There is David and Emily, two people I wish I could just erase from Echo Ridge but who I’m sure will keep popping right back up. In fact, as I try to get back to reading, they stay lodged in my mind, enough so that I have to set my book aside, close my eyes and try to work them back out of my head.
For David, it might take some sort of confrontation. As much as I’d like to just forget the way he forcefully kissed me as well as his near inability to accept a no from me, I just can’t, especially not after what Danielle said about the rumor surrounding him. I don’t want to be one of those girls who lets a guy like that off the hook, lets him keep on doing the same old thing because I’m too afraid to say something. But there is something to be said about wanting to be left alone, to consider yourself lucky it wasn’t something more, to not want to cause drama. Maybe if I’d spoken to Danielle at all today, I’d tell her that, that I should be the one to talk to Carlos, express my concerns face-to-face and hope he could have some sort of lasting positive effect on his friend.
Knowing I might be able to do something about David eases my concerns about him for the moment, but then there’s still Emily to think about, and my issues with her feel more nuanced. The things she said about Luke stick, fear about his relationship with his ex-wife burrowing deep inside of me. And then there’s the very awful image of Luke doing the things to Emily that she kept bragging about. And why would she be telling me that stuff anyway? Did she see right through me and consider me a roadblock in getting back with him?
She’s kind of like one of the characters in the book I’m reading, the ex-girlfriend of the hired killer who spills all his secrets to the woman he’s falling in love with. With every dirty detail, she’s hoping to make her second-guess her feelings for the guy, to make her run. In the book, I think she’s already in deep enough that she won’t do that, and I’m feeling the same way. Three hours in at the library, and I’m already missing Luke and wishing I knew what was really going on in Seattle.
When my phone rings, I drag it out of my purse and answer it before there’s a chance for the librarian to give me a dirty look.
“Hello?” I whisper before I can see who the caller is.
“Claudia… why are you whispering?” It’s my mother, her voice so loud that I think the mom and her two kids at the next table can hear every word.
“I’m at the library,” I continue in a quiet voice. “Give me a minute, and I’ll head outside.”
“No, that’s all right,” she says. “I’m just checking in. If you’re at the library, does that mean you’re studying, getting a leg up for your sophomore year, maybe even considering a move to Harvard?”
How she got all that from me being at the library is what makes my mom my mom.
“I’m just reading a book… for fun,” I say, knowing it will burst that hopeful bubble of hers.
“Well, don’t let me get in the way of that.”
“How are all of you?” I ask, not wanting to get into an argument of any kind over the phone. “Are Cory and Kyle still having fun?”
“Doing well. Your father and I have basically been working remotely, but we did take the boys paragliding yesterday. Just trying to find something to wear that won’t stick to every inch of me—the humidity is absolutely beastly.”
“I was afraid of that.”
“Yes, well, you were right on that count. I’m not even sure why we bought in Florida unless we plan on coming here during the winter. Anyway… we’ll be there to collect you in about a month, dear. Just thought I’d call since I hadn’t had much of a chance to answer any of your texts. Say hello to that friend of yours and send us some nuts from that place you work at, won’t you? The boys might find that interesting.”
“I will. Love you, Mom.”
“Yes, dear… you too.” She’s the first to hang up, as if she can’t get to it fast enough.
And with the quiet, I feel suddenly alone. Even if I’m not as close to my mom as I’d like to be, she is still my mother, and the people in the library that I’ve seen around town are still just strangers. Danielle has been with Carlos all day, not answering the text I’d sent to her over an hour ago just to say hi. And the one person who I’ve come to depend on so much is away in Seattle, maybe in a meeting for his work or perhaps something far more involved with his ex-wife.
I open my book up again and try to get back into the story, wanting to know if the girl who loves the hit man will keep on loving him after everything bad about him comes out. But I still can’t quite focus, an emptiness in my gut pulling at me… scaring me.
What if Luke decides his ex-wife is more important than me? What if this thing between he and I doesn’t work? I can’t imagine being one of those people that says it’s better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all.
Bullshit.
For the first time since I knew I loved Luke, I’m scared, really scared at what it would be like without him.
Chapter Twenty-Two
LUKE
“I hate to do this to you,” I tell Claudia after she answers her phone.
“You’re still in Seattle, aren’t you?” she asks me, her voice sounding so very distant.
I’ve just left the hospital and am sitting in my truck. “I am, and I’ve got a couple more things to do. I’ve already called Dani, and she and Carlos are going to pick you up at the library and get you home.”
“Okay,” she says in a quiet voice. “Will you be coming back at all tonight?”
If it weren’t for Claudia, I’d just grab a hotel and stay here. But Dani has let me know that she plans on crashing again at Carlos’, and I don’t want to leave Claudia all by herself, especially when I think there’s something they aren’t telling me about her relationship with David.
“I’ve asked Dani and Carlos to stay there with you until I get back, but it’s going to be later.”
“I miss you, so I’ll wait up for you, okay?”
“Okay,” I tell her. “And I love you, Claudia. I mean that.”
“I love you too,” she says, and then the line is silent.
