Tori made a couple of additional attempts at conversation as they all but jogged the few blocks back to Lauren’s. Just a few yards to solitude, Lauren sped up. She’d get inside and bolt the door on Tori. Cry now, explain later if she had to, but she couldn’t — just couldn’t — deal with Tori right now. She’d probably report right back to James.
Denae crossed the porch of the duplex to Lauren’s door, a wide grin on her face. “Did you two have fun?”
Lauren skidded to a stop. “You, too?” she spat out.
Denae’s smile faltered. “Uh oh.”
“Bailey got there first, and she was all draped over James’s shoulder when we walked in.” Tori’s voice was tinged with regret.
How was it even possible to be angrier than she’d been a minute ago? But Lauren was absolutely seeing red, with blood pulsing in her temples. “Nice. And I thought you were my friends.”
Tori sighed. “We are.”
“Right. Friends don’t sneak around people’s backs and try to maneuver things.”
“Not as a rule,” said Tori. “Only when their friend is unusually stubborn.”
Lauren rolled her eyes. “Get a life and do it elsewhere.” She considered Denae, who blocked her door, and took a deep, shuddering breath. Her head pounded, and the geyser of tears was imminent. “Please leave me alone.”
“You can’t have it both ways, Lauren.”
She pivoted back to Tori. “What exactly are you trying to say?”
“Friendship according to Lauren. Friends do this, friends don’t do that. You know what? Friends are people, too. We mess up, all of us. We’re human. You can’t blame me for wanting you and my brother to be happy. You can’t blame me for Bailey’s actions, and you can’t blame James, either. That woman has been pursuing him for a week, pulling out all the stops, but he’s managed to evade her. He and Matt are sticking together like burrs every day so she can’t get one of them alone. Do you have any idea how many riding lessons I’ve given those bimbos because I’m the only one they won’t chase? When they figured out they couldn’t get to James that way, they quit wanting lessons and they just hang around the stables all the livelong day. Mom is this close to kicking them off the ranch, but offering a refund grates hard, so we’re all just trying to survive the next week. What do you think of that?”
Lauren took a step back. “I didn’t know.”
“You didn’t know because you’re stuck in Lauren Land. If you’d get off your high horse and actually look around, you’d know there was more to Saddle Springs than poor you. I’m done. I can’t remember why I wanted you for a sister-in-law.” She shoved the box of muffins at Lauren. “Here. I don’t want them.” The click of her cowboy boots was the only sound as she strode to the Flying Horseshoe pickup and hopped in. Then the truck roared down the street.
“Wow,” breathed Denae.
The tears leaked out now. Lauren’s lip trembled. She pushed the box at Denae. “Here, have some muffins.”
“Are they low-fat?”
“Who stinking cares about calories?”
Denae’s eyes narrowed as she crossed her arms in front of her. She was so skinny there was nothing to cover. “Some of us do.”
Lauren reached for the trash can which, just last week, had been stuffed with her sweats, and dumped the box inside. She could sure use those comfort clothes now. All of them. The money she’d spent on a new wardrobe was a total waste. No veterinarian without a social life needed swishy dresses and tailored tops and fitted pants. Not over a thousand dollars’ worth.
She pushed past Denae, entered her haven, and twisted the lock behind her. Felix twined around her ankles, and she scooped him up on her way to the freezer.
Chapter Seventeen
James pushed Jigsaw into a ground-eating canter. The two of them hadn’t felt the wind on their faces since the trail ride. Not even really then, with the packhorses on their leads and the group around them.
Lauren.
Oh, God. How could things have gone from cautiously hopeful to full-on fury in just a few short weeks? Why had Brittany and Skylar chosen that exact moment to enter the coffee shop? Why had his darling sister decided to interfere? Oh, yeah, Tori was full of tears and apologies when they were back at the Flying Horseshoe, but that didn’t help, did it? Nope.
He lifted his eyes to the mountains soaring above the trees along the trail. “God, what are You doing? Anything? Don’t You even care?”
Jigsaw’s ears flicked at James’s shout, but she was too well trained to let her pace falter.
What is man that You are mindful of him, and the son of man that You care for him? Yet You have made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor.
The words from Psalm eight pulsed through his mind. They ended with, O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is Your name in all the earth. Words he’d sung just last Sunday when he and Garret had led worship.
He was a farce. He didn’t deserve to stand up front and lead anyone anywhere. Not with his heart in turmoil.
Do you trust Me?
That was the big question, wasn’t it? Oh, James knew he should. It was a direct order in the Bible: trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6 had been drilled into his head since he was a little kid like Aiden in Sunday School.
James drifted back to Pastor Roland’s sermon series a while back, the one about knowing God’s will. He’d been so sure then that he was on the right track. He’d claimed verses like Psalm 37:4, where it said, delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Wasn’t that whole chapter about focusing on God in the face of evildoers? Bailey definitely qualified. And the desire of James’s heart? Lauren.
Heels down, he shifted in the saddle as Jigsaw settled into a trot. Pines and aspens swept by. One of the creeks feeding the ranch’s small lake gurgled beside the trail. The clouds had drifted apart, allowing sunshine to angle into the deep gully, and a gentle breeze freshened the air and caressed his face.
