“Cruz, you going to join us or keep daydreaming?” Coach B asks. I snap my attention to him as my teammates laugh.
“Sorry, Coach.”
“You showed up today. I know you’ve been worried about your arm, but you played like you were fearless. That’s what we need to see out there,” he says. “We have a bye next week, but we’re still practicing Monday through Thursday. You’re dismissed. Go have some fun but not too much fun,” he calls out as we file out of the room, all of us collectively buzzing.
“Jordan, can my girl bring her sorority sisters tonight?” Jarvis asks. “They’re all hot.”
“I can vouch for that,” Tucker adds.
“Then hell yeah, bring them,” Jordan says. He looks over at me. “You’re coming, right?”
“I wouldn’t miss it.”
“Is Jo coming?”
“I’m not sure.” I look at my phone again. “Maybe.”
“Bro, have you even talked to her? Told her how you feel?”
“No.” I purse my lips, regretting the night I was playing Madden with the guys and spilled my guts to them. It felt good at the time to get things off my chest to someone other than my brothers, but now I have a lot more than just two people pointing out the mistakes I’m making and it’s driving me crazy.
“You should.”
“You’re just saying that because you don’t want more competition with the chicks at school.” I glance over at him as he laughs.
“You’re not competition. You just happened to get to Jo first and I’m not a dick like Lawrence.”
His name makes my blood boil. It’s funny how we used to hang out and talk all the time and it all died the moment he turned around and went after Jo. Some would say I could also place the blame on her, but she didn’t know how I felt. Hell, I didn’t know how I felt. I knew I liked her, but in hindsight I don’t know that it would have made a difference back then. I’d just gotten here and I truly did want the college experience. I didn’t want to get in a relationship with the first girl I had a fling with. Now, years later, I haven’t had any kind of relationship with anyone and part of me wonders if it’s because of that night with Jo and another part of me thinks it’s just because it’s too easy to hook up with girls and be done, as opposed to being tied down and having a relationship dictate my every move. It doesn’t matter. I’m ready now. I just don’t know if she is. She just got out of a bad one and I don’t know if she’d want to jump into one with me. She specifically said no athletes and I’m in the thick of it. I say bye to my teammates and sit in my car for a moment to gather my thoughts, but before I can finish gathering them, my phone buzzes with a call from Maverick. I answer.
“Yoooooo,” he says loudly, and I can’t help but to smile. “What a game. That first touchdown? One-handed catch with two people all over you? Holy shit, that’s going to be all over ESPN!”
“It might be.” I chuckle, heart pounding at the thought. I’ve been featured before, but it never gets old.
“Come to the bar,” Mav says. “I’m here with Colson and Finn.”
“Jordan’s party is tonight. I need to shave and take a nap and hopefully eat a bowl of pasta,” I add after my stomach grumbles. I showered after the game, but I couldn’t shave and I can’t stand this weird stage my facial hair is in so I want to get rid of it.
“Dude, I’ll order you a bowl of spaghetti. Come on. You can nap after you eat.”
“Fine.” I exhale and hang up the call.
On the ride over, I wonder if Jo is still there or if she already went home. If she’s there, I’m going to be straight up with her and tell her I want her to go with me to the party. If she’s not, I’ll tell her at home. Either way, this ends tonight. I’m tired of hiding my feelings from her. I need to step up and tell her and be done with it. If she feels the same, it would be amazing. If she doesn’t, I can move on once and for all. When I park at the bar, I see her gold Celica and smile. She’s still here. I walk inside and spot my brother and his friends quickly, but as I’m walking over, I see Jo sitting in a corner table with Lawrence. I feel myself frown as I slide into the booth, facing her.
“What the fuck is going on over there?” I say, not even bothering greeting anyone.
“Oh.” Mav looks over his shoulder and back at me. I continue staring at Jo. “They’ve been having dinner for a while now.”
I shake my head, my jaw tensing. I swear I don’t understand this woman. I don’t understand why she continues to give Lawrence the time of day. What’s the point? I wish I could shake that into her, but it’s obvious she wouldn’t listen.
“Hi.” I glance back at my brother’s friends. “Sorry, I’m distracted.”
“Beer’s on me,” Finn says, smiling. “You earned it after that game.”
“Jagger Cruz.” At the sound of my name, I look up to see a man standing there with a smile on his face. “You played a heck of a game today.”
“Thank you, sir.” I smile.
“This bar was rooting for you, everyone hollerin’. I wish you could have seen us.”
“I appreciate that. It was definitely a good game to kick off the season with.”
“You keep playing like that. Keep up the good work.” He winks and walks away.
“You’re famous,” Colson says, showing me his phone. “You’re all over Bleacher Report and ESPN right now.”
“You’re going to go pro,” Finn adds. “I mean, most definitely going pro.”
“No shit he’s going pro,” Mav says, pride filling his voice. “Wait till the season is over and the agents start calling.”
