by K Leitch
‘Yes I heard you…but I don’t understand, how can you have just given birth? What are you talking about Helen?’ said Maggie mystified. ‘I mean you’re not even pregnant…it doesn’t make any sense.’
‘I’m sorry Maggie,’ said Helen in a quiet voice, ‘I was pregnant; I have been for the last nine months. I found out I was a couple of months after I had my…um breakdown. I was so happy I couldn’t believe it after all those years of trying, at last I was going to be a mum. It felt like a gift from god and, I don’t know why, but I wanted to keep it all to myself…I hope you can understand that Maggie…’ Helen's voice broke a bit as she fought to hold onto her emotions.
Maggie didn’t speak for a couple of minutes; but Helen could hear her at the other end of the phone…she waited.
‘Helen I’ll have to call you back,’ she said at last in a muffled voice. ‘I don’t know what to think if I’m honest, of course it’s amazing news that you have had a baby…I still can’t quite believe it actually, but how could you not tell…look I need a bit of time to get my head around this…I’ll call you back ok?’ she said and ended the call.
Helen couldn’t stop the tears then and they fell in abundance. What a selfish cow she had been; Maggie had been such a wonderful friend to her. She would have rejoiced in the news and would have relished being a part of it…oh how could she have been so stupid, she wouldn’t blame her if she never wanted to speak to her again. A few minutes later, whilst she was shuddering and hiccupping with spent emotion Helen’s mobile rang again…it was Tracy.
‘Oh my god Helen, Maggie’s just told me the news! You sneaky cow…how ever did you manage to keep it a secret, I mean we all thought you had put on a few pounds but not for one minute did I suspect a thing! And it’s a little girl, oh how perfect I can’t wait to come and see you…’
‘How was Maggie when she called you Tracy?’ interrupted Helen.
‘Um…well she’s a bit upset actually love…she is very hurt I think, that you kept it from her. She’s very protective of you Helen, I’m sure you realise that and I suppose she thought that you would have felt close enough to her to confide in her.’ She heard Helen crying on the other end of the phone, ‘Oh love don’t get upset…I’m absolutely sure she will come round, you know Maggs, she’s not one to wallow, just give her time. Now tell me all about it…oh my god Helen you’re a mum, how mad is that! What was the birth like, is it as awful as everyone says…’
Helen had a good chat with Tracy and when she got off the phone she felt a good deal better. Abby had woken up and was snuffling and squirming in her little cot, so Helen went over and picked her up. She needed a nappy change and a feed, so with trembling fingers Helen undressed her cleaned her and then settled down in the chair and tried to put her to her breast. The nurses had shown her how to get her to latch on earlier but it had been so much easier when they were there to help, and even though it was obvious that baby Abby was definitely interested she just couldn’t get it right. After a few unsuccessful attempts she was getting completely stressed out and so was the baby who was screaming blue by murder now.
‘Oh my god I am never going to get the hang of this,’ sobbed Helen, ‘I’m sorry I’m sorry darling,’ she cooed to the hungry baby, trying to calm her down, but Abby having had a whiff of breast milk was inconsolable and just screamed even louder and this was the scene that Carla walked into 5 minutes later.
Helen took one look at Carla and threw herself into her arms.
‘Oh Carla I am so sorry…please forgive me, I don’t know what came over me, I think I just went a bit mad for a few months…I can see now how selfish I was please forgive me. And I’m such a useless mum; I can’t even feed her properly, how am I going to cope if I can’t even feed hhheerr…’ she started sobbing even louder at this point which transmitted itself to the baby who renewed her screams.
‘Bloody hell seems like I arrived in the nick of time…now calm down Helen… yes come on love I know…I understand…it’s ok love, come on tell me what the problem is, I mean I know it’s been a long time since I fed my own babies but I’m sure I can remember how to do it…but first you need to calm down…that’s right…’ she carried on like this for a few minutes until Helen was calm again.
‘Now what is it? Is she not latching on…oh my god Rosie was a right little bugger for that. I can remember getting so upset; until Maggie showed me how to do it…shall we have another go?’
Helen nodded miserably and sat back into the chair, while Carla fetched the now quieter baby.
