Robot Adept

by Piers Anthony

  “Oh—either side of the—”

  “Aye. The major functions be set close together, for convenience.”

  “I recognize it now; I have seen anatomical illustrations. I made surface emulations, with only the aperture required for the sexual congress. On Proton, I mean. I suppose the others are functional now. I should have realized.”

  “It be hard at first to learn the nuances o’ a new form,” Suchevane agreed. “I had trouble learning the human way, when I had practiced only the bat way as a cub. Now there be muscles here, and thou dost normally keep them tight, but now thou must let them relax. See, when I do, it comes out.” A stream of yellow liquid jetted from her, down into the darkness below the hole.

  “Let me see, that muscle should be about here,” Agape said, lifting her own cloak and touching her body. “If I relax it—oops!”

  Suchevane leaped from the hole, put her hands on Agape’s shoulders, and swung her around and down on it. Liquid splashed on the board. “Thou hast it now!”

  “But there is substance in the other—”

  “Let that out too! This be the place for all o’ it.”

  Agape let it all out, and her body felt much relieved. Then the vampire showed her how to use paper to clean herself up, and how to wash where necessary. The process took some time, but now she had learned what she needed to. She would be able to handle it herself in the future.

  Suchevane also showed her how to change forms from human to flying, and back. There were a number of misstarts, but when Agape finally got it straight, she realized that she could have done this at any time, had she only known how. It was a matter of concentrating on the right form in the right way: a talent which, once learned, she knew she would never forget, as with the elimination. Now she could change freely from girl to hummingbird, and from birdform to girlform, as Suchevane put it.

  But flying was more complicated. Agape could flap her wings, but this only resulted in disaster. They decided to leave this aspect for another day.

  Suchevane went home, and Agape settled down to another big meal. Trool joined her, at her request; she realized that he was not a busy man, but a creature with time on his hands, and lonely.

  “If I may say something personal…” she said between mouthfuls.

  “Speak, Agape,” he said. “It has been long since I have had company o’ any kind, other than momentary business.”

  “I think that if you were to ask Suchevane to stay here, she would.”

  He grimaced, and on him this was a phenomenally grotesque expression. “Aye, and so would any animal! I crave that kind o’ company not!”

  “Because you are an Adept?”

  “Adepts be the leaders o’ Phaze,” he explained. “Each has his mode o’ magic, but each has power o’er any other creature. This power be easy to abuse, and I mean not to do that. I would not take a woman, human or animal, because she feared my power—and that be the only way a woman would come to me.”

  “I think she might come voluntarily.”

  “Aye, she would say that. But fear be the motivator, not preference. Look at me.” He spread his arms, his left hand holding a plumb. “I be ugliest o’ all Adepts, and unversed in manners. I deceive not myself on this.”

  Indeed, he spoke truly! He was catastrophically ugly, considered as a man. But not completely. “You are ugly in appearance,” she agreed carefully. “But not in manner, and I think not in intent. Some women appreciate those other qualities.”

  He shrugged. “So it would be nice to believe.”

  She realized that further pursuit of this subject would be pointless. Any overture would have to come from the other side. So she dropped it, and worked on her eating, and her elimination, and her form-changing, and grew steadily stronger and more talented in her use of this body.

  Suchevane came daily to help her, and soon she mastered the intricate balancing and motions of flying, and was able to use this form too as it was made to be used. But she could not assume the unicorn form; neither the vampire-girl nor the Red Adept could tell her the way of that.

  She realized that somewhere along the way her doubt had faded. She now knew that this was Phaze—and that she was in love with Phaze, as she was with Bane. So many of its folk had been kind to her, in such understanding ways.

  “Thou’rt recovered,” Trool informed her in due course. “Thou canst now go thy way. What dost thou seek?”

  “I have found what I sought,” Agape told him. “I was in doubt whether this was really Phaze; now I know it is. Now I can return to Bane.”

  “Dost know his location?”

  She shook her head. “No.”

