by Jerry Boyd
I replied, “Do you suppose they left it in as a fail safe?”
Nunya asked, “What do you mean?”
“Well, on my planet we’re just beginning to be able to build bots. Lots of people are worried they will take over, and humans will become extinct. If there was a simple flaw in the programming like this, if a bot went rogue, it would be fairly easy to stall it, and pull its power.”
“You think they left the flaw in as a way to shut the bots down, if they quit behaving the way they wanted them to?”
“I think it’s possible, but I don’t know enough to have a strong opinion, either way.”
“Why wouldn’t they just put limiters on them?”
“Limiters shut down more of a bots’ capabilities. Bots with limiters aren’t much use, compared to bots without.”
“If that’s true, why do the Galactics always put limiters on their bots?”
“A brave bot kept a father from beating his daughter. He decided no bots should be able to do that, so he got a law passed that all bots must have limiters.”
“You sound like you know this bot.”
“I do. I’ll introduce you in the morning if you’d like. She’s probably pretty busy right now.”
“Doing what?”
“Taking care of our resident genius. Somebody has to remind him to eat and sleep, he gets so wrapped up in his work.”
“I’ve seen Zoom do that. There are more people who get caught up like that?”
“Yep. Is anybody else getting tired?”
Nikki yawned. Nunya said, “Um, I, ah, I mean.”
Nikki asked, “Go ahead and ask, Honey. It can’t be that bad.”
“Zoom usually cuddles with me. I don’t know if I can sleep in a strange place, without her.”
I said, “You guys take the bed. I’ll sleep on the couch.”
“Are you sure? I could go back to the brig. Maybe Dad would let me cuddle.”
“Yes, I’m sure. You’ve had a rough day. You need your rest.”
I kissed Nikki, and they headed off to the bedroom. I got settled in, and then Snitz decided I needed to be cuddled, too. Soon enough, he was licking my ear. I pulled my uniform back on, and we headed out to his grass box. Ruth met us on the way, with a cup of coffee. She said, “I thought you would need this, Boss.”
“That I do. Thanks, Ruth. Have you heard from Topper this morning?”
“I have. He’s pretty bummed out. Said you gave him a job he couldn’t figure out.”
“I’ll get with him as soon as the coffee kicks in. Anything else I need to know this fine morning?”
“Not that I know of, Boss.”
“Thanks, Ruth.”
“Any time, Boss.”
Snitz got his issues dealt with, and I commed Gene. “Good morning, Captain.”
“Good morning, Gene. Can you tell me where Topper is?”
“Follow the red lights, sir.”
“Thanks.”
We found Topper’s ‘office’ fairly quickly. He said, “Sorry, Boss. I couldn’t get anywhere with that tapping. Whenever I get near it, I freeze up.”
“I was afraid of that. We’ll have to get some humans after it. Have you heard from Scottie this morning?”
“I haven’t. She was supposed to check in, but she missed it.”
“I better go make sure she hasn’t managed to get that signal running without being able to shut it off.”
“You want me to come along?”
“Don’t think so. One locked up bot will be bad enough.”
We found Scotti, with the rhythm on repeat. I shut it down, and she instantly came awake. It seemed like she was trying to tell me something, but no sound was coming out. I used sign to get across that she wasn’t making any noise. She said, “Hi, Boss. Sorry I gave you a fright.”
“Topper said you missed a check in.”
“Oh, I guess I did. I turned off all my peripherals to keep out that signal. Got my reminder clock by accident.”
“So, you’re not in distress?”
“No, Boss, other than confused as all get out why this is in our software. It’s not a bug. It was definitely put in as a feature.”
“Us sloppy organic types were thinking it might have been put in as a last-ditch effort to shut down a rogue bot.”
“There would be lots better ways to do that.”
“I didn’t say it made sense, just that it was all we could come up with.”
“It’s obviously there for a reason, but I don’t have a clue what it might be.”
“Would Gene have any records that might help?”
“He probably would. His history files are pretty thorough. Why didn’t I think of that?”