‘Oh you are gorgeous,’ she cooed, smiling down at her, ‘She’s a real beauty Helen sweetheart… right, now as I remember the trick is to get ALL of the nipple into the baby’s mouth…that’s right the whole areola…that’s it, I know it feels a bit uncomfortable doesn’t it, but it will get better. Oh my god look at her go, she can’t get enough of you now Helen,’ she laughed as she watched the guzzling baby, Helen stretched out and took Carla’s hand.
‘I am truly sorry Carla…how could I have shut you all out of something so important. Please forgive me, and please ask Maggie to forgive me, I know I’ve hurt her.’
Carla felt her eyes welling up, ‘Let’s not talk about it now love, I’m sure you must have had your reasons. I know Maggie phoned Tracy by the way so expect a visit. She was as gobsmacked as I was…’
‘Oh I know honey, she has already called me,’ said Helen looking guilty, and on the verge of tears again.
Carla smiled at her understandingly and squeezed her hand. ‘I must say though, we were all relieved that there was such an easy solution to your weight gain,’ she teased, ‘I was not looking forward to having to tag along to the gym with you.’
They chatted for a while as the baby fed and inevitably fell asleep; and soon Carla could see that Helen was drooping as well so she took her leave. Once on her own again, Helen could only marvel at how very kind her friends were, and how little she deserved them.
CHAPTER 43 - TRACY
‘I know and we hadn’t suspected a thing! Well we all thought she had put on weight, but to be honest I just thought that was because she was in love again. You know some lucky women lose weight when they fall in love but the unfortunate ones i.e. me and Helen, tend to pile the weight on because we are feeling all contented and smug.’ She patted her little round tummy and gave Simon a wink. ‘Anyway I went up to see her last night and I have never seen her looking so happy. And the baby is gorgeous…just perfect.’
Tracy was filling Simon in on the latest news about Helen; who had been as gobsmacked as she had known he would be. They were sitting with Lisa at the table in the kitchen eating the meal that Tracy had prepared for them all earlier.
‘What’s her problem, stupid cow, why bother to hide the fact that you’re pregnant? I mean it’s not like in the Victorian times when she would have been considered to be a slut or something is it?’ said Lisa with her usual sensitivity.
Tracy went on the defensive, ‘Oh I don’t know, I think she just wanted to keep it all to herself. She had a terrible time last year you know, maybe she was scared that something would go wrong if she talked about it…I can understand that I think. Maggie is really cut up about it though,’ she said turning back to Simon, ‘I was speaking to her today…she still hasn’t been and seen the baby, and I can tell she’s still very upset.’
‘Bloody hell you lot need to get a life,’ Lisa interrupted scathingly. ‘All this fuss over a baby…why the bloody hell should Maggie be upset, I mean they’re not joined at the hip are they? Anyhow from what you’re saying Helen’s more likely to be joined at the hip to that Maya bird…bloody dykes…yuk it makes my stomach turn.’
‘RIGHT, THAT’S ENOUGH!’ shouted Simon banging his fist so hard on the table that even the plates jumped, he turned to Lisa. ‘I have sat here and listened to your spiteful comments long enough my girl; these are friends of your sister’s that you are slagging off. What gives you, a lazy spoilt little madam, the right to criticise people
that you barely know? You swan around here thinking that everyone owes you a living, you treat Tracy like shit, and you do nothing to help around the house. You seem to think that just because you’ve been lucky enough to have been born good looking, you can do what you like. What you haven’t realised yet you stupid girl, is that every time you are spiteful or bitchy you lose a bit of your beauty. Right now you are looking like an ugly old cow let me tell you, and another thing…’
But Lisa wasn’t going to take anymore, ‘Well you can just shut up; who the hell do you think you are talking to me like that? This isn’t even your house, and you think you can order me about all the time? I know the only reason you’re angry is because you can’t stand the thought of Tracy being pregnant…well you should have thought about that before you fucked her shouldn’t you…’
‘Stop it, stop it…both of you please…’ said Tracy trying to get in between the two of them who were now standing head to head over the table.
‘And you are a fine one to talk about treating Tracy well,’ went on Lisa, ‘she couldn’t even tell you she was pregnant, she was so scared of how you’d react, so what sort of man does that make you then?’
‘No no Lisa stop it…it wasn’t like that…’ shouted Tracy desperately.
