The results of the few enquiries he’d made into Caro’s life since returning to London—showing the extent of her withdrawal into herself—had shocked him. That was the price she’d paid for the breakdown of their marriage. It was a price she should never have paid and it was time for it to stop.
He touched a finger to her temple—gently and very briefly. ‘The Scrabble is for your mind and the dance classes are for your body. A healthy mind and a—’
She blew out a breath that made her fringe flutter. ‘And a healthy body,’ she finished for him. ‘If you say one word about me eating too much cake...’
‘Wouldn’t dream of it. Cake is necessary too. I don’t see why you should feel guilty about eating cake.’
She rolled her shoulders. ‘I don’t.’
‘Then stop being so defensive.’
He moved them to one side as a couple bounded up the steps to push through the door.
The young woman turned just before entering. ‘Are you thinking of joining the class? You should. It’s great fun—and a really good workout.’
‘My friend here is,’ Jack said, before Caro could pooh-pooh the whole idea. ‘The problem is that I can only attend tonight.’
‘That’s not a problem. There are two guys in the class who are currently looking for partners—Marcus and Timothy.’ She leaned in closer. ‘I’d go with Tim. He’s a bit shy, but really lovely. See you inside.’
With a smile, she and her partner disappeared through the door.
Jack turned back to Caro and spread his hands, saying nothing, just letting the situation speak for itself. She bit her lip, glancing once again at the flyer on the door.
Her uncertainty pricked him. ‘You loved dancing once.’
‘Yes.’
He wanted to ask her what she was afraid of. He didn’t. He decided to try and lighten the mood instead. ‘It’s either this or rock wall climbing.’
She spun back to him, her eyes widening. ‘I beg your pardon?’
‘There’s a gym not too far from your flat that has a climbing wall. I bet it’d be great fun. A great workout for the arms too.’
A laugh shot out of her. ‘You can’t be serious?’
‘Why not?’ He grinned back at her. ‘Except as we’re here, and not there, I did come to the conclusion that you’d prefer this to that. If I’m wrong, just say the word.’
When had she become so risk-averse?
With another laugh, she took his arm and hauled him into the hall.
She wore an amber-coloured dress with a fitted bodice and a skirt that flared gently to mid-calf. It looked deceptively plain until she moved, and then the material—shot through with sparkling threads of gold and bronze—shimmered. Beneath the lights she sparkled, until he had to blink to clear his vision. He led her to a spot on the dance floor before moving away to speak to the dance instructor for a few moments.
He drew in a fortifying breath before returning to Caro and waiting for the class to begin.
He was insanely careful to keep a respectable distance between their bodies when the music started and the instructor began barking out instructions, but her warmth and her scent swirled up around him, playing sweet havoc with his senses. The touch of her hand in his, the feel of her through the thin material of her dress where his hand rested at her waist, sent a surge of hot possessiveness coursing through him.
He had no right to that possessiveness.
He gritted his teeth. He only had to get through one night of salsa. Just a single hour. He gritted his teeth harder. He could do it.
‘I can’t believe how quickly it’s all coming back,’ Caro murmured, swinging away and then swinging back.
Her throaty whisper told him that their proximity bothered her too. That didn’t help. He pulled in a deep breath, but it only made him draw in more of her scent. That really didn’t help. Don’t think about it.
‘I was worried your feet might be black and blue after an hour of dancing with me.’
‘Liar! If you were worried about anybody’s feet it was your own. You were always better at this than me.’
‘Not true. I mastered the moves quicker, but once you had them down pat you were a hundred times better.’
Their gazes snagged and locked. They moved across the dance floor with an effortlessness that had Jack feeling as if they were flying. Staring into her dark caramel eyes, he could almost feel himself falling...
Stop! a voice screamed through his mind.
With a heart that beat too hard, he dragged his gaze away. He had to swallow a couple of times before he trusted his voice to work. ‘I checked with the teacher and found out that’s Tim over there.’ He nodded across the room to a slim, well-groomed man with light hair and a pleasant smile.
Caro mistimed her step and trod on Jack’s foot. ‘Oops.’ She grimaced up at him in apology. ‘It’s a challenge to count steps, talk and look round all at the same time.’
Fibber. But he didn’t call her on it.
‘Why don’t we introduce ourselves at the end of the lesson?’
One of her shoulders lifted. ‘Seems to me he’s found a partner.’
‘She’s an instructor here. She’s filling in to make up the numbers.’ He glanced across at the other man again. ‘He seems pleasant enough. He’s not tramping all over her feet either, so that’s a plus.’
‘For heaven’s sake, Jack! Do you want to give him my phone number and set me up on a date with him too?’
He snapped back at her biting tone. ‘Don’t be ridiculous.’ He glanced across at the other man again. This Tim wasn’t her type...was he? ‘Your private life is your own to do with as you will.’
It suddenly occurred to him that encouraging Caro to get out more would throw her into the company of men. Men who would ask her out. Men she might find attractive.
He had a sudden vision of Caro in the other man’s arms and—
‘Ouch!’
He pulled to an abrupt halt. ‘Hell! Sorry!’