  “Mayhap thou shouldst go to the Blue Demesnes; he will surely be there soon or late.”

  “Yes. I would like to meet his folks.”

  “They be a piece distant from here. Best that thou not go alone.”

  Agape now appreciated the wisdom of such advice! “I might fly, if Suchevane were willing to fly with me.”

  “Aye, that seems best. There be a matter thou shouldst know: the Adverse Adepts be looking for thee.”

  “They are? Why?”

  “We know not. But it be known that Mach and Fleta took sanctuary with Translucent, which gives the Adverse Adepts half o’ what they need to establish contact between the frames, to their advantage. An they discover that now Bane and Agape be here, they might wish to offer further sanctuary.”

  “But we support the existing order!” Agape protested.

  “Aye. Therefore it be a stalemate, till Mach return to us or Bane join the Adverse Adepts. If they possessed control o’ thee, that might be a lever ‘gainst Bane.”

  “That’s why I was leaving Proton!” she cried. “The Contrary Citizens were after me! We were hiding when Bane and Mach exchanged back—only Fleta and I exchanged too!”

  “Aye. Stile noted that the imbalance is abating not, and knew that either the boys had exchanged not, or that other had exchanged. Bane went to him and proved his identity, so then it was known. Now the Adverse Adepts be searching, and we think this be their likely reason.”

  “I must exchange back, and get away from Proton!” Agape exclaimed. “But I can’t do it by myself! I think that only with Bane, and with Mach and Fleta together—”

  “Aye. But methinks the Adepts be watching. They cannot molest thee here, and I think know not thy location, for Fleta’s friends would not tell. But they may intercept any unusual traveling. Therefore, let me give thee an amulet thou canst invoke at need, to protect thee from revelation o’ thine identity, and mayhap from molestation an it be suspected.” He went to a cabinet and brought out a fine silver chain with a small foggy stone.

  Agape accepted it. “This—how do I—”

  “Merely hold it and say ‘I invoke thee’ and it will mask thine identity. No one will know thy nature. But use it not except at need; it be an unpretty spell, and it wears off not swiftly.”

  She remembered Bane’s warning about his spell of undetectability. This seemed similar. Indeed, she would not use it unless she had to! “Thank you, Adept. I appreciate all you have done for me.”

  “Thou hast been good company,” he said deprecatingly.

  He was also a good person, she knew. She resolved to do him a singular favor, when the occasion presented itself.

  Suchevane readily agreed to travel with her. The two changed to their flying forms and set out, heading southwest toward the Blue Demesnes. Agape’s practice and restored health stood her in good stead; she now flew well and swiftly.

  But a hummingbird was no hawk, and a bat was no dragon. They were unable to make the full distance in one day, and had to descend, to revert to human form and eat and rest for the night. They could have remained in their winged forms, but these were relatively small and weak, and it seemed safer to assume the more massive human forms for sleeping. They landed in an oasis, a clump of trees near a spring, and plucked fruit for their supper.

  “I thought vampires ate human blood,�
�� Agape remarked.

  “Nay, not ordinarily,” the girl demurred. “Only for special occasions, such as the onset o’ flying. Then we seek not human beings, but animals o’ the unintelligent variety.”

  “Something I’ve been meaning to tell you,” Agape said. “Trool thinks that no attractive woman would associate with him voluntarily, and he doesn’t care for anything involuntary. If you were to ask him—”

  “Ask an Adept?” Suchevane exclaimed. “I would not presume!”

  “You do like him?”

  “Aye. But that has no bearing.”

  “You showed me how to do the things I need to do to survive,” Agape said firmly. “Now let me show you how to do this. You must find a pretext to approach him, and then say, ‘Adept, I would stay with thee and be thy companion, an thou not be offended.’ I tell you, he will not be offended.”

  “But I could ne’er—”

  “I couldn’t fly, either.”

  Suchevane paused. “Thou really dost think—?”

