by R. Silver
"Trite as it is, takes one to know one, Mason." Trevor shot back in good humor. The joking and ribbing continued on our ride to Claire's apartment building. I told the men to wait for me and I went in to fetch Claire.
Mason smirked at Trevor as Samantha walked into the apartment building. "Trevor, I think you've finally let a woman get under your skin. It is about damn time. I was starting to think you were an android or something." He pushed Trevor's shoulder, "She really seems great."
Trevor pushed his hands through his hair and nodded. "I think I may be falling for her, Mason. Sometimes, I am scared as hell about it." Trevor glanced out the window avoiding eye contact with Mason. "I mean, I am going to have to tell her about Penny at some point. Samantha has this big family that sounds crazy but supportive. She may not understand the sick shit that Penny pulls."
"What the hell, Trevor!" Mason exclaimed. "She doesn't know about Penny? I may not know a lot about relationships but compared to you, Morgan, I am a frigging professor. If you really care for her, and I think you do, you have got to tell her."
As Claire and I entered the lobby of her building, we could see Trevor and Mason standing outside the Navigator. A pair of women walked past them, stared at the two men, nudged at each other and began giggling. Honestly, I felt a bit giddy, too. Two gorgeous men waiting to take me and my best friend out for a night on the town was something from a Lifetime movie. “Holy smokes, Samantha. Is Trevor the one with the dark brown hair? He is smoking hot, girl!” Claire shrieked in my ear like an excited teenager. “The blond guy is positively yummy. If I forget to say it, thank you, thank you.”
Trevor and Mason helped us in the SUV and then slid in after us. Introductions were made all around and we were bantering back and forth like old friends by the time Chip pulled up to the club. I looked out and saw a long line of young and beautiful people waiting outside a nondescript building. Over the door attended by the burliest bouncer I had ever seen, a neon sign flashed “Throb.” Claire clapped her hands in glee. “Oh my gosh, I have been dying to go to Throb. I heard you totally have to know someone to get in. Okay, spill it, which one of you guys has an in?” She waggled a finger at Trevor and Mason.
As we exited the car, Trevor placed his hand on the bare skin of my back and guided me to the door. “Mr. Morgan, great to see you. Move back, folks," the bouncer waved his arm back and the crowd parted for us. We were whisked in and up a back elevator. The pumping bass of the music on the dance floor pulsed through the walls.
Mason chuckled as Claire oohed and aahed her way through the door and into the elevator. “I cannot stand this. How did you get in to this place?” Mason shrugged his shoulders and pointed to Trevor.
The elevator opened to a plush lounge with quiet music, dim lighting and private tables. A hostess who could have easily been a model escorted us to a low table with couches. A bottle of champagne was chilling in the ice bucket. “Mr. Morgan, can I take your drink orders?” The hostess held her gaze on Trevor and licked her lower lip. Trevor gave her a tight smile and drink orders were made all around.
Placing his arm around my shoulder, Trevor smiled at us. “As a partner in Throb, I usually make a visit every couple weeks. Thanks for making my work more fun.” He raised his glass of scotch to us, “To friends, cheers.”
Mason and Trevor regaled us about their days as roommates when they attended Pratt. Imagining these two handsome men as gangly college kids who flipped plates over to use the underside rather than wash them and hitting on girls at Hunter College just to get free meals had Claire and I laughing until tears were in our eyes.
After a few more cocktails, Claire demanded that we dance. We made our way to the lower level of Throb. Throngs of bodies were pressed together gyrating to the techno beat. Mason and Claire paired off and Claire flashed me a brilliant smile as she threw herself wholeheartedly into grinding to the music. Mason would have his hands full with her.
Trevor wove his arms around my waist as I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. “Finally, I have you to myself,” he growled in my hair as our hips swayed to the beat. Trevor’s lips found mine and his tongue slipped between my lips. The driving music seemed to speed up and match the pounding of my heart as Trevor ravaged my mouth. He moved us closer to the corner of the dance floor shielding me from the crowd as he pulled my body closer to his. I felt his hand brush my thigh and push under my dress.