Was his heart’s desire really Lauren? He was pretty sure that wasn’t what the psalmist meant. There’d been a brief discussion in the church’s Facebook group when someone listed that verse as a biblical reference to God’s will. Pastor Roland reminded them that when folks truly focused on delighting in the Lord, they were incapable of holding hearts’ desires that weren’t in line with scripture.
That whole sermon series had both comforted and confused James. He wanted God’s will. He truly did. But it seemed vague and spiritual, not at all practical. He wanted God to point to Lauren and declare in a booming voice loud enough for both of them to hear, “you two are meant for each other.”
But Pastor Roland had made a good point that such a narrow view of God’s will faltered with any wrong decision, no matter how small. Maybe God hadn’t meant for him to meet Kade at Java Springs this afternoon. Had he prayed about it? No. At his buddy’s call, he’d grabbed the blueprints and headed to town, thankful for a sympathetic, experienced friend to help him make decisions about the house. Did God care if he ordered the oak or hickory cabinets? Could a person actually pray about every single choice?
Well, yeah, the Bible said to pray without ceasing, but about what? Whether the bathroom sink was vessel or inset? If not, when did a decision become life-changing enough to be worth talking to God about? Surely a marriage partner fit that category. That would impact his life every day in every way, unlike the choice between backsplash tiles.
James lifted his gaze to the mountains, where the morning shower in the valley had dusted the soaring peaks with light snow. Everything seemed in such a turmoil. How could a guy step back in the midst of it all and get his bearings again?
Do you love Me?
“You know I do, Lord.” Reminiscent of Peter, but Jesus had called the apostle to feed His sheep and grow His church. Peter had heard what God’s will for him was in th
ose words. Were those words for James, too? Was ministry God’s will for him?
He honestly didn’t think so. He tightened his knees on Jigsaw’s sides, and the mare picked up her pace again. The Flying Horseshoe was all he’d ever wanted. Riding and helping others see the beauty of God’s creation in a new way. Pastor Roland and the members of Springs of Living Water Church appreciated James’s leadership and his gift of music. He dug into the Word, participated in group Bible studies, and joined his buddies in Cowboy Santa, where they’d shown Jesus’ love to a bunch of needy families just a few months back.
No, James was pretty sure he was right where God wanted him. The only hole in his life and heart was a wife, a family. He longed for Lauren, but somehow their relationship had gone from best friends to awkwardness to rejection to anger. Now what? Was redemption even possible from here?
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight. In all your ways. Yes, God did care about the details.
James understood what Pastor Roland had been trying to say, that a guy shouldn’t get so worried about the details that he forgot the bigger picture, where he needed to delight and trust in the Lord. But that didn’t mean God didn’t have a plan for James’s life. He’d just been going about searching for it from the wrong angle. From now on, he was going to forget about that upcoming thirtieth birthday and focus on strengthening his relationship with the Lord.
With a lighter heart, he turned Jigsaw toward home.
* * *
Lauren threw herself into her work. She’d disinfected all the kennels — again — cleaned all the drawers and cabinets in her office and dropped by the nearby ranches to check on past patients. Well, most of the ranches. She stayed clear of the Flying Horseshoe and all of the Delgado family holdings because of Kade’s close friendship with James. She’d managed to avoid her mother, her tenant, and James’s sister all week by turning off the ringer on her phone, managing her time creatively, and leaving her Jeep parked at the clinic so it was less obvious when she was home. The few blocks’ walk canceled living on frozen pizza and ice cream, right?
How long could she go on like this? It had been a lonely week for a woman who thrived in the presence of friends, but her friends weren’t to be trusted. Maybe she needed new ones, but that would mean changing churches and cutting all ties. That seemed a bit extreme.
She had choices to make. She could sell her duplex and her half of the practice and leave Saddle Springs in the dust. Neither would happen overnight. She could quit going to church and keep hiding, but how long could that last? Or she could deal with it. Stick her chin up, pull on those big-girl panties, and get over herself. Get over James.
It was Saturday. Tori had filled in for her teaching the toddler Sunday school class the past two weeks. Phoning and asking for a third Sunday was not an option, especially since she wasn’t speaking to Tori. And if she was talking to James’s sister, she was halfway to Option Three. Some days, being a responsible adult was annoying.
Lauren sighed and tightened her hands on the Jeep’s steering wheel. She’d pointed the SUV toward Missoula from a need to escape. All the busy work this week hadn’t helped, nor had wandering Jacobs Island Park. She still saw that bombshell in her tight shorts and even tighter camisole draped over James’s shoulder. Granted, he hadn’t been hugging her back, but he also hadn’t pushed her away. He’d stared at Lauren rather thunderstruck, like he couldn’t believe he’d been caught. Had they done all their kissing at the Flying Horseshoe before and after?
Tori could probably fill her in, but Lauren wouldn’t ask. She was done, done, done.