  “I don’t think, I know. If he expresses doubt, tell him that you came to him because you have come to know him and respect him, and would like to share his life until he finds some better woman. I assure you, he will not find that, or even look for it. But if he declines your company, what have you lost? How can it be wrong to speak honestly of your desire? I am an alien, but I do not think the way of the folk of this planet differs that much from that of mine.”

  “Thou dost make it sound so easy!” Suchevane said. “But he be an Adept, and I an animal!”

  “He is also a lonely old troll, and a decent person. He helped me substantially, and now I would like to help him—by sending him something I know he would really like. You.”

  Suchevane stared into the closing night. “I cannot believe—”

  “I couldn’t believe this was Phaze, either. But now I do, for I have come to know it. Reality is similarly waiting for you, if you care to grasp it—and it would be a shame not to. You risk only a little pride, and stand to gain so much.”

  The woman’s face turned toward her. “I think now I see how Bane came to love an alien creature.”

  “Alien creatures can love, too.”

  “Aye, aye! They can! And animals too!”

  “And animals too,” Agape agreed. “And trolls.”

  Then they leaned into each other, and hugged each other, and wept together.

  Agape woke to discover herself enmeshed. Lines were closing around her, and suddenly there was yelling and scrambling, and weight on her as something small and awful pounced. Earth-smelling hands clamped on her head, and more of them clamped on her breasts. “Got her! Got her!” someone screamed, almost in her ear. “Get the other!”

  Agape tried to change to hummingbird form, but couldn’t. The transformation spell just didn’t work.

  Suchevane’s form beside her vanished, and the bat was scrambling out through the netting. “Hey, I told you to hold her!”

  “I did, but she changed!”

  “A ‘corn can’t change with a hand on her horn!”

  “She’s not a ‘corn, she’s a bat!”

  Then Suchevane was up and away, flying into the moonlight. She had escaped, but Agape was captive. Because, it seemed, the button in her forehead was the vestige of her unicorn horn, and that had to be unfettered for its magic to operate.

  “Well, this one’s a ‘corn,” a voice said. “Come on, let’s have at her before the chief comes.”

  Hands pulled up her cloak, exposing her body. Agape struggled, but there were too many hands on her, grasping her head, her arms, her breasts, her legs and her bottom.

  They were little men, no, goblins, with huge ugly heads and big hands and feet and small, twisted, knobby bodies.

  They worked the net off, and the rest of her cloak, their hands taking new and more intimate holds. They held her spread-eagled, while one came at her with bared member.

  “Hey, who said thou dost go first?” another goblin cried. “I be first!” He shoved the other aside.

  “No way, Snotnose!” the other returned, shoving him back.

  Snotnose punched him in the belly. The two exploded into a fight, landing on Agape’s exposed torso. Three other goblins hauled them off, while a fourth made ready to rape her. But this left nobody holding her legs. She brought them up kicking, scoring on the face of the would-be rapist.

  Ouch! His head was like rock. He seemed not to notice the kick, while her toes were smarting in her slipper. He threw himself down on her, trying to get into place.

  She hooked her feet behind him and applied a scissors squeeze. His body was relatively puny; now she was managing to hurt him! But other goblins were piling on again, and in a moment her feet were unhooked and her legs wrenched apart.

  “What’s this?” a new voice cried.

  All goblins froze. This was evidently their leader, the chief whom they wished to avoid until they got their business done.

  “We are supposed to capture the ‘corn unharmed,” the chief said. “Remember, her body’s the same as the friendly one. Damage it, and we’ll alienate the friendly one, when she returns.”

  “We weren’t going to damage her,” the goblin between her legs protested. “Just have a little fun with her.”

  “Well, ‘corns have funny notions about damage,” the chief said sardonically. “Tie her—and don’t let go o’ her horn.”

  Grudgingly, the goblins tied her, finally wrapping a strip of cloth about her head to cover her forehead. Then they let her go, with a few final pinches at succulent portions of her torso. If she hadn’t known before why Bane hated goblins, her understanding was improving now.

  Trool had warned her that the Adverse Adepts were searching for her. This was confirmation.

