by Lea Coll
“Sure.”
“Walks in the park?”
“Uh huh.”
“Orgasms?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking. It had been over two years for me and I was getting tired of my vibrator. I was mainly joking, but if he said yes, I could be persuaded. I’d never denied being physically attracted to him. I knew with our chemistry the sex would be off the charts. He was quiet and a little shy socially but he was always confident when we were alone. I couldn’t help think of how he’d be in bed.
He didn’t answer.
Had I gone too far? I lifted my head from his chest and pulled back to see his face. “I was totally joking. Obviously there’d be no orgasms. Fake orgasms—yes. Real—no.”
“Stop saying orgasms.” He kept his eyes trained above my head.
I looked at his cheeks which had turned pink. “Are you embarrassed?” It wouldn’t be the first crazy thing I’d said in public that embarrassed someone. Maybe I was talking too loud.
Then he used the hand on my back to pull me tight against him so I could feel his erection. “Sawyer,” I practically groaned shocked I’d had this impact on him. His hand drifted lower until his pinky finger rested over the swell of my ass. If he hadn’t before, he now knew I was bare under this dress.
“Your pretty red lips keep saying that word, your perky breasts are ready to pop out of that dress, and I’m almost positive you aren’t wearing panties.” His hand stroked dangerously lower over my ass. “You’re driving me crazy. So unless you want me to pick you up and carry you out of here to show you how you affect me, stop talking about sex.”
I was speechless probably for the first time ever. He’d noticed my lips, my breasts? My face felt hot knowing he could see straight down my dress since he was looking down on me. And I thought I was the only one who felt this hunger between us. “You would do that?” I whispered.
“What? Carry you out of here?”
“Yeah.” I licked my lips at the thought.
“I would.”
I snickered. “Who knew you were such a dirty talker? I’m always attracted to the confident guys when it’s the shy ones who have all the moves.”
“Don’t tell anyone. I have to keep up the stuffy professor image until I make tenure.”
“Gotcha. My lips are sealed.” Suddenly restless with the feel of his erection against my stomach, I asked, “How far are you willing to take this fake girlfriend thing?”
“We’ll pretend to be together. We’ll tell our friends we’re dating. Make sure we’re seen around campus and at campus events. They don’t like to give tenure to people like Owen who aren’t from here and could leave. They put a lot of money and effort into each professor, so it helps if you’re local and settled.”
I’d do it even if it killed me. Despite my exes cheating on me, I knew without a doubt, fake-dating this guy had the potential to destroy me. There’d be no coming back from it but maybe it was worth it.
SUNDAY AFTERNOON, I USED THE stone archway entry to the Chestertown Public Library’s new garden for our first class with Ms. Gladys. I followed the stone path past the large water fountain and around the rows of flowers until I saw the chalkboard tripod sign which read: Fairy Garden class for girls ages six and over. All girls. I wondered how Sawyer was going to handle that.
Sawyer made a beeline for me, hurrying past the table where Ms. Gladys was lining up small cardboard boxes. “Did you see this was a fairy class?”
I laughed. “No. But it’s perfect.”
“How’s that?”
“I can’t wait to see you helping little girls build fairy houses. This is going to be so much fun.”
“You’re in big trouble for this.” But his lips twitched and he didn’t look annoyed.
“Hey! I’m helping you out. Aren’t you my fake boyfriend?” I allowed my eyes to travel down his biceps bursting out of the sleeves of his aqua polo shirt, his khaki shorts, and sandals. Licking my lips, I said, “Shouldn’t we greet each other accordingly?”
“Good morning,” he said, low and husky. He cupped the back of my head pulling me into his body for a few seconds, before placing a light kiss on my forehead. “We don’t want to give Ms. Gladys a heart attack.” Then he winked.
A kiss on the forehead was not what I had in mind but maybe it was for the best. This wasn’t the best time to explore Sawyer like I wanted to.