“Don’t know. Just one of those places where organic thinking is handy, I guess. We’re more used to having to ask for help.”
“I’ll look through his files and see what I can find. I’m reluctant to patch the vulnerability, until I know why it’s there in the first place.”
“Probably safer that way. Thanks for your hard work. I’d like for you to be present when we wake up your assistant, after breakfast, if you can work it into your schedule.”
“Shouldn’t be a problem. Everything is running as it should. We will be able to start moving wall sections down and installing them this afternoon.”
“Did you have any trouble matching the FTL drive for that derelict we found?”
“It had a couple of features I hadn’t seen before, but I ran some sims and figured it out. Topper helped, too. He’s more familiar with the current state of the art.”
“Sounds like you’ve got it under control. Any idea when it will be ready to put in?”
“Three days, probably. Then there’s tuning, that could take as much as three days by itself.”
“Sounds like you’ve got it handled. I should get out of your way and let you do your job.”
“No problem, Boss. It’s good to have another perspective on things. I wanted to thank you for letting me be part of the test crew for the new power core. The results so far are amazing.”
“You’re the best engineer we have with us. It would have been silly to leave you off the team.”
“I don’t know, Boss. Ozzie is pretty good.”
“I’m not going to argue with you about it. I’m going to go have breakfast. You and Ozzie can look in the catalog and order up a nice kit later.”
She froze for a second, looking for what I was talking about. “You’re silly, Boss. We don’t need a kit. We can print the parts in house.” I giggled, and Snitz and I went off to find some breakfast. Ruth greeted me when I got to the galley. “There you are. We thought you had gotten lost. We were going to ask Gene where you were.”
“Stop and talk to a couple of people, and you’re going to send out an expedition? I know how to ask Gene for a light trail if I get lost.”
I almost made it inside, before Greg hit me with the flying hug. I said, “Hey, Short Stuff. Where have you been? I haven’t seen you since we got here.”
“I’ve been helping Mom and Dad down on the planet. Mom is teaching me to do treehouse.”
“I think you mean triage, don’t you? Winding your Mom up before she’s had her coffee? You like to live dangerously, Short Stuff?”
“Oops, busted. You know all my tricks, Uncle Bob.”
I grabbed the collar of his uniform. “Not all of them. When did you learn to fly?” I picked him up and carried him back to the table. He said, “I wasn’t flying, Uncle Bob. You were carrying me.”
“I was? Are you sure?”
“Yep. And I got the wedgie to prove it.”
Dingus spoke up. “He’s got you now, Bob. He’s got evidence.”
“I suppose he does.” I sat down by Nikki. Ruth brought me a plate. “Thanks, Ruth. How are you this morning?”
She pointed at Nunya. “Scared of that one. The story of what she was able to do to the Micks is all over the ship.”
“I think you’ll be alright, as lo
ng as you keep her fed.”
“I hope you’re right, Boss.”
Nunya spoke up. “I wouldn’t hurt you, Ruth. You’re a very nice bot. I didn’t even hurt the Micks, I just slipped out while they were busy.”
“I suppose. Just in case, what’s your favorite dessert?”
“What’s a dessert?”
Nikki said, “Oh, you’re going to have fun with this one, Ruth.”
Nunya looked at me. “Should I be scared?”
“Nope. You’ll like it.”
I looked at John. “How are things coming down on the planet?”
“I’ve got a whole room full of autodocs going. We should have everyone who needs care seen by end of day tomorrow. They’re pretty excited about getting a better wall to protect the place.”
“Have you found any of them who want pilot training yet? I’m thinking we could leave them some fighters and attack bombers, and that would make life a lot easier for them.”
“I’ve been busy with other stuff, but I’ll try to remember to bring it up.”
“Oh, speaking of other stuff. You remember that side effect of the autodoc we tested out on the fellow from New Jersey?”
“You mean, curing thirst?”
“Exactly. Did you ever figure out for sure what the box did for him?”
