by Kant, Komal
“Yeah,” I said absently as I pulled on my jacket and grabbed the car keys off the counter.
“And you’re going to eat dinner there?” she asked.
“Yeah, I-” I stopped, squinting as I actually focused on her. “Uh, are you doing something special tonight?”
She was dressed a lot nicer than usual; her brown hair fell in perfect waves around her shoulders as though she’d spent a lot of time on it, and she had makeup on, with her hazel eyes rimmed in dark eyeliner. We shared the exact same features, while Hailie had definitely taken after dad.
Mom’s tan complexion flushed. “Um, what do you mean?”
I raised a brow, shooting her a look which meant something like: “don’t treat me like a five-year-old”.
Her ears turned pink this time, and I could see she was wracking her brains as she tried to figure out what to tell me. “Nothing special, Eddie. I just invited a friend over for dinner, that’s all.”
A friend? I raised both brows at her this time, but she averted her gaze and began speaking to Hailie in a flurried way. “How are you doing with your homework, Hails? Do you need any help?”
“I’m fine,” Hailie said, not looking up.
It was actually kind of cute watching her do homework. Her forehead and mouth were scrunched up as she concentrated on the textbook in front of her. I had never met a kid who actually enjoyed doing homework and who wanted to spend all their time making sure it was all perfect. Hailie was definitely on her way to being an academic.
“That’s great!” Mom said with way too much enthusiasm.
Shaking my head at her, I decided to drop the “friend” subject, but it was definitely something we needed to talk about, especially if this friend was a man.
“I’ll see you guys later. Enjoy dinner.”
“Love you, Eddison,” Mom said, reaching out to ruffle my hair as I walked past her and tried to dodge her hand.
“Love you!” Hailie chimed in.
“Love you, too!” I said with laugh, as Mom managed to wrestle a kiss onto my cheek.
Heading into the garage, I got into the car and backed out onto the street before driving straight to Luca’s house. He only lived five minutes away, but it got a lot colder at night and I didn’t want to walk back freezing my ass off.
When the weather was warmer, I would ride my bike over there instead, but I was starting to outgrow that, too. I needed my own car ASAP. It was just a matter of saving my measly paychecks.
As I pulled into Luca’s driveway a few minutes later, I saw Ashton leaving her house and walking towards me. She lived right next door and was often at the Byrons’ house, spending time with Luca and his mom, who was a single mother much like my own. Except Luca’s father had passed away in an unfortunate car accident, whereas mine was just an asshole.
“Hi, Eddie!” Ashton said with a wave as I got out of my car and waited for her to reach me.
“Hey, Ash,” I responded as we both proceeded to head up the front steps of the house.
“So, any progress with Hadie?” Ashton asked as she pulled open the unlocked door so we could walk into the house.
I shook my head, knowing I could talk to Ashton about anything. She and I had become pretty close since she’d started dating Luca, and once you overlooked all the mean shit she’d done in the past—bullying, her snobbery, and need to be popular—she was actually a great person. Hey, everyone deserved a second chance, even if they had been as terrible as she’d been.
“Absolutely nothing,” I admitted, as we entered the kitchen and made our way through the door just off to the side that led into the garage. “She’s moody all the time and can’t stand the sight of me.”
“Girls,” Ashton said with a dramatic roll of her eyes, making me crack up as we stepped into the garage.
“Hey, guys,” I said as a general greeting to my friends, who were hanging around the garage as they often did before practice.
Stacey and Elly were lounging on the couch, and Luca and Riley were tuning their guitars. Riley played bass, and Luca played lead guitar, while the drums were my specialty. Luca was also the lead singer and I sometimes did vocals, too. Riley, on the other hand, couldn’t sing to save his life.
“Okay, so I have a question for ya,” Riley said immediately, fixing me with a serious look.
Everyone, except for Ashton and me, let out a groan. Luca was shaking his head at the floor, and Stacey was glaring at Riley like he had done something wrong.