He bent down to rub her foot, but she pushed him away, glaring at him. ‘What are you doing?’
‘I was...um...going to rub it better.’
‘Not necessary!’
Those amazing eyes of hers flashed cinnamon and gold fire and all he could think of was kissing her foot better, and then working his way up her leg and—’
‘Come! Come!’
The dance instructor, who had a tendency to repeat everything twice, marched up to them now, clapping his hands, making Jack blink.
‘You must concentrate! Concentrate, Jack. Take your partner in your arms.’
He adjusted their positions, moving them a fraction closer to each other, pressing a hand into the small of Caro’s back to force her to straighten. The action thrust her chest towards Jack. Jack stared at those delectable curves, mere centimetres from his chest, and swallowed convulsively.
Good God! Torture. Utter torture.
‘You must maintain eye contact,’ the teacher barked at them.
With a superhuman effort Jack raised his eyes to Caro’s.
‘This is the salsa!’ The man made an exaggerated gesture with his hands. ‘This is the dance of flirtation!’
Caro’s eyes widened. It was all Jack could do to swallow back a groan.
‘So...you must flirt.’ He performed another flourish. ‘Flirt!’
Caro’s eyes started to dance, and Jack could feel answering laughter building inside him. The instructor moved away to harangue another couple.
‘You will flirt,’ Caro ordered in a mock authoritarian tone. ‘We have ways of making you flirt!’
He gulped back a bark of laughter.
‘It’s quite a conundrum,’ Caro continued, this time in her own voice. ‘How exactly does one flirt while dancing?’
She made her eyes innocent and wide. Too innocent. He felt suddenly alive.
He grinned and nodded towards their teacher. ‘According to him, lots of eye contact.’
She eyeballed Jack, making him la
ugh. ‘Tick,’ she said. ‘We have that down pat. But we can’t accidentally brush fingers when we’re already holding hands.’
‘And with your hands already engaged you can’t do that cute twirling of your hair around one finger thing, while giving me a come-hither look.’
She snorted back a laugh. ‘Ah, but I can lasciviously lick my lips in a suggestive fashion.’
She proceeded to do so—but she did it in such an over the top fashion he found himself hard pressed not to dissolve into laughter.
‘Your turn,’ she instructed. ‘You will flirt!’
He copied her move in an even more exaggerated way, until they were laughing so hard they had to hold onto each other to remain upright.
‘Excellent! Excellent!’ The instructor beamed at them. ‘Now, dance.’
The rest of the hour flew by.
‘That was fun,’ Caro said a little breathlessly when they stood on the footpath outside afterwards.
Jack put her breathlessness down to the unaccustomed exercise.
‘Night, Tim,’ she called out when the other man bounded down the steps.
‘See you next week, Caro,’ the other man called back, with a smile that set Jack’s teeth on edge.
He refused to put Caro’s breathlessness down to the fact she’d made a new friend.
‘Stop glaring like that,’ Caro chided. ‘It was your idea.’
Not one of his better ones, though. It felt as if he was handing her over to another man. Without a fight.
He scowled up at the sky. ‘Just remember I don’t want an invitation to your wedding.’
‘I’m not even going to dignify that with an answer.’
He shook himself. He wouldn’t blame her for simply walking away. ‘Sorry. Uh...hungry?’
She eyed him for a moment before finally nodding. ‘Yes.’
Excellent! He refused to dwell on why he wasn’t ready for the night to end. ‘There’s a great little restaurant around the corner that has—’
‘No.’
He frowned at her. ‘No?’
‘A restaurant meal is too much like a date, Jack, and we aren’t dating. C’mon—I know a better place.’
The dance school was in Bermondsey, just a couple of stops on the tube from Caro’s nearest station. He’d chosen it for the convenience of its location. He’d wanted to make attending classes there as easy and trouble-free for her as possible. He scowled down at his feet. He hadn’t meant for it to be that easy for her to hook up with another man, though.
He tried to shrug the thought off. It shouldn’t matter to him. He wanted a divorce, remember?
Ten minutes later he found himself in a large park, with people dotting the green space, making the most of the summer evening.
She pointed. ‘There.’
He grimaced. ‘A fish and chip van?’
‘You can get a burger if you prefer.’
Without further ado she marched up to the van and ordered a single portion of fish and chips. She shook her head when he reached for his wallet. She paid for it herself. She didn’t offer to pay for his meal.
He received the message loud and clear.
He ordered the same, and then found them a vacant park bench. He figured her dress wasn’t made for sitting on the grass.
‘So, if this isn’t a date,’ he said, unwrapping his fish and chips, ‘what is it?’
‘The kind of meal friends would share.’
Was this how she and Tim would start out—sharing a friendly meal in the park? Maybe they’d eventually progress to dinner in a pub, and then romantic candlelit dinners for two in posh restaurants?
Stop it! Caro deserves to be happy.
He closed his eyes. She did deserve to be happy.
‘Are you okay?’ she asked quietly.
It was one of the things he’d always appreciated about her—she never made a fuss, never drew attention unnecessarily.
He shook his head, and then nodded, and finally shrugged, feeling oddly at sea. ‘I wanted to say that I’ve thought about what you said the other day.’