‘I think you are a bully Mr high and mighty Simon Burton,’ shouted Lisa completely ignoring Tracy, ‘you’ve definitely bullied me since I’ve been here. No wonder Tracy’s scared shitless of you, no wonder she thinks you are going to run off with the first decent woman that comes along. I mean, why would the great Simon Burton stay with a little plain Jane like my sister? It’s obvious you just wanted somewhere to lay your hat until something better came along.’
‘You spiteful little cow,’ roared Simon, his eyes blazing with anger. ‘I couldn’t find anyone better than your sister… because there is no one better. And what’s more there is no one as beautiful; plain Jane? You need your eyes testing girl and as for me being a bully…well only Tracy can tell you whether that’s true or not. But I can tell you now that I love your sister with all my heart and I am over the moon about the baby…so put that in your pipe and smoke it you nasty little bitch! Sorry Tracy…’ and on that note Simon got his coat and whistled to Buster. Buster, who had just got himself into a nice comfy position in his basket, and was looking forward to a long post dinner nap, rather reluctantly followed Simon to the door. Looking back longingly at his bed as he went out into the night for an unexpected, and in his opinion completely unnecessary evening walk.
Lisa had the grace to look shamefaced after Simon had left; both girls sat in silence for a while, neither one knowing quite what to say.
Finally, Tracy said quietly, ‘What have I ever done to you Lisa, that you despise me so much? I can’t think of anything; I’ve always tried to make allowances for you…you were so much younger…Mum and Dad expected so much of you…but you never seemed to want my love. And I do love you, you know. But it is getting harder and harder to ignore the things you do and say. I just want to know why.’
Lisa turned on her in a tearful rage, ‘Oh that’s right turn it round so that it’s all my fault again. Couldn’t possibly be you could it Tracy, oh no not the perfect Tracy. Do you know how galling it is to listen to Mum and Dad constantly telling me how wonderful you are; “why can’t you be more like your sister, she’s got herself a nice little job” or “why can’t you find a nice young man like Tracy has”, you have no idea how pissed off I am with hearing how fucking wonderful you are! And now to top it all you’re pregnant…oh my god Mum will be over the fucking moon…a precious grandchild from the sainted Tracy…no one will give mmmee aaa seconnndd thought nowwww,’ she finished on a wail and ran out of the room, leaving Tracy sitting alone at the table, rather bewildered at what had just happened.
She followed Lisa upstairs, and found her in her room flinging clothes into a bag.
‘Oh come on love don’t be silly, you don’t have to go. Simon will have calmed down by the time he comes back…I’m sorry ok, I had no idea you felt like this.’ Lisa continued racing round the room, opening drawers and cupboards and throwing clothes onto the bed ready to pack…Tracy tried not to notice that some of the clothes being packed looked suspiciously like hers, and wasn’t that her bottle of Miss Dior that Simon had bought her last Christmas going into the bag… she tried again.
‘Look why don’t we go downstairs, have a drink and talk about this. I don’t want you leaving in this state Lisa, after we’ve had a talk if you still want to go I will drive you to the station…but please Lisa let’s not leave it like this.’
Lisa seemed to be calming down; she sat down on the bed, Tracy sat down next to her and put her arms around her, ‘I think it’s because they love you so very much Lisa,’ she began, Lisa gave a sarcastic laugh. ‘No hear me out,’ Tracy said before she could speak, ‘you were like the most wonderful surprise for Mum and Dad. I can still remember when Mum told us she was pregnant; her eyes were glowing with happiness. After Paul, I don’t think they thought they could have any more children. I remember how worried Mum was throughout the pregnancy, and how tremendously happy they were when you were born safe and sound. They showered you with all their love Lisa, I felt very left out most of the time I can tell you, but I was ready to leave home by then so I was distracted by other things.
I know the fact that I didn’t get to university disappointed them, and I know they didn’t want me to move out of the house and into the cottage. I definitely know that they didn’t want me to set up home with Brian, but they supported my decisions and they helped out when I needed it, even sitting up all night with me when I found out that Brian was a two timing bastard, never once saying “I told you so”. They love you in the same way Lisa; they want you to go to University, they don’t want you to throw your life away on some awful man who will break your heart. That’s why they shout at you… because they’ve watched all my mistakes, and that’s why they hold me up as an example, because finally I have found happiness and that’s what they want for you.’
