by Dana Mason
"No."
"How…how do you know?"
"When I saw you in my Dad's clothes, I thought maybe you two were together."
"Oh." Melissa looked down at her baggy clothes. "No, I helped him clean up, and my clothes weren't fit for wearing after that, so he loaned me some. We're not together, just friends."
"My mom said, before you went away to college, she and you and Dad were all best friends."
"That's true." Melissa nodded, and her eyes welled up with tears. "I loved your mother very much, Erin."
"She told me you and Auntie Ali, Uncle Mark, and she and Daddy were all friends in school."
"We were always together." Melissa stood to fold the stack of clothes Erin had piled on the bed, trying not to give in to her tears. She dropped the jeans in the duffle bag and said, "How are you doing in school, Erin. Is Mr. Jeffries bothering you?"
"No. Coach has stayed away from me. I think he's scared of Daddy."
"Good, he should be. Why do you call him Coach?"
"He was my water polo coach last year."
"Do you think that's how he met your mom?"
Erin nodded. "She used to run all the sports fundraisers at the school, and they worked together on it."
"Do you want me to help you talk to Brian about your mom and Coach Jeffries?"
Her brows came together. "But not today, please."
"We can give it another couple of days."
Chapter Sixteen
When they arrived back at Brian's house, Melissa helped Brian find his way around the kitchen and started cooking a big pot of soup. As the soup simmered, she started a broccoli casserole. "Your kids will eat this stuff, right?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Yeah, they eat pretty much anything, except Cody hates any kind of seafood."
"Seafood. Okay, no fish, I can handle that."
When she had enough food prepared to get them through the rest of the week, she gathered her still-wet clothes and got ready to leave.
"You're leaving?" Brian and Erin said at the same time.
"Yes, but I'll come check on you guys tomorrow."
"Why don't you stay?" Erin asked earnestly. "You can sleep on my bed. I'll take the couch."
"No, babe, you just got home. I'm sure you want to sleep in your own bed." Melissa looked up at Brian. "And I'm sure you guys don't want me in your way," she said with a heavy heart.
"It's okay…if you want to stay," Brian said, his eyes darting between her and Erin. "And you're not in the way. Thank you for all your help."
"C'mon, Melissa," Erin begged.
"I don't have any clothes." She didn't want to leave them, but she needed to call Chase and Ali. "How about I pick you and Cody up in the morning and take you to school. That way, Brian can sleep in."
"Will you come here when we get home?" Erin asked.
"How about I pick you up and bring you home after school."
"You can stay for dinner, since you made it," Brian said.
She nodded. "We'll see what happens."
"That's a no," Erin said, her face downcast.
"No, it's not a no."
"Then it's a yes!" Erin did a little pirouette and hugged Melissa goodbye. "See you in the morning?"
Melissa chuckled. "Okay, see you in the morning."
Brian walked her out after she said a tearful goodbye to Cody. The last couple of days had been emotionally draining. Her nerves were fried and her heart so heavy, it hurt to breathe. If she felt this bad, she wondered how he was holding up.
When she stopped in front of her car, Brian pulled her into a tight embrace. For a few minutes, they didn't speak. Melissa felt his chest move up and down, and she wondered if he was crying. She stroked the back of his head, wishing she'd taken them up on the offer to stay, but she was nearing her breaking point.
"If you need me, Bri, I can stay. I just thought…"
He shook his head, but still didn't speak.
After another minute, he said, "Thank you. In a million years, I'll never be able to make this up to you." His heavy voice made Melissa feel bad for needing to get away from him. Holding him again felt good, and regardless of how tired she was, being the one to help his family through this seemed right to her. And, no, that wouldn't make sense to the outside world, but she didn't care.
"There is nothing to make up. I'd do anything for you."
Brian nodded but still didn't let go. "I don't know what I would've done without you, and I don't deserve kindness from you. These kids are everything to me, and knowing you care about them too means the world to me, especially after what I've done to you in the past."
"Stop," Melissa said, feeling the heaviness of his words and trying not to choke up. She couldn't afford to lose control now, not when she was so raw and drained.
"I'm sorry for being mean to you and pushing you into the shower this morning."
She tried to lean out of his grip, but he wouldn't loosen his hold. "It's okay, Brian."
"You're the only person who ever understood me. My whole life, you're the only person who ever thought I was important."
Melissa pulled back, forcing him to let her go now. She stared into his face, hardly able to see him in the darkness. "That is not true." She reached up and cupped his cheek, brushing the hair off his face. "Those kids in there think you're very important."
"It's not the same." He took a step back, tucking his hands in his pockets.
"Why isn't it the same?"
"They think I'm important because I'm Dad. You think I'm important just because I'm Brian." He dropped his eyes to her feet and said, "That's a big difference."
Melissa held her breath to keep from sobbing. She wanted to punch him. She wanted to connect fist to face several times to get her frustrations out. After everything that had happened over the years, after staying away and living her life without him, moving on, deciding to marry Chase, everything she'd done to push him out of her head and out of her heart, how was it he still held the power to hurt her without even trying?