‘Hmm...?’ She popped a chip into her mouth. ‘You might need to be a bit more specific than that.’
‘About my reasons for wanting children.’
She paused with a chip halfway to her mouth. ‘You don’t have to explain anything to me, Jack.’
‘If not to you, then who?’
She lowered the chip back to the packet. ‘To yourself.’
He stared around the park, at the family groups dotted here and there, and his soul yearned towards them. To belong like that, to be loved like that...to create that—it was all he’d ever really wanted.
He turned back to Caro. ‘It’s occurred to me that I’m better prepared for fatherhood now than I was five years ago. You were right. I wanted children too much back then.’
‘I’m not sure it’s possible to want something like that too much,’ she said carefully.
‘You were spot-on. I wanted them for me—to make me feel better and...and whole.’
She stilled, staring down at the food in her lap. ‘Even if that was the case, I don’t doubt that you’d have been a fabulous father.’
‘Maybe—but I’d have had a few rude awakenings along the way.’
She went back to eating. ‘That’s just life.’
‘I wanted you to know that, after looking back, I don’t blame you for the misgivings you had.’
She slumped, as if her spine no longer had the strength to support her. She stared at him, her eyes sparking copper and gold. ‘That...’ She swallowed. ‘Thank you. That... It means a lot.’
She deserved to be happy.
He forced himself to continue. ‘You’ve also made me confront my own selfishness.’
Her head rocked back.
‘When I said I wanted to have a family, what I really wanted was for you to give me a family. I expected you to give up work and be a full-time mother.’ He stared down at his hands. ‘But if someone had asked me to give up everything I was asking you to give up when I was twenty-five, I wouldn’t have given it up without a fight either. I’m...I’m sorry I asked that of you.’
She reached out to grip his hand. She didn’t speak until he turned to look at her. ‘What you wanted wasn’t a bad thing, Jack. Stop beating yourself up about it. Apology accepted, okay?’
Her words and her smile made him feel lighter. She released his hand and it took all his strength not to reach for her again.
‘Wow...’ She shook her head. ‘When you say you want closure you really mean it, huh?’
He didn’t want closure. He wanted her back.
The knowledge he’d been trying to ignore for two days pounded through him now.
‘For my part...’ She pushed her shoulders back. ‘I’m sorry I withdrew into myself the way I did. I should’ve tried to talk to you more, explained how I was feeling. You’re not a mind reader. It was unfair of me.’
But she’d been scared—scared that he’d reject her. Just as she was too scared to take a chance on them again now.
‘I am truly sorry for that, Jack.’
‘Likewise—apology accepted.’
Could he change her mind? His heart beat hard. Could he find a way to make her fall in love with him again? What about the issue of children? Could he give that dream up for Caro?
* * *
Caro tried to ignore how hard her heart burned at the careworn, almost defeated expression on Jack’s face.
She tried to dredge up a smile. ‘We’re a classic example of marry in haste, repent at leisure.’
They should have made more time to get to know each other on an intellectual level, discussed what they wanted out of life. Instead they’d trusted their instincts—had believed so strongly that they were fated for each other. Because that was what it had felt like—and they’d ignored everything else.
Being with Jack had felt so right. The world had made sense in a way it never had before. The fact of the matter, though, was that their i
nstincts had led them astray. They’d wanted to believe so badly in the rightness and the uniqueness of their love that they’d left logic, clear thinking and reality behind. Arrogant—that was what they’d been...too arrogant.
‘You don’t believe what’s been broken can be fixed, do you?’
He was talking about them. Her stomach churned. He wasn’t thinking clearly—muddled by a combination of hormones, nostalgia and an aching sentimentality that she could—unfortunately—relate to. The fact that he found himself liking her again had rocked him—shocked him to his marrow. It was no surprise to her that she still liked him.
She glanced across and a chasm of yearning opened up inside her. Not liking each other would make things so much easier. If only...
She bit back a sigh. No, she couldn’t think like that. One of them had to keep a clear head.
‘No.’ She made herself speak clearly and confidently. ‘I don’t believe we can be fixed.’
His shoulders slumped and it took all of Caro’s strength not to lean across and hug him, unsay her words. Jack hated failure. He always had. But in a day or two he’d see that she was right—that she was saving both of them from more heartbreak.
‘Eat your chips,’ she ordered. ‘They’ll make you feel better.’
He cocked a disbelieving eyebrow. ‘Chips will make me feel better?’
‘Deep-fried carbohydrate cannot help but boost the soul.’
Five years ago Jack had left angry—in a white-hot fury. And he’d stayed angry for all this time. It was what had fuelled him. Now that the anger was dissipating it was only natural that he should find himself grieving for their lost love. She’d already done her grieving. He was just catching up.
It was odd, then, how she found herself wanting to be there for him as he went through it.
Dangerous.
The word whispered through her and she acknowledged its innate truth. She had to be careful not to get sucked back into the disaster their marriage had become. She couldn’t go through that a second time.
She went back to diligently eating her chips. Wallowing wouldn’t do either one of them any good. What they needed was a sharp reminder of their differences.
Harlequin Romance February 2016 Box Set Page 46