Lisa shifted on the bed and put her head on Tracy’s shoulder, ‘I wish I was more like you,’ she said quietly, ‘I wish I could be kind and patient, I just find it so hard Trace, especially when… have you noticed…some people are so stupid. And I find myself saying horrible things…I don’t think I’m a very tolerant person Tracy. I will try harder though I promise.’
‘Well that’s all anyone can do sweetheart,’ said Tracy giving her a hug. They stayed like that for a while both deep in their own thoughts, and then Lisa said in a worried little voice, ‘Trace do you think Simon’s right…you know about me losing a bit of my beauty when I’m spiteful, you don’t think I’m ugly do you?’
Tracy laughed, ‘No of course not hun, but I do think that people stop seeing beauty in someone who is constantly horrible. Just as the opposite is true…a ‘plain Jane’ as you call it, can soon look like the most beautiful person in the world if they are sweet and kind…haven’t you noticed that?’
‘No,’ said Lisa bluntly, ‘but then to be fair I haven’t looked, maybe I will start looking a bit more carefully from now on, instead of just seeing the outer coating.’ Tracy gave her another hug, may be a lesson had been learnt here this evening.
The girls went back downstairs; all thoughts of Lisa leaving had gone and they cleared the kitchen table together, in perfect harmony for once.
Simon got quite a shock when he came in and found Lisa drying dishes, she smirked at him, waving her dish cloth.
‘See I’m not such a useless article am I?’ she said. ‘And for your information I am going to the college in Redbank tomorrow to get a prospectus…I fancy tourism, I have always wanted to travel, and just think how good I would look in an air hostess’s uniform.’
‘Well I think that’s a brilliant idea,’ said Simon smiling. ‘Although,’ he said under his breath to Tracy, ‘I pity the poor passengers, woe betide anyone who doesn’t pay attention to the safety drill on her flights, or go
d forbid, asks for the vegetarian option… I foresee a few pre-packed aubergine bakes landing in a few laps at 30,000 feet, you mark my words.’
CHAPTER 44 - CARLA
Carla arrived home tired and despondent. It had been a long day she had been at work before 6 this morning, everyone was working long hours, and they would be until they had tracked down Craig O’Bruin.
All the ports and airports had been alerted, and today they had widened their search to cover the whole of the UK, so it should only be a matter of time.
The house was in darkness; James had obviously given up waiting for her and gone to bed. Carla wasn’t quite ready for bed yet, her head was still buzzing and she knew that she wouldn’t be able to sleep until she had unwound a bit. So she made herself a sandwich and went in the living room to watch the telly for a while. ‘Mock the Week’ was on; a repeat of course but it was just the sort of mindless humour that she needed, so she sat down laughing at something completely outrageous that Frankie Boyle was saying. Suddenly she noticed an envelope with her name on it, on the coffee table and a small beautifully wrapped box sitting next to it. She ripped open the envelope taking out the pretty handmade card that was inside, then with a groan, she put her head in her hands.
‘Fuck, fuck, fuck!’ Today was her wedding anniversary, 12 years of wedded bliss and she had forgotten all about it. Worse than that, she hadn’t even seen James today, she had left before he was up and she had returned after he had gone to bed. She picked up the little box and carefully opened the gorgeous wrapping paper. There inside was a tiny antique ring box; and inside the box was the most exquisitely delicate opal and diamond ring. It was obviously old and it had obviously cost a fortune.
‘Bugger,’ she swore again, trying on the ring and admiring how it sparkled in the half light. ‘What a bastard, how am I meant to make up for this…what a complete sod!’ she said again.
She crept upstairs and into the bedroom; James was quietly snoring, bundled up under the quilt. Carla silently undressed and climbed into bed beside him; there was enough light in the room for her to be able to see his face as he slept. She watched him for a while; her heart filling to the brim with love for this kind, patient, wonderful man. ‘How did I get to be so lucky,’ she thought to herself as she slid down next to him placing feather like kisses on his brow and down his nose. He stirred in his sleep and turned onto his back; Carla began to stroke his gorgeous chest and stomach, letting her fingers trail over his flat nipples and lightly using her nails as she trailed down even lower. She followed her hands with her mouth kissing him all the way down. He was as hard as a rock and wide awake by the time she took him into her mouth; his breathing was heavy and he was moaning with pleasure, but just as Carla felt he was coming to a climax he grabbed her by the hair and pulled her up to him.
