by Kate Stewart
“It must be beautiful,” I whispered, close to sleep with the steady movement of his fingers. He pulled my thigh up to get a better reach as he whispered.
“It is home, and yes it is beautiful. It is the only place I do not feel pressure, expectations.”
“From who?”
He stiffened at my question, but for the first time gave me an answer. “My work, Rocco.”
“Why do you deal with him? Just get rid of him. All you seem to do is argue.” I felt his chest move with his chuckle and pulled my head back from him slightly to study what I could of his face in the dark room. The cold air whirred through the vent, and I pulled the cover over us and burrowed into his warm body.
“If I got rid of all the people I argued with, we would not be sleeping in this bed.”
“Threatening to kill me again?” I rolled my eyes as he pulled me to him tightly.
“I will make you the promise that I will never say those words to you again.”
“Oh, well, thank you for that,” I said sarcastically.
“That does not mean I will not kill you,” he chuckled as I pinched his nipple and twisted hard.
“Fuck, woman,” he bit out in pain, pinning me to the bed, his hips spreading my legs as he made his way between them.
I felt his hard stare on my face as he spoke next. “If I trust you with this tomorrow, you will not get a second chance.”
“I know,” I whispered.
We spent the rest of the night whispering back and forth as he told me of his home in Italy, of his one sister, Tula, and her nine children. He’d even confessed his love for airplanes and told me he owned a small one he flew at home. I only put a word in here and there as he told me stories of himself and a younger, less angry, Rocco, who was his cousin. The last thing I remembered was a caress of lips on my collarbone before I drifted away.
I woke up just as the sun was peeking through the motel blinds and went back to Amber’s room, lying down next to her, watching her sleep. She shook and twitched, clammy, and covered in a thin veil of sweat, but remained asleep. I used to watch her for hours when she was young, worried that one more abusive hit or word from my mother would break her. But every day she’d wake up, ready to face her. It was if she mentally prepared herself in the few minutes from the time she woke up before she went downstairs.
I wondered how she’d conquered her stammer and lisp. She’d spoken perfectly last night, without pause. I assumed my mother’s death had a lot to do with it. I turned to stare at the ceiling, contemplating how to get out of my predicament with Laz without more bloodshed. What I did know was that money talked in these parts and it spoke volumes. I could give him enough to start a new life somewhere. It wasn’t too late for him. I realized last night, no matter how much he hated me, how much he wanted to hurt me, I wanted different for him.
Seeing him last night had physically hurt, though I didn’t let it show.
But his choices were his own. I wasn’t responsible for the way his life turned out. Life after Dyer was anything but easy for me. I had struggled long after I left, at the cruelty of Ray, at school, at life. And why the hell was my sister so tied up with Laz? She could’ve left like I had. She could’ve done whatever it took to get out of here like I had.
“I have a son,” my sister whispered, startling me. “They took him a week ago.”
I turned to her. “His grandmother, she found out I was using again. I can’t deal without him. I’ve tried to get clean so many times, but it may be too late.”
“How can I help you?”
“I have to show I’m capable. I have to get clean, have a stable home for him. It’s legal now.”
“What’s his name?” I asked, curious.
“Joseph. He’s two.” I imagined a ginger baby with brown eyes just like hers and a sweet smile. “I cannot live without him, Taylor. I fucked up. I’ll do whatever it takes. I can’t be this person anymore.”
I nodded, knowing this I would help her with for however long it took. “Why didn’t Laz help you?” Even as I said the words, I was glad she’d contacted me.
“He’s a well-known drug dealer, and even if he gave me the money, Dyer isn’t where I want to raise my son. Laz never wanted me smoking, and he never gave it to me. I started on my own. He lied last night to get under your skin. He’s not the monster you think he is.”
I shook my head. “Then why all the theatrics last night, Amber? What the hell is wrong with him?”
“I think he loves you and hates you in equal measure. I never thought he would pull shit like that when he called you. But I’m guessing he didn’t plan on extra company.” She nodded her head in the direction of the motel room next to us as her lips began to shiver involuntarily.
“Yeah, about him,” I said as I eyed her. “Let’s not air our business in front of him. He already knows too much, and he wants Laz dead.”
“Who is he?” she asked, pushing her auburn hair away from her forehead.
“Good question. Go shower, clean up. I have to talk to Laz, and we’ll get you back to Charleston.”
“Charleston?”
“Yeah, I live there. It’s…so fucking far from here.” At my remark about the distance, Amber began to crumble.
“Joseph,” she whispered, closing her eyes as tears streamed down her cheeks. “I can’t leave him.”
“You aren’t. You are just getting your shit together.” She nodded slowly, got up, and made her way to the bathroom.
“Laz is a good man,” she assured me. “He has always been good to me.”
“No, he’s not. He’s a could’ve been.” She pulled the door shut, and I pulled some spare clothes from my bag and stuck them in the bathroom for her. It amazed me she could think of Laz that way when the situation I’d entered last night was anything but wholesome. He was getting his cock sucked by a zombie, and she was being forced to watch.
My sister sure had a contorted image of good. Then again, this was all she knew.
I changed into a T-shirt and jeans and made my way next door, expecting to find Daniello gone. I was surprised when I found him dressed and waiting.
I smiled and he didn’t. I wanted to go to him, run my fingers through his hair. My sex pulsed at the thought of us repeating last night. I wanted him every minute I was with him. I wondered if he felt the same. He’d been so open last night. It was obviously a fluke because he was slightly closed off this morning.
“I think—”
“Don’t you dare. You cannot change your mind. This is not your decision!”
“Do you know who he is?!”
“Yes! I’ve known him my whole life. And now, apparently, someone got an update while I was next door. How the hell did you even find me anyway?”
“Why even question how?”
“Because you invade my life! You demand my body and demand answers and give nothing in return!”
He moved to stand in front of me, his eyebrow quirked. “Nothing?”
I blew out all the air in my lungs as he smirked. “You like seeing me this way, agitated and pissed off,” I concluded as I put my hands on my hips.
“I like you other ways as well,” he murmured as he slid his hands underneath my T-shirt and caressed my skin with his fingertips.
His thick lashes shadowed perfect, golden eyes as he studied me. “Just let me try this my way. If it doesn’t work, we can do it yours.”
He nodded and took a step back just as Amber knocked on the door. I opened it and noted that Daniello made himself busy loading his bags and bringing them to the trunk. Apparently, he didn’t want an introduction. So I didn’t give him one.
I handed Amber my phone, asking her to text Laz and have him meet me at our place. She had a question in her eyes but did as she was told. Driving into Dyer, there was an eerie quiet in the car. Daniello didn’t miss anything as he surveyed the ghost town and caught my eyes in the rearview. We passed what would have been the town square, which were just a few buildings opposite of the
other, all abandoned and crumbling brick. The further we went, the more the dread in my chest built. It was everything I’d remembered it to be: desolate, deserted, and forgotten. Desperate to escape the town I’d fled, I gripped the wheel tight as Amber stared out the window emotionless. This was all she knew.
Daniello remained quiet as I slowed past our old farmhouse to study its state, curious about my father.
“He died a few years ago, heart attack.” I nodded, knowing that it had everything to do with meth and wondering why fate had taken so long to take him. Daniello’s stare burned a hole through me in the rearview as he caught my eye, no emotion in my face. I concentrated on Laz as I pulled to a stop on the dirt road that separated our old houses. I looked at Daniello then back at Amber.
“There is forty grand and a cellphone in my bag in the trunk. Use it to start over, Amber, get Joseph back and leave. I have a friend named Cedric programmed in the phone who knows about you. He will get you two set up and back to Charleston.”
“I will get her to Charleston,” Daniello spoke up. “You do not need to go alone.”
“Please, we agreed,” I pleaded. Daniello glanced out the window and nodded.
I gave him a long look, memorizing his features, and he refused to look at me. I could see the tenseness in his body. He was fighting with everything in him not to end this on his terms.
I made my way down the dirt road toward our pond, a thousand memories hitting me like painful bricks. I took a deep breath as I saw the truck that Laz had driven last night.
“He with you?” I heard as he rounded the truck bed and looked past me.
“He’s in the car,” I answered. “So is Amber. I’m taking her home with me, to get clean, for her son.”
Laz stood a few feet away, his features showing exhaustion.
“Thank you for taking care of her, for being there. Laz, I’m sorry about what happened. I’ve—”
“Bullshit,” he snapped. “You didn’t give a shit about me then and you don’t now. You just want a clean getaway.”
I took a step toward him. “I want that, yes. That’s all I’d ever wanted, Laz. I’m sorry.”
He pushed a rock around with his boot then without hesitation met my green eyes with his blue. I couldn’t help the familiar pain that spread through me as I remembered better days at this pond. I could see the recollection in his eyes, too.
“Pretty smart asking me here.” He grinned menacingly. “Take your sister and leave.”
“That’s it? No more games?”
“If I decide it that way.”
“Laz—”
He reached for my throat with both hands and squeezed hard as he bit out his words. Clawing at his hands, I felt the burn from lack of oxygen as my head pounded and realized what a fool I’d been.
“You fucking owe me, Red, more than you will ever know. And when and if I feel it’s time to collect, I fucking will. You and that man you decided to bring to my fucking house won’t be able to do shit about it. Now get the fuck out of here before I change my mind.”
I gasped as I fell to the ground, seconds from unconsciousness, tears welling in my eyes. He kicked me solidly in the chest, and I felt a rib crack under the weight of it. I reached for the gun behind me and pulled it around as Laz kicked it from my hand then backhanded me. Blood immediately started pouring from my nose as I stood slowly and glared at him, ready to fight tooth and nail.
“If you think you would’ve ever won with me, Red, you are sadly mistaken.”
“No,” I hissed through my pain. “I lost with you a long time ago.”
No matter how much time had passed, here at our place, memories of soaking up the sun with the blue eyed boy I loved ran through me like waves, forcing the point of loss home. My Laz was completely and utterly gone and replaced by a monster I didn’t recognize, and that I refused to surrender to.
He smirked as he watched me wince in pain and I took a step full of contempt toward him, chin lifted, ready for war. I knew I would lose but not without inflicting lasting pain. I heard Daniello’s shout from a distance and saw Laz grip the gun in his pants before leaving it where it sat on his hip and walking toward his truck.
“I’m not doing this for you,” he hissed as he ripped his cab door open.
“I know,” I said, looking back to see Daniello coming toward us full force, eyes blazing in anger, his gun pointed at Laz.
“Get him the fuck out of here, Red,” Laz bit out as Daniello’s first bullet ripped through the metal on the side of his truck. I saw their eyes connect and the hate that ran between them and stepped in front of Daniello’s next shot. He roared in anger as Laz sprayed gravel with his departure.
“Goddamn you, woman!” Daniello yelled as he caught up with me, fury all over his face. He ran after the truck, cursing in every language he knew while unloading his gun.
“I know, I know, no one can abuse me but you.” He moved toward me and gripped my head, his eyes roaming what I was sure was a purpling neck. I pulled my head away as he inspected my nose. “I’ll let you strangle me next time, okay? Can we please just leave? It’s over.”
“He will be dead by morning,” he promised, glancing over my shoulder for the long gone truck.
“NO!” I didn’t know how to make him understand. “Please, it’s over,” I lied. “Promise me. Promise me right now you will not hurt him.”
“You ask too much of me.” He closed his eyes as I wiped the blood away from my nose and onto my T-shirt.
“It’s over. Take me home.” He nodded.
“This I will do.”
“Promise me.”
“No.”
He gave me a deadly glare as he checked over my appearance and seemed satisfied I was in one piece. We walked silently back to the car, Daniello glanced in my direction every few seconds with what I thought was concern. Amber was waiting next to the car door, fidgeting nervously.
“Let’s go,” was all I said as I rounded the driver’s side. “I drive,” Daniello muttered, pointing to the passenger seat. I got in without argument as we made the bone aching drive back through Dyer. Daniello routed us back through without needing any direction and slowly drove through town, taking it in for the second time.
“Can you please stop on Maple Street? I want to see Joseph before I leave.”
Daniello looked at me with question. “Take a right up here.”
Daniello eased onto the street, my Chevelle sticking out like a sore thumb. But the street, like every other road, look deserted, and I was sure we went unnoticed.
“Stop here, please.” Amber quickly exited the car and walked up to what looked like the most well-kept house on the block. I watched her knock before she was greeted by an older woman, who I swore I recognized. She quickly made her way into the house, and I sighed a little in relief.
Daniello got out of the car, taking long strides away from it. Puzzled, I followed him until he was at the end of the street, looking each direction.
“What are you doing?”
He turned to me with more emotion in his face than I ever thought possible. “This place…Jesus Christ, this is where you come from?”
I felt the lump gather in my throat as he looked around, desperate for some sign of life, some sort of way to believe places like this didn’t exist. He got no relief. My lover was full of untold emotion and words as he turned to me.
“Don’t pity me, Daniello. I—”
He gripped my arms and looked down at me, completely exasperated. “I do not pity you, Taylor Ellison. I could never pity a woman I admire. You…what you have done, leaving here, the woman you have become.” He leaned in, claiming my lips and covering me in warmth as he held me tightly to him, giving me the most passionate kiss I’d ever received in my life. I ignored the pain burning through my side as I let him have his way with me. Just when I thought I couldn’t get any closer, he pulled me tighter to him, roaming my mouth with his tongue, his strong arms not giving any leeway. He pulled away after sever
al minutes, my body molded to his and whispered to me, “Phoenix.”
As his realization dawned, so did mine. This man understood me.
Amber’s shriek interrupted our moment as she begged the woman at the door for her son.
“Please, he belongs with me. Please, just let me have him!”
Daniello and I headed her way as she sat on the steps in front of a closed front door.
“Leave me here. I can’t leave him. I can’t,” she said with a shaky voice.
“If you want him back, come with me. I will help you. We can get you on your feet. It’s the only way.”
Daniello remained silent. I was sure all of this drama was far from what he was used to dealing with. Then again, he had a sister with nine children. He stared at Amber absently, and I nodded my head toward the car.
“Amber, there is no future here, you know that. It won’t be long. I’ll hire the best lawyer in the city. You just have to do your part.”
She nodded as she looked back at the door.
The ride back to Charleston was odd, to say the least. Maybe it was the reprieve from the severity of the situation that had us all in better spirits. The minute we were miles from Dyer, Amber’s eyes lit up as she looked around her wistfully.
“Have you ever been out?” I asked as she shook her head.
“Never, not even to Memphis.”
“Get ready for a little culture shock,” I said, looking at her in the backseat. “I live near the ocean. That’s the first place we will go.”
She smiled then, a deep, genuine smile, though I knew her skin was crawling with need. It would take weeks to break her habit, and she was handling it better than I thought possible. I would get my doctor to write her a prescription to help her sleep most of it off. I was curious about Joseph but didn’t want to bring up such a painful subject while she smiled. Daniello tapped his fingers to Breaking Benjamin’s “Sooner or Later” as I played DJ most of the way. He seemed to like my taste in music as he test drove my Chevelle through Tennessee.
“I think I will get one of these for home,” he mused and then added, “Maybe one that smells better.”