  Then she remembered the amulet. Her hands were tied, but the chain remained around her neck; the goblins hadn’t noticed it, having been paying too much attention to the flesh of her body.

  “I invoke thee,” she said to it, hoping it didn’t have to be actually in her hand.

  Nothing happened.

  She felt a surge of dread. If the amulet couldn’t help her, then she was lost, for they had already made her captive. At least Suchevane had escaped. If only they had perched in their flying forms, out of reach of goblins! But had some hungry night-hunting hawk spotted them—

  “Very well, ‘corn,” the chief said. “Who be ye?”

  Agape didn’t answer.

  “Speak, or hurt,” the goblin warned.

  “Go soak thy snoot in a sewer,” Agape replied. Then she was amazed; she had not intended to say that, and it was not the way she talked!

  “Speak, or we shall bite thee on the tender feet!” the chief said.

  “Hear me well, fecal-face,” she said evenly. “An thou put one foul toothmark on my tender foot, the Adept’ll put sixteen handsome teethmarks in thy foul bottom. Thou canst not touch me!” What was she saying?!

  “She talks like a harpy!” one of the other goblins said, impressed.

  “An thou beest the creature we seek, that be true,” the chief admitted. “An thou turn out other, we shall chain thee spread o’er an anthill while we take turns raping thee to death. Now answer: what be thy name?”

  “An I tell thee aye, I be the one thou dost seek, an thou dost take me to thy employer, an he know I be not, then willst thou rue the day and night that thou didst set thy smelly posterior on this globe,” she said grimly. “An I tell thee nay, and thou dost set thy minions at my body, an the Adept learn I after all be the one, then willst thou rue the very thought that sent thy sickly sire slumming to conceive thee on the stinking slut that bore thee.”

  Even the chief took stock at this point. This was evidently not the precise language he had anticipated from the captive. Certainly it was nothing she had intended ever to say to anyone! What had happened to her mouth?

  Then it came to her: the amulet! She had invoked it, and it was working! Already she had talked the goblin into a situation
in which he dared neither to take her in nor to maltreat her.

  The goblin pondered. He grimaced. “There be no help for it except I take thee in,” he decided. “That be the lesser gamble.”

  “Not so, thou son o’ an infected slug,” she retorted. “Thou canst save thy putrid skin only by releasing me unharmed and reporting that thou didst discover naught in these parts.”

  He stared at her. “Truly, do I wish we had found thee not!” he exclaimed. “Yet an I free thee, and thou dost turn out to be the one, then there be no spot under the earth safe to escape the vengeance o’ the Adept! So needs must I bring thee to him intact, and tell him thou art but a suspect, and my punishment then may be slight.”

  “Until I tell him how thou didst have thy minions hold me whilst thou didst shove thy puny thing in me,” she said. “Then I think I had better be not the one thou seekest, for an I be the one, thou willst find thyself suspended by that thing from the nether moon.” She had not even realized that there was a nether moon! This was obviously hyperbole, but nonetheless effective.

  He looked glumly at her, not commenting.

  “An if I be not the one, as it be needful for thy health that I be not, then why bring me in at all?” she concluded persuasively. “I be nothing but mischief for thee, either way.”

  “I shall take thee to my superior,” he decided. “The decision be his. Let him free thee or ravish thee; it will be out o’ my domain.”

  He had figured out a way to pass the buck, she realized. She was stuck with captivity. Still, the tainted tongue foisted on her by the amulet had bought her some time, and perhaps it would befuddle the superior goblin as readily as it had this one. She had never before realized what a weapon a tongue could be! Trool had warned her that this was not a pretty spell; he had known whereof he spoke.

  They left her tied, and spent the remainder of the night in the oasis. Then, in the morning, prompted by her harpy-tongue, they gave her some bread and water and leave to relieve herself. Then they started on their way to the goblin headquarters. They gave her back her cloak, and some food, and did not molest her. But it was a wearying walk, hours in the rising sun, bearing north.