by Holt, Leah
“Avni—”
“No! Levi, you can't promise something like that. It's not in your control, you could die out there!” Throwing her hand into her hair, she yanked her bangs back tight. “You can't promise me any of that! And I don't want you to, it's not fair to me! It's not fair to you!”
“You're wrong, Avni.” Jolting out of the bed, the anger at her refusal to let herself be happy for once was killing me inside. “You can't spend your life afraid of getting close to me because I'm a soldier! Talk about fair, that's not fair to me or you!”
“You know what, Levi...” Her head fell to the floor, lip curling up. “I think you should go, I'm sorry but I can't do this. I like you, I do. But I can't have you here promising me a world you have no hand to give.”
“I promised to help you, and I'm not going till I know you're safe. I can't.”
“I don't need your help, I can handle Vito on my own. I did just fine for the past year without you, I can do it now too.” Avni held her hand up, pointing at the door. “Go.”
“No! You can't just throw me out when shit gets tough for you to deal with. I know you feel the same way about me that I do about you. And it's more than just like, I've fallen for you, Avni. I can't walk away from you that easy.” Stepping towards her, I gripped her wrists, trying to pull her into me.
But Avni pulled away, driving her arms behind her back. “Levi, go.”
Why is she so scared? Can't she see what's between us?
Dropping a hand to my waist, I dragged my fingers over my jaw. “Why won't you just let yourself see what's between us? This isn't lust, Avni, it runs deeper. The sooner you stop being afraid, the sooner you'll see it. Unless you already have and want to run from that too.” Yanking my jeans up, I pulled my shirt over my head. “I'm not going anywhere, Avni. I was serious when I said that, and I am going to help you.”
“Levi, I have to be at work in two hours, please, just go.” Twisting her body to the window, she tore the blind open, staring out into the street.
This girl was more stubborn than a fucking bull. She's trying so hard to convince herself of what she thinks she shouldn't feel, and what she should fear.
But life doesn't work that way.
“Fine, I'll go. But I'm coming back later. I'm not letting you be alone, I won't let Vito fuck with you anymore.”
Her toes spun into the floor, mouth biting on her thumbnail. That must be her nervous twitch. It's cute.
I didn't want to be angry at her, and I wasn't. But frustration was riding my spine like a row of steel spike strips.
It was going to take a lot of convincing to get her to realize I was telling her the truth. I knew she had been through a lot after losing her brother, and I understood her fear of me going to war and dying.
But you can't live life in fear of something you can't control. And I wasn't about to apologize for choosing the Army, it ran through my veins like lava in a volcano. The raw need to protect and serve was my life blood.
Turning to walk out, Avni said, “I work till eight.”
I didn't answer, I kept going. A smile spread on my face, the heat hitting my cheeks with each word that fell from her lips.
She feels it.
It can't be blanketed forever, at some point that veil will lift.
For now, just a corner would do.
Chapter Seventeen
Avni
It'd been a month and half since I started seeing Levi.
One glorious month and a half. He did these little things that showed me how much he paid attention to me, to what I said.
Every morning I would wake up to blue flowers laid on my nightstand, and when I would come home from work, Levi would have blue flowers in a vase or resting on my pillow.
Some nights he'd bring sushi with him when he came over, and we'd snuggle on the couch to watch a movie.
Other nights he'd have my favorite music on low, and we would dance. Not that he was good at it, but he was learning.
It was all those little things that were spooling around my heart, filling the empty hole I've carried for so long.
Each day my protective sheath had started to fall, he was peeling it away with who he was, what he stood for.
And he put up with my over-dramatic tendencies. He would whisper sweet words into my ear, calm my nerves, soothing me back to earth.
It was hard for me to deny, I had fallen for a soldier.
I've been trying so hard to open up, to let myself feel all the emotions I knew were glazing my core. But it was hard, it's been a slow and painful process.
Letting go, meant letting go of Kevin. I knew I wasn't literally letting go of him, he would always be in my thoughts, memories, and my heart. Always remembered, never forgotten.
Trying to let go of the pain his death caused was what had been so difficult. It was still there, still a live fuse sitting in my stomach. The knot would twist, the pain would surge. But each day that passed, the knot grew a little looser.
And I knew it would never truly go away, all I could hope for was the day when that knot turned into just the rope it was made of.
Levi was a soldier, he led the same dangerous life my brother had. That always came with a heavy price tag, death. I knew not everyone's end would be on the battle field, so many soldiers had made it home to their families.
But for me, it was hard to think that way.
I lost my brother, the other half of me. That was a hard pill to swallow, and not hold onto some reserve when I was falling for another man; whose foreseeable future could end the same way.
I was trying though, the best I could. Having Levi around had been great. A sense of security and safety, I hadn't had in a long time, blanketed my body.
And Vito, his one month date came and went. He didn't come looking for me, hadn't shown his face since Levi had been here.
A part of me was hoping that he had gotten locked up. There was a chance that a man like him, with his line of work, reached the end of his days.
I was sure there had to be plenty of other people out there looking for him, or that the cops were on his ass.
