“That’s not why I came over.”
“But you are, right?” There was pain and hurt in his eyes.
I sighed and turned, leaning against the gate. “That was always the plan, Jake, you know that. I came here for a summer job and the summer is almost over.”
He tossed the hammer in the dirt and jammed his hands in his back pockets. “Yes, that was always the plan.”
“I may never get another chance to chase this dream—to truly grab it with both hands and give it my absolute best shot. And Deena thinks I’m good enough.” I shook my head and grabbed both his arms. “I have to do this, Jake. I’ll never forgive myself if I don’t.”
“I get it,” he answered with a quick nod that said he was still upset.
I didn’t know what he wanted me to say. “You have a life here,” I started, wanting him to understand where I was coming from. “Brady’s letting you work on your herd. You have a future here, Jake. I don’t.”
“I guess I thought...” But he was interrupted by Rue when she called us both in for dinner. “See you up there,” he said as he turned on his heel and strode away.
I wandered through the barn, past the house, and ended up in the hay barn. I climbed to the top of the sweet-smelling stack and sat on the end where I could see the rolling pastures and the base of the mountain. I loved it here. I really did.
And Jake? Did I love him?
I was beginning to think I did.
But you don’t even know what love is! I yelled at myself. How would you know you’re in love with him when you have no experience with men at all?
I did know that I loved the way he made me feel. I loved who I was when I was around him. But I was also facing a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and I knew it.
But what about the opportunity with Jake? I felt like he was willing to give me something I’d never known—a chance at love, a chance to be happy, a chance to start a new life and leave the old one far, far behind. Jake accepted me for who and what I was. He didn’t hold my past against me. He didn’t hold anything against me. If anything, he cherished the person I was. And he was so protective of me. Rue was right—Jake was a good man. In fact, probably the best man I’d ever met. And yet I was still going to leave him?
I picked a stem of hay from the bale beneath me and leaned back. I didn’t know what to do or what the right answer was. Did I follow my career passion or did I follow my heart? I mean, it wasn’t like I had to give up my dream of riding if I chose Jake. Riding was as much a part of his world as it was mine. What I would be giving up was really fame and money.
But it wasn’t that simple. It wasn’t just about the money and the fame for me. I’d finally be able to showcase Aria like she was always meant to be. She was the only thing I had left that could get me there. Without her, I’d never have the money to buy another horse as good as she was. And she wasn’t going to be around forever. I knew I had talent, but did I have enough to make a good living at it? And was it worth giving up the love of a good man?
But say I did get there, say I made it all the way... What good was a dream without someone to share it with? Someone I loved...
Chapter Thirty-Two
Jake
I’d let Summer walk away in every sense of the word. Obviously, a big part of me understood that she needed to follow her dream and that part of me wanted her to go with Deena. But the selfish, dickhead part of me wanted to race after her, grab her, and lock her in my room for the rest of her life so I’d never be without her.
I kicked a clump of dirt and it hit the bottom rail of the fence and burst into a million fragments, echoing how I felt. I had only myself to blame. Brady had told me to stay away from Summer and I hadn’t. Why? Because I’d wanted her from the moment I saw her. Even though I’d known the moment she’d driven through the gate that a guy like me would never get a girl like her to stick around. She was too big, too bright, too destined for things beyond a cattle ranch. She didn’t belong here. She knew it as much as I did. And that was exactly the reason why I would have to let her go.
The one woman who had gotten under my skin, the one woman I couldn’t imagine living without. The one woman who had managed to make me fall head over heels in love with her.
“Fuck!”
I punched the thick fence post holding the gate and the pain that shattered my middle knuckle radiated up my arm but I didn’t care. I deserved it. I deserved every bit of pain that came my way. And it was going to be a truckload.
I felt like an ass that I couldn’t be genuinely happy for her but the truth was, I wasn’t. I’d wanted us to make our way together— I would have given anything to be able to provide for her, to protect her, to fill her belly with my children. But I’d forgotten one valuable piece of information—that being that I’d always just be a cattle rancher. Of course, I planned to have my own ranch at some point but, regardless, that wasn’t the life Summer wanted.
But that would be the best I’d ever be able to give her. And I’d foolishly thought it would have been enough.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Summer
One Week Later
I drove all the way to the café. My shift didn’t start for another hour, but I was hoping Sharon could get me on early. I had to tell her that I was quitting. And then tell Brady when I got home. We didn’t have any other guests booked, so I was sure it wouldn’t be a big deal.
I’d made up my mind to leave the night before. Why? Because opportunities like this didn’t come along every day. I had a chance to work with an Olympian—to realize my ultimate dream. There was no way I could turn that down. And that meant I would be boarding a plane with Deena the following day and heading to California. I hadn’t yet told her about my relationship with Jake but I decided not to, figuring it didn’t matter. Because I wouldn’t have a relationship left with Jake once I stepped on that plane. Not that I had one now…
Sharon was sweet to me but she kept eyeing me like she knew something was up but she didn’t pry. At the end of our shift, she put a comforting hand on my shoulder. “You doin’ okay, Bug?”
