she giggled. “Still having the ghost problem, I see.”
I was so surprised I bumped into a shelf and nearly knocked over a big, happy Buddha. As I straightened it, my purse knocked another box off the shelf.
“Klutz.”
Nick laughed at me, a good sign. He’d looked seriously depressed ever since the moment Miss Lin had told us he wasn’t quite alive. I felt a little down myself.
“Mrs. Chang, can you see them, too?”
“You don’t have to see something to know it is there.” She pulled a small glass bottle with an old-fashioned style stopper off the shelf. Murky green fluid swirled inside. “This is what you need. Mix it with two parts water, and spray it on the ghost you are trying to expunge.”
The word “expunge” sounded harsh. My little blobby ghost didn’t deserve to be expunged. Mrs. Chang patted my hand.
“Your ghost does not belong here, Lily. It is not a question of happy or sad, good or bad. It is about right and wrong. You will not hurt it by doing this. It might not even work. That really depends on the ghost and how much it wants to stay.”
Mrs. Chang began the long process of wrapping up my little bottle of Ghost Be Gone. I watched her work, her motions precise and careful. I liked that.
“Mrs. Chang, do you know anything about soul reapers?” She froze, her hands hovering over my package.
“Why do you ask?”
She seemed flustered now, losing the rhythm of her packing. I’d upset her.
“I don’t know how much Mr. Wan told you, but I died for a few minutes and came back. That’s when I started having the ghost problem. He told me the same thing happened back in his village in China.”
Mrs. Chang nodded, but didn’t say anything. When she began tying up the package with string, her hands shook. I moved to the side of the counter so I could face her. Nick did too.
I cleared my throat. “He warned me about soul reapers. I’m afraid we might have one of those, but I’m not sure.”
Mrs. Chang put my wrapped up bottle into a small paper bag and then opened a drawer behind her counter, pulling out a small object bundled in silk. She placed it on the counter and opened it slowly. Carefully. Inside lay an intricate necklace with a glowing jade pendant. Chinese characters had been carved into the jade.
“That’s beautiful. What does it say?”
Mrs. Chang picked up a pair of dainty reading glasses and propped them on her nose. “It says Hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love; this is the eternal rule. Buddha.” She wrapped the necklace back up and handed it to me.
I looked at Nick in confusion, and for a second I thought Mrs. Chang glanced at him too. “I want you to have this, Lily, as a gift. It will keep you safe from soul reapers.”
“I can’t accept it, Mrs. Chang. Please let me pay for it.”
Mrs. Chang shook her head. “Today, these things are on me.”
“But why?” I looked around her dusty little shop. It didn’t seem like Mrs. Chang could afford to be giving away valuable jewelry and Ghost Be Gone fluid.
“Because I know what you are going through and I want to help.”
“That is very kind of you, but I don’t understand.”
Mrs. Chang gave me a sad little smile. “I was the girl in China Mr. Wan told you about.”
My mouth dropped open in shock. That girl had gone crazy. Mrs. Chang certainly didn’t look crazy, but I couldn’t exactly ask. I decided to stay on a safer topic. “You died too?”
Mrs. Chang nodded. “And I lost the person I loved most in the world.” This time she turned and definitely looked right at Nick. “I don’t want the same thing to happen to you. It nearly cost me everything, including my sanity.”
Nick stared at me, his eyes large and frightened. “She sees me.”
I shook my head. “She can’t see you. No one sees you but me.”
Mrs. Chang took my hand in hers. Her fingers were wrinkled and spotted with age, but her grip was firm. “As I said before, sweet Lily, you don’t have to be able to see something to know it is there.”
“From caring comes courage.”
Lao Tzu, Sixth century BC
Chapter Ten
“She saw me.”
Nick sat next to me in the Audi. He reached for the seatbelt without thinking, and almost seemed surprised when his hand went right through it. I tried very hard not to giggle. It appeared he’d been a seatbelt wearer, which meant he had at least one good habit.
“She did,” I said, as I pulled slowly into traffic.
Nick ran a hand through his dark hair. “What does that mean?”
“I have no idea, but it’s a good sign. At least it means I’m not imagining you.”
“Like you could make this up?” Nick made a muscle with his arm and I had to laugh. He grinned back at me, and my heart did a funny little flip-flop in my chest as I struggled to keep my eyes on the road. Nick, so beautiful, with his mussed hair and dark, warm eyes, was in so much trouble. He hovered somewhere between life and death, and I didn’t know what that meant or how to help him.
“I can’t believe you’re joking at a time like this,” I said and Nick shrugged.
“What else can I do, babe?”
“Babe? Like the pig?” I flipped my hair over my shoulder, trying not to let him see how his little endearments affected me.
He grinned at me. “Like the pig.”
