God. Waiting tables. I closed my eyes as memories started to flood my mind. Situations that I’d played witness to over the past ten weeks flashed through my head, turning into a myriad of colors—finally going red, black and then gray. And, that was how I felt inside—gray.
As exhaustion shifted through me, I heard a scratch at the door—or, thought I did anyway. Then again. It sounded like a dog. I’d had a dog once, but that was also something my mother took away from me, as she felt the cocker spaniel my father had bought me was simply too high maintenance. Please. Nothing was more high maintenance than she was. She just hated anything that could possibly take attention away from her.
I got up and opened the door. In bounded a medium-sized dog who immediately padded into the bedroom and then jumped on my bed, tail wagging. It happened so quickly that I couldn’t even tell what type of dog it was until it lay down with big brown eyes looking at me with keen interest. Holy shit, it was a pit bull. But its tail was wagging, so I imagined it probably didn’t want to kill me. Or maybe that was what pit bulls did—pretended to be nice and then attacked you when you least expected it.
That brought up the question of just how in the hell I was going to get the thing off my bed and out of my house. There was no way I was going to reach for it. Maybe there was a broom somewhere around here that I could prod it with? But then it might think I was attacking it and it would attack me instead.
God, that jaw was a big one and the idea of it wrapped around my throat didn’t exactly thrill me.
“Bob! Bob!” a deep voice yelled from outside.
Bob? I opened the door wider and peered out to see my new friend, Jake, racing toward the cabin, yelling “Bob.”
“I think he’s on my bed,” I said once Jake was within earshot.
He jogged closer, panting. “I’m sorry.” He scraped his boots on the step up into the doorway. “She’s, uh, well this was our cabin for a bit, and she hasn’t gotten used to our new digs.”
This had been his cabin? Well, Jake’s and Bob’s? I glanced over at the dog who was now curled into a ball on top of my bed and snoring. I couldn’t conceal my surprise and the more I thought about it, the more guilty I felt.
“Wait, you guys didn’t have to move out because of me, did you?” I asked, looking up at those damn blue eyes of his as I nearly forgot what I was saying.
Jake patted his leg. “Bob. Come. Come here.” Bob opened one eye and then shut it again.
“Did Brady make you move out of here?” I continued, wanting an answer from Jake because I could tell by his body language that he wasn’t eager to give me one.
“Bob, damn you! Come when I call you,” he yelled at the dog. Bob opened both eyes, sighed and then jumped down off the bed as Jake grabbed his collar. Or was it her collar? Hadn’t Jake mentioned Bob was a girl?
“We didn’t mind moving. Besides, we’d been talking prior to you coming out here—Brady and me—and we decided it was a good idea for me to sleep in the apartment above the stables.”
“You’re living above the stables?” I asked as I felt even more sorry for him.
“Girl, I lived in way worse places.”
“You have?” I couldn’t imagine a worse place actually.
“Yep,” he insisted. “Anyway, it’s a good thing I’m in there now ‘cause we had some issues in the past couple of months.”
“Issues?” I repeated dubiously. “What are you talking about?”
“It’s nothing,” he answered as he waved away my concern with his free hand. A hand, that I noticed was very, very … large. Of course, I immediately asked myself what else would be large on this man and then blushed in spite of myself.
“What’s nothing?” I demanded.
“We had a break-in about a month ago, had a couple of saddles stolen and some other items go missing. But now that I’m up over the main barn, I doubt that’ll happen again.”
I swallowed hard because all I could think about was someone getting into that barn and harming Aria, or taking my stuff. I had a Devoucoux saddle that was expensive, to say the least. Yes, I could’ve sold it but it was made custom for Aria and me, and I couldn’t part with it. Ok so that would now be coming into my cabin with me…
Aside from my concern for my six-thousand-dollar saddle, I also felt bad that Jake and Bob had to move out on my account. I had no idea what the accommodations were like in the apartment above the barn, but I did know what the apartment above the barn back in Connecticut was like, and even though I’d ridden in one of the most prestigious barns in the area, the barn apartment left something to be desired. Although my cabin was quaint, it certainly wasn’t what one would call luxurious and I could only imagine the apartment in the barn was tons worse.