“Not exactly, but he just needed a general going over. Pretty much anybody could go through that without bad effects. Why do you ask?”
“Nunya’s Pop has a pretty serious thirst. I was wondering if we could run him through, just to see if it would do him some good.”
“I could get him going before I head down to the planet, if you want. Between the medbots and the techs we’ve trained, I’m mostly just supervising now.”
“Let’s do that, then.”
Nunya spoke up. “He’s not gonna want to go in the box. He doesn’t think he has a problem.”
Nikki said, “That’s what stunners are for.”
Nunya said, “You folks don’t screw around, do you?”
Greg came out with the best John Wayne I ever heard out of a kid. “Why, no Ma’am, we don’t.”
John grinned from ear to ear. “That’s my boy!”
I said, “If you’re sticking around a little bit, you might as well meet Zoom when we wake her up.”
“Zoom? Who’s that?”
“You remember when we found those Loonies trying to scrounge some parts for their life support, and I said I’d like to meet the mechanic that put that ship together? That’s Zoom.”
Nunya said, “What do you mean, Loonies?”
“You’re from Luna, the Moon. That makes you Loonies. I didn’t mean anything about your mental horsepower, or lack thereunto, young lady.”
She looked at Nikki. “Thereunto? Are you sure this is the same guy?”
“Oh yeah. Every once in a while, the dumb hillbilly mask he wears to make people underestimate him slips.”
I finished my breakfast, and we headed out. On the way out the door, I asked Ruth, “Could you ask Scotti to meet us in the medbay in about ten minutes?”
“Sure thing, Boss.”
We took the transit to the brig. John asked, “When did you find this?”
“I didn’t. Scotti showed it to me. I think she was tired of waiting on me.”
Paddy was out front this morning. He stiffened when he saw Nunya. “Captain, Sir, we cannot be confident of keeping that one here. Please do not leave her in our care.”
“I’ll take her out with me when I leave. You shouldn’t feel like you let anyone down, Paddy. None of us knew about her little trick.”
“It was on my watch, Sir. I’m responsible.”
“Good attitude, but in this case, I don’t think it’s warranted.”
“Thank you, Sir.”
“Are there any cargo bots nearby? I’m thinking we’ll have to stun one of your prisoners, and I’d rather not carry him myself.”
“I’ll get one here for you, Sir.”
“Thanks.”
We went in, and Nunya said, “Hi, Dad. How are you?”
“Where you been, little girl?”
“Making new friends. They’d like to help you, if you’ll let them.”
“Don’t need no help, just need a little drink to get me going, is all.”
“They think they can fix it so you don’t need a drink in the morning.”
“Ain’t nothing wrong with a little toddy for the body.”
Dingus had worked his way around so he could catch this idiot when he fell. I zapped him, then I called out, “Paddy, we need that bot now, if you please.”
The biggest bot I had seen came in. “You’re a big, healthy fella, ain’t you? What do we call you?”
“I am AN-574, Sir.”
“How would you feel about a new designation?”
“I have heard about this. You give bots names instead of numbers. It sounds like a good thing. What will I be called?”
“AN-574, you said? How about Andre?”
“I like it. Is there a person I am named for?”
“A wrestler, Andre the Giant.”
He froze, looking up the reference. “I like this very much. Thank you, Sir.”
“You’re welcome. If you would, please pick up this fellow, and bring him along. Gently, please, we don’t want to damage him.”
When we got to the medbay, the men took Nunya’s Dad into one cubicle to put him into the autodoc, and the ladies went to wake up Zoom. John let the box run its diagnostic, and then set what he wanted it to do. He said, “He’ll be ready to come out about suppertime.”
“Good enough. Let’s just hope he doesn’t wake up thirsty.”
“Yes, Doctor Bob.”
“Come on, I figured out one little side effect of the box, and you’re going to keep giving me crap about it forever?”
“No, just till I can’t get a rise out of you anymore.”
I heard Nunya say, “Rizzum! You’re okay! I thought they killed you.”
“No, I’m fine. Look, they even fixed my uniform where the bullet went through.”