“We agreed we would ease him into it!” she snapped.
Riley shrugged a shoulder, looking sheepish. “I was easing.”
“What is it?” I asked, a sinking feeling in my stomach. I felt like I had completely missed something.
“Tell him, Elly,” Riley said with a sneaky smile.
Elly was looking at Riley as though she wanted to murder him. Sighing, she tucked her short, brown hair behind her ears and shot me an apologetic look. “Sorry, Eddie.” I had no idea what she was apologizing for. “Um, well, I saw your mom the other day.”
“Okay,” I said slowly as my forehead scrunched up in confusion. I wasn’t sure why this was such a big deal. “And?”
She squirmed, appearing uncomfortable, and looked over at Luca who gave her a reassuring nod. She turned back to me. “Well, she was with someone else. A guy around her age. They looked close.”
My chest clamped up and I realized why my friends were acting like this was a big deal. They didn’t know my dad had abandoned us, so to them it seemed as though my mom was doing something wrong by getting close to a random guy.
“Oh, yeah?” I asked, as though it wasn’t a big deal. I took a deep breath, trying to make the tightness in my chest go away. “Who was it?”
I’d had a suspicion my mom was seeing someone, and I was curious myself as to who this mystery man was.
Elly’s brows knitted together. “I’m not sure. I was too far away to see him. He was tall, had brown hair.”
Brown hair, huh? Just like eighty percent of the people in this goddamn town.
“It was probably just a friend from work,” I said with a shrug. “People have friends.”
Stacey shifted around on the couch. “Elly said it looked like they were being intimate. That doesn’t seem normal.”
A small wave of anger swept through me, and I stepped forward a little aggressively. “It’s really no one’s business what my mother does, okay?” There was no way in hell I was going to let them condemn her behavior. They didn’t have a fucking clue what she’d been through.
“Hey, man, it’s okay,” Luca said, cutting in and placing a calming hand on my arm. “We were just making sure everything was fine at home, that’s all. It’s no big deal. Let’s drop it and practice.”
“Yeah, okay.” I was breathing a little too heavily. I turned away from my friends so I could calm down before we started practice.
“Be back in a sec!” Riley cried out, hurrying out of the garage as though nothing had happened. It was probably his way of trying to smooth things over.
Ashton was still standing behind me, and gave me a probing look with her sky blue eyes. “Eddie,” she began in a low voice, “I’m always here for you if you need to talk about anything. I know all about disappointing fathers.”
With that, she gave me a small smile and walked past me as though our exchange had never happened.
She was right, though. She did know all about disappointing fathers. Her biological father had chosen not to be a part of her life, and I’d heard from Luca that her step-father—who wasn’t with her mom anymore—had been an asshole, too.
Still, this was something I wasn’t ready to talk about yet. Not with anyone.
“Eddie?” came a soft voice from behind me.
I turned around to find Elly standing there; a distraught look was on her face. “I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you mad.”
I could tell from the way her bottom lip was quivering that she was genuinely upset about it, so I ga
ve her a reassuring smile. “I’m fine, honestly. I gotta practice, okay?”
She nodded, and I walked around her, meeting Stacey’s eye as I made my way to my drum kit. Stacey gave me a small nod, as though she was apologizing too, and I returned it, feeling a little guilty. I knew my friends weren’t gossip-hungry jerks, and I didn’t need to react like that.
Taking a seat on the stool, I waited for Luca to tell us what song to practice. He slung his guitar over his shoulder, and walked towards me, flicking his long hair out of his eyes in the process.
“Eddie, did you get anywhere with that song you were working on?”
“Oh, yeah, I worked on it a little more.” I pulled out a scrunched up piece of paper from my pocket and handed it to him. “It’s not quite there yet. I want to play around with the second verse some more, but I think we definitely have something to practice.”