I nodded and folded my apron. “Just a lot on my mind.”
“Want to talk about it?”
I shook my head. At this point, I had made my decision and I didn’t want anyone weighing in on it and trying to change my mind. “I, um, I got a job offer and I think I’m going to take it. It’s in California.” I smoothed the wrinkles out of my apron and didn’t dare look at her. She squeezed my shoulder and pulled me close into a smothering hug.
“I knew we wouldn’t be able to keep you long, but damn, I’m going to miss having you around, girl.”
My hands flew around her waist and I clung to her. “I’m going to miss you, too.”
“It’s for the best, though. You weren’t meant to wait tables. You were meant to fly.”
Tears immediately threatened me as I realized that I’d met nothing but kindness and understanding since I’d been here. These people were the best I’d ever met. And it was no small feat to face the fact that I was going to leave them all behind. I swallowed the tears down and Sharon released me.
“You’re going to have an amazing life, you know that, Bug?”
I nodded and lifted my watery gaze to hers. “Thanks for everything. For believing in me, for helping me... for being my friend.” I shook my head. “I’ll never be able to repay you for what you did for me. This job saved my life.”
She smoothed my hair and tucked it behind my ears. “No, Bug. You did that. You showed up every day, you gave me everything you had, and you worked your ass off. That’s how I know you’re gonna make it out there in the big world.”
I smiled. “Thanks.”
“My pleasure, Bug. Now, go on, get out of here and go home to your cowboy.”
I looked away, but it wasn’t fast enough.
“Uh oh. He not keen on you going?”
“No,” I answered, nearly choking on the word. Actually, I hadn’t even told Jake yet that I
was leaving the next day. It was a conversation I wasn’t looking forward to in the least. “But like you said, it’s for the best.”
She gave me a sad smile and grabbed our purses. “You just gotta reason with him, you know? Make him understand this is the right choice for you.”
I just nodded as she walked me out to my car. The night air was cold and wrapped itself around me in an icy embrace as I shivered and prayed I was making the right decision. But deep in my heart, I knew I was.
I gave Sharon one last hug and promised to stop in if I was ever in town, though we both knew that was never going to happen. “Bye, Bug.”
“Bye, Sharon.”
She teared up and it took us a long time to finally separate and get in our cars. I was going to miss her. A lot.
Jake’s truck wasn’t at the house when I pulled up. Brady and Rue were silhouetted in the kitchen window. Seeing them, I felt a lump form in my throat. I didn’t go in to see them, though. Instead, I headed to my cabin and decided to start sorting through my belongings.
My cabin was empty and lonely, but I ignored all that and started packing. I didn’t have a whole lot of stuff and it only took me an hour. Bob scratched at the door and I let her in. She beelined for the bed and curled up. I didn’t want her to stay because Jake would come looking for her, but...
Jake would come looking for her.
I curled up next to her on the bed and flipped through the seven channels on my TV. There was nothing on, but the noise and flashing pictures numbed my mind so I didn’t have to think about my future. Funny how just a few hours earlier, the brilliance of my future had outshone everything.
Well, that was until I thought about what I was leaving behind or, more pointedly, who I was leaving behind.
Life was so damn unfair, it hurt.
Bob thumped her big tail against the bed and I rested my hand on her head. “I’m glad you’re here.”
***
I’d been way off course when I wasn’t sure if I was in love with Jake. It was super clear now what love was, and that we had it, and that I loved him. Because now that it was on its way out, the pit of desperation inside me was doubling, seemingly with each passing hour.
When I walked up to the main house, I found Brady in his office and I knocked gently on the door.
He looked up, startled. “Hey. Come in.”
I tried my best not to fidget, but I really didn’t want to tell him I was going. I hadn’t thought it would be as hard as it was. “The season’s almost over.”
He set his pen down and leaned back in his chair. “Yeah. Been a good one. I’ve been meaning to ask you if you’d stay on through the winter. Well, if you want to.”
My heart dropped all the way down to my toes and I sighed. “I can’t, Brady.”
“I know Deena offered you a hell of a deal,” he said and stared out the window. “If anyone can get you to the top, she can. Knows her stuff...” He turned back to me. “And I’m happy for you, kid.”
“Thanks, Brady.”
His lips drew in a tight line and he gave me a curt nod like he didn’t agree with my decision but he understood it all the same. “Well, if you change your mind, I’d be happy for you to stay on. We’d all be.”
I shook my head and blinked the tears back, reminding myself that I’d made up my mind and I had a future in California waiting for me.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Jake
She was leaving.
She didn’t even have to tell me. I could read as much in her eyes, in her body language and the way she opened her mouth to speak but no words came out.
“It’s okay,” I said as I accepted the cup of coffee she offered me. It was just the two of us in the kitchen. Breakfast was over and Brady was already out on the ranch, surveying the property to see if anything was in need of repair. Rue was making herself busy in the office but I was sure it was work she’d invented for herself in order to give us some time alone. I wasn’t sure where Deena was, probably packing, if I had to guess.