“I knew you two would make the perfect couple,” Ms. Gladys said as we stepped away from each other and I tore my eyes from his.
I’d completely forgotten about her initial matchmaking attempt. Now she was going to think this was all her doing. “Oh well, It’s new.”
She clapped her hands together. “I just knew it. Now help me with these fairy house supplies.”
“What are we doing today, Ms. Gladys?” I asked, looking at the twigs, leaves, and rocks, which were strewn over the table.
“The girls are going to make fairy houses and then we’ll plant a flower in the pots to take home. If you could organize the materials I gathered into the boxes.” She pointed at the cardboard boxes lined up in front of the table. “And that will clear the table so we can set up the flower seeds, soil, and pots for the second activity.”
“Everything has to be prince or fairy themed. At least that’s what the library director suggested. Or unicorn.” She shook her head. “When I was a girl I could appreciate the flowers. I didn’t need all of this themed stuff.”
I nodded. My mom certainly hadn’t bothered with this level of detail, if she did at all.
Just then a few girls with their parents wandered through the gates.
“Are you here for the fairy class?” I asked them.
“Yes,” one girl said softly. She wore rainbow-colored glasses, a pink and white striped dress with a blue ribbon tied around her waist, and her blond hair hung to her waist.
“What’s your name?” I asked her.
“Charlotte.”
“Nice to meet you, Charlotte.” Then I addressed the parents. “We will be forty-five minutes and you can pick them up here.” The parents waved as they exited. I asked the other children’s names and had them write them on a name tag.
Ms. Gladys directed the girls when I was finished. “Have a seat on the tree stumps over there and we’ll get started in a few minutes once everyone arrives.”
Sawyer and I worked on setting up the second activity while Ms. Gladys spoke to the girls about seeds, sunlight, water, and how they attract bees and butterflies.
When it was time to organize the group to create the fairy houses, Ms. Gladys said to us, “When the fairy houses are done we’ll create a scavenger hunt sheet for others when they visit the garden.”
“I have a feeling we’ll be creating the scavenger hunt worksheet,” Sawyer whispered in my ear.
“She did ask for our help.”
“I don’t mind. I think this is great. Good to keep her active and to create an interest in gardening in the kids,” Sawyer said.
That’s exactly what I thought, and I was enjoying this extra time with Sawyer. He was keeping to his word to make our relationship appear real in public. Every time he passed me he’d place a light touch on my hip or shoulder, it was possessive, yet sweet.
When the girls gathered their materials to create fairy houses we walked around, seeing if anyone needed help. While I helped Charlotte find the perfect spot for her fairy house, I watched how adorable Sawyer was as he helped Charlotte’s younger sister, Emma-Lynne, place small sticks for walls and suggest a large leaf as the roof.
My phone buzzed in my pocket but I ignored it. “Why don’t we build your fairy house under this tomato plant? It will get larger and create wonderful shade for your fairies,” I told Charlotte.
“Good idea,” Charlotte said finally placing her bundle of building materials down in the tomato bed.
When my phone buzzed again, I pulled it out to see it was my dad calling. I sighed so loud, I felt Sawyer’s gaze on me. “I’m sorry.” I said to
Charlotte, “I have to take this call from my dad. Ask Sawyer for help if you need it.”
I smiled at Sawyer before unlocking my phone and answering it. “Hey, Dad.”
“Stella, where have you been? Your mother needs you.” I wanted to rub my temples to soothe the headache which had formed when I saw it was him calling. It was always the same.
I walked toward the entryway for privacy. I did not want to have this conversation in front of Sawyer or the children. “She doesn’t need me, dad. She’s a grown woman,” I hissed quietly.
“It’s your duty as a daughter to take care of her.”
Outside the garden, I leaned on the stone wall which surrounded the garden, my shoulders hunched as I turned away from the gate to talk in a low voice. “It’s not. I have a job, a life. I can’t help her. Believe me, I’ve tried.” If my dad wasn’t on board to get her professional help then she wouldn’t go along with my suggestions either.