Luca’s eyes glided over the words on the page, before finally landing on me again. “This is about her, isn’t it?”
“Yeah.” I felt a little self-conscious, but this was my best friend, and I knew he wouldn’t judge me.
Luca had known me since we were little kids, and despite being able to hide my feelings well, my Hadie problems were starting to show in my demeanor. It was becoming too hard for me to maintain my cool. I was slipping through the cracks.
“Good,” Luca said, his mouth curving in a half-smile. “That’s when great music is created; when it comes from something that means a lot to you.”
He was right. Every musician—every artist—had a muse, or an outlet that brought out their creative side. Hadie was mine, whether she cared for me or not, she was what inspired me.
“Hey, we practicing or what?” Riley bounded back into the room carrying a case of beer.
He had an older brother, Warner, who bought booze for us if we ever wanted it. Riley was the youngest of three brothers. Warner worked at Statlen University as a lab technician, and his second oldest brother, Saul, was in college on the east coast.
“Yeah, we were just figuring out the lyrics to the new song,” Luca responded, stepping away from me and catching the beer that Riley tossed his way.
“Okay, cool.” He tossed a can at me, and I caught it easily, popping open the top and taking a swig of it.
I tried not to make a face at the bitterness. Beer wasn’t my drink of choice, but it was cheap so it would do. Maybe after I’d had a few, I’d be able to numb the ache in my mind from Hadie running through it.
“Let’s do this,” Luca said, taking another look at the piece of paper before handing it back to me. He had this amazing ability to memorize lyrics and only needed to look over them a few times to learn the words.
We jumped into the song, which was a lot slower than what we usually played, but just as catchy. Luca and I shared vocals, his higher voice complementing my deeper one.
When I fall
When I rise
I’m desperately seeking your eyes
When I die
A little inside
I’m wanting you by my side
For nights I lie awake
Wondering how to break
Through your iron walls
Before I lose this war
Don’t hold back
Don’t fight me
I’m here waiting patiently
Lift you up
‘Til you fly
I’ll be yours until we die
There is so much out there
That you’re shutting out
Break free of your misery
And scream out loud
I’m still here waiting patiently
So don’t hold back
Don’t fight me
We let the song progress to a gentle finish since we didn’t have any more words to go with the music. The girls began clapping and “whooing”, and I had to admit it was nice to have some moral support. They never missed a practice, as though they were part of the band, too.
“That was fucking awesome!” Riley cheered, spinning around to face me. “Eddie, you’re pulling out some killer shit.”
Luca gave me a knowing smile, and I tried to act cool, like it wasn’t getting to me. “Yeah, I’ve been pretty inspired lately.”
“Hadie’s inspiring you,” Ashton said with wise eyes, as she came over to plant a kiss on Luca’s cheek.
He grinned down at her, and I could see the happiness radiating from his face. There was definitely something special about those two.
I couldn’t quite figure out what it was about her, but even when Ashton had been a huge bitch there had been something I’d liked about her. Maybe it was just because it was easy for someone like me to see that she was hiding something because I was too. She’d hidden behind her mean words and bitchy attitude. I hid by engrossing myself in other people’s problems.
“Oh, boy,” Riley said, running a hand through his hair. “This Hadie problem just never ends. At least she’s helping you make good music.”
I heaved a sigh, placing my drumsticks down. “I just don’t know what to do. I’ve tried everything.”
“Do something for her,” Luca suggested, wrapping an arm around Ashton’s small waist. “Give her something; something that will affect her. Let her know that you get her.”
As Luca’s words sank in, an idea formed in my head. Hadie loved to read, and I loved to write music. My music was a part of me, and maybe, just maybe, if I poured out the deepest part of my soul to Hadie, she would finally understand how I felt about her.
It suddenly dawned on me what that small gesture could be, and then maybe Hadie could see how much I cared about her.
Chapter Seven
Hadie
“Are you freaking kidding me?” Mariah demanded, a hand on her hip as we stood by my car after school.
