by Kant, Komal
“Neither are you,” he responded with a wink. “I have a feeling there’s a whole side of you that you don’t even know about.”
The funny thing was, he was right. There was a part of me that I was waiting to explore. It was the part of me that could maybe learn to cope with the death of my boyfriend. The old, fragile Hadie couldn’t handle it, but maybe I didn’t need to be her anymore. Maybe I had to be what I needed to be.
Maybe Three was exactly what I needed to help me get there.
Chapter Two
-Two Weeks Later-
Eddie
The radio hummed softly in the background as I drove down the long, boring road that led back to the small town of Statlen.
Statlen, Iowa was my hometown. Population: ten. That’s what it felt like, anyway. There couldn’t have been more than twelve thousand people in this tiny, Midwest town. There wasn’t a whole lot to look at or do out here, so people had to entertain themselves somehow, and that was by knowing everyone else’s business.
It was a little after midnight, and I was on my way home after dropping my mom, Jean, off at the hospital where she worked. My six-year-old sister, Hailie, was fighting sleep in the backseat of the car, even though I’d told her it was okay to take a nap until we got home. She was about as stubborn as they came and had tried to stay awake the entire time.
It was a school night and I felt horrible for keeping her out this late, but right now we only had one functioning car. She was too young to stay home this late by herself—even though she’d probably just sleep—while I was gone for forty minutes.
It wasn’t ideal, but somehow we had to make things work until I could save up to buy another car. I had my eye on a $3,500 piece of shit at Jack’s Dealership that I was very close to buying. Working late nights and extra hours at Belle’s Diner had finally paid off.
A deserted motorcycle on the side of the road caught my eye. What the hell? Was there a member of the Madden or Allbrook motorcycle gang wandering around?
My eyes fell on a male figure walking along the side of the road. About twenty feet ahead of that figure was another figure, more petite—it was a girl.
I slowed down just in case there was trouble brewing. Maybe she was trying to get away from that guy.
The girl stumbled a little and turned her head at the sound of the approaching car. In the flash of the headlights, a familiar face came into view.
Holy shit. It was Hadie Swinton.
Immediately, I slammed my foot down on the brakes and the car screeched to a halt just past Hadie.
In the rearview mirror, I saw Hailie jerk awake. “What’s going on?” Her bright blue eyes sought me out in concern.
“Everything’s fine. Stay right here,” I ordered, jumping out of the car and running back towards Hadie who had stopped walking and was staring at the car.
The guy was still several feet behind her, but was gaining on us quickly.
Hadie was a girl from school, but she wasn’t just any ol’ girl. She was the girl. She was the girl I’d been crushing on since freshman year; the one who would never be mine.
Hadie stared at me in confusion for several seconds before her chestnut brown eyes finally widened in recognition. “Eddie?” she mumbled, her voice slurred.
“Hadie, what are you doing out here?” I stopped a couple of feet short of her. “Are you alright?”
“Oh, yeah, I’m great. I just, it’s weird, we were going home, but-” she rambled incoherently, trailing off.
She didn’t sound like herself and she looked like a complete mess. Her wavy brown hair was windswept, which would make sense if she’d been on the bike with that guy. And her outfit was definitely not something I’d ever seen her in—tight jeans, a top that showed her cleavage, and a black, leather jacket.
Then it hit me.
“You’re drunk,” I said, staring into her face and noticing her eyes were glassy. “Where are you coming from?”
This was not the Hadie I knew. The normal Hadie didn’t go out and get drunk on a school night; she stayed at home and studied.
She was visibly shaking as the December air settled in around her. “Um, a friend’s house.”
“Hadie!” the guy called out as he reached us and stopped beside her.
My eyes shot to him, taking in the tattered jeans and the ratty, flannel shirt. His brown hair was spiked up and there was a tattoo on the back of his hand, though I couldn’t make it out in the darkness. He definitely didn’t go to our school and looked a little older than us.