“I can’t do this.” His voice sounded worn down and tired.
My natural inclination was to help because that’s what I used to do, but I needed to maintain my boundaries or I’d get sucked back into their lives. It was healthier for me if I stayed away. “I know. Have you gotten her to a doctor?” This was always the struggle with my parents. Neither would make that step to see a doctor.
“She won’t go. I tried.”
“You did?” This was news to me. Never, in all of the years I’d been dealing with this, had my father ever helped me convince her to see someone. He’d taken her lead when she’d insisted she was just sad and tired. If she could just get enough sleep, she’d feel better. But if he’d changed his mind and was willing to get her help then this time could be different. “Maybe we could meet and talk about our options? And I could talk to Dr. Hirsch about it at my next session. Maybe she would have some resources that would help.” My dad was aware I saw a therapist but he thought it was for issues with my mother not my ex-boyfriends. He had enough on his plate without adding my issues.
He sighed. “Yes, sounds good.”
I turned back to the garden, noticing Sawyer standing in the entryway watching me, concern etched on his face. “Okay, but dad? I have to go. I’m helping Ms. Gladys teach a library class.”
“Okay. Let me know when you can get together.”
“I will. Bye.” I placed the phone back into my pocket, praying Sawyer wouldn’t ask any questions. “Sorry about that. You need help?” I started to brush past him, but he stopped me with a hand on my arm.
“Is everything okay?”
The move brought me flush against his front, concern emanating from his eyes. “Just family stuff. You know how they are.” I shrugged.
His lips were drawn into a straight line but he nodded, letting go of my arm.
I wondered if he’d understand if I told him the truth. Then I immediately rejected that idea. He and Luke had probably had the perfect childhood. What could he understand about a mom so selfish she couldn’t get out of bed? And you couldn’t call her selfish or feel slighted because she had a medically diagnosable condition. It was an impossible situation.
I pasted a smile on as I approached Ms. Gladys.
“I think we’re ready for the potted flowers now,” Ms. Gladys said.
“Okay, I’ll round everyone up.” Being loud came in handy. “Girls, finish up your fairy houses and have a seat at the tables so we can work on the next project.”
I forced myself to help the girls decorate their pots and plant their seeds. My family wasn’t going to ruin this moment and I wasn’t going to let Sawyer see how my dad’s phone call affected me. I helped them gather their pots to take home and cleaned up the mess left behind with the soil and water.
“You think you’ll do more classes?” I asked Ms. Gladys after all of the children had left.
“Definitely. This was full, so we added a few more Sunday afternoons to the calendar. I hope you and Sawyer can make it.”
“Sure.” I needed to prepare my course and meet with my dad to discuss my mother’s health, but I could use a distraction.
“Well, that’s everything, I’m going to go home and have a nice glass of lemonade. You two enjoy your afternoon.”
I almost said we weren’t doing anything. That we weren’t together before I remembered that we were supposed to be dating. “We will. Enjoy the rest of your day.”
Sawyer wrapped up the hose he’d used to clean the soil from the pavers and turned the water off. “You ready?”
“For?” What would we do if we were dating? Dinner, movie, and sex before bed? With that thought, the image of him naked, lying on top of me had me swallowing hard. The more time I spent with him the more I wanted something real and tangible.
He grabbed my hand, interlacing our fingers, as he fell in step beside me. “An early dinner, of course. We’re supposed to be dating, remember?”
“Okay.” His large palm felt warm in mine and lightness spread through my body as I allowed myself the delusion that this was my life.
“Want to go to The Fish House? We can sit on the outside deck.”
“Yeah.” It sounded nice. Nicer than my last date. We walked because the waterfront was only a few blocks away. We followed the hostess through the restaurant to the door leading to the back deck, which overlooked the boats and the water.
After we ordered, I looked over the water at the boats coming in for the day. “This was a good idea. It’s beautiful here.”