I’ve known Steven Bachmann since I was five years old, his family having moved in to the house next to ours on the shore of Lake Washington. He hadn’t understood me wanting to settle down so early with Isabelle like I had, even knowing there was a baby on the way. But he’d supported it, and like me, he’d gone into tech and made a small fortune doing it.
He’s the one real friend I feel like I still have, the one guy I can tell anything to. And I’m grateful he’s here for me tonight, waiting at the bar of one of our favorite restaurants just south of Lake Union.
“Luke my man!” he says, getting up from his bar stool and offering me a half hug.
“Steve-a-reno,” I say, using the name I’d called him when we were kids, giving that half hug back and laughing. “It’s been too long.” And yet he never seems to change. He still has that mop of unruly red hair, a face that pinks up at the first sip of alcohol and big brown eyes that reflect the zest for life he always seems to have.
“You’re telling me. At least six months. If my house wasn’t filled with three kids that keep me up at all hours and a wife I like to see at least once a day, I’d have forced you to come out with me a hell of a lot sooner than this.”
“We can’t let it happen again,” I tell him, remembering the times we’d meet up once a week for lunch or a drink, for tennis or a hike. He’d been like a brother to me, and I’ve missed him.
“No we can’t.”
We’re led to a table by a hostess I catch Steve checking out, all the while knowing he’s always been completely faithful to his wife. He’s like me in that way, not a cheating bone in his body. But while I’m generally faithful with my thoughts, Steve likes to look.
“So, what’s this about, man?” he asks, finishing up the drink he’d carried over from the bar. “You sounded spent on the phone.”
I order a drink of my own, then clasp my hands together on the table. “I j
ust really needed to talk to a friend… well, I needed to talk to you. I think you’re the only one who can understand my current predicament.”
He swirls around the last remaining ice cubes in his glass. “I’ll take one guess. It’s about Isabelle, isn’t it?”
“She’s part of it, but it’s not just about her.”
“She shouldn’t be any of it.” He eases back in the booth and puts his hands up. “Just saying. I don’t mean any offense.”
“None taken.” He’d been telling me for years that I should just walk away from my ex and let the cards fall as they may. And then I’d remind him about Dani and my duty to keep her mother well if I had the power to do it.
“You always have been a forgiving guy,” he says. “Now tell me what the rest of this is about then.”
I’m eager to tell him about Claudia, and I don’t hesitate in starting. “I never thought I could feel so happy, so clear about the direction in my life while also feeling the worst of it, like making the wrong move could lead to a long road of emptiness ahead.”
He crosses his arms over his chest, his expression quizzical. “You in love?”
I nod. “It’s probably too soon, too fast, but yeah… I’m in love. Very.”
He whistles, a big smile spreading across his face. “Well I’ll be damned. This, I want to hear.”
I’m preparing to tell him when the server comes over to take our food order, and it’s not until after we’ve both gotten a full drink that he’s leaning in again, his eyes brightening at the prospect of me loving someone other than Isabelle.
“Give me the good news before you tell me anything bad about your ex. So, who is this woman that’s managed to snare you? She must be something.”
“She is.” God, how do I even describe her and do her justice? “She’s just genuine… beautiful and smart. I think I knew I loved her the moment I saw her.”
His interest is obvious. “And how did you meet this beautiful, smart, genuine woman?”
I take in a deep breath. This is the part that I’m hoping he won’t judge me too harshly for. “She was dancing… in her underwear and a tank top.”
“Seriously? Where the hell does one go to find that?”
I feel my lips going up in a grin at the memory of it. “I walked in on her, should have turned away but didn’t. And then I saw her face.” I shake my head. “I’ve never seen a face like that before.”
He’s leaning toward me, seeming to have forgotten all about his drink. “So, you meet her in a dressing room or something?”
“I met her in Danielle’s room,” I say quickly. “She’s her best friend, and her name’s Claudia.”
“No shit.” He looks amazed, maybe even amused. “So, this Claudia has to be young, right?”
“Well, yeah, she’s—”
“Wait. Wait!” He puts up his hands stopping me. “Let me see if I can figure it out using the formula.”
“What formula?” I ask, slightly confused but glad my friend isn’t judging me too harshly… yet.
“You know, the one where you divide your age in half and then add seven years? If you’re going younger, it’ll give you the optimal age of how young the girl should be.”
I do the math in my head while he’s doing his out loud.
“Okay, half of thirty six is eighteen, then add seven, and we get… what is that? Twenty five?”
I’d already arrived at the number in my head, and I’m six years off.
“She’s nineteen,” I tell him just to get it out of the way. “But if it makes me seem like less of a creep, she doesn’t act like most nineteen year olds. She’s staying with us for a couple of months, and instead of just laying around doing nothing, she got a job on her first full day in Echo Ridge.”
“Phew… oh, man.” He eases back into the booth. “But she’s still got the body of a nineteen year old, right? All firm and—”
“Steve, she’s not just some piece of ass. That isn’t what this is.”
“No, of course not. Does Danielle hate you for it though?”
“She doesn’t know.”
