“I don’t think you’d hold me back from anything,” she finally says. “I don’t see you as that kind of man. I think you’d do whatever you could to make sure I realized my dreams.”
“I would,” I tell her. And selfishly, I want to leave it at that, but I can’t. “And there are other things to consider moving forward, namely Dani and your parents.” I nearly tag on my involvement with Isabelle and her illness, but I don’t want to complicate things too much right now.
“When it’s time, Danielle will understand … eventually. She wants you to be happy.”
“It might be a shock for her,” I say, just now considering that my daughter is sleeping in her suite, hopefully not looking into Claudia’s room to find an empty bed. It kind of terrifies me to imagine what she’d think of me.
Claudia shrugs. “People can get over shocks. And my parents… well… I don’t know. But you aren’t just some guy.”
I laugh. “No? Not just some guy?”
“Definitely not.” She shakes her head before getting a bashful look in her eyes. “And Luke?”
“Yes?”
“Will it sound slutty if I tell you that I want you to do it again?”
I feel a grin spreading across my face as my concerns melt away, and I harden back up, just like that. “It won’t sound slutty,” I tell her, then stretch over to the nightstand and pull out a condom.
Chapter Fourteen
CLAUDIA
I’d showered in Luke’s bathroom after he’d fallen asleep—I’d worn him out after the third time we’d had sex this morning, and I’m half tempted to crawl back into bed with him and make him do it to me all over again. But Luke is more than sex to me, and I know I’m just overly excited at finally having done it and wanting to do it over and over again. Danielle told me that’s how it was the first time she’d done it with Carlos, that neither of them could get enough of it.
I put on the clothes I wore last night, kiss him on his lips, and while he’s half awake, I tell him I’m going to check on Danielle. He mumbles some sort of response, and then I’m closing his door behind him and padding down the stairs.
When I get to the kitchen, really wanting some orange juice, I half expect to find her there, and I’ve already concocted several possible lies I can tell her if she’d noticed that I hadn’t been in my room. But the house is quiet, and I drink my orange juice in peace. I’m planning to head to her suite and see if she’s awake yet, but when I pull my phone out of my purse and check my messages, I see that won’t be necessary.
Carlos’ parents out of town. Staying at his place. Dad probably won’t care, but maybe cover for me if he does?
Danielle’s text brings relief. She’d sent it last night, after I’d already gone upstairs with her father. While I’d told him I didn’t think Danielle would care if he and I were together, I’m still not entirely sure about that. While we’d agreed to keep this thing between the two of us, we’d eventually have to let people in, and I get a shot of nerves in my gut at the idea of facing Danielle with this particular truth.
And then there are my parents.
I’d tried to play down what their reaction would be, but I’m definitely kidding myself if I think they’ll understand. At the very least, they’ll cut my funds for education until I agree to end what is just beginning with Luke. Then again, can I really go back to WSU after what had just happened with him? Can I leave this man that I’ve fallen in love with, so quickly and so desperately, go back to living in a dorm and try to focus on lectures and exams while all I’ll be thinking about is the next time I can see him?
But of course I’ll have to go back. I won’t be one of those girls that gives up on their dreams for a man, no matter how spectacular he is and no matter how difficult it will be to keep my thoughts clear of him. I’ll find a way to do it all, but I’ll first have to find a way to ground myself and get a handle on how to navigate the here and now.
When I head up to my room, I change into a fresh set of clothes for work and attempt to remain focused solely on the fact that I’d just lost my virginity, several times over, in a way that I couldn’t have planned out any better. But my mind seems incapable of giving attention solely to this milestone, and inevitably I feel a pinch in my gut, one that is trying to rain on my parade, is trying to remind me to be realistic, one that tells me this thing with Luke could just be an infatuation, one that will have to come to an abrupt end when it’s time to go home.
I hate the feeling of uncertainty, and I’m terrified that if I go up to ask Luke for a ride to work, he’ll see this unwanted feeling on my face. It will just remind him of his own concerns for us, and maybe he’ll slam on the brakes, and I can’t let that happen.
Once I’m all dressed, my hair and make-up done, I head quietly back downstairs, deciding I’ll drive the Tesla to work that Luke lets me use. And once I’ve calmed down and gotten a hold of myself, I’ll be better suited to face him later in the day.
I’m grateful when I don’t see him in the living room or the kitchen, and I’m just heading into the hallway toward the garage when the front door opens. I turn at the sound to see Danielle closing the door quietly behind her. I’ll be in plain view of her if she turns my way, and when she does, she looks surprised, then smiles and takes a few steps toward me.
“You look like you’re sneaking out,” she says with a grin.
“Just going to work.” I have trouble looking her in the eyes, wondering if she’ll be able to tell what I’d spent last night and this morning doing with her dad.
“Let me take you,” she says.
“You don’t have to do—”
“Just let me. I’ve been kind of a shit friend always going out with Carlos. I want to talk to you… see how things went with you and David last night?” She lifts her brows suggestively.
I feel my face flush, but she’ll just think it’s because of David. “Okay,” I tell her. “Let’s go.”