Which, she supposed, answered her question. Tomorrow morning she’d show up at church, at least long enough to teach Sunday school. She’d take the high road and pretend seeing James and what’s-her-face in the coffee shop hadn’t yanked the rug out from beneath her. The silly thing was she’d been pushing him to date someone else for a couple of years. Why did it hurt like a knife in the chest when he finally took her up on it? He’d asked her to marry him — yes, out of duty, but he’d done it — she’d said no, and he was moving on.
This was what she wanted. So, yes, she’d start acting like an adult again, but tomorrow was soon enough. Tonight, she’d hit the drive-through on her way back to Saddle Springs and indulge in a greasy double cheeseburger, salty fries, and a mega-size milkshake for the road.
* * *
“What’s going on with Lauren?” Meg asked over Sunday lunch. “Tori, do you know? You’ve subbed for her a lot recently. She was teaching today but seemed too busy to chat when I picked up Aiden, and then I didn’t see her in the service.”
James reached for his mom’s pasta salad, aware of Tori’s quick glance.
“Um…”
Wow, Tori was eloquent for someone who knew far too much. Dad knew, so Mom probably did, too. He should never have let his little sister push him into confiding. That only left Meg and Eli, so what was the point? James sighed. “She’s mad at me.”
“At you?” Meg tapped James’s hand with the sausage tongs. “What’s going on here? I thought you two were besties.”
James breathed a prayer. In his quest to deepen his relationship with Jesus, he’d decided to quit dodging and hiding. Now he was faced with the reality. “It’s a long story,” he warned. “Starts when we were teenagers.”
Meg and Eli exchanged glances. “She hasn’t been mad at you that long.”
“No, you’re right. I’m going to tell you, but this is in confidence, okay?” The teenage Meg could never have been trusted not to blab, but she’d matured a lot since Aiden’s birth. Eli, too, had been good for her. And, well, she was his sister.
“Okay. Sure.” Meg raised her eyebrows at him and settled both hands on her round stomach. “Spill the deets.”
He gave the short version, wishing he could gloss over the trail ride and then over Bailey’s part in the story, especially. Then he took a bite of pasta salad.
Meg shook her head. “Where’s the part where you kissed her passionately and told her you loved her?”
James choked on his bite. “In your imagination.” And in his.
“No, seriously. You’re an idiot.”
“That’s what I told him,” Tori put in. “What do you think, Mom?”
“Well, your father mentioned a bit of this a few weeks ago. And we did know those girls from Chicago were causing problems, but not off the property. Did they follow you to town, Jamie?”
He shook his head. “Not as far as I know. I think it was just accidentally bad timing. Unless Tori thought she’d be helpful and set me up.” For a fall.
“I would never!”
James shrugged. “The thought crossed my mind. It seemed all too convenient.”
Tori stabbed at the salad on her plate. “I admit to knowing you’d be there and dragging Lauren in. But I had no clue Bailey and Skylar were downtown. Trust me.”
“So, you were interfering?” Disapproval colored Mom’s voice.
“Don’t start, Mom. I’ve always liked Lauren and thought she and James would eventually figure out they’re in love. I was just giving things a little nudge. Yes, it was a bad idea. I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t expect the universe to blow up.”
“What are you going to do now?” Meg cut Aiden’s sausage into smaller pieces.
“I’ve spent a lot of time praying since it happened,” James admitted. “I discovered I haven’t been trusting the Lord with my future. I’ve been leaning on my own understanding instead, and it’s been faulty. So, I’m not sure what my next step will be. I’m trying to be patient and submit to God’s will.”
“Or you could try kissing her.” Meg sounded exasperated.
The thought had definitely crossed James’s mind. He shrugged and glanced at his father.
Dad’s eyes twinkled. “Kissing definitely has its place. It’s a wonderful part of making up after a fight.”
A squeaky sound came from Mom.
He slipped his arm around the back of her chair. “Pretty sure the kids know we’ve had an argument or two over the years, Amanda. And I know they’ve seen us kissing.” Dad turned his attention back to James. “But I agree with you, son. You’ve been unsettled for months but, in the past few days, I’ve noticed a change in you. Keep seeking the Lord, and He will reveal Himself to you. It sounds like Lauren hasn’t yet come to that realization, and we can’t do it for someone else, no matter how good our intentions.” He looked around at the family. “We will all pray for you both, that God’s will becomes clear.”
“One more thing.” Mom stared at Tori. “Look up First Thessalonians four verses eleven and twelve. You might want to meditate on that whole section, since it fits very well into Pastor Roland’s sermon series about God’s will.”
Tori let out a long breath and a guilty look. “Yes, Mom.”
Chapter Eighteen
Lauren sat back on her heels beside the litter of newborn Border Collie puppies.
The dogs’ owner knelt beside her. “I’m a bit worried about this one.” Carmen Haviland picked up the tiny black-and-white runt and cradled it.
“She seems listless.” Lauren stroked the little head with a finger. No reaction. “Her vitals are in range, though. And she’s not much smaller than the others.”
“I’ve got a bad feeling.” Carmen tucked the pup in place at Selah’s side, where the littermates eagerly rooted for milk. The runt didn’t participate. “Should I try supplementing her?”
The Cowboy’s Mixed-Up Matchmaker Page 13
