by LM Terry
Dirk gives me a look letting me know I will definitely be paying for this one. He tells me his size. I quickly grab him some skates from the counter and head back to him. Reluctantly he takes off his boots and lets me help him lace up the skates.
I stand and nod once. Proud of myself that he at least has them on his feet. “Okay, now take my hands.”
Hesitantly he reaches for me and I pull him to his feet. The look on his face is priceless. He is used to be in control, and he is definitely not in control…the skates are.
Slowly we make our way to the rink.
Once we are on we take it slow. He scowls at me. “This is not fun,” he informs me.
I laugh. “We are just getting started.”
Then we fall. Him on his butt and me square on top of him. When our eyes meet he smiles.
Not a smirk. Not a half smile. A true, genuine, freely given smile.
My heart melts.
“I give up,” he says, still smiling.
“No. People like you and me, we don’t give up.” I rise and try to pull him to his feet.
Every time I almost have him up we fall again. Soon we are both in hysterics. “Oh my god. I’m going to pee my pants,” I cry, tears of laughter running down my face.
This is the first time I’ve heard Dirk laugh and it’s wonderful. It makes my heart happy in ways I didn’t know it could be. Eventually, we get to our feet and continue on. As we pass the sitting area I notice Raffe is watching us. He offers me a small smile as we pass.
I wouldn’t say Dirk is a natural but in the long run he gets the hang of it. He’s able to let go of at least one of my hands allowing me to skate beside him, instead of having to skate backwards.
As the skating winds down, we gather in the food court for pizza then we have cake and I open my presents. This is a day I will never forget. I’ve never felt more loved.
Everyone heads home offering me final birthday wishes. Dan finds me and asks if I’ll ride home with him. “Yeah, just let me tell dad.”
I hug my dad and the guys telling them I’m riding with Dan. “He has a surprise for me.” I jump up and down on the balls of my feet, excited.
They all chuckle.
“You guys already know don’t you?” I ask, accusingly.
“Go on now,” my dad says. He turns me and pushes me towards Dan’s bike.
Dan is waiting, he hands me a helmet and off we go. However, we don’t go far. He parks on main street and hops off before holding out his hand to help me. “Okay, close your eyes.”
I clap like a little kid and then close my eyes, a big smile plastered on my face. He laughs lightly and then guides me down the sidewalk.
When we stop he spins me to face the buildings lining the street. “Ready?”
I nod like an idiot.
“Go ahead and open your eyes.”
“Dan,” I whisper.
“I decided it was time for me to get out of that godforsaken county too.”
I turn to face him. Tears in my eyes.
“It…” he drops his gaze to the ground and kicks a rock sending it skittering across the pavement. “It wasn’t the same without you.”
My eyes go back to the neon sign blazing over the building. Big D and Little J’s Tattoos, flashes brightly in the evening sky.
“I.. I don’t know what to say,” I whisper.
“Jesse Miller at a loss for words. That’s new.” He smirks.
I rush him, throwing myself in his big arms. “Oh, Dan. You’re one of the best things to ever happen to me,” I cry.
He pats my back keeping me cradled to his chest. “So, what do you say? Are we partners or what?”
“Yes, yes,” I answer pulling away from him. I wipe my eyes on the bottom of my t-shirt.
“No tattooing dicks on people though,” he warns, a big smile on his face.
I draw an x over my chest. “Cross my heart,” I promise.
“Happy Birthday, Jesse,” he says as he tosses me a key to the business.
Once inside I see everything is set up similarly to his shop back in Trap. “I have one more surprise. I left him back at the warehouse though.”
Stopping dead in my tracks I narrow my eyes at him. “Him?”
“Can’t get nothing by you, huh?”
“Nope.” I cross my arms over my chest.
He sits down in one of the chairs. “Old man Tom paid me a