Bob somehow slipped past Jake and was now lying on the bed again, staring at us like we were interrupting her slumber.
“Bob,” Jake repeated. “Come on, you pain in the ass dog.” Then, he glanced down at me with a shrug. “She’s kind of stubborn.”
“So I see,” I started with a frown. “How did she get the name Bob?”
“Well, let me tell you, Posh,” Jake started with that boyish, up to no good smile of his. “Her full name is Roberta Flack, after the singer. I shortened it to Bob. Much easier.”
I swallowed hard again, caught completely off-guard by him. I didn’t understand any of my reactions to him because they were the complete opposite of how I normally was. And that was avoidant, where men were concerned. Maybe it was owing to what had happened with Ryan and my mother, but I hadn’t had a boyfriend since. In general, I tried to keep away from men because I didn’t trust them. Most men, as far as I had decided, were out for sex and nothing else. But Jake… well, I didn’t know him well enough to think otherwise.
“Roberta Flack?”
Jake nodded and looked at me oddly. “Yeah. You know… “Killing me Softly,” “The Closer I Get to You,” “The First Time Ever.”
I held up my hand. “I know who she is. My grandma used to listen to her, and my mom, and… Of course, I know who she is.”
“Point for you, Posh.”
I smiled in spite of myself. Because there was something about Jake that was softening me, something that was drawing me to him. And I didn’t like it. Not one bit. I’d have to fight whatever blossoming feelings these were because Jake was trouble. As far as men went, he was probably the last one I should have anything to do with. Jake was absolutely a flirt and a player. If he was having this reaction on me, I was more than sure he had the same reaction on every other woman he came into contact with. And did I want to end up being another name on his bedpost? The short answer was no.
After the shit storm that had been my life lately, there was no way I was signing myself up to get played. Yeah, Jake was a big, red, blaring no way.
“Bob get your butt down from there and come on,” he insisted as Bob thumped her tail hard against the bed, staring at him with defiance. Jake walked over and grabbed her by the collar, but she must have weighed a ton, because they got into a tug of war that made me lose control of myself and break down into a fit of laughter. They just looked so ridiculous! Jake set his big, broad shoulders and tugged harder until Bob begrudgingly slid off the bed.
I stifled my laugh and bent down to scratch her between the ears. “She’s welcome anytime. Sorry I took over your space, Bob. I hope you can forgive me.”
“Don’t be sorry at all,” Jake said as he looked me up and down and then seemed to remember himself and looked me in the eyes. Asshole. “And the bed is mighty comfortable.”
It must have been the way he said it—how he looked me dead in the eyes, and then licked his lips. Because suddenly my cheeks were on fire. And I was convinced I was blushing. Jake had slept in my bed. God knew what else he’d done in it. And although I really didn’t want to admit it to myself, I did want to know what else he’d done.
“That’s good,” I answered as I dropped my attention to the floor because I couldn’t hold his gaze
any longer. “I think I’ll head out, too, and give Aria that much deserved turn out.” My voice was high pitched and nervous. I hated the way it sounded.
Jake didn’t say anything but just held the door open for me, allowing me to go first. He quickly caught up to me with Bob trudging along behind us.
“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” he offered.
“You didn’t,” I said even though it was a lie.
“Your cheeks went a pretty convincing shade of pink as soon as I mentioned the bed,” he argued. Then he shrugged. “I was just being honest, swear. I didn’t mean to sound…suggestive if that’s how you took it.”
“I didn’t take it.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
“Not even a little bit? I mean, you were definitely blushing.”
“That’s just what I do.”
“Blush?”
“Yeah, I’ve got this condition. It makes me hot sometimes…like flushed. And sometimes I even get hives.”
“Hives?”
“Yeah, hives.”