I moaned as his thumb brushed the edge of my panties. His erection was pressed against my thigh as I gyrated my hips to bring his fingers closer to my center. His thumb slipped under my panties to stroke my cleft. Trevor breathed in quickly. “Babe, you are bare and so wet. Damn, we need to get out of here.”
Trevor clasped my hand and we quickly walked down a back hallway. There was a fire exit ahead and Trevor pushed through the door. The cool air in the cement stairwell was a sudden shock from the heat of the dance floor. My ears still throbbed from the pulsating beat of the DJ. My aroused nipples puckered even more. Trevor pushed me against the cold brick wall. His mouth slanted across mine and his hand slipped through the back of my dress to caress my bare skin. I fumbled with his belt buckle and his trousers button. His cock was straining against the zipper and we both gasped when I unzipped his pants and freed his erection from his boxers. Trevor’s hands yanked my panties down and kneeled in front of me.
I threw my head back and threaded my fingers through his hair as his tongue and mouth assaulted my clit and my lower lips. My cries and moans echoed in the stairwell. I climaxed with Trevor’s tongue thrusting deep inside me. When he stood, he was panting, his hair deliciously mussed. His cock was so engorged. I wrapped my hands around the silky shaft and stroked him.
Trevor’s breathing stilled as I knelt and put my lips around his shaft. I caressed the tip with my tongue and licked up and down his gorgeous cock. His hips shifted to press his erection further in my mouth. I plunged my mouth down as far as I could take his penis. Trevor was moaning and his hands were grasping the sides of my head as I bobbed up and down. I could feel his cock tighten and his buttocks contract. I quickened the pace until Trevor climaxed with so much force he nearly fell over me. When I stood, Trevor’s eyes widened as I licked his cum off my lips and swallowed.
Chapter 17
I scanned the Arts section of the Sunday New York Times, the remainder of the newspaper was scattered over Trevor's bed. When I looked over to Trevor, he eyes were trained on his laptop. Propped up on pillows with the sheets just barely pulled over his hips, Trevor seemed oblivious to my stare as he grimaced and typed quickly on the computer.
Whoosh. Trevor looked up as the e-mail that he had been furiously typing was sent. "Why the pensive look, babe?" He leaned over and lifted my chin with his fingers. "Ready for round. ... Is it eight or nine? I thought I tired you out pretty well last night." Trevor's laugh was low and suggestive.
"Trevor, I think we need to talk,” I chewed on my lip nervously. A nagging thought had been in the back of my mind for several weeks. We spent almost every night together and we had amazing sex. Several times, Trevor would take a phone call and his mood would change dramatically. Sometimes, he would have to leave suddenly. Not once had he explained or volunteered any explanation. Actually, other than a few cursory comments about his day, I rarely knew what he did when we were apart. I sensed there was a part of Trevor's life that I was shut off from and as I became more attached to him it bothered me more and more.
I took a deep breath. "Well, I feel like sometimes I don't really know you. I babble on about my day so you know everything that I've done but sometimes you are a bit of a mystery." Trevor had an amused smile playing around his mouth.
"Samantha, I don't really have that exciting of a life. I take photos for fashion houses, designers, musicians. I meet with my accountant and lawyer about business investments. Nothing really glamorous, babe." Trevor pulled me over to lie on his bare chest and I felt his deep voice rumble against my skin. "Truly, Samantha, the best part of my day is when I
am with you."
I pushed myself upright trying to distance myself from his naked chest. "I don't know basic things about you. If we are having a relationship, or whatever you want to call this thing we are doing, I should know things about you." I was irritated that he found my concern so unimportant. "I am leaving for a four week tour to promote the album and I wonder if I'll have any idea what you'll be doing when I am gone."
Trevor sighed and he crossed his arms over his chest. Although he was smiling, his eyes had taken on a dark cast. "Okay, ask away."
"Fine. Ummm. What is your favorite color, movie and food? What is your greatest fear? Who is your hero? Oh, this is stupid." I threw up my hands. "Sometimes you don't explain yourself. We'll be together but you are a mentally so far away. I have been so awed by you that I have been afraid to ask." My insecurities and anxieties about this relationship with Trevor came bubbling to the surface.