“Yeah, it’s important that everyone sees us together.” When my eyes shot to his, he added, “You know, so it’s believable.”
“Of course.” It was a great reminder that this wasn’t a date or even two friends eating dinner. It was a show. Well, I was used to putting on a show. “This is so romantic.”
He looked at me in surprise.
“This is for show right?” I asked, my heart rate picking up a little as I confronted him.
He shifted in his chair leaning his elbows on the table. “Well, I think we can be real while we spend time together.”
“Can we?” I didn’t ask what happens when this became too real for one of us.
The hostess placed ice waters with lemon in front of us before leaving without a word.
“I’d like to think so. I like you, Stella.”
As what—a friend? “I’m a lovable person.” I joked. “People can’t help but fall in love with me.”
Sawyer winked. “I’ll have to take my chances.”
I think I stopped breathing when he winked. Was Sawyer flirting? This man who didn’t think he was social or great with women? “I think you’re better with women than you let on.” I felt my face heat and I didn’t want him to notice the effect he had on me, so I diverted my attention to the sugar packets in their dish.
My mind drifted to that phone call with my father and the issues that awaited me. My family life had certainly affected me and I was curious if Sawyer’s personality was a result of his upbringing. “What was it like growing up in the Hudson household?”
“Pretty normal. Luke was the athlete, popular, friends with everyone. I was smart, which surprised my parents. They were farmers—never attended college. It was like they didn’t know what to do with me, but they supported me. When Luke went to college first he paved the way for me. But I liked to stay home reading, tinkering with computers, not socializing like Luke.”
“So, you had a happy childhood?” I tried not to be envious that his childhood issue was being too smart for his parents.
“Yeah, I’d say so. No lingering childhood trauma. How about you?”
I was not ready to tell Sawyer about my mother. Not the reality anyway, but I could tell him a piece of the truth. “I have an older sister, Lindsey, who’s pretty self-absorbed. She moved to Salisbury and we don’t hear from her much. My parents keep to themselves, still work the farm.”
“What will you do when they can’t do it anymore?”
“My father has been managing everything on his own for so lo
ng, I hadn’t thought about what would happen when he can’t do it anymore.”
“My parents retired early and moved to Florida.”
“Good for them.” My mom couldn’t even get out of bed much less move across the country to enjoy life in retirement.
Our food arrived and I dug right into the tropical seafood salad, which was delicious. “Can’t go wrong with seafood and fruit.”
“May I try a shrimp?” he asked, his eyes on my plate.
“Sure.” I speared one of the shrimp with my fork and held it to his mouth. I was barely able to breathe as I waited for his lips to surround the fork. I pulled my fork from him and cleared my throat. “It’s good, right?”
His eyes darkened from the intimate moment and I couldn’t take my gaze from his. Swallowing, he said quietly, “It is.”
I felt like something passed between us in that moment. That we both realized there was more than just chemistry between us.
We ate and talked about our friends and whether there would be any weddings soon, as the outside eating area started to fill up with the dinner crowd. When we were done, Sawyer asked for the check. No lingering over dinner or dessert. I made a move to pay for my half of dinner, but Sawyer shook his head.
“I should pay. It’s not a real date,” I practically hissed.
“No, I pay when we go out. I appreciate the offer, though.”
He stood and held his hand out for me when he’d paid the bill and we made our way through the maze of chairs down the deck steps and around the building. “This feels nice.”
“It does.” It was a beautiful spring evening. A lot of people were out for walks at the waterfront and getting dinner. Tourists would start coming more and more, especially for the Memorial Day Festival. My job would get busier, which was something I always enjoyed. I loved meeting new people.
When we arrived at my car, he backed me up until my back rested against my SUV. Between the dinner and now, this had seemed like a real date, and if it was, I’d wonder if he was going to kiss me. His body from chest to knee pressed against mine. This couldn’t just be for show. I almost whimpered, my hands went around his neck as I pulled him even closer. Was he going to kiss me?