“Hmm,” he said and nodded as he appeared to be processing. “I’ve got a condition too.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. It’s called I-can-tell-when-someone’s-bullshittin’-me-syndrome.”
I glanced over at him and erupted into a fit of giggles.
“Hives,” he said as he chuckled loudly.
I cleared my throat and shoved my hands into my pockets. I didn’t know what to say so I didn’t say anything at all.
“I made Brady a promise,” Jake continued like he was bringing up the weather.
“About what?” I kept my eyes on the ground.
“That I wouldn’t try to have sex with you.”
And that did it. I stopped walking because my feet suddenly stopped functioning. My knees started to feel wobbly. And my heart was pounding through my chest.
“How… how did that even come up?” I managed.
Jake shrugged. “He saw me checking you out.” Then he reached over and nudged my upper arm. “I’m not trying to make you even more uncomfortable, Posh, but you have probably… the best ass in all of Colorado Springs.”
“Oh my God,” I grumbled as I shook my head. “Skip Scary Spice. Your new nickname is Oversexed Spice.”
He chuckled as I glanced up at him and then immediately regretted it because he was smiling down at me and his smile was charming enough to make me want to crawl under the nearest rock and die.
“So, if you aren’t trying to make me uncomfortable, then why are you telling me this?”
“Because I don’t want you to worry that I’m going to try to get you into bed,” he responded as he gripped me by the arm and pulled me into him, wrapping his arm around me like I was his younger, much shorter friend. “Because I’m not. Orders from the man.”
“Okay,” I answered, not really sure what else to say.
“So that means you and I can be good buddies,” he continued as he reached over and gave me a pretend noogie on top of my head like we were twelve years old.
“That sounds good,” I answered with a laugh as I backed out of his hold.
“Wanna chase a cow some time?” He grinned. “Do a little cutting? Jenny is one heck of a cuttin’ horse.”
I shook my head. “I don’t know about that. I’m not big on corporal punishment.”
“We’re not punishing the cows, silly,” he responded with a shake of his head. “They have to be rounded up. They have to be branded. Sometimes, they need vet care. We’re a working ranch, in case you haven’t noticed, Posh.”
“And sometimes you eat them.”
“That’s right. Sometimes we do.” Then he held his hands up on either side of his face as his mouth dropped open into a perfect circle. “Oh no. Tell me you’re not a vegetarian or one of those vegans I think they’re called? Do you eat dairy or eggs?”
“Yes I eat meat,” I answered with a laugh as I shook my head and couldn’t help the fact that I found him completely charming. “I’m not a vegetarian or a vegan, but I also don’t know if I could get acquainted with a cow and then wind up eating her.”
“Don’t get acquainted.” He winked at me. “It’s that easy.”
My stomach flip-flopped as I stared at those blue eyes, all the while wondering why I was upset that he’d agreed to keep his hands off me.
Chapter Four
Summer
After I took Aria out for a quick ride and then put her back, I headed to my cabin to get ready for dinner. All the while, I tried not to look for Jake.
Yes, he was nice, funny, sexy, boyishly charming and, overall, completely delicious, but he also wasn’t my type at all. Not that I had a type, given that I was a virgin. But, regardless, I wasn’t here for any kind of romance. My head, not to mention my heart, definitely didn’t need that kind of complication.
I still had a half hour before dinner, so I unpacked and tried not to think about how dismal and small the closet was, because there was no use comparing what was to what used to be. Sometimes, I still struggled with it, though, and I guessed it was okay to have a bad day every now and again. I just had to keep them to a minimum because there was no use in feeling sorry for myself. Because where did that get me? Nowhere.
Maybe with the waitressing job and all the work around here, I wouldn’t have time to be sad about what my life had become. Well, if I got the waitressing job, anyway. I definitely shouldn’t have been counting my chickens before they were hatched. But fingers crossed that I would get it because I definitely needed it.