Who the hell was this guy? Was this the friend she was referring to? I didn’t know Hadie had friends like him.
“I’m fine, Three.” She waved the guy away with a hand.
Three? What kind of a name was that?
“Are you sure?” he asked, staring me down.
He was acting as though I couldn’t be trusted when he was the one who looked like he had just gotten out of prison and shouldn’t be alone with any females.
“Hadie, get in my car,” I said, pointedly ignoring him. “I’m taking you home.”
“Take a hike, buddy,” he said, narrowing his eyes at me. “I’ll take care of her.”
I snorted in disbelief. “Yeah, right. Like I’m gonna trust you with her.”
Three took a step towards me that was probably intended to be threatening. I knew I didn’t look like much of anything with my 5’6” height, stocky build, and average features, but I refused to budge. We continued to stare each other down until Hadie pushed in between us.
“Will you two stop it, please?” she begged, sounding strangely sober. Her brown eyes fell on me. “You can take me home, okay?”
Three let out a sound of disagreement. “How do you know this guy?”
“From school.” Hadie turned to him. “He’s a friend.”
And there it was. The word that no guy ever wanted to hear from the girl he was in love with. Friend. The girl I’d been in love with since I was fourteen continued to relegate me to the goddamn friend-zone. Story of my freaking life.
Yeah, I’d said “in love”. I was in love with Hadie Swinton and I was pretty sure she didn’t even know it. She was still in love with a ghost; a boy she could never be with. Two months ago she’d tragically lost her boyfriend to cancer. She’d never been the same since.
I didn’t blame her, but it hurt that I had been there by her side the entire time, yet she chose to spend her time with a guy like this.
Hadie and Three had a staring match of their own until finally he simply shrugged. “Okay, if you’re sure.”
“I am,” she said with a firm nod.
“Don’t try anything funny, pal.” He shot me a dirty look before heading back in the direction of the bike I’d driven past.
I wanted to call out a smart ass comment after him, but resisted the temptation. There was no point in creating a bad situation just because he’d rubbed me the wrong way.
Hadie was shivering as she stared after him, and I couldn’t help feeling a twinge of jealousy. Was there something going on with those two? What exactly was she doing with a guy like that?
It was taking a lot for me not to be affected being this close to her. Her slim body looked incredible in the out-of-character outfit she was wearing, a far cry from her usual conservative look. It was unfamiliar to me, but I couldn’t take my eyes off her.
For a second I thought about running my hands over the curves of her body, letting my mouth graze her soft skin. Hey, I was a guy. I could appreciate a hot girl even if I was a little annoyed with her.
I knew I should be grateful to have her friendship, but man, I was getting pretty damn sick of being overlooked all the time. First, she’d dated this asshole jock, Bennett Anderson, and then she’d been with the new guy, Lincoln Bracks—who was actually a good person. It was sad that she’d lost him, but I wasn’t sure if being with someone who appeared to be the polar opposite of Lincoln was the best thing to do.
“C’mon.” I gestured towards my c
ar and started walking back to it.
I pulled open the passenger side door and waited for her to get in, before walking around to the other side of the car and climbing in myself.
While Hadie warmed her hands, I turned back to see my sister watching us with wide eyes. She had met Hadie before, but I wasn’t sure if she recognized her out of the Belle’s Diner uniform.
“You remember Hadie, right? She works with me.”
Hailie nodded shyly. “Yeah, she gave me a free sundae once. It had extra chocolate sauce on it.”
Hadie turned around in her seat, smiling kindly at her. “You just looked like a girl who loved chocolate sauce.”
I tried not to laugh as I started up the car. In reality, I’d made that sundae, but I let Hadie take the credit for it. It was nice to see her smile, even if it was over dessert.
We were all silent for the first few minutes until Hadie finally cleared her throat. I darted a quick glance at her and saw a huge crease on her brow as she watched me.