"I need to go," she said breathlessly. She rushed to the other side of the car and clicked the locks. Brian caught her arm, but she jerked away. "Don't touch me." She almost shrieked it as she yanked the car door open and put it between them.
He held his hand up palm out. "Wait, Lis, wait a minute—"
"No, it's fine. I'll be here in the morning to get the kids." She slid into the car, reaching for the door, but he grabbed it before she could slam it closed.
"Damn it! Give me a minute, will you."
Melissa stared ahead and crossed her arms over her chest.
"Julie was pregnant! Okay!"
Melissa jerked her head toward him and met his eyes under the dim interior light of the car. "What?"
He squatted next to the open door. "Julie and I went out one night after you left for college. It was an innocent night out. We both wanted to drink ourselves numb, and we succeeded to the point of ending up in bed together. It was the first and only time—or at least, it should have been." He took a deep breath and focused his eyes on the ground, obviously trying to avoid looking at her. "A few weeks later, she told me she was pregnant. She was scared to death, just freaking out. I thought she was going to have a nervous breakdown." He went silent for a moment then said, "Her parents were dead, and she didn't have anyone but me."
As much as she tried, Melissa couldn't clear her mind enough to find an appropriate response, so she went with the first thing that popped into her head. "You're such a liar."
"No, I'm not lying. I asked Julie to marry me. I wasn't in love with her, but I did love her. She was one of my best friends, and I had gotten her in trouble. I wouldn't do anything different if it happened today. I love my kids, and I would never begrudge their existence by saying I wish I'd done something different."
Melissa held her breath, fighting the rapidly flowing tears as she did the math in her head. "Erin's birthday is in November, which means Julie would have gotten pregnant in February."
"Lis, she had a miscarriage a month after our wedding. It was too much stress for her. She actually got pregnant again the following March. Erin was due in December but was born a few weeks early." He shifted uncomfortably. "The point is, I didn't change my mind about you…about us."
"You didn't even break up with me. For years, I've believed…"
Brian finally looked up at her. "What? What did you believe?"
She closed her eyes, wishing she had the power to shrink into a hole and hide. The ache she felt for all those years, always wondering why, always questioning what she'd done wrong. Blaming herself for picking a school in New York instead of California.
"Lis?"
She opened her eyes. "Let me go. I need to go home."
"We should talk about this."
She glared at him. "I don't want to talk." After strapping on her seatbelt, she reached for the door handle. "Get out of the way, Brian."
Brian jumped back as she pulled the door closed and sped away. She glanced in the mirror to find him still standing there, staring at her as she turned off of his street.
Melissa turned the corner and pulled the car over before covering her face with her hands, inhaling great heaving breaths. She didn't understand how this had slipped past her. Seventeen years and she never imagined that Julie had been pregnant before they got married. Melissa had convinced herself she was just a fool in love and thought her overwhelming feelings for him were unrealistic. But then again, she knew he had loved her just as much as she loved him.
They were made for each other, built from the same mold. Put on this earth for each other, she felt it deeply, which is why it'd been so hard for her to accept what had happened. Losing him nearly killed her. She'd never understood it, and not knowing what had gone wrong had pushed her into a deep depression. Knowing the truth now…she shook her head in disgust. It shouldn't have played out the way it did. They should have talked. Brian should have called and told her. Melissa should have called him, forced him to break up with her himself, but what was the point? At the time, all she could think about was that he'd gotten married. It wasn't like he was seeing someone else—he'd freaking married Julie. What could she have done, come home and tried to break up a marriage? She just couldn't compete with wedding vows. He was lost to her and she couldn't force herself to call him, to hear him say he didn't love her.
When her cell phone rang, she screamed, "Leave me alone!" then pounded the steering wheel. She reached over and grabbed it from her purse. "Hello!"
"What the hell is going on?"
"Nothing, Ali," Melissa said abruptly.
"Liar."
"I can't. I just can't now, Al," Melissa said, holding her breath.
"Melissa…do you want me to come over?"
"I'm not home."
"You're still at Brian's?"
"I just left. I'm in the car."
"You can't drive like this. Pull over."
"I already did, okay? God. I'm around the corner from Brian's."
"I'm going to call him so he can come get you."
"No! Don't you dare! I barely made it out of there with my sanity." She inhaled again and counted as she exhaled. "I'm going home. I'm tired, and I need to call Chase. I haven't talked to him in days."
"Why don't you come here?"
"No, I want to crawl into bed and sleep for a few decades."
"Okay, text me when you get home so I know you made it. I love you."
Melissa rested her head on the steering wheel and mumbled, "I love you, too."
~
When Melissa pulled into the parking lot of her building, she sighed as the lights came to life. "Thank God for Mark," she whispered to herself. No more stumbling around in the dark, worried about monsters jumping out at her.
When she climbed out of the driver's seat, she looked over to see Chase's car parked a few spots down from her. She squinted to see inside, but the car was empty. When she turned, he was standing right beside her. She jumped back and shrieked, "Agh! Oh my God, Chase!"
"It's just me." He held his hands out to settle her.