“Shit, that’s even better. A secret affair… sneaking around. You have had sex with this girl, right?”
“It’s not just about sex.”
“But you have, huh?” He’s like a dog salivating over red meat, probably wanting to live a little vicariously.
I tilt my chin affirmatively. “I love her, and she loves me. We’ll tell people when it’s the right time.”
Our food comes, and while I haven’t eaten anything since breakfast, I don’t have an appetite quite yet with everything that’s on my mind. Steve, on the other hand, digs right in.
“I don’t know, man,” he says between bites. “Is there really a right time to tell your daughter you’re sleeping with her best friend? I think the longer you keep it to yourself, the more betrayed she’s going to feel… unless you don’t think it’s going to work out? Like you said, it’s kind of quick to fall in love, right?”
“Yeah, but I’ve got to have some faith it will work out, that I actually know what I’m doing, and that Dani will understand. Then of course there’s Claudia’s parents to think about… and then Isabelle.”
Steve puts his fork down. “Ah, yes, Isabelle. The bad news. She in the hospital again?”
“Unfortunately… yes.”
He shakes his head, a flare of anger coming over his face. “And where is the douche bag? Shouldn’t he be the one taking care of her?”
“The douche bag’s whereabouts are unknown. He’s probably just back at their house on the coast ignoring the situation. Isabelle gets stitched up, heads back to him and then she’s back in the hospital as soon as he pushes her over the next ledge.”
“And you’re still footing the bill I suppose? That private nut house can’t be cheap.”
“It’s a psychiatric unit, Steve, not a nut house.”
“Sorry, my bad. What it’s called doesn’t change the price tag though, does it?”
I shrug. No, it doesn’t. I’ve spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on her care over the years, paying for treatment insurance has deemed unnecessary. “What choice do I have?”
“You can walk away. She is your ex-wife. And it’s her choice to be with the guy that keeps making her sick.”
“Easier said than done. She’s also Dani’s mother.”
“Yeah, but does Danielle even ever want to see her? I can’t imagine she does.”
“She might again someday.” And that’s really the crux of it. I want her mother to be the healthiest she can be for if and when Danielle decides she needs her in her life.
“Someday… someday. And what do you do in the interim? This is going to mess with this girl of yours.”
“I’m hoping it won’t.”
“You can hope all you want, but a girl as young as that isn’t going to feel very loved if you keep running back to your ex, no matter how good your intentions are.”
He’s right. Of course he is. But that’s a hard thing to admit out loud. It’s difficult to just abandon someone, even harder when she brought up Brandon’s name today. It hurt, but it also sucked me right back into a place I probably shouldn’t be.
My appetite ends up returning when I ask about Steve’s family and how his business is going. He tells me he’s running 24/7 but that he loves it, that there isn’t a minute to feel bored or depressed or anything else because literally every minute of his day is filled with work or his family.
And while I’m not sure that would be the life for me, I do want my days to be filled with more than just work. I’d like them to be filled with Claudia for a very long time to come.
I just hope I, or Isabelle, won’t screw it up.
All I want to do is crash when I pull up to the house, but I’ll want to see Claudia more. When I walk into the entryway, Dani and Carlos are snuggled up on one couch with Claudia opposite them, covered with a throw. My eyes linger on Claudia, looking sweet, innocent… welcoming.
>
“And you’re back,” Dani says, jumping up and out of her boyfriend’s arms to give me a hug. “How was Seattle?”
“Cloudy,” I tell her, trying to keep it light. “Hey there, Carlos,” I say, bending down to shake his hand. Then I turn to Claudia and nod a hello.
“Haven’t seen you in a while, Luke,” Carlos says, having always been comfortable using my first name. “My folks say hi by the way.”
“We’ll all have to get together for a barbecue soon,” I tell him. “Seems like we used to do a lot more of that when you guys were still in high school.”
“That was forever ago, Daddy,” Dani says, grabbing up her purse. “If it’s okay, I’m going to sleep over at Carlos’ tonight.”
“Of course it’s all right,” I tell her, knowing that was her plan. I’ve always tried to be the modern dad, the cool dad, the one who understood my daughter was human and loved her boyfriend. But there is still that pang of protectiveness that doesn’t like letting her go, even if I trust Carlos like I’d trust a son.
“I’ll be by tomorrow to take you to work,” Dani tells Claudia who sheds her throw.
“I can take her,” I tell Dani, while Claudia looks on, wearing nothing more than some cotton shorts and a tank top.
“No, I’ve been a terrible friend,” Dani says. “Plus, I promised her we’d grab brunch or something first.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Claudia tells her. “You too, Carlos.”
“Bye, Daddy.” Dani gives me a kiss on the cheek before she moves past me.
“See you later, Luke,” Carlos says, trailing her.
And then they’re gone, off into the night, my daughter so grown up and attached at the hip to her boyfriend.
“Other than being gray, how was Seattle?” Claudia walks over to me and rubs her hand against my arm.
“Stressful.” I pull her up next to me. “And I missed you.” I kiss her forehead, then move down to her lips, my need for her stirring.
The Years Between Us Page 14