Uh-oh. This couldn’t be good.
“Eddie, I need to tell you something,” she said, quickly checking to see if Hailie was listening in on us.
She’d actually fallen right back asleep again.
“Yeah?”
I heard her take a deep breath. “I appreciate you looking out for me, but I really don’t need you to.” She sounded strangely sober now, and I wondered if the situation had helped clear her head a little.
My jaw tensed. “Okay.”
“I mean it,” she hurried on. “It’s just, I know what I’m doing, and to others it might not look like I know what I’m doing, which is all very well, because sometimes I do wonder if I could be doing something differently and I freak out and question myself, but that’s not the point.”
She was doing that rambling thing she always did.
“What is the point then?” I asked.
Hadie took another breath as though she was trying to regain her composure.
“My point is that you don’t need to look out for me. I really do appreciate the way you’ve stuck by me the last few months, but you can stop now. I can take care of myself.”
“Huh.” I mused. “So hanging out with a thug is taking care of yourself?”
“He’s not a thug,” she said a matter-of-factly. “He’s in the Madden gang.”
I nearly slammed on the brakes. “What the hell! You’re hanging out with a random guy from the Madden gang? How do you even know a guy from the Madden gang?”
The Madden gang was a notorious motorcycle gang based out of Penthill, which was about a thirty minute drive from where we lived in Statlen. They were responsible for all the criminal activity that occurred in Penthill and its surrounding areas.
“He’s friends with Vincent,” she said, her voice soft.
Ah. Now it made sense. Vincent Madden was the guy who was dating one of Hadie’s best friends, Estella Markson. And, yes, the gang had been named after Vincent’s family.
“Hadie, just because Estella somehow managed to find the only decent member of a dangerous motorcycle gang doesn’t mean that you will too.”
I didn’t care that I sounded harsh. I was so frustrated at the ridiculous situation Hadie was putting herself in. How could she not see how stupid she was being?
“Three’s not like that,” she said, but her voice wavered a little and I could tell she wasn’t entirely confident in what she was saying.
“Right, if you say so. I’m sure Lincoln would love that you’re putting out to a criminal.”
A stinging sensation and a clapping sound hit me at the same time, making my head spin. My cheek was on fire as I turned to glance at Hadie, who was breathing heavily, red in the face.
I’d crossed a line. I’d just acted like a complete asshole. I couldn’t believe those words had just left my stupid mouth.
“I’m sorry,” I immediately said, but from the deadly look in her eyes I knew the damage was done. “That was a terrible thing to say.”
As Hadie’s house came into view, I slowed down and pulled over, turning my body to face hers. Her eyes were glossy with tears as she met my gaze.
Fuck. I was such a jerk.
Hadie took a shaky breath, and I could tell she was trying her hardest not to cry. “Stop worrying about me. Stop checking up on me. Stop calling me. Just worry about yourself, Eddie. Forget about me.”
With that, she opened up the door, briefly letting the cold air rush in and rousing Hailie in the process, and hopped out of the car without a backward glance.
I completely deserved that. I’d been such an insensitive douchebag. I’d sounded like some overprotective, jealous idiot. She was right. I didn’t need to do all those things for her. I didn’t need to worry or check up on her—but I wanted to. I didn’t want her to lose herself in her grief. I wanted her to see the light again.
As I watched her stumble to her front door, I couldn’t help but wonder who this girl was and how I could get the old Hadie back.
All I knew was that it started by holding onto the memory of her and not losing sight of it, even if she had.
Chapter Three
Hadie
Nausea hit me hard as my eyes fell on his locker across the hall.
My stomach turned as I thought of him.
Lincoln.
He had taught me things that no one else had—to open up my mind and create new experiences. When I’d been at my lowest—when I’d been cheated on and then bullied and picked on by the popular kids, Lincoln had taught me how to laugh again. He’d taught me how to trust and love again.
