“So…you and Hazel, huh?” Instead of sounding flippant or as a friend asking another, it came out awkward and strange.
Leave it to me.
He tilted his head. “What about Hazel?”
“Nothing. I mean, I saw her this morning.” I shrugged, moving to a cut near his temple.
“If you want to know something, Spencer, ask me.” He flinched as the cloth hit his fresh injury. “I don’t do passive shite.”
“It’s none of my business.”
“This is the second time you’ve brought it up. Clearly, something is bothering you. So just say it.”
“What? You two make a perfect couple…though Katy is going to be devastated.”
“Jesus.” He dropped his hands. Pushing away from me, he got to his feet, his features laced with ire. “Passive-aggressive does not suit you. Say what you want to say.”
I stood; the feeling he could see right through me had me scrambling to lock up my walls.
“There’s nothing to say. Though screwing Hazel when you’re in the palace, across from my room, supposedly watching me…kind of tacky.”
“I was off duty. Got you safely tucked in your bed. Not that you made it fuckin’ easy for me.” He tipped his head, a nerve twitching along his jaw. Another sliver of a memory slid to the back of my mind. Us at the club. Touching him. Wanting him. I was about to kiss him.
Bloody hell.
My head snapped to the side, cheeks flaming with chagrin. The rest of the night was still vague, though the inkling I had done a striptease for him in my room flooded me with humiliation.
“What I do in my time off, and who I do it with, is my business.” He stepped into my face. “Tell me, why do you care who I screw? I’m only your hired help, right? The lowly staff you will soon be able to order about, to hold your clutch purse at events.”
“Fuck you,” I snapped. “That’s not me.” I was the girl who rode through mud and water, who mucked pig slop and didn’t care when I smelled like sweat and horses. Who wanted to be with the animals, saving them, helping them, protecting them.
At least I used to be.
“The girl I first met sat on top of the table, ate pizza while covered in horsehair, and had a wickedly blunt mouth.” He stepped up to me. I only took one step back, and my spine pressed into the wall, having nowhere to go. He pressed one hand against the wall next to my head. “What happened to her? She was full of life.”
“She’s still here.” But was she? I felt like I was losing touch with my dreams, my life…my soul.
“Okay, then tell me.” He moved in closer, his shoes nipping at my toes, his figure looming over me. “Why do you care who I sleep with?”
“I don—”
“Spencer,” he growled, my lungs clutching for oxygen as shivers ran through my body, my core tightening.
“Because…” I whispered, my neck twisting to the side, not able to look at him.
“Why?” He grabbed my chin roughly, turning it back to him, zipping fuel into my veins.
I knew I could tell him to back off, to take his hands off me, to leave me alone. He would obey without a word.
I could.
I should.
But a truth I didn’t want to accept ran over me like a trolley. I didn’t want him to.
The bomb could have easily taken me.
How to curtsy so you wouldn’t insult people, the correct dinner fork, the perfect dress, the proper way to wave. It was all meaningless, even our property. We were all alive. We had each other. Everything else was insignificant.
“Tell me, Spencer. Be honest with me for just a moment.”
“You don’t think I’m being honest?” I pushed against his grip, challenging him. “Are you being so honest?”
“What do you want to know?” He dropped his hand from my face, placing it on the other side of my head, boxing me in. “Ask.”
My mouth pressed together.
“You’re too afraid to ask.”
“Ask what?”
“How I feel when I watch Theo come out of your bedroom.”
Air sharply huffed through my nose, my entire body boiling with heat. “But you hate me.”
“Fuck, did I try.” He waggled his head. “I really tried.”
“Why?” I peered up at him. “The moment you met me, you treated me like I was beneath you.”
A harsh chuckle vibrated his chest. “Yeah, I wanted to hate you from then too.”
He shoved off the wall, moving away from me. Folding my arms, I tried to fend off the urge to reach back for him.
