by Kelly Gay
Set me free, Charlie.
No, Will.
I’ve seen beyond. I’m not meant to be here. Please. Please give me peace. Rest. Freedom.
But … Emma.
Emma will understand. I’m not meant for this world. Not anymore.
I don’t know how.
He lifted a hand, and smiled gently. Yes, you do, wife.
A sob stuck in my throat. Eleven years I’d been his wife. And I’d loved him, had been happy for so many years and envisioned growing old together. I still loved him, just not in the same way as before.
And now he was asking me to set him free. I wasn’t sure I could.
Take my hand. Please.
At the edge of my vision, I saw my hand ringed in white lifting; saw it moving toward him. Our fingers touched and white glowed brighter from the tips.
And then my hand slid into his. He smiled; the old Will Garrity smile that could melt snow.
Tell Emma I love her and will be watching over her always. She must understand I cannot come back whole and full like I was before. No matter if Rex leaves, I will not come back … right. Tell her this, Charlie. Make her understand. I never meant to hurt her. Never meant to hurt you.
I nodded, pulling back slightly. He slid gently and effortlessly from his physical body. I didn’t want to let go, but I found myself releasing him anyway. His form grew dimmer and dimmer, though his smile remained until he simply vanished.
Pain squeezed a heart I no longer had.
Grief wafted through my subconscious. So much regret, so much lost … He was gone. Will Garrity, the man I married at nineteen, the father of my child, the one with whom I’d made so many memories, was gone.
I watched with heartbreak and fascination as Rex’s spirit filled out Will’s body, settling into every part of him, making links, forming new connections. Tiny sparks flew from these new links as though Rex’s jinn spirit was finally free to extend all of what he was …
With a sudden thought, I turned back to Bryn. Again, I reached out my hand. Take it. Take my hand and I can set you free. Solomon glared at me. It’s over. You had your revenge. Release my sister.
The glow around my vision dimmed. I understood immediately that the gift of Nwyvre was fleeting, that it was already leaving me.
Hurry! Take my hand!
Solomon cursed me, the stubborn fool. It was there, the desire to be free, I could see it clearly, and yet he wouldn’t take my hand, wouldn’t reach out to me.
Solomon!
Finally he lifted his hand, but I was moving backward, away from him. I reached anyway. No!
Goddammit! I hadn’t gone through all of this to fail now. I was not moving another inch. With sheer, stubborn determination, I went deep into my mind, into this beautiful white glow in my head, and I forced it to remain, holding the elements together just a little bit longer.
I lost all sensation in my body. Everything in me sharpened in complete and utter focus. I became light. No longer did I look through it. No longer did my subconscious work outside of it. This light, this beautiful, white, healing, truthful light, encompassed all of me. Or I encompassed it. I wasn’t sure.
Nwyvre I understood now. It existed all around us, more in some places than in others, like in ley lines, convergences, and earthen structures designed to heighten its energy. Very few knew how to access it, how to identify it, how to join with it. Being in this light was like sitting in the classroom of Mother Earth. I understood so much. I understood where my sister got her power.
My sister.
I moved closer, a gliding ball of light. Solomon shrunk back, but I didn’t stop. I went into her and enveloped him in light, jerking him out and flinging his shadowy spirit into the air. He didn’t fight, didn’t say anything. He seemed stupefied, and perhaps a little humbled.
It is not meant to be held, Charlie.
Melki’s voice invaded my wonderful ball of light. I ignored her. Bryn’s spirit didn’t fill out her body like Rex’s had done. She was too weak. Too tired. Too broken by ash and its spirit-suppressing qualities.
Charlie, no.
But it was too late to stop. I had no real idea what I was doing, but if this power fueled my sister’s abilities, then maybe it would wake her up, energize her, give her the strength to come back and be whole again. I took off, zinging around the room in an arc, gaining speed, using everything I had to hold it together, and coming back around, aiming for Bryn.
One giant dose of Nwyvre coming up.
I flew into her and released everything, dropping my concentration, my focus, letting the power explode out of me in a burst of white.