I tried to swat at him as I kept my eyes on the road. That just made him laugh, since
I swatted at air. I’d almost forgotten he wasn’t solid.
Suddenly, Nick became very still and looked at me with a strange and almost pained expression. I pulled off to the side of the road just as he started fading out. “I have to go, Lily. I’ll be back....”
“Nick? No, no, no, no, no...”
My chest got tight and my breathing shallow as I willed myself not to panic. He’d evaporated right in front of me. I stared at the seat he’d occupied only seconds before. He’d been laughing and teasing me. He’d been real, and I knew that with every fiber of my being. What I didn’t know was how I would go on if Nick disappeared from my life forever.
I rested my forehead on the steering wheel as I tried not to cry. I didn’t want Nick to go away. I wanted him to be solid and whole, and I wanted him to stay with me. I had a sick, sinking feeling that helping him might also mean losing him.
I wiped away a tear and swallowed hard as I looked at my reflection in the rearview mirror. I looked like a ghost myself, my skin devoid of any color and my eyes enormous in my face. I’d gone to a place beyond scared and right into terrified.
As I pulled back onto the road and began to drive home, I realized that what I felt for Nick went way beyond duty or friendship. I don’t know when or how it happened, if it was when he teased me during calculus or when he got mad at me for kissing Josh, but I knew the truth. I’d fallen completely, hopelessly, crazy in love with Nick the Shadow Boy.
When I got back home, I moved in a fog. I replayed every look, and every moment we’d shared, and tried to savor each one because I didn’t know how many more we’d have.
I put on the necklace from Mrs. Chang, mixed up the Ghost Be Gone, and poured it into a spray bottle. I sanitized my hands a few times, brushed my hair, and touched up my makeup. I ordered pizza for when Josh and Zoe came, and stared at the clock on the wall, willing it to go faster. Wanting Nick to come home. The sound of the doorbell made me jump.
Josh waited on the porch, looking handsome and perfect as always. I’d almost forgotten completely about Josh, my prom date and sort of crush, the guy I’d kissed just this afternoon. I was a really terrible person.
“Sorry, Lily. I’m a few minutes early. Do you mind if I come in?” Josh handed me a bag. “I brought cookies.”
Gorgeous, smart, and well mannered, Josh was the kind of boy I’d always thought I’d fall for, but Nick had completely changed everything. The difference between how I felt for them was like the difference between a mild breeze and a hurricane. Nick was my hurricane.
The blob acted very happy to see Josh. It swirled around his neck and came to rest on his shoulder. Josh froze.
“It’s sitting on my shoulder, isn’t it?”
I nodded. “Don’t worry. It’s a nice ghost.” I led Josh into the house, set the cookies on the dining room table, and went to get plates and napkins. Josh followed me.
“Are there ghosts that aren’t nice?” He looked at me, full of blue-eyed sincerity, and I had to tell him the truth.
“Yes. I haven’t seen any yet, but I know they exist.”
Josh nodded. He handled this extremely well.
“Lily, there’s something I need to talk to you about.”
His cheeks turned a little pink, and he couldn’t quite meet my eyes. I winced, hoping this wasn’t when he expressed his undying love for me. Josh was a really nice guy, and I had no desire to hurt his feelings.
He cleared his throat. “I guess it’s better if I just say it. I really like you, but I had a very strong feeling today that you belong with someone else, and I always listen to those feelings.”
“Seriously?”
He nodded, swallowing hard. “I don’t mean to be weird about it, but could we just go to prom as friends?”
I almost sagged in relief. “Yes!”
Josh grinned, his smile and dimples still glorious, but they did nothing for me. “Wow. You took that really hard.”
I winced. “It’s not you, Josh. You’re perfect.”
Josh nodded in agreement. “You’re perfect too. But it was weird. Almost like someone screamed for me to leave you alone the whole time we were together.”
I thought about the way Nick had looked when Josh kissed me, and the way he’d yelled. It had been fairly close to screaming.
“Yeah, pretty much.”
“And I think we were meant to be friends. There is just no....”
“Ka-bang? A little like kissing my cousin?”
Josh laughed. “Ouch. Harsh. I was going to say ‘spark’, but ka-bang works.”
Josh pulled me into a warm, brotherly hug, and Nick chose that moment to pop back into my kitchen. I jumped away from Josh like he was the Ebola virus.
“Sorry to interrupt,” Nick said, walking away.
“Stop, Nick. Please.” I think it was the “please” that got him. He stopped, but still had his back to us.
Josh looked thoroughly confused. “Who is Nick? I can’t feel him. Is he a good ghost or a bad ghost?”
“I’m not a ghost at all.” Nick spoke in a high-pitched voice. He turned and I saw the hurt and sadness mixed with anger in his eyes.