“I’m sorry, Ray. I have some stuff to do.” I shrugged, trying not weaken under her severe gaze. She was pissed, and it was kind of refreshing, considering how everyone else tiptoed around me.
My friends and I had always made a point to hang out. Sometimes we would go out to watch a movie or eat at Belle’s. Other times we would end up at my house because they loved my parents so much, but now I made excuses not to hang out with them.
“And by “stuff”, I assume you mean Three?” she stated, looking unimpressed.
I chose not to respond, instead choosing to watch the other students milling around the sidewalk as they made their way home.
She let out an irritated sound. “Seriously, I’m not an idiot. Just be honest, for fuck’s sake.”
Wow. She really was pissed at me. I mean, I could understand why. I hadn’t been a great friend to the friends who had been great to me.
“Yes,” I said, conceding. “I’m meeting up with Three.”
Mariah groaned, her pinched expression pretty much saying it all. She hated my relationship with Three. “What in the hell is it with you two? Can’t you see he’s all wrong for you?”
Her words made me so mad that I actually wanted to get into my car and drive away, putting an end to this conversation. Three had been nothing but good to me, and here Mariah was judging him because he was in the Madden gang. I honestly expected better from her.
“So it’s okay for Estella and Vincent to be together, but not okay if I hang out with Three?” I asked, my tone rising.
Mariah’s gaze softened and she shot me a sad smile. “Estella wasn’t running away from a guy who was Mr. Right. She found Vincent because they were meant to find each other. You’re forcing yourself into a situation to escape from your memories of Lincoln with a guy who’s Mr. Right Now.”
It was probably the most insightful thing I had ever heard Mariah say and it pissed me off even more.
“Look, Ray, this is none of your business. Just let me do what I want to do,” I said, my tone a little too harsh.
Mariah’s face fell a little, and I knew I had hurt her feelings. “Go ahead.” She shrugged her small shoulders and began heading to her car. �
�But you’re the one letting an amazing person pass you by.”
Amazing person? Was she talking about Eddie?
As I got into my car and made the thirty minute drive to Penthill to meet Three, I couldn’t shake away Mariah’s words. She’s mentioned “amazing person” and immediately my mind had jumped to Eddie—was there a reason why he was my first thought?
No, it wasn’t that he was perfect for me, no, that wasn’t it. It wasn’t that I sometimes thought of him and how he’d been there for me at my lowest, not just after Lincoln’s death, but through various other situations. Gosh, I was in such denial about Eddie sometimes.
It was obvious to me that both Mariah and Estella wanted me to be with Eddie, and, yes, Eddie was a great guy, but I couldn’t think about starting anything with him yet. I liked what Three and I had; no strings attached, no commitment, no pressure. With Eddie, there would be all of that, and it wasn’t something I was ready for right now.
The drive to Penthill was made even more torturous as I thought about my conversation with Mariah, and by the time I pulled into town, I was pretty ready to do something crazy.
I drove straight to the place where I always met Three; the body shop he worked at with Vincent Madden. Actually, Vincent owned the body shop, which was how he managed to stay out of trouble and lead a crime-free life.
The reason why I drove all the way to Penthill was because this town was bigger than Statlen, so there was much more to do here. Not that Three and I ever varied from our routine of smoking and drinking, but it was still nice to have options.
Three waved me into an empty spot at the body shop, and I slowly pulled in and put my car into park. As I climbed out, I noticed two other guys working on a car, but no sign of Vincent.
“Hey, Rebel,” he said with a lopsided smile as he wiped his greasy hands with a rag. “How was education?”
“Terrible.” I smiled back, pulling down on my short black skirt. I was wearing leggings underneath, so it was a perfectly appropriate outfit for winter.
“So, what do you want to do today?” he asked, stopping short of me and studying my perfectly appropriate skirt with eager eyes.