21
My chest collapsed in a great release of air. I sat up, eyes wide. Everyone in the ballroom was staring at me.
Melki was gone.
So was the power within me.
And Bryn was laid flat out on the floor, unconscious. Glowing. My sister was fucking glowing. I crawled over, not trusting my legs to support me. I shook, a billion tiny tremors vibrating at once.
Em dropped down beside me, hugging my shoulder as I sat next to Bryn and put my hand on her forehead, smoothing back the hair from her face. The glow enveloped my hand. Amazing. I looked up and found Aaron kneeling on the other side of Bryn, staring at me with an unreadable expression. After a long moment, he dipped his head. I returned the gesture.
“What happened?” I asked, unsure of what had been real and what had taken place in my mind.
“Momma,” Emma said softly. “You’re glowing, too.”
I blinked, frowning. I lifted my shaky hand to see my skin ringed in white and my arm, my legs … Very dim, however. Not nearly as bright as Bryn’s glow. My hair fell in my line of sight. I reached up and held out a strand—that, too, was glowing.
I started laughing. It was as if I’d been hit with pixie dust from Tinkerbell herself. And I knew now that it had all been real. It all had happened and everything would be okay.
“Bryn’s just passed out,” Aaron said. “She’s breathing. Pulse is a little fast …”
“Momma?”
“Yeah, kiddo?”
“Are you okay?”
I stared at her for a long moment, and cocked my head as I realized that nothing ached or burned. I wasn’t tired. And I was hungry—always a good sign. “I’m fine. I’m glowing like a lightbulb. And I’m okay.”
She shook her head and smiled. “Except you really need a bath.”
“Thank you, my darling child, for pointing that out.”
“Well, you always say to tell the truth …” She stood and held out a small hand to help me up. “Can you stand?”
I took the help, gripping her small hand. Once I was up on my feet and balanced, I hugged her tightly, breathing in her scent and whispering into her hair. “Thank you.”
She pulled back. “For what?”
I smiled and moved a strand of hair from her cheek. “For what you said to Melki. I never want you to put yourself in harm’s way, but—” I cradled both of her cheeks in my palms—“Your courage makes me proud … And I love you.”
“I love you, too. Your glow is fading,” she said with tears in her eyes. “And I was hoping to take you to show-and-tell.”
A half laugh broke through my lips. God, she was getting more like Rex every day. I glanced around the ballroom to get my bearings. The ballroom doors were closed and several warlocks guarded the entrance. The music was off, but the disco ball still spun. From beyond the doors and windows came the sounds of party horns and the sudden rise of voices as they started counting down to New Year’s.
TEN! NINE! EIGHT!
I continued my perusal and found Rex.
SEVEN! SIX! FIVE!
He stood apart from the others. Tears of joy and sorrow ran down his face.
FOUR! THREE!
My heart sank. He knew. Will was gone.
TWO! ONE!
Sadness, grief, understanding, acceptance, it all passed between us in one moment, one look of pure understand
ing.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My daughter had lost her father. Forever.
Horns and clapping erupted with the crack of fire-works somewhere high overhead.
“Mom.” Emma tugged at me. I was squeezing her hand too hard. I let go and turned. She grinned broadly at me. “Happy New Year.”
I wrapped her in a hug, whispering against her neck as my heart broke. “Happy New Year, kid.”
“I love you, Momma.”
“I love you, too.”
After clearing the ballroom, we took our small party upstairs to the room Bryn was using during her stay at the League.
Before I went into the room, I used the League phone in the hallway and called the chief—mine had gotten lost somewhere in Charbydon, if I had to guess. I told the chief what had happened to Hank in the parking lot, minus the details of his past—that was for him to tell, not me—and he was swift in his response.
“I’ll put an immediate call in to the terminal. If they try to take him back through the gate, we’ll detain them,” the chief declared. “I’ll get in touch with Washington and I’ll put some serious pressure on the siren delegate here in town. I’ll call as soon as I know anything. Get some rest, Madigan. You’ve been through hell. Literally. If we need to go in and take him back, I’ll need you one hundred percent.”