“During training, Theo couldn’t stop talking about you, showing us your picture. Jesus, we were all sick of hearing your name. He was so young and naïve compared to us jaded arseholes. Had no understanding of loss in life, just rainbows and unicorns. And you rode over all of them.” He tipped back against the door, rubbing at his neck. “I hated the world. There was nothing but darkness…then I saw you.” He exhaled a flimsy laugh. “I realized you were my punishment.”
“Punishment for what?”
His eyes met mine. “I used to be a Theo. Naïve and clueless to how cruel life can be. Gracie grew up on the neighboring farm. We were young and thought ourselves so in love. Funny what you’ll ignore, the truths you keep shoving away, so you will fit. She never wanted to leave the farm, and I couldn’t wait to go. She was sweet, timid, and would have given into me about anything. And I was too young and stupid to have noticed her sacrificing everything for me. So, life decided to show me…”
I didn’t move or speak, afraid he’d stop.
“I had been desperate for us to have sex. And finally, she agreed. We were swimming in the lake with my sister, Daisy, and our make-out session was getting really hot and heavy. So we went around the barn.” He swallowed, looking up.
My stomach sank, already knowing where this was going. I knew what had happened to his sister.
“Not a sound. Not one thing told me she needed me. I came back with a huge smile on my face, practically bouncing. I remember calling out for her, walking back up to lake…” His throat bobbed. “I saw her in the middle…face down…floating. She had an asthma attack and drowned.”
I rolled my lips together, emotion wetting my eyes.
“I tried to save her, but it was too late. She died because, at fifteen, all I could think about was shagging my girlfriend for the first time. My sister is dead because I wasn’t there for her.”
“Lennox.” I traveled to him, not sure what to say. What do you even say to something like that?
Wrapping my arms around his waist, I let my body speak instead. He wiggled against me, trying to step away, but I didn’t relent until he sighed, his arms curling around me.
“I’m sorry.”
“Yeah. Me too.” He stepped back, clearing his throat. “My parents died a few years later, and the moment I turned eighteen, I enrolled in the military to get away.”
“And Gracie?”
“She married some arsehole who didn’t truly love her. Made her so depressed, she tried to kill herself by overdosing on sleeping pills.”
“Holy. Fuck.” I blurted, my mouth falling open. The tragedy in his life was so heart wrenching and endless.
A slight smile hinted on Lennox’s mouth, his fingers rubbing at his scruff, his eyes piercing me. “There she is.”
“Bloody hell, Lennox.” I shook my head. “I am so sorry.”
He scoured his chin. “I’ve never told anyone about Daisy.”
“And you told me.”
“Yeah, well, most likely no one will find us, and you’ll kill me and eat me for nutrients.” He shrugged.
“Wow, that escalated quickly.”
“You saying you wouldn’t eat me?”
“I’m so not answering that.”
He smirked, pushing off the door, stepping up to me. “You’re still bleeding. Here. Good thing, it doesn’t look like you have a concussion.” He tugged the tie from my fingers, looping it around my head, cinc
hing it in like a bandana, the tail dangling down one of my shoulders. A slight smile tugged the side of his mouth, his eyes on mine. “Start a new trend.” I couldn’t look away; his gaze was a force field I couldn’t fight. His eyes ran over me, his chest taking in a pull of air before he muttered in my ear. “Just so you know…I would totally eat you.”
Heat squeezed at my legs, desire flaming up my nerves. I almost didn’t care which way he meant it.
Shite.
His head suddenly jerked, his finger going to his ear. “Yeah, we’re here,” Lennox spoke into his com, jolting me to him with hope and relief. His brow furrowed, his attention going to the door as if he could see through it. “Seriously?” More silence.
“What?” I asked him. He shook his head, bowing to listen to whoever was speaking on the other end.
“Yeah. I understand.” He blew out. “Not like we have choice…yeah…I will tell her. Okay. Thanks, mate.” Lennox lifted his head to me, pulling out his earpiece.
