by Dana Mason
Melissa stiffened and tried to yank her hand away, but he curled his fingers around hers and held her in place.
"I remember everything."
She said it so loud and so clearly, he had to fight not to grimace at her hurtful tone.
"What were the real names, Melissa?" he whispered, still holding her in place. "Do you really remember?" Brian's heart flipped in his chest, and he felt sick with that whiskey sitting in his empty stomach.
"Let me go. Why would you want me to remember that? Why are you trying to hurt me?"
"I still remember…" He lifted his lids, making eye contact with her. "I remember lying under those stars and picking out names for our children. Emily and…" He paused as her eyes grew tearful. "Daniel, after your father. Is that right?"
"I hate you," she whispered.
"Well, that makes two of us." He released her and grabbed his bottle before leaving the room.
He left her alone, burning her hateful expression to memory…and he did hate himself for hurting her, but he didn't need a witness to his self-destruction. He wanted to be alone, and he was saner when she hated him. Melissa being nice to him and trying to be here for him was just too much to take.
Chapter Twelve
Melissa stood in the dark kitchen, trying to deep-breathe her pain away. "I'm done crying over you," she muttered, her chest heaving as she fought to shut it down. Why—why does he have to hurt me? It felt as if her heart had dropped into her stomach. She slid down the wall into a sitting position, held her knees to her chest, and got lost in the memory…
"How many?" Brian said.
Melissa's heart fluttered in her chest. Was he seriously asking, or just placating her?
"Lis, answer the question."
She shrugged. "I don't know…at least two. Everyone should have a brother or a sister, don't you think?"
He chuckled. "I guess so, but my brother is just a pain in the ass."
She clutched her jacket tighter to block the chilly breeze blowing off the ocean. "What about you?"
He lifted up on one elbow, reached his arm out, grabbing the edge of the blanket and laying it over her. Then he rubbed her arms to help warm her. "I'd love to have a house full. We could grow our own football team." When she groaned he said, "Okay, maybe not that many, but I want two at once."
"Twins. Really?"
"Yes, as adorable as you and your sister."
"Uh, adorable!" She half-heartedly smacked him "We're not adorable."
He grinned at her. "No, you're not adorable at all." He leaned in and kissed her, cupping her face in his hands.
When he pulled back, his eyes were heavily lidded, but she could see the stark green.
"I can't wait, you know." He whispered. "I can't wait until we're together in our own place."
"I have to finish school, Brian. We need to be smart about this."
He frowned and said, "I get it, but I don't have to like it."
She fought the urge to apologize. She shouldn't be sorry about wanting to get the best education. "Babe, let's not talk about it this weekend. I want to enjoy our time alone."
Now that her breathing had slowed, she heard her cell phone ringing from her purse in the living room. "Ali," she whispered, standing up and rushing to her purse.
"Hello."
"Melissa…what's going on?" Ali said.
"Nothing." Melissa tried to put on a normal voice. "Why are you calling me at three a.m.?"
"What's wrong? Where are you?"
"I'm at Brian's."
"And I assume he's not being very nice to you."
Melissa nodded, but couldn't speak, afraid she'd start crying.
"Melissa? You there?"
"Yes," she whispered.
"Why don't you leave. I can go check on him later."
"No, no, it's fine. I'm not leaving him," Melissa said. "I can take anything he dishes out."
"He's not himself."
"Sure, I know." Melissa nodded again. "It's fine."
"You're not fine, Lis."
"I am. He's said some nasty things, but it's okay. He's hurting and trying to get me to leave. He's drunk and…"
"Melissa," Ali said earnestly in a soft voice.
"He's just in a lot of pain. I'm not leaving him, Ali."
"Okay, please call if you need us."
"I will. I love you, sis. Thanks for checking on me." Melissa ended the call and slid down on the couch. In the darkness, she could see the outline of family snapshots sitting on the mantle. Brian's family. He'd married someone else, had kids, and moved on without giving her a second thought? He'd said he thought of her often, but she had trouble believing that.
Melissa couldn't bring herself to fall in love again after he'd hurt her. She hadn't been able to open up and love someone until Chase came into her life. How had Brian so easily moved on? How could he remember the names they'd picked out for their children after all these years, after years of being married to another woman and having kids, kids he and Julie had named together?
Was their past together just as important to him as it was to her?
Then why?
Why had he married Julie? Yes, Melissa had left for school, but he knew she'd be back. He knew it! She stood and slowly walked up the stairs, taking a deep breath, ready for round three.
She entered the bedroom to find Brian curled up in bed with the whiskey bottle on the table. Melissa grabbed the bottle and sat next to him. She tipped it to her mouth and took a deep swig before putting it back down.
"I thought you left." Brian said, breaking the silence.
"I'm not leaving. You can be mean all you want, but I am not leaving."
"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I didn't mean to make you cry again." He tugged on a strand of her long blonde hair. "That seems to be my lot in life, making you cry."
"Hurting me does seem to give you some sort of satisfaction."
"I don't like hurting you." Brian shifted. "Why would you say that?"
Melissa shook her head, but couldn't verbalize a response.
"I don't choose to hurt you; it just happens."