Easier said than done. Hank was a U.S. citizen. He had rights, and the sirens couldn’t just come into our city and kidnap one of our own. Our big, bad bosses in Washington needed to step up to the plate and do something, anything, to get him back.
“Charlie,” he said more gently than I’d ever heard him before. “There’s nothing you can do at this point. Go home. Eat. Sleep. Let me do my thing. We’ll find him and get him back.”
“Thanks, Chief.” I hung up the phone and stood there staring at the hall table until Emma poked her head around Bryn’s door. “You coming in?”
“Yeah.” I shook my head and went inside to stand by Bryn’s bed side.
The glow on her was almost gone now, and her cuffs had been removed.
“And Solomon?” Aaron asked, staring down at her with his arms crossed over his chest.
“Gone.” But that only solved one part of the problem. She was still addicted to ash and some of the others were still possessed. “Does she have any ash doses here?”
Aaron stepped into the bathroom and rooted in the medicine cabinet. “She has two here,” he called, shut the cabinet, and came back into the room. “I’ll see she gett.”
“Thanks. Why don’t you and the guys”—I gestured to the two warlocks and Rex—“step out for a minute. I know she wouldn’t want to sleep in those clothes.”
Emma and I removed Bryn’s soiled clothes, washed her off the best we could with damp washcloths, and then dressed her in clean pajamas. After that was done, we pulled the comforter out from under her to cover her properly.
“Thank you, Char …” she mumbled.
I kissed her cheek. “You’re welcome, little sis.”
I straightened, gazing down at Bryn.
“What happened in Charbydon, Mom? Where’s Hank?”
A tight sensation gripped my chest, making me wince. Hank was probably already back in Fiallan. “Let’s just go home. I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow.” My Nwyvre buzz was wearing off and the exhaustion was starting to set in along with the beginnings of a monster headache.
In the hallway, I explained the situation in detail to Aaron, including Carreg’s version of what had happened. The House of Abaddon would be coming for answers. I had no idea how long we had. “As soon as she wakes up, call me. Don’t let them see her until Rex and I can talk to her.”
“You have my word.”
“Thank you, Aaron.” Before he turned to go, I grabbed his arm. “She has paid enough. You need to move on or forgive her.”
A muscle flexed in his shadowed jaw. I thought he might lay into me about sticking my nose where it didn’t belong, but he just stared at me for a long moment before saying, “I already have. She just won’t accept it.”
He slipped quietly back into the room.
I gathered my kid and my Revenant and went home.
Rex and I took separate showers, washing blood and layers of Charbydon sand and grit down the drain. I sat in the tub, knees pulled to my chest, and cried. For Will. For Emma. And for Hank. I couldn’t save him. I’d had to choose. And I knew in my heart I had done the right thing.
And the chief was right, too. I was spent. I didn’t even have the strength to lift my firearm and focus on a target. Knowing this, though, didn’t make the guilt go away.
Once clean, I dressed for bed, went downstairs, and rang in the New Year, albeit late, around the kitchen table with my family.
I smiled. I talked. I ate the ice cream drenched in hot fudge and whipped cream that Emma decided we should have since she couldn’t drink the bottle of champagne Rex had apparently stolen from the Mordecai House.
But inside I mourned. Rex mourned, too; I could see it behind the stupid jokes and the goofy smiles. We made that moment special for Emma. Because she had lost something irreplaceable and soon her life would change and her heart would break …
The pall continued to hang over me as I tucked my sleepy kid into bed. “Night, kiddo.” I kissed her forehead.
“Smarty pants.” I shook my head, stepped over Brim snoozing on the carpet, and paused before closing her door. “Brim needs a bath first thing tomorrow. He reeks.”
“Okay.”
I shut the door and went tiredly down the stairs, every step carrying with it more weight and worry. The kitchen lights were already off, and the soft glow of the television led me down the hall to the living room where Rex sat on the couch.