He was a pimp, he forced women to work for him. And I'm sure not all of them, if any, worked for him willingly.
His reign of terror could only last for so long before it all caught up with him one way or another. Either by the hands of the law, or the hands of another; maybe he was gone for good.
Pulling up to my apartment, I spotted a light on in my living room.
Huh? Did I leave it on this morning? I must have.
I'd been running late for work, so I had probably just left the light on by mistake when I flew out the door.
Maybe Levi's home?
He wasn't supposed to be coming over tonight. I had worked till almost eleven, and since Vito hadn't been around, we were able to relax a little. There was a sense of security that hung over our heads.
But I was wrong in so many ways. That false sense of security would drive a spike into my coffin.
Flipping through my keys, I straightened out the one for my place and plugged it into the keyhole. Opening the door, T wasn't sitting in the entrance waiting for me like he always did.
Fuck, I bet he had an accident.
If T used my floor as a bathroom because he couldn't hold it, or did something like going into the trash while I was away, he always hid.
I was sure he was hiding under the bed, or under the couch. Glancing around the entryway, I didn't see a puddle, or any garbage. There wasn't one mess waiting for me at the door.
Confused, I called out to my dog. “T?” Clicking my tongue, I threw my bag on the table and closed the door. “T!? Come on, come here.”
Still nothing, there was no sound of his feet, or a soft whimper of uncertain excitement.
Stepping into the living room, I anxiously looked around. Where is he? He has to be here somewhere.
“Hello, Avni.”
My heart stopped, veins turning to solid ice. “What are you doing here?�
��
The hardened eyes glared at me from the kitchen, cupping my small dog in his arms. And my stomach whirled with a burning sensation that hit my lungs and turned the air rancid.
“You know why I'm here.” The slick voice coated my ears in disgust, digging like sharp spikes into my brain.
“Give me time, I need more time.” The words squeaked out of my mouth, unsure of what he thought he could get from me.
He wants his money, what the fuck do you think he wants!
“Time is something you ran out of, the games are done.” His long fingers stroked my dog's head, trailing down to his back. He was petting T like an evil vampire pets his next kill.
“What do you want, Vito?” My eyes drifted between my small, shaking companion resting in the arms of the Devil, and the Devil himself.
My heart was beating at a rapid pace, afraid that he might do something to hurt my dog. I stood frozen, anticipation raking up my back, waiting.
Waiting for his hands to walk up to T's neck, to grip his tiny throat in his palm. Then the inevitable, him dropping the lifeless body of my best friend.
“That's a stupid question.” Holding T, he stepped out into the living room. “You know why I'm here, and what I want. Sorry I'm late.” His eyes looked down on my dog, petting him with a soft and careless touch. “But I have this horrible feeling you just don't take me seriously. I think I've been way too easy on you. Maybe it was more pity than easy.” His black eyes caught my stare, following my line of sight to his arms. A wicked smile spreading instantaneously.
He knows what I'm thinking. He knows he's holding a weakness of mine.
I wasn't going to let him think I was afraid, it would only feed his ego.
“Pity? You think you've pitied me?” Standing tall, I was sick of being taken advantage of by this pathetic monster. “You've taken all my money, you're demanding more, and none of this is because of me. It's all because of my brother, my dead brother I remind you.”
His head tipped back, the most malicious laughter leaving his lips. “I don't need to be reminded. Besides, Sweetheart, he's actually lucky he left this earth the way he did.” Lowering my dog, he slid across my floor, feet barely making a sound. And I was finally able to breathe again, he was free. “Because what I had planned for him was not nearly as easy. The only reason you're still alive is because it wasn't your debt to begin with.”
“You're fucking sick, you bastard. Why can't you just take what I already gave you and leave me alone?”
Vito picked at his nails, holding his hand out and twisting his fingers in front of his face.
“Damn your brother's love of my whores, right? He's the one you should really be cursing and calling names. He just couldn't get enough of fucking all the high class cunts I could throw his way. And he always added extra bruises to my girls. Ones I didn't give him permission for.” His shoulder raised up, false concern mixed in his tone. “You know, I think he had a problem. Did he always like to get a little rough when he fucked? Or was that just something you guys did together as children, and he wanted to relive his youth?”
“Fuck you.” The strength in my voice surprised me, and with one long stride he was inches from my face.
Vito's hand lashed out and grabbed my throat, squeezing tighter and tighter like he was trying to pop my head clear off my neck.
“Tonight... Tonight you finally realize how serious I am. I was tired of waiting for your brother to come home, and now I'm tired of waiting for you. This will be your last warning, I want my money. And if you don't get me it, you'll be laying inches from your precious Kevin.”
The room began to change, the edges of my vision turning fuzzy. But his eyes, his eyes were what scared me.
Vito's lids were stretched to thin strips around the white, the black centers a solid mass of fire.
Tearing at his hand, my fingers ached to ease his grip. The warmth of his blood as I scraped his flesh coated my hands, and Vito went unfazed. His glaring eyes fixed on my airless face.