"Right…of course. You accidentally married my best friend a few weeks after I went away for college." Disdain dripped from Melissa's voice.
Brian turned his back on her. "Forget it."
Melissa grabbed the bottle of Wild Turkey and took another long pull. She swallowed a mouth full, then another. The amber liquid burned her mouth and throat as it slid all the way down into her empty stomach.
"Why are we mean to each other?" She tried to stand, but lost her balance and plopped back down.
"I don't know, Lis," he said into his pillow. "We used to be best friends."
"I miss that."
"Me, too." He rolled toward her again and laid his hand over hers. "I thought if I was mean, you would leave."
He sounded small, like a child, too much like the boy she fell in love with. "I know." She closed her eyes, fighting with the conflicting memories in her head…
"Shh, don't cry, Lis. This isn't goodbye." He gripped both her hands in his, and it helped. The more he touched her, the better she felt. The distance, God, what was she thinking choosing a school so far away from him?
"I have a bad feeling…"
"No, we've been through this. You've been sure until today. I don't want to give you a reason to resent me later." He leaned in and kissed her forehead. "This is just a pause in our forever. When you're home, we'll continue as if nothing got in our way. I promise."
He was right, but why did she have this sinking feeling in her stomach? Why were all the alarms going off in her head, screaming at her to stay?
"Listen, babe, I have some money saved. I'll fly out in two weeks and spend a few days with you."
"No." She shook her head. "Save your money. I'll be back for Thanksgiving."
"I don't care about the money—"
"I know, but I'm not going to let you waste your life-savings just to soothe me."
"It's n
ot just to soothe you. You know, I'm going to be in hell without you, too." His eyes grew wet as he gazed at her. "I love you more than my own life. I hope you know that."
She smiled and used her thumb to turn the thin band on her finger. He felt the movement and grabbed her hand, bringing her palm up to his lips and kissing the finger the ring sat on. "Soon, very soon, Miss Parker, this will be the real thing."
She nodded. "In my heart, it already is the real thing."
"Mine, too…"
"I don't like you to see me like this," Brian said, his voice snapping her back to the present.
"Then don't be like this. Get up and shower, go get the kids, and spend tomorrow with them."
"I can't."
"You can. I'll help you." She curled up on the bed with her back to Brian, and let him spoon against her. His heavy breath brushed the back of her neck, and it was all she could do to keep from turning to him. She linked her fingers with his and lay still, concentrating on his breathing until she fell asleep.
Chapter Thirteen
The strip of bright sun peeking through the crack in the curtains woke Melissa. She remained still. With Brian's arms tight around her, she didn't want to move. Before she could take another breath, he adjusted and lifted his arm off her. She glanced over her shoulder in time to see his eyes pop open.
He blinked rapidly before rubbing his face. He then turned away and rolled to sit up, placing his feet on the floor. Melissa stared at his bare back and contemplated her next move.
"Good morning," she finally said.
"What are you doing here?"
"You know why I'm here. Are you ready to clean up and go get the kids?"
"Melissa…" He took a deep breath and lowered his head. "I'm not ready for this."
"Brian, you asshole! This isn't only about you." She swung her palm down on the bed. "This is about Erin and Cody. They're hurting, and you're ignoring them. Get off your ass and go shower."
"I can't help them."
Melissa reached over and smacked his bare back hard, leaving an angry red handprint.
"Ow! What the hell are you doing?" Brian stretched to rub his back where she'd hit him, but he couldn't reach it.
Melissa drew back and hit him again, harder this time.
"Son of a— What is wrong with you? Stop hitting me."
"No, I won't!" She swatted him again.
Brian jumped to his feet to get away from her.
"You're numb! Until you feel something, you're no good to anyone." She scrambled to the other side of the bed and swung to hit him again.
Brian grabbed her wrist and turned her, pulling her against his chest. "Stop hitting me," he said through gritted teeth.
"I will when you get into the shower." She jerked and tugged him until they were wedged in the bathroom doorway. When she bent forward, she lifted Brian off his feet until they stumbled sideways into the bathroom. Once they were both inside, she slammed the door behind her.
He braced himself against the sink to gain his balance. "You're crazy."
She pushed the shower door open and turned the water on. "You are getting into this shower."
Brian raised his eyebrow and glared at her. "Fine." He tugged the string at his waistband and his sweats dropped to the floor.
Melissa stared into his eyes, refusing to look down. "You still don't scare me. I've seen you naked a hundred times. Get in," she ordered.
Brian strolled toward her, his eyes never leaving hers. He placed one foot into the shower then grabbed her around the waist and towed her in with him.
Melissa gasped and pushed at his hands as he howled in laughter.
"Brian!" she shrieked.
"That's what you get for bossing me around." Melissa smacked him on his bare chest. "Hey, I'm in the shower. Stop hitting me." Their simultaneous laughter echoed in the bathroom. The sound must have hit a nerve with him. He quickly released her and clamped his hand over his mouth before closing his eyes.
When he turned his back on her, she grabbed his shoulder. "What's wrong?"