At the bottom of my suitcase was a photo of my dad and me. I picked it up and my hands shook as I swallowed down the tears. I was about five when the photo was taken and I was sitting on his lap as he read a book to me.
I wanted to put the photo on the nightstand next to the bed, but my hands started to shake and the tears streamed down my face which meant I wasn’t ready. Not yet. I put the photo back in the suitcase, zipped it up and shoved it under the bed. There were so many questions I still had. So many unanswered questions…
I took my makeup bag into the bathroom and turned around once just to prove that it was possible. Yes, the bathroom was that small. My elbow banged into the wall and I sighed, then set my bag on the shelf above the sink and stared at my reflection. I barely recognized the stranger staring back at me, her face tear-stained, her eyes red. My platinum blond highlights had completely grown out, leaving my hair its usual shade of strawberry blond. All my layers that used to frame my face were way past my shoulders now. The dark circles under my eyes had faded a bit, but I could still see them, reminding me of so much turmoil and lost sleep. I sighed and stripped, then turned on the shower, bracing myself for the hard spray emitting from the shower-head.
I stepped beneath the water and it cut into my skin like sharp, cold needles. Seconds later, the water turned warm, then hot, but I didn’t care. I was lost in my thoughts and couldn’t even say I felt the water.
I wanted to be shiny and new again. I wanted to put the past behind me and face the future with excitement. But, so far, that excitement eluded me. Instead, I just felt nervous. Nervous about starting a new life, nervous about working, nervous about a pair of jaw-dropping blue eyes.
I shampooed my hair, lathered up my body and then shaved my legs. When I was finished shaving one of my underarms, the water turned cold. And it didn’t warm up so I hurriedly shaved the other one and the turned the water off, noting to myself that the days of long showers were now over.
After I dried myself off and rubbed my moisturizer in, I opted not to put a single bit of makeup on—not even lip gloss. This was a ranch, for hell’s sake. They’d probably fall off their chairs laughing if I came to dinner wearing earrings, let alone makeup. But my hands hesitated before taking my diamond studs from my ears. They were the last piece of jewelry I had and the only thing—other than Aria—from before... Before my mother’s swan dive off the sanity cliff, before the allegati
ons about Dad, before the nightmare began.
With teary eyes, I found the strength to take the diamonds from my ears and I opened the medicine cabinet and set them on a shelf so I wouldn’t have to see them every day.
Tucking my hair into a ponytail, I headed up to the main house, more than a little unsure about this “family style” thing. My family never did anything family style. I was lucky to see Mother once a day—
“Stop it, Summer. No more remembering the shitty. This is new, this is fresh, this is not Connecticut,” I said to myself, feeling like I needed to hear the words out loud. “The past is in the past,” I continued, repeating the mantra I must have said to myself twenty times a day since I’d left Connecticut.
“You know talking to yourself is a sure sign that you’re going crazy?”
I swung around as my heart leapt into my throat. “Jesus, Jake! You scared the crap out of me!”
“Sorry.” Jake stepped in line with me and we walked to the house together. I searched for a way to explain my mumbling but then I just gave up because there was no explaining anything without having to explain everything. And there was no way I was doing that.
“Are you getting settled in?”
We climbed the porch stairs and he held the front door open for me. “I think so.”
Neither of us said anything more as we walked in. He led me down the hallway, through the living room and into the kitchen. Almost immediately, I was greeted by a short, plump, elderly woman with blonde hair that curled around her ears, and bright brown eyes. She was wearing a red apron and was standing at the stove, already handing each one of us a mounded plate of food.
“Hi, honey!” she beamed at me. “You must be Summer. I’m Rue. Head and only cook here, for twenty years.”
“Hi, Rue,” I said, immediately feeling drawn toward her. “Nice to meet you.”
“You too, baby girl,” she answered as she smiled at me. “You are just beautiful,” she said with a huge smile as she faced Jake. “You watch yourself around him because he’s trouble,” she teased. But even though her words might have said otherwise, I could tell by the way she looked at him that she was fond of Jake.
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