On that note, my gaze swings back to Jo and Lawrence. I can’t see much from here, but I do see his hand on hers and it makes my blood boil. Is she thinking about taking him back? After everything? What would I do if she did? I’d have to move out. No question about it. They stand up and walk toward the back exit together, his hand on her shoulder. I ball my fists and stand up, but before I can take a step in that direction, Mav is in front of me, pressing a hand on my chest.
“Let her go.” His voice is low, but clear, and I’m forced to look into his dark brown eyes. “Let it go, Jag. She’s choosing to go with him. If she didn’t want to, she’d tell him to fuck off and leave.”
I swallow. It feels like there’s a brick in my throat, but I try to focus on regaining control of myself.
“This is your last season. You can’t risk it because of an asshole like Lawrence.”
I shut my eyes briefly. I would risk it for her, but my brother’s right, if she didn’t want to leave with him, she wouldn’t have. If she minded him touching her, she’d say so. I think that’s what kills me the most. After everything, she’d still choose him.
“Why don’t you stay at my place?” Mav asks. “That way you can both have some space.”
I nod, still not trusting myself to speak. Then, I get shit-faced. Then, I let my brother drive me to Jordan’s party and that’s the last thing I remember about that night.
Chapter Thirty-One
Jo
I’m laughing at Marissa’s portrayal of the latest Grey’s Anatomy episode when Misty walks into the bar, stomping over like a woman on a mission.
“What happened to you?” I turn to her. Marissa does as well. Misty is seething.
“Did you see the video of Jagger?” Misty asks.
“On ESPN? Yeah,” I breathe out. “It was beyond impressive, honestly. Why?”
“I’m not talking about ESPN.” She rounds the bar and stands beside us, practically shoving her phone in my face. “This.”
I take the phone and look at the paused video on the screen of her phone. I click play and see it come to life, loud music, dim lights, a girl straddling a guy on a couch. She’s dancing to the music, but they’re clearly making out, his hands gripping her ass. My pulse starts to quicken, then slow way down, as if time itself may pause just for this feeling to fully envelop me. The person holding the cell phone moves to the side and starts saying Jagger�
�s name. The woman on top of him pulls away slightly and sticks her tongue out to the camera. Jagger also looks, no smile, no laugh, just looks straight into the camera. He looks beyond drunk. I’ve never seen him that way. My stomach squeezes. I set my hands over it suddenly regretting the greasy breakfast I had this morning. I’m going to be sick. I won’t throw up. I know myself, but still, the feeling sits in my stomach.
“This was last night?” I whisper.
“Jordan’s party.”
“Were you there?” I look at my sister. She nods, her eyes filled with pain, but not nearly as much as what I’m feeling.
“Wow,” I whisper, walking away to hold on to the counter. “Just. Wow.”
“I’m sorry,” Misty says. “I know you said casual, but, still, I’m sorry.”
“Did he . . . did they . . . ”
“I don’t know.” Misty bites her lip. “They went upstairs together shortly after I saw them.”
“God.” Tears burn my eyes, and even though I want to be the bigger person and not cry over this, I can’t help it. It hurts so much.
“Did you break it off with him?” Marissa asks softly, standing beside me on one side as my sister stands on the other.
“No.” I shake my head. “I mean, we haven’t hooked up since last weekend, but he’s been busy and I’ve been . . . I was just . . . I don’t know.” The tears start falling. My sister hugs me with one arm.
“I’m so sorry, Jo.”
“Why does this keep happening?” I whisper. “What is wrong with me?”
“Nothing.” She pulls away and holds my arms. “Nothing is wrong with you. They’re the ones losing out here. Look at me, Josephine.” I lift my head up and look at my sister through blurry eyes. “His fuckup has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with him and his own insecurities. Do you understand that?”
I nod, swallowing past the knot in my throat, and wrap my arms around her as I start to cry again. What I had with Jagger was casual, we said that from the beginning, but when I replay what I saw in that video I feel like I’m being ripped apart inside. What Lawrence did hurt and hurt even more because he cheated with Crystal, who I thought was my friend. When I realized he’d cheated multiple times with different women, I felt like crap and while I wondered what was wrong with me, it didn’t feel like this. Maybe it’s because it happened with back-to-back guys. Maybe it’s because I trusted Jagger in a way I didn’t trust Lawrence, because Jagger was vocal about his disgust for cheating, because I know Jagger’s parents and know they raised him better than this.
“Maybe he thought you weren’t serious about him?” Marissa asks, her voice still soft. “Maybe you can still work this out.”
“We agreed to not sleep with other people.” I wipe my tears and take a deep breath as I pull back from my sister and let go. “But I guess we were done.” I take another really deep breath. It felt like we may have been done when I saw him earlier, and when he didn’t make it a point to talk to me this week, but I didn’t expect to find out like this.
“Do you want me to finish up here? I can get Patrick to come in,” Marissa says.
“I’m fine.” I shake my head. “Thank you.”
“Come to my apartment,” Misty says. “After work, come straight to my place. I’ll go get some of your things while you’re here so you don’t even have to see him for now.”