Opening up my locker, I pulled out the text books I was supposed to take home yesterday for homework. There was no sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach from the prospect of being in trouble. Math. English. History. What importance did they have in the grand scheme of things? I couldn’t care less.
As I slammed my locker shut, my eyes fell on my two best friends approaching me down the hall. Estella was tall and stunning, and immediately stood out in the throng of students. Mariah was shorter, though not as short as I was, and stood out because of the mass of red curls spilling down her shoulders.
I had never been as attractive as Estella or as outgoing as Mariah—the norm for boring Hadie Swinton was to study and read books. Sometimes I even re-watched the Harry Potter movies out of order to bring some variety into my life. It would probably come as a huge shock to them if they found out I’d been hanging out with a member of the Madden gang. Unless Estella already knew, which was entirely plausible since Three was best friends with Estella’s boyfriend, Vincent.
Three and I had been hanging out for almost two weeks now and Estella still hadn’t said anything, so I was assuming Three had kept silent about our friendship. We’d never promised to keep it a secret, but we’d never talked about telling anyone either.
“Hey, you!” Mariah said brightly. Too brightly.
Ever since Lincoln had passed away, she’d been trying too hard to be cheerful. I got what she was trying to do, but it seemed so forced that I’d rather she acted sad if that was how she was actually feeling.
“Hey, Ray.” I hugged my books to my chest, trying not to focus on Lincoln’s locker, trying not to picture him standing there with his tall frame and broad shoulders and crinkly, blue eyes.
“How was your night?” Estella asked, with a glowing smile. “I called to see if you wanted to study, but your phone was off.”
Swallowing, I dragged my eyes away from Lincoln’s locker and to the students milling around us. “I went to bed early.”
“Well, maybe we could study tonight? Maybe have dinner somewhere?” Estella tilted her head to the side, watching me expectantly.
“Sorry, I’m busy,” I said curtly.
Which wasn’t a lie. Three and I had plans.
“Oh.” Disappointment showed on her face. “What are you doing?”
“Uhm.” I wracked my brain trying to come up with a reasonable excuse. “Christmas shopping with m
y parents. We’re going to Penthill.”
Penthill was a bigger town than Statlen was and had a Walmart and Super Target, so everyone always went there to do all their Christmas shopping. Christmas was a week away so it wasn’t that hard to believe.
“Sounds like fun!” she said, that warm smile returning to her face again.
Mariah’s gaze fell on something behind me and her face lit up. “Hi, Eddie!”
Oh, no. Not Eddie. I wasn’t ready to face him just yet—not after our heated exchange last night. I was still mad at what he’d said, but I was also mad at myself for him having seen me in that state.
“Hi.” His tone was tense. It sent shivers up my spine. Eddie was always sweet and polite; that tone wasn’t like him at all.
When I turned around, Eddie’s face was just as tense as his voice. His brows were knitted above hazel-brown eyes as he stared at me in silence. The mussed, brown hair and broad shoulders were as familiar as always, yet something was off in his demeanor.
As though sensing the tension, Estella spoke. “Eddie, is something wrong?”
“Um, yes,” he responded, still staring at me with the same expression. “Can I talk to you for a second, Hadie?”
My heart immediately sank. I didn’t want to talk to Eddie alone. I didn’t want to hear the impending lecture that I could feel coming. I didn’t need him to be disappointed in me; I was already disappointed in myself. I was disappointed with life itself.
“Hadie?” Estella turned to me with question in her eyes when I didn’t say anything.
“What’s going on?” Mariah asked from beside me.
I felt caught up in the middle of a situation I didn’t want to be in. Who was Eddie to get involved in my business, anyway? My choices were mine to make, not his. Not anyone else’s.
I met Eddie with defiance. I wasn’t going to give into the games. “What’s up?”
He took a deep breath as though he was preparing himself for what he was about to say. “I’m really sorry about what I said last night. It was completely out of line and I understand if you’re upset about it.”