Chapter Fifteen
LUKE
I wake up expecting to find Claudia in my arms. But she’s gone, and after stretching out in my bed, I startle at the display on my alarm clock. I’ve slept in, way in, longer than I’ve slept in ages. I’ve got a conference call in less than twenty minutes, so I jump out of bed and hit the shower. There isn’t a lot of time to think about anything except the software I’m helping to develop for a company in Texas. I’ll be expected to update them on progress today, which has come along according to the timeline, though I’d probably be ahead of that if I hadn’t spent last night and this morning repeatedly having sex with Claudia.
Just the thought of her makes me hard, but there isn’t time to take care of that. I hop right back out of the shower, dry off and get dressed, just making it to my desk and organizing things when the conference call comes in.
Nearly an hour later, I’m grateful to be done with the call and not especially looking forward to the many hours of work I’ll have to put in this week to keep the project on schedule. Just a month ago, I’d have been anticipating the work, enjoying the long hours that make things less lonely out here. And while I still love the challenge of my job, I can’t help but wish I could take off just a couple of days, maybe even a week or two, and spend them with Claudia, in bed and out on the land, maybe a quick trip to Seattle or Portland, maybe even a weekend in San Francisco.
But as soon as I’ve played in my head what we’d do, the places we’d go, the pride I’d feel in having such a beautiful woman on my arm, guilt hits me like a punch to my gut. The guilt is more of a return to reality, the one in which Claudia should be off limits. The care I feel for her is genuine, so I can’t help but to feel I’m taking advantage of her. Of course she won’t see it that way because she’s young and romantic and full of hope and expectations about how the world should work.
I should… no, I do know better. I’ve lived a lifetime beyond hers in the years between us, seen how love isn’t always enough to sustain, that the realities of the larger world around us come
into play, that we can’t live in a bubble no matter how hard we try. And if things were to end up working, people would probably see me as I’m seeing myself now, as a guy who is preying on a young woman’s affections.
There is no message, voice or text, from her on my phone, and no note left in the kitchen or living room after I’ve mounted a quick search. Perhaps she is more insightful and realistic than I’d given her credit for, and she’s the one that will put an end to this insanity before it can continue further.
The thought of it brings a sigh, and I hold my phone and scroll to her contact info, deciding I should at least check in with her, make sure she’s all right. And I’m just about to do that when a text rolls in from her:
I freaked out a little bit this morning, and sorry I didn’t leave a note, but I’m very happy about what happened. I’ll see you tonight for dinner with Danielle?
I smile, the ending that I was already writing for us pushed off. Not wanting to just text her back, I call her, wanting to hear her voice.
“Hi, Luke.” Her voice is quiet, though it sounds like she’s glad to hear from me.
“I’m not bothering you, am I? I realize you must be at work.”
“No… it’s empty here at the moment, and I was just doing some inventory.” She pauses. “Luke, I really am happy about what happened between us. I… I’m so glad that I waited for someone like you.”
Again, I smile. I can’t help it. “I should feel kind of guilty about that, Claudia. Your first time and all?” The idea that I’d been her first is a huge turn-on of course, but it’s not something I’d feel good about if she’d come to believe it was a mistake, that I wouldn’t be able to fulfill the expectations she may have for us.
She laughs softly. “I think you’ll have to trust me that I feel pretty good about my decision-making abilities. I’m nineteen, but I’m not naïve or prone to doing things that I don’t want to. If I were, I’d be in pre-law and would have lost my virginity to the first boy who’d pressured me.”
“Well, I like that you know what you want,” I tell her, feeling a sense of relief in her answer, comforting at the thought I’m talking to a woman who knows what she needs and not a confused girl.
“And I like the same in a man. Maturity is on the top of my list too, and you’ve got that ticked off.”
“By mature, you mean old,” I tease her.
“No, I mean mature. You have your shit together, and—” she cuts off.
“Claudia?” I ask after a few beats of silence.
“A few customers just walked in,” she says quietly. “I’ll see you tonight for dinner, okay?”
“Can I pick you up?” I ask before she has to go.
“No… no… Danielle will get me back. Thanks. Love you. Bye!”
“Bye,” I tell her, the line going dead.
I don’t tell her I love her the way she so easily does, and I feel like I have to stand firm on that at least.
Love is a word weighted with responsibility.
When I tell her I love her, I have to know for sure that I’ll take care of her for as long as she’ll want me, that I’ll be with Claudia regardless of the potential conflict it will cause with her parents or with Dani. When I tell her I love her, I have to mean every word of it from the bottom of my heart.
And I know I’ll want to say it to her, but there is that part of me that wonders if I’ll ever get the chance.
Chapter Sixteen
CLAUDIA
I sell nearly two full bags of assorted nuts, nut cheeses and three pints of Rhonda’s newest product, cashew ice cream. I hadn’t wanted to end the call with Luke so quickly, but I didn’t want to be one of those shop girls that gabbed on the phone while ignoring the customers. And whatever I feel about David, Rhonda has been good to me, and I pride myself on being the utmost professional while working in her store.