I needed to breathe, needed the life pushed back into my lungs. And for a brief moment, I wondered if this was it.
Would this be how I went?
Death by a tyrant who only cared about what was going into his pockets, not about life, or the price you actually paid for living.
Money for the escorts he sent to my brother, that was what fueled his rage.
Dropping his hand, my knees buckled and I fell to the floor. My chest was tight, rapidly pulling in the oxygen around me.
Looking up at the evil hovering above me, everything was moving in slow motion. I had lost control of the situation, not that I really had any to begin with.
That was all part of his game, he wanted me to believe I had some form of control.
Vito pulled his hand back, releasing it in one quick snap. My cheek burst into a million tiny bee stings, pulsing and throbbing.
Before I had time to react, he followed it with another. The second... A fist, a closed fist to my eye.
Is this really happening right now!?
Shock had taken over, each repeated blow seemed to be happening to someone else; but not to me.
I was looking down on my body, hands trying to cover my face as he rained punch after punch onto me. And I couldn't stop it, it all happened so fast.
I had underestimated how brutal and unforgiving that man was. I guess I never actually thought he would physically harm me.
Wrong, I was wrong again.
He was a human that was fed by dark desire, greed, and fear. The fear he stabbed into others.
And when I should have felt fear, I felt rage.
The flame ignited inside my gut, the furnace was lit. And as pissed as he was, I was a black hole, ready to vaporize the existence of the waste of life before me.
Leaning over my worn and tattered frame, Vito smiled. The darkest, most sinister of smiles. His lips grew thin, tongue dragging over the razor's edge. “I'll be coming back soon to collect what's mine. Don't make this mistake again, don't make this any harder on yourself, Babe.”
And even then, I couldn't stop the words from cutting the surface. “You're going to regret this you piece of shit. Even if I have to kill you myself.”
My mouth tasted like metal, iron thick saliva filled my throat. Swallowing hard, the only sound was his chuckle as he closed the door.
He went too far.
Falling to my back, I laid on the floor, unable to move. My face was beating as if there was a heart under every inch of flesh.
A high-pitched hum was ringing in my ears, and my left eye was puffing out, lid closing tighter with each blink.
Fuck, I need to go to the hospital.
Pulling myself off the floor, I kept thinking about Levi. His promise of protection.
I needed him. Protection from the hands of a monster...
Protection from myself and what I might do.
Chapter Eighteen
Avni
The huffing and puffing of voices filled the hall outside the door. “How is she? Is she okay?” The worried, panic filled voice of my mother floated into the room.
“Yes, Mrs. Boyd, Avni's fine. She's a bit bruised and banged up, but she'll be fine.” The flip of papers filled my ears. “She needs to take it easy for a few weeks, her left eye is extremely swollen. I'm hoping there's no lasting damage to her optic nerve, but we won't know for sure till the swelling goes down. There's bruising to her face, she has two cracked ribs, and she needed stitches in her lower lip.”
My mother let out a loud gasp, the rush of air whirled around me as her head broke through the curtain. “Avni? Oh my God, Avni.” Her hands swept her mouth, eyes giving way to streams of tears.
“I'm alright, Mom. It looks worse than it is.” My mother collapsed at the side of my bed, gripping my hand with a death hold.
Muscling up a half smile, I tried to put on a brave face. Watching the way her frame seemed to shake with worry and concern, I wanted to ease her the best I could.
“What happened? Who did this to you?” Her hand brushed my hair away from my face as she stared at me with loving and painful eyes. The crystal blue of her gaze was weathered, crinkles forming in the corners.
“I was robbed and attacked outside my apartment.”
I lied.
There was no way I could tell her the truth. Her feeble and weak heart couldn't handle that type of news.
The pain and stress she'd dealt with over the years had already forced her to look much older than she was.
How do you tell your mother that you were beat up over money that her saint of a son had owed from using prostitutes; prostitutes that he sometimes got too rough with when he lost control, when he got caught up in the moment?
How would that go over?
How do you explain that he promised that evil son of a bitch pockets full of cash when he returned from war, only to never make it home?
And that the man hunted your daughter down the day of Kevin's funeral to hold her accountable for his debt?
How?
I couldn't, it would kill her again. She'd die just like she did the day the Army came to inform us of his demise.
For her to find out her son had an addiction to sex; to dirty, violent sex, that he indulged himself with to the point he drained his bank account, and still owed ten grand to an evil, manipulative maniac...
Whatever piece of her soul still held onto her son would be smashed to bits.
I wouldn't do that to her and my father.
Or to Kevin. He was my brother, and I loved him regardless of his demons.
“Oh, Avni, see? I knew you shouldn't have moved out. It's not safe to be a single woman living on her own. I'm just so glad you're alright.” She squeezed my fingers, sending a sharp pain through my arm.
When I got to the hospital, I found out there was a lot more damage than I thought.
In the chaos of Vito pummeling me on the floor, he had broken three of my fingers. I was sure it happened during my attempts to block his hits. I had a split lip, that resulted in five stitches, and a hemorrhage to my right cheek, which also had two hair-line fractures.