I plopped down, pulling my feet in and snuggling into the cushy vee where the arm and the back of the couch met.
Rex turned down the volume and then angled his body to face me. “What the hell happened back there, Charlie?”
I didn’t even know if the tale would come. It took a long time for me to answer, to find the right words, the right state of mind. I found neither. “He wanted to leave,” I finally said.
Saying those quiet words out loud gave the whole thing a sense of finality. It felt like a fist squeezed my heart. “The sylphs’ gifts … they allowed me to see him. I held his hand. Pulled him out. He wanted to go, said he wouldn’t come back normal.” I rubbed a hand down my face and let out a loud sigh. “I don’t know if I did the right thing.”
I glanced to the ceiling. Above. Where my kid slept happy and content. My throat thickened. I shook my head. “How am I going to tell her?”
I couldn’t do it. How did I look her in the eye and tell her Dad was gone? A tear slipped out. Rex moved over the cushions and slipped an arm around me, pulling me into a hug. “I’m sorry.”
My head fell against his shoulder. I turned into him, trying to hold out, but it was a losing battle. The floodgates opened. And I grieved for the loss of my ex-husband. He was gone. He was never coming back.
Rex held me, rubbing my back, kissing the top of my head, and giving me a supportive squeeze every now and again.
By the time I finally sat up, my face was swollen and hot. I couldn’t breathe, my nasal passages were blocked, and my head pounded.
Rex reached over the couch and grabbed a tissue from the box on the sofa table. He handed it over, watching me for a while, a frown wrinkling his forehead.
“What?” I finally asked.
“I know you and Em wanted me to stay because Will was still here.” He paused, gazing at the television without focus. “But now … Do you want me to leave?”
A half laugh, half sob escaped. I shook my head. “No. You definitely cannot leave us.”
Frustration tightened his jaw. “Why? Because I look like him? It’s just me now. He’s gone. You have to understand. Em has to understand. I can never be him.”
I glanced down at the ball of tissue in my hands, unwinding it to fold it over
and over again until it was a tiny square. I drew in a deep inhale. “I know, Rex. Even when you tried to be him, you couldn’t. Emma will tand. She loves you, you know. Not just because you look like him. She’ll understand …”
His lips thinned. The muscles in his jaw flexed, and he ran a hand down his rugged face. Tension and emotions swirled around him. He scanned the room before settling his attention back on me. “And you?”
My sad grin widened a little. “I’m getting there. But,” I pointed out, “only in a platonic way.”
He rolled his eyes. “Don’t have to kick me when I’m down.” But I knew he wasn’t serious. Rex was well aware I’d never have a thing for him, and I was pretty sure he was all bluster and would never have a thing for me either. “Speaking of … what the hell happened to Hank back at the station? I saw the sirens …”
I unwound the square and started working on folding it like the flag. “They came to take him home. Apparently they think he’s a traitor. But he’s not. They got it so wrong.”
“You really like him.”
I wasn’t sure if that was a question or a statement, but I answered anyway. I was answering Rex when I should’ve answered Hank when he’d asked me in Charbydon. “Yes. I really like him.” Him. Not what he was, but who he was. And now I wasn’t sure if I’d ever get the chance to tell him.
A gleam appeared in Rex’s eyes. “So when are we going into Elysia? We’ll probably be banned for life from Charbydon, might as well make it two for two.”
“We are not going anywhere.”
“But you are going after him.”
“Of course. I’ll have to talk to the chief, make plans.” And I desperately needed a few hours of sleep if I was going to be any help at all. “When I do go, I’ll need you to stay here with Emma. I won’t know how long it’ll take. And I don’t want to worry about her …” Rex’s blinding grin made me pause. “What are you smiling for?”
“Nothing.” He looked pleased as punch. “Just … you trust me.”
I blinked. “Well, I thought we’d established that a long time ago. Where have you been the last few months? Look, nothing has changed, Rex, except that Will won’t be coming back. I know what you’re made of. You’ve been with us all this time, from the beginning of all this … craziness. I trust you. I know you love my kid.”