Sitting up taller and exposing more of his body, Trevor pushed his hands through his hair. I noticed he did that when he was on edge. "Blue, The Matrix, anything Japanese. Greatest fear - probably losing my ability to see the truth through the camera lens. No heroes - everyone has a flaw. It's the beauty of the human condition. Satisfied?" He stood suddenly and stalked to the bathroom.
Maybe I was asking for too much. I had allowed Michael to lead his own life and the result had been devastating. Come on, Sam. It's not like you guys are married. You haven't even told him you love him. What? Love him? Where did that come from?
I heard the shower running. Desperate to smooth over the rough patch in our morning, I threw a T-shirt and shorts on and ambled to the kitchen. I started the coffee and began rummaging around in Trevor's refrigerator for eggs and vegetables to construct an omelet. The aroma of the coffee and the sizzle of the eggs in the skillet calmed my jumpy nerves.
As I set out the food, Trevor's strong arms wrapped around my waist and I could feel his damp hair brush against my neck as he placed a soft kiss behind my ear. When Trevor touched me, it felt so right. Maybe, with time, he would open up to me. My body trusted him even if my mind held back. "Samantha, please try to believe that you are so important to me,” he murmured into my skin.
The rest of the morning we tried to give one another a little more personal space as if our spat had shaken our boundaries. Things gradually thawed when Trevor started testing out a new camera lens and timer. He begged me to let him take my photo in the studio so he could try different settings. Trevor even jumped into some of the shots while he tried out the timing device. Hamming it up for the camera drew us back into our comfort zone.
That night our lovemaking was different. Trevor moved slowly down my body and explored every curve and nuance. I struggled to get closer and closer to him as if I could not get enough. When he penetrated me, Trevor moved deliberately and slowly. I thrust my hips up demanding and begging for more and for deeper. I moaned, "Oh Trevor, I am so close to coming. Please."
Rather than thrust faster, he withdrew a bit. My oncoming climax waned and I groaned in frustration. I grabbed his buttocks to pull him in harder but he resisted. Suddenly, Trevor plunged deep into my core startling me and I crested into an orgasm that consumed me. "Babe, come for me. Come for me like you never have. Show me that you trust me," he grunted out. As I shivered one last time, Trevor climaxed and feeling him shudder into me tossed me out onto the waves of ecstasy again.
When I opened my eyes, the bed was empty but Trevor's pillow was still warm. I heard his gravelly voice in the living room, nothing distinct just his low voice and pauses. I decided that I'd get up and start our coffee. As I walked down the hall, his voice became more distinct.
"Shit. I cannot keep going back and forth like this, Penny. You agreed to this. Everything has been drawn up." Trevor was slumped on the sofa, his head in his hands. He nodded his head as he listened on the phone. "Of course, I still love you. That is not what this is about."
I froze in my tracks. Trevor was talking to a woman and he just told her he loved her. Was this Penny the reason he would suddenly become distant and leave without explanation? I felt guilty listening in on his conversation.
A few minutes later, Trevor returned to the bedroom. I was sitting up in the bed with the covers pulled up to my chest. "Babe, you're up early." Trevor's smile did not touch his dark grey eyes.
"Trevor, who were you talking to just now?" My voice quavered and my hands twisted in my lap.
Running his hand through his hair, the smile disappeared and his jaw twitched. "No one."
I looked at him and hated myself as I heard the pleading tone in my voice. "I think you are not being honest with me. I can see you are upset. Who is Penny?" My stomach churned.
Trevor stepped closer to the bed and sank down next to me. "Samantha, I really don't want to talk about this." I reached out to touch his shoulder but he stood suddenly. "Listen, at some point, I will be able to discuss this with you. I just can't right now."
I rose on my knees to be closer to him. "Please, Trevor, I want you to tell me. Why can't you tell me?"
Trevor's tone turned harsh. "This is really not any of your concern." His lids were hooded and his face looked angular and angry. He strode out of the bedroom and I heard the shower turn on.