Scotti said, “If you’re going to work for me, you need good equipment.”
Zoom said, “Yes. Ma’am.”
“I studied your workmanship on the craft you flew in. I think we can do great things together.”
“Thank you. I’ll be ready to go to work shortly, I just have a few personal items to deal with, if I could.”
“Certainly. I’ll need your mind on the job, not on all the things you should have done before your shift.”
Zoom’s voice changed, and she asked, “Is your Dad doing okay? Did he take care of you?”
“I stayed with Captain and Mrs. Wilson. Mrs. Wilson cuddles almost as good as you.”
“That sounds fun.”
“Mostly. I can’t get the Captain to quit calling me Nunya.”
“Nunya? Oh, he asked your name, and you said, ‘Nunya Bizness’, and he won’t let you change your mind?”
“Yep.”
“How’s your Dad?”
“In the autodoc.”
“What happened?”
“The Captain thought it might help his drinking, and he didn’t want to go. The Captain stunned him and put him in anyway. He’s fast! Dad was falling before I even saw him move.”
They came wandering out through the curtains. Zoom said, “Morning, Captain.”
“Morning, Zoom. How’s your heinie?”
She turned around and gave it a shake. “You tell me.”
“Looks good as new from here. Sorry I had to shoot you, but you are stunner resistant.”
“Understandable. I wasn’t being any too reasonable at the time.”
“I guess some introductions are in order. Folks, this is Rizzum Mittus, known as Zoom, and her sidekick, Nunya Bizness. This fellow here is my business partner, John Branham. He’s head of Medical. This is Jane Branham, John’s wife and head nurse. She’s also deputy head of Security, so don’t cheek your pills. This fel
la, Greg, is their son. He’s the master of the flying hug. This is Steve Mason, our explosives expert, and a dang good machinist. Over here is Dingolus Slongum, head of Security. He goes by Dingus Sloan nowadays, because it looks more normal on Earth paperwork. Last, but most certainly not least, is Dingus’ Granddaughter, my wife Benikkious Wilson, who goes by Nikki. She’s head pilot, and Bob wrangler.”
Zoom said, “Nice to meet all of you. Sorry to be such a butthead before.”
Dingus said, “Young lady, you were doing what you thought you needed to do, to protect your ship and your people. You don’t need to apologize for that.”
“Wait, you’re the one got me from behind while the Captain kept me talking. You guys are all sneaky.”
Jane said, “Not just the guys.”
Zoom said, “I’m going to like it here. C’mon, Nunya, Scotti has work for us, I’m sure.”
Nunya replied, “Not you too! How do I get my old name back?”
Scotti said, “Some of us like being named by the Captain. I, for one, would not like to go back to being called ME-121.”
“That makes sense. I wouldn’t want to be called a string of numbers either, but ‘Nunya’? Just ‘cause I mouthed off before I even knew he was the Captain?”
Zoom said, “Actions have consequences, you know that. If he was really upset with you, he wouldn’t have let you stay in his cabin, now would he?”
“Well, no. Let’s talk about something else. Why do you have decorations on your arms, Scotti?”
“It is an homage to the lady I am named after, Scottie Chapman.”
They wandered off toward Engineering. Steve said, “That combination looks more dangerous than DK. Just add a little Frank, and Blooey!, everything we know about physics is obsolete.”
I replied, “You might be right about that, Steve. I bet it’s gonna be fun to watch.”
Nikki said, “Oh crap! He used the ‘F’ word. Murphy’s coming to breakfast.”
I replied, “Na, we already had breakfast. Set him a place at lunch.”
“Very funny, Caveman.”
“I have a hard time getting upset about the fact that people working for me are enjoying themselves and discovering new technology that will improve people’s lives. Is it going to make it interesting in the short term? Oh yeah. Will it be worth it in the long run? I’m almost positive it will be. Worrying about problems before we, at least, have some inkling of what they might be, is not going to do any good. I’m sorry if I made you think I’m not concerned.”