“What?”
“Good news is Theo and the King are safe and back at the palace.”
“Okay.” Weariness lowered my lids. “The bad?”
“I guess half the ceiling fell in during the second explosion,” he tapered off, flicking his chin at the door.
“And they can’t get to us.”
“They’re trying, but they have to go slow because of…” He scratched at drying blood on his cheek.
“Dead bodies.”
“No, it’s the live ones they’re going slow for.”
My shoulders sagged, but my head bobbed, my hands going to my hips. “We’re alive and safe. So we wait. It’s fine.”
“It might be all night.”
Staring up at him, nerves danced around in my stomach. Being locked in with him was not safe for me.
“Oh, Dalton told me to tell you Theo says he loves you and is thinking about you.”
I couldn’t even stop my flinch at hearing those words coming out of Lennox’s mouth, bothering and confusing me far more than I wanted to admit. A deep-seated fear the words said by one and sentiment coming from another were flipped upside down.
Everything inside me felt like the bomb had torn me open like a piñata, spilling truth and awareness I didn’t want to examine all over the floor in utter chaos.
Please, someone, get us out of here soon…
Chapter 2
Thirsty.
Exhausted.
Hungry.
And bloody hell, did I have to pee.
“I already told you, there’s a bucket right there.” Lennox nodded toward the yellow mop pail, watching me shift uncomfortably on the floor. He sat across from me, his back against the wall, his legs stretching out next to mine. I was trying to hold it, hoping someone would open the door at any moment and let us out, but the hours ticked by, making my need overwhelm my pride over urinating in a bucket in front of him.
“Come on, farm girl, don’t tell me you haven’t peed in the bushes instead of going all the way back to the house.”
“All the time.” I curled my knees higher into my chest. “When I was little. And I think this is slightly different.”
“I promise I will face the wall.”
I snorted, the tug straining my muscles around my stomach.
“Never thought of you as the modest type.” He stood suddenly, and I jerked my head up to him. “Well, I have to go. When you’ve had the runs in the middle of a desert with an entire platoon with you, you tend to lose your modesty.”
“Ugh. I didn’t need to know that.”
“What I’m saying is you can watch if you want to.” He winked, turning his back to me. The sound of his zipper raked down my spine like a xylophone. My lungs clenched as my eyes curved over his arse, imagining the tattoo underneath.
My cheeks burned with embarrassment at the sound of liquid hitting plastic, not because I was listening to him pee, but because this felt extremely intimate. I would never even think about being like this with Theo, even if it was him who was locked in here with me. He was far too proper. It would feel awkward and wrong. But underneath his suit, Lennox was raw, real, and visceral, making you feel so alive and aware, cutting through all the bullshite.
Wrapping my arms around my legs, this foreign feeling of utter awareness of him stole the air from the room, dampening my skin and rushing my lungs.
Afraid.
Angry.
Guilty.
I hated it. He challenged me, scared the crap out of me, and jumbled everything I thought I understood.
“Your turn, Duchess.” He twisted back to me, watching me as he zipped back up.
“Please don’t call me that.” I got to my feet, glaring up at him. Fine, he wanted to see if the country girl would take his dare? Keeping my eyes on him, I moved around him to the bucket, his eyes tracking my every move. I positioned myself, my fingers sliding down to the bottom of the A-line flowery dress they put me in, curling around the hem.
His shoulders rose as his chest filled.
I should have told him to turn away, give me some semblance of privacy, but the words caught in my throat, something shifting in that moment. The cage I had been living it now rubbed against my bones, feeling itchy and confining. My world had become so small in its grandeur—everything above standard, perfect, by the book. As a child, I liked to color out of the lines, but after years of being told to conform, I did to keep the peace. Lennox was pushing me out of the boxes everyone put me in, making me question myself. My limits. My rules.
The space between us grew thick with tension—a dare.
My hands curled up my skirt, tugging at my knickers, slowly sliding them down my legs.