"Chase," she breathed and grabbed him tight around the neck. "You scared me."
"Sorry, sweetheart, but you scared me, too. I haven't been able to get in touch with you for two days."
"Oh, I've missed you," she whined, squeezing him tighter and breathing a sigh of relief. It scared her how much she needed to feel his arms around her at that moment.
"I couldn't get inside, so I waited, hoping you'd show up."
"I'm sorry you had to wait outside. I'll give you a key so you can let yourself in next time."
Chase pulled away to look at her. "What the hell are you wearing?" He looked into her eyes and frowned. "Don't take this the wrong way, but you look awful."
"I don't care. I'm just so glad you're here."
"He took a step back and looked at her clothes again. You're wearing men's clothes. Melissa…where have you been?"
"They're Brian's. I've been over there."
"Brian's?"
"Yes, Chase, his wife was killed in a car accident. You know this."
"That was weeks ago, and that doesn't explain why you're wearing his clothes."
"I helped him get the house in order so he could bring the kids home. He needed someone there, Chase."
"Why you? It doesn't seem like that should be your responsibility."
"He's my friend," she said. "Is this the end of the inquisition? Can we go inside now?"
He gestured toward the door. "Fine."
When Melissa stepped inside her apartment, she clicked on the lamp next to the door and turned to face him. The frown and his posture were so disheartening. She didn't want to fight with him. "I don't understand why you're upset with me."
"You're wearing another man's clothes, Melissa." He said her name so formally, it made her angry.
"I thought you trusted me."
"You're making it hard."
Her face heated in anger. "I've done nothing to make you doubt me—ever."
"Except you've been missing for days, and you're wearing his clothes."
"Fine. I'll take them off." Melissa turned toward her bedroom, yanking off the belt and dropping Brian's pants before stepping out of them…then remembered she didn't have any panties on.
"Wonderful," he said. "Just great—and how attractive."
"Oh, shut up!" she said, spinning toward him. "Don't turn your nose up at me. I was helping a friend in need and his children. There is nothing you can say that will make me feel bad about that."
"Don't act like a child," he said.
God, what a snob. She shook her head. "Chase, I don't have the energy for this right now. Please just stop. Please!" She stepped into her bedroom, yanked a nightgown from the drawer, and stripped off Brian's t-shirt. "If you want to fight then go home. If you want to be with me then stop. Okay?"
"I'm sorry you lost your friend, but it's not your job to take care of her husband."
"This isn't only about her husband. There are two great kids who have lost their mother." She shook her head. "You don't understand. I've known Brian my entire life, longer than Julie. He needs me to help him, and I will. I will help Erin and Cody."
"Why is it you've known him all this time, but you've never talked about him?"
Melissa would not get pulled into this. She would not let him pull her into a fight against her will. "And I'm not going to talk about him now either." She stood up and walked toward him. "Staying or going?"
"Am I being dismissed?"
"No, I would like for you to stay. I love you, and I've missed you. I would love nothing more than to crawl into that bed with you and stay there forever. I've had a couple of incredibly hard days, and I only want to be with you."
"I would like to stay, but I want to finish this conversation later."
"Fine. Just fine. Whatever you want." She breathed in relief and dropped her head on his chest, defeated and exhausted.
He draped his arms
around her. "I am sorry. I'm not trying to make things harder, but I don't like seeing you in his clothes."
"No, I'm sorry. I saw the missed calls. I should have told you where I was. I wouldn't like that either, but I need you to trust me. Please, Chase." She pushed up on her tiptoes to kiss him. "I missed you, and I need you." She tucked her head into his neck, wanting to get lost in him and forget everything else.
Chapter Seventeen
"I can't, Anna." Erin slammed her locker closed. "Stop asking me."
"Erin, we can't win without you. Coach wants you on the team. He'll let you back."
"I can't play. I have too much going on at home. I have to take care of my brother after school."
"Don't give me that. Your dad hired a housekeeper. Come on, Erin, conditioning starts after Christmas break. You can rejoin without missing any practices or games. It'll be like you never left."
"Except I did leave." Erin rolled her eyes and turned her back on Anna.
"Hello, ladies."
Erin looked up at Coach Jeffries and froze.
"How are you, Erin?"
When a smile spread across his face, she held her breath. Just being this close to him made her break out into a sweat. He knew it, too. He reveled in her discomfort; she could see it in his glassy, black eyes. She looked away from his sickening gaze, trying to take a breath.
"I'm trying to talk her into rejoining the water polo team," Anna said, nudging Erin's shoulder.
"We could use you." Coach Jeffries tilted his head in mock concern as he stepped to block her path. His perfectly-styled hair didn't move with the motion of his body. It looked as if it were molded in place, similar to a cartoon character or the Ken doll she'd played with as a little girl.
"I can't." Erin tried to sidestep him again, but he wouldn't allow her space, forcing her to bump against him. She jumped back when their bodies touched. "I'm late for fifth period."
"I'll excuse you from class. I'd like to talk to you," he said as Anna rushed away for the late bell.
"I can't talk to you." She looked around to see if anyone was watching them.