“He says he isn’t a ghost at all, in a squeaky Dorothy voice. He’s hilarious.”
I folded my arms over my chest and tapped my toe. Loving Nick didn’t make this any easier. It made it even harder.
Josh came closer. “Nice to meet you, Nick.”
Nick muttered a very bad word under his breath. I shot him my best withering glace. It didn’t work.
“So, if Nick isn’t a ghost, what is he?” Josh asked. Another nice thing about Josh. He accepted what I said and believed me without question. Josh was so easy. Nick was not. Nick was the opposite of easy.
“That, my friend, is the question we’ve all been asking,” I said.
Nick turned to face us. If he’d possessed a corporeal form, I think he would have taken a slug at poor Josh. We weren’t going to accomplish anything like this.
“Josh, would you excuse us for a minute? Nick and I need to have a little talk. If the doorbell rings and it’s a Goth girl dressed as the Queen of the Dead, please let her in.”
Josh nodded, looking confused. I started marching up the steps and waved for Nick to follow me. When we got to my bedroom, I slammed the door behind me and turned to him, completely enraged.
“What’s your problem, Nick?”
He shrugged, playing it cool. “What’s your problem?”
I grabbed a bottle of hand sanitizer from my desk and shook it wildly up and down before squirting a blob on my hands. The scent of Lively Lemongrass did nothing to soothe me.
“You disappeared without any explanation, and I’ve spent the whole day worrying about you and wondering when you’d come back...” I began.
Nick laughed, a sound completely without humor. “You looked really worried.”
I sat down on my bed. Nick wasn’t angry. Nick was jealous. A surprisingly lovely turn of events. Suddenly I felt a whole lot better. I patted the spot next to me, and he rolled his eyes, refusing to budge. I glared at him and patted it more insistently until, grudgingly, he sat down.
“I need to explain something to you.” I took a deep breath, not knowing where to start.
Nick stretched out on my bed. He lay on one side, his elbow bent and his head supported by his hand, smiling at me. Not a Nice Nick smile. A Nasty Nick smile. “I learned all about the birds and bees in health class, sweetheart.”
He probably had more experience than just health class, but I couldn’t even go there now. “It’s about Josh...”
“Yes, he’s perfect for you, and I’m sure you’ll be very happy together. The two of you deserve each other. You can douse yourself in hand sanitizer, he can toss around a football, you can go to country club dances together, and it’ll be a wonderful life.”
I got up and threw my hand sanitizer against the wall. I’d try to be reasonable. I’d tried to be gentle. Now I was just mad.
“You don’t even
know what you’re talking about. You’re such a complete idiot. I don’t like Josh, and he doesn’t like me, either. Even if he did, it wouldn’t matter, because I am stupidly, totally in love with you, you dumb jerk.”
Nick’s mouth dropped open in shock. My cheeks burned so red they probably pulsated, but I couldn’t care less. Nick had worked me into a frenzy.
The doorbell rang. I squared my shoulders and swooshed out the door. “That’s Zoe. Let’s go.”
Zoe and Josh stood at the door, staring at each other. Nick followed me, his head bowed, deep in thought. A heavy, awkward silence filled the room. I decided to end it right there.
“Zoe, this is Josh, Josh this is Zoe. You’ve both already met Nick.” I waved to where he stood, but otherwise ignored him. “And you both know the ghost, Blobby. Would you like a glass of lemonade? Josh brought cookies. The pizza should be here in ten minutes.”
Zoe and Josh nodded, a bit dazed. Nick grinned. “Did you read Martha Stewart’s guide to hosting a perfect séance party before they came, princess?”
I shot him a silencing look. “No,” I said, still so angry I trembled. He had no right to switch into charming, teasing mode after being such a bonehead. I’d bared my heart to him, and he’d just sat there gaping at me. If he loved me back, he would have said so. The fact that he hadn’t said a word actually spoke volumes.
The pizza came and we sat around the dining room table eating. Truth be told, Josh and Zoe ate. I stared at my plate and Nick stared at me. Extremely uncomfortable, and, once again, awkward.
“So how did Barbie meet Ken?” asked Zoe.
I blinked at her in surprise. Nick chuckled. “She’s asking how you met Josh.”
“Oh. Josh saved my life.”
Zoe’s eyes went to Josh. “He’s the one who pulled you out of the lake?”
“Guilty as charged,” said Josh, wiping his mouth with a napkin. “I was at the right place at the right time.”
He gave her one of his blindingly white grins, and I watched Zoe’s eyes get big and round in her face. Josh didn’t seem at all intimidated by Zoe’s Gothness, but Zoe was a little taken aback by his blond jock glory. Her gaze flew back to her plate and a faint blush crept into her cheeks.