He sucked in, his expression unaffected, but his chest moved rapidly, his throat bobbing. I didn’t break my gaze from him as I did my business, wanting to push this boundary within myself. To see where my lines were drawn.
My heart pounded, but it only took a few moments to realize I wasn’t ashamed or uncomfortable. All my issues yammering in my head weren’t really mine, but society’s opinions berating me, telling me how I should think, respond, and feel.
Neither of us looked away, the flashlight glinting off the gold flecks ringing his pupils, making him appear like a feral animal in the dark.
Tugging my panties back up, I straightened, feeling strangely confident. Strolling back around Lennox, my shoulder brushed his as I went back to my place on the floor, feeling a hundred times better.
Lennox didn’t move. His back facing me, he stared at the ground, taking in deep breaths.
I affected him.
And I liked that.
Too much.
The poise I felt a moment ago crumbled around me, and a truth I wanted to ignore, to tear up into little bits, bounced up to the surface, dancing on my chest, not letting me disregard it as something else.
I knew it had been there a while. Longer than I wanted to admit to myself.
Curling into a ball, I faced the wall, squeezing my lids, air struggling to fully touch my lungs. Awareness came with a harsh price. Once you welcomed it, you couldn’t hide from it.
Brutal.
Cruel.
I heard him lowering himself to the ground next to me, the heat of his body reaching for me like fingers, crawling over my skin, consuming me.
My awareness became its own entity in the room. A conscious, living and breathing monster, switching every nerve I had in my body to high.
“Spencer?” My name on his lips pulsed desire through me, crunching me into a tighter ball. “Hey.” His palm grazed my shoulder.
Don’t touch me. Panic flayed around at the base of my neck, grinding my teeth together. My emotions were riding high being locked in this small space with him, and after our brush with death, the craving to feel every bit of life throbbed through my body.
“I’m sorry. I should have turned away. I crossed the line.”
I twisted my head around to look at him. That’s why he thinks I’m upset? Becau
se he watched me pee?
“Theo’s my mate…you’re his girl.” He dug his knuckles into the space between his brows, breathing out. “I can’t seem to think clearly.”
“Why?” I whispered.
He peered down at me, then looked away, shaking his head. “You don’t want to know.”
“Yes, I do.”
“Spencer…” he rumbled, danger twitching his cheek. “You don’t. Trust me. And if you push me…it’s not something that can be taken back.”
“Tell me.” Sitting up, I pushed against the fragile barrier, knowing a dam was about to break. “You said all I had to do was ask.”
“Fuck,” he muttered, running a hand through his tousled locks, dried blood and dirt clinging to his fingers and hair. “You really want to take everything from me, don’t you?”
“What do you mean by that?”
“My job.” His gaze tore into me, fury straining his features. “My sanity.”
“Why?”
“Jesus, woman…because of you,” he roared, standing, moving away from me. “You make me lose my bloody mind. I tried to hate you. Wanted you to hate me. I tried to keep you at arm’s length. I even tried other women.”
Standing up, I gritted my jaw together, feeling like I had been sucker-punched.
“I failed.” He tossed up his arms, glowering at me. “You happy now?”
Happy? That wasn’t the right word, but I felt…something. It was the same as him.
“What happened the other night?” I licked my lip, staring at the ground, folding my arms.
“What?” Confusion laced the word.
“At the club? After the club?” My neck hot and sticky, I tugged my grimy hair over one shoulder.
“You were high and drunk.”
“I tried to kiss you, didn’t I?” I inhaled, my shoulders rising like a guardrail.
“You weren’t really in your right mind. You probably thought I was Theo.”
I could see he was trying to let me off the hook, let me have a way out. If I took it, it only felt like another cage.
“I didn’t.”
His head darted to the side, his jaw rolling.
“You were on E, so you’d want to touch anything or anybody.”
“But I wanted to kiss you.”
Royal Command (Royal Watch Book 2) Page 2