Left alone again, I mull over the fact I’d hung up before Luke had a chance to tell me whether he loved me or not. Part of me desperately craves those words from him, but the other more down to earth side is reminded that it’s better to hear them said with sincerity and not because he thinks it’s just what he’s supposed to say. But I do hope he feels it, the beginnings of love at least, because I never imagined sleeping with a guy who didn’t feel that way about me. I’d also deemed myself pretty successful at ferreting guys out who would say anything just to get laid, which was pretty much every guy I’d ever met.
But Luke is different—that’s something I know deep inside. What I also know is that spending less than ten minutes with Danielle in her SUV earlier had been excruciatingly awkward, more so than I could have imagined.
“You look different,” she’d said, narrowing her eyes at me almost as soon as I climbed into her Rover. “Like really different. Did you and David have sex last night?”
I was stunned into silence and couldn’t seem to get my mouth to work in conjunction with my brain.
“You did! You so had sex with David! Oh my god, Claudia… you finally lost your V!”
The idea that she thought I’d sleep with David, that she’d then tell Carlos, that Carlos would fist bump a clueless David was all just too much.
“No! I did not sleep with David!” I’d pretty much yelled at her in horror.
“You sure?” She’d nearly gone off the long driveway at the volume of my denial. “Did something or someone else happen?”
My face might as well just have been on fire at that point, would probably have spontaneously combusted into an inferno if she knew about me and her dad. “No… not at all,” I lied. “It was just a weird night.”
I didn’t have to look at her to know she wasn’t buying that because I could sense it. But Danielle was a good friend, and she didn’t press for further detail. She just changed the subject to her and Carlos and then dropped me off at work, and I’d never been so thankful to make my way into The Nut Monger.
With the store still empty, I walk out from behind the counter, up and down the short aisles. It had been easy talking to Luke, like second nature, like I knew him better than I knew anyone else in the world. But it wouldn’t be easy to face Danielle for that planned dinner tonight, even harder with Luke there. I’m trying to go over just the right things to say in my head when a familiar face walks into the store.
“Claudia, isn’t it?” Emily asks me as soon as she spots me.
I nod. “Yes, that’s right, Ms. Wells,” I say, her name having lodged into my mind as a potential rival to Luke. “Can I help you with something?” I scurry back toward the counter and slip behind it, wanting some kind of barrier between us.
“I just wanted to place an order,” she says with what sounds a lot like a superior air to me. “Candied almonds and chocolate covered cashews for my hotel guests… that sort of thing.”
“Oh, of course. I can help you with that.”
“Is Rhonda not around?” She lifts her dark, salon-manicured eyebrows at me.
I’d done a large, custom order for the small real estate agency down the block that actually required me mailing out thank you packages to their past clients, so I figure I can handle whatever it is Emily needs without Rhonda to walk me through.
“She drove out to Wenatchee to meet with a supplier,” I tell her, “but I’d be happy to help.”
“Hmm…” She drags one of her fingernails along the counter and looks around the shop before returning her focus to me. “How are things going with Luke Prescott?”
It’s a miracle my face doesn’t go as red as it had earlier when I was with Danielle. “I don’t… what do you mean by that exactly?”
Another lift of her brows. “You’ve been living with him and his daughter, haven’t you? I’m just curious how things are going since I haven’t talked to him in a while.”
I allow myself a breath. “They’re going fine. Luke... well, Mr. Prescott… he’s just been really busy with work I think, lots of trips back and forth to Seattle.”
“Seattle?” With what looks a
lot like a grimace, she assesses me hard, like she’s looking into my soul or something.
I nod.
She stares back at me before her face completely relaxes. “I bet it’s something with that ex-wife of his again… Isabelle. Still so invested in her, and it wouldn’t be the first time he’d had to get her hauled back to Seattle for treatment.”
The name Isabelle sounds foreign to me at first. Of course I know who she is, but I’d assumed the fact that she’s Luke’s ex-wife meant he didn’t have a lot to do with her unless it was related to Danielle. Once I get that in check, my mind wanders back to the other thing she said.
“What kind of treatment?” I ask.
She purses her lips, then shrugs. “He was always rather light on specifics, but whatever he still has with her sure put a snag in our relationship.”
“Your relationship?” I feel my stomach twitch and burn, the physical manifestation of jealousy.
She doesn’t answer immediately, looks around the shop at the products on the shelves, tapping her finger against her lips.
I shake my head, reminding myself she’d come in to place an order and not sure I want to hear about whatever relationship it was she’d had with Luke. “I can take your order, and if you feel more comfortable with Rhonda filling it, I’ll just save it for her tomorrow.”
“What was that?” She turns back to me like a bored kid daydreaming in class.
“The order you wanted?”
“Oh, yes… that. Luke just preoccupies my mind sometimes. He and I had some amazing adventures. I shouldn’t be saying this, but that man.” She puts her palm to her heart and closes her long lashes over her eyes. “The things he’s capable of? Good lord. I’ve been around the block more than once, but Luke Prescott—”
“I don’t think you should be telling me this,” I blurt out, the sickest feeling I’ve ever had with the mental image she’s trying to paint for me.
The Years Between Us Page 10