I nod gratefully and let my sister do this for me. I hate asking for help, but I’m tired of feeling alone.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Jo
Instead of cleaning Dad’s practice after hours, I manage to convince him to let me go in at five in the morning. It’s either that or risk running into Jagger and I just can’t right now. When I’m leaving, feeling spent from the lack of sleep and the early cleaning, I turn the key to turn on my car and am met with a stalling sound. Again, I turn the key, and again, the car sounds like it’s having a coughing fit. I bang my head against the headrest. Of course. Of course the car would break down on me now. I scroll through my phone, trying to figure out who to call. I finally settle on my mom. Dad’s in surgery today, otherwise, I’d wait for him. Misty’s probably getting ready for class. Mom’s probably getting out of her morning Pilates class, which is the main reason I know she’ll be able to make it here the fastest. When she pulls up, parking her G Wagon beside me, I break down in tears. It’s the exhaustion. I know it is, but still.
“Oh, sweetie.” Mom runs over and wraps her arms around me. “I didn’t know this car would give you this many problems.”
“It’s the first time it happened.” I wipe my tears. “I’m just tired.”
“You worked a late shift last night,” she says, pulling away to take her phone out and call AAA.
I realize I could have done it myself, but it doesn’t matter. I don’t want to be alone anyway. Once she’s done on the phone, she tells me to get in her car and we start driving.
“What’s wrong?” she asks. “Don’t tell me it’s just exhaustion. I can see that something else is wrong.”
“Nothing.” I lean my head against the window. “I really am just tired.”
I’m tired and tired of the bullshit.
She’s quiet for a moment. “Why don’t you stay over on Thursday so we can get an early start on our trip?”
“I don’t think I want to go.” I glance over at her.
“You’re going.” She shoots me a look. “I told you to tell me with time, so now you have to go. You need to learn that your words mean something and when you say you’re going to do something you need to follow through.”
“Fine. I’ll go.” I cross my arms, feeling like the child she sees me as.
“Where do I take you?” she asks suddenly. “Home? Campus?”
“Oh.” I sit up straight. “Campus.”
“I can’t believe you haven’t invited me over.”
“Mom, we haven’t even been on speaking terms.”
“Until you need something.” She shoots me another look.
“Well, I’m so sorry for inconveniencing you today, Mother. I’ll note not to call you next time.” I lean against the headrest and close my eyes.
“I didn’t mean for you to take it like that,” she says quietly. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine.” I open my eyes and look at her, hating the sting I feel in them. “I just wish you guys would have given me some credit.”
“Credit for what, Josephine? What you did was reckless. You could have gotten yourself killed.” She has tears in her eyes when she finishes that sentence. “I would die if something happened to you, and that is not hyperbole. You’re my daughter and one of my best friends. I cannot, will not, live this life without you in it, so excuse me if I felt like I needed to teach you a lesson.”
I swallow the lump in my throat and look away, wiping my tears, but they don’t stop. At all. Before I know it, I’m full-on bawling in my mom’s car and I really don’t understand why. Maybe it’s the release I needed after holding in all of my emotions. Maybe it’s her words that really got me. I don’t know, but I can’t stop crying. My mom pulls over on the side of the highway, the car shaking slightly as cars zip by us. She throws her arms around me and pulls me to her, and I cry onto her slender shoulder.
“Why don’t we go home and I make you a cup of tea?” Mom says against my hair. “Skip class for the day.”
I pull away, wide-eyed. “The Dean of Education is giving me permission to skip class?”
“Don’t be a brat.” She laughs, wiping my tears. “I’m going to call Larsa and let her know I’m going to be in late today and you, young lady, are going to stay at home until we leave for Asheville.”
The look she gives me leaves little room to argue, and to be honest, I don’t want to. I’m not big on asking for help, but I’d be an idiot to turn down my mother’s warmth when I need it most. When we get to her house, she makes good on her promise and makes us tea as she speaks to the people picking up my car from Dad’s practice. She
sets a mug in front of me and sits down across from me with a sigh.
“So, what’s going on with you?”
“Not much.” I smile, picking up the mug shakily and taking a sip before setting it down and looking up at her. “I need to tell you something.”
“I’m listening.” She sets her mug down as well.
“I didn’t crash Dad’s car.”
“What are you talking about, Josephine?” She searches my eyes.
“Lawrence crashed the car that night.” I bite my lip.
“But you were drunk. They did a breathalyzer.”
“I was drunk, but I wasn’t driving drunk.”
“Was Lawrence drunk?”
“No. It’s why he was driving.” I look down at my mug.
“Why wouldn’t you tell us this? Why would you take the fall for it?” She’s shaking her head as if trying to understand something that I can barely wrap my head around some days.
“Lawrence has a bright future—”
“So do you,” Mom says, interrupting me. “Thank God your father and I could afford a good lawyer and were able to sweep this under the rug, but do you think anyone in your situation would be afforded that luxury? And what if we hadn’t been able to actually pull it off? You’d have that on your permanent record for life. That’s a big deal, Jo. Your future could have easily been jeopardized because of that boy.”
The Heartbreaker Page 16