“I—” Summer started, a frown worrying her bottom lip. “I don’t know what to say.”
I reached out to her and took her hand. “There’s nothing to say, Posh,” I responded with a big smile I didn’t feel. “You made the right decision.”
“I did?” she asked, seemingly surprised by my response.
I nodded. “Of course you did. You’re following your dream, doing what you’ve always wanted to do. You got offered an opportunity that not many people get and you’d be foolish not to take it. I understand. And I’m proud of you,” I finished as I gulped down a sip of the bitter coffee. Funny, but it had never tasted quite so bitter before and I’d always taken my coffee black.
“You are?”
I chuckled at her repetitive questions. “You know I am. If you’d stayed here, you would have always wondered if you’d made the right decision, you know that.”
She nodded. “It’s the most difficult decision I’ve ever had to make,” she said in a small voice, one which caught. She dropped her head and blinked furiously, obviously trying to keep her tears at bay.
“I know, baby,” I said as I reached down and grabbing her by the arm, pulled her into me. I rested my chin on the top of her head and did my best to force my own tears back. I wasn’t going to make this harder on her. What she was doing was the right thing to do. It was what I wanted for her—to be happy.
She wrapped her arms around me and held me tight. “You have no idea how much I’m going to miss you.”
“Yes, I do,” I argued. “Because I’m going to miss you just as much, if not more.”
She looked up at me and smiled, tears swimming in those angelic eyes. And it was then that I realized how lost I really was. I loved this woman. I’d loved her from the moment I first saw her and now I was letting her go. But there was no other way. She was destined for great things and she wouldn’t find those things at Springhill Ranch.
“You could come with me,” she said, suddenly jumping on the idea as if it were the last life raft on a sinking ship.
I chuckled as I shook my head. “You know I can’t do that, Posh,” I said as I smiled down at her and caught her tears with the pad of my thumb. “A cowboy has no business in the sophistication of California.”
She didn’t argue with me, probably because she knew my own dreams didn’t include moving. My own dreams would keep me here, where I could continue to work on creating a new breed of ranch cow. And I could continue to learn all I could about what it meant to operate a ranch so I could emulate it for myself. I’d been saving all my money since I’d started working here years ago and now my bank account was fairly sizable—maybe enough for a down payment on my own ranch in the next couple of years.
“You’re going to do great things, Summer,” I whispered to her as I held her. “You’re meant for things much bigger than we could offer you here. I’ve always known that.”
“I found myself here, Jake,” she whispered back. “I found the person I wanted to be and it’s a huge part because of you.” She looked up at me. “I will always be grateful to you for that.”
I held her even tighter. “Okay, that’s enough of the sappy stuff,” I said with a laugh that I didn’t really feel. “Let’s change the subject before we both start bawling.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
Summer
Fifteen Months Later
The sun was rising as I drank my morning coffee. It was my second December in California and I still wasn’t used to the sun shining instead of snow falling for the yuletide. I was learning to like it though, that was for sure.
Aria brought her head up from where she was standing in the pasture and whinnied.
I lifted my coffee cup in toast and Aria returned to munching on the stubby grass. We’d come a long way. One thing that remained in my heart, though, was my father’s suicide. Dad’s death would linger with me forever, no matter where I went. But my feelings about it had changed. It was no longer this impen
ding darkness that I felt, or an unending, piercing anger. Yes, the pain was still there but it wasn’t as all-encompassing as it once had been. Instead, memories of the good times with my dad began to soak in. The times before all the greed, power and revenge had taken him over. I still got angry sometimes and I still got sad. And, of course, there were still those moments when I’d suffer intense confusion and internal conflict. But for the most part, it remained a still current rather than an underlying one, and if I was truthful, I had to attribute that to Jake.
My cowboy had loved all of that bitterness out of me. He’d helped me get rid of the pain and anger, then filled me up with so much love and peace. He’d helped me to find myself, to become the person I wanted to be.
I wondered how he was. I wondered what his life had become, whether or not he’d continued with his new breed of cow and if he’d been successful. Mostly, I wondered if he ever thought about me.
There wasn’t a day that went by where I didn’t think about him. And at night, he ruled my dreams.
I stood and poured myself a second cup of coffee. Thinking about Jake weighed on me as usual. And as usual, I was thinking about him. There were nights when I couldn’t sleep because I couldn’t get him out of my head. Those nights were the worst because I’d feel like a zombie in the morning, a lovesick zombie.
The morning light had begun to spread across Deena’s place. And I was suddenly thankful for this little slice of heaven. I’d been right to follow my dreams. I didn’t regret the decision I’d made for one second where my career was concerned. I’d learned more in the last fifteen months than I could have ever thought possible. The only part I did regret was leaving Jake.
My cell phone rang and it startled me. No one called this early unless there was a problem with a horse. “Hello?”
“Summer?”
I froze as Jake’s voice melted across my skin, making my stomach drop to the floor as my heart sped up.
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