I sat back stunned. His words echoed in my head - not any of your concern. Where had I heard that before? Michael. Michael had said those exact words when I had confronted him about seeing other women. Those words were the beginning of the end. What could it mean from Trevor? My mind raced. Then, I latched onto the only thing that made sense. Trevor must be married, maybe separated, maybe getting a divorce. Wait. Was I the other woman? My gut wrenched at the thought that I could have been so naive.
I flew out of the bed and put some clothes on. The pain that I had felt when Michael was unfaithful opened back up like a fresh wound. How humiliating that now I was the reason some other woman was being torn up inside! Nothing Trevor could say would undo this. I ran into the living room, grabbed my purse and left Trevor's loft.
Chapter 18
I slammed the door of my apartment. During the long subway ride, I stared at the dirty floor of the train, thankful for the anonymity of the ride. Dropping my things on the floor, I curled up in a ball on the sofa and gave into the tears that were burning my eyes. Angry gulps and sobs wracked my body as I played the movie loop of Trevor's angry words and expression repeatedly. Finally, my crying settled down to sniffling. I shuffled to the kitchen and grabbed my emergency stash of rocky road ice cream.
With my solace in a carton and spoon, I checked my cell phone - Six texts and six missed calls from Trevor. Call me. Delete. Samantha, where did you go? Please call me. Delete. Whatever I did, sorry. Call me. Delete. Just let me know you are okay, please. Delete. I know you are upset. Let me talk to you. Delete. Delete. Delete. What could he say to make this better? Maybe I should at least text him that I was okay.
I am okay. Please don't call me anymore. My finger hovered over the send button of my phone. Taking a deep breath, I hit send. I could not let myself get hurt anymore. Brushing my tears away, I turned off my cell phone and took my landline phone off the hook.
It was time to take care of myself and stop deluding myself. Thanksgiving was in three days and then the next week I would be traveling from one city to the next, performing and teaching. I threw some laundry in the machine and cleaned my apartment trying to scrub the scent and essence of Trevor from my life.
For the next three days, I submerged myself into preparation for the performance tour. Working with Victor, meeting with Elsa, confirming contacts at each location, and exercising at the gym did a fine job to fill my days. I avoided looking at my cell phone since every time there were texts and missed calls from Trevor. Each night, I ached for his presence, hating myself for letting someone into my life.
As before, Claire was there for me. We spent an entire evening eating popcorn and chocolate while watching every chick flick we could find on Netflix. Even my mother sensed t
hat I needed extra care. I returned one day to my apartment to find my refrigerator stocked with food. Actually, I was grateful for the upcoming tour since it would remove me from Manhattan and give my broken heart time to heal.
The aroma of roast turkey and the laughter of my nieces and nephews greeted me when I stepped into my parent’s home. Mei Hua and Chang Lin had come a long way from the small walkup unit in Brooklyn. Their graceful home in the prewar building was tastefully decorated in an eclectic mix of Asian and American decor. Jimmy, Jonah, Chloe and Inez, my brother’s daughters, were sprawled on the floor in a competitive game of Candyland. My brother, David, Derrick and my father were arguing about politics, as usual. I found Grace, my mother, and Sarah, David’s wife, finishing the last touches on the meal. I deposited the apple and pumpkin pies that I picked up at the corner bakery on the counter and poured myself a glass of chardonnay. For all of their meddling, these people were my family and being with them was just the salve my soul craved.
I had spoken to Grace the day before and briefed her on my disastrous love life. “Sweetie, I am so sorry. Are you sure you don’t want to at least give him a chance to explain?” Grace sounded so rational. “The boys told me he was so nice. Don’t worry. I will tell Mom and Dad not to ask you anything.”
My mother peered into my face when I hugged her. “Samantha, you are too thin. Are you taking those vitamins? You should take some with you when you are on the tour.” I rolled my eyes like an exasperated teenager. The doorbell chimed. My mother bustled to the door. “Oh, that is Auntie Chu and her friend’s son!”