Brian shook his head and leaned against the shower wall. "I shouldn't." He shook his head. "It's not funny. I shouldn't laugh," he said and brought his other hand up to hide his face.
"Brian." Melissa pushed his shoulder and put herself between him and the wall. "Brian, you are allowed to laugh. Julie wouldn't want you to be like this, angry and refusing to live your life."
"She was pregnant," he said with tightly closed eyelids. "She was carrying his baby."
Melissa was grateful Brian's eyes were closed so he couldn't see the shock on her face. "H-how do you know?"
"Martinez brought me the medical examiner's report; it said she was eight weeks pregnant."
"That could have been your baby."
"No, it couldn't!" He shrugged away from her.
"How do you know? You can't be sure."
"I'm absolutely sure."
Melissa drew back. "Have you had a vasectomy?"
"No. Julie and I haven't made love in months. Since—I don't know—the night Micah was rescued."
Melissa held her breath, counting in her head…six months. She thought about the weeks leading up to Julie's death, trying to remember if Julie had ever indicated or showed signs of being pregnant. She scanned Brian's face, or at least the hands he held over his face. Everything became clearer to her, Brian's inability to function and get out of bed, drinking to the point of numbness.
"Everything is my fault." Brian turned away again. "I shouldn't have let her leave the house. I should have left instead. This is karma, only instead of being punished myself, she had to pay."
"Don't do this. It's not your fault. If it's your time to go, it's your time—and it was simply Julie's time."
"Leave me alone, Melissa. Get out before it gets you, too."
"Stop! Don't do that." Melissa jerked him around again and pulled his hands away from his face. "Look at me!" She was nearly screaming, and the sound bounced around the bathroom, reverberating in her head. Melissa cupped his face and held him steady until he opened his eyes. "You did nothing to deserve this. You were a wonderful husband, and you are a wonderful father." She wrapped her arms around him and held him under the flow of water. Brian gripped her tightly, his chest heaving with deep breaths. By the time he had calmed, the water had cooled. The contrast of their warm bodies and the cool water caused him to shudder. She pulled him closer and wished she could take some of his pain away.
"Why are you here?" He said it so quietly, she'd barely heard it.
"If our roles were reversed, you'd be here for me. When Micah was kidnapped, you were there every day."
"I had to be there for Ali, and I love that little boy, too."
"You were there for me, too."
"I tried to, but you wouldn't let me."
"You didn't exactly invite me here." She chuckled. "You're not exactly letting me, but you did pull me into the shower with you."
"I don't want you to see this. I don't deserve for you to be here for me."
"If not me, then who, Brian? You and I have shared so much of our lives, even if you don't count the last seventeen years. It's what we do for each other. Remember when daddy died?" Brian nodded into her shoulder. "You were there every day for me and Ali."
"I was in love with you," he said. "You were my whole world back then."
"You were not in love with me when we were eight." She pulled back a little to see his face.
"Yes, I was. I hated watching you cry. It made me sick to see you in pain, but I couldn't leave you. That's when I knew I loved you."
Melissa couldn't help the frown forming on her face. "Of all the things you could remember, you choose to remember how miserable I was after losing daddy?"
"I remember a lot of things. I remember the butterflies I got every morning when I walked you to school—everyday." He frowned. "Right up until graduation."
She stepped away from him, suddenly aware of the awkwardness appropriate for the situation, an
d feeling the pounding rhythm beat in her chest as her pulse quickened. Melissa wanted to ask him why?
Then why did you choose Julie?
She turned to escape the shower and mumbled, "Sometimes we change our minds."
"Changed minds? No, that's not what happened."
Melissa slid the shower door open. "It doesn't matter."
"Why do you say that? Clearly it matters! The look on your face tells me how much it matters."
She turned to glare at him over her shoulder. "I'm leaving so you can take a shower."
"Why do you do that? Why do you blow it off like you don't care?" he shouted.
"Just get cleaned up so we can go get your kids. They need their dad."
"Sure, Parker, run away from the difficult conversation—again."
"It's not a fair fight when you're naked. It's distracting," she said, closing the door behind her.
Melissa grabbed a towel from the shelf and rushed into the bedroom while stripping her clothes off. She dropped her jeans and panties then tossed her wet t-shirt on top of them with a splat. She shivered uncontrollably, the cool air forcing goose bumps to erupt all over her body. She rubbed at her wet legs with the towel, but lifted quickly when the bathroom door flew open.
"How about now? We're both naked," Brian said glaring at her.
"That was fast." Melissa quickly wrapped the towel around her to cover up.
"I ran out of hot water," he said, yanking on a drawer. He threw her some sweats and a t-shirt, then stopped at the look she gave him. "What? Do you want to stay naked?"
"No," she said, watching him get dressed and reminding herself over and over how much she loved Chase. He looked incredible. She thought she knew him, thought she could have drawn the lines of his body from memory, but he had changed. Grown. He'd matured in a way that made her mouth water. "Are you okay?"
Brian pulled his jeans on over his Jockeys and glanced at her. "I don't know. Will I ever be?"
"Of course. You just need to get everything together. When you and the kids are all home and back to your normal schedule, it'll get easier."
He shook his head, frowning. "They must hate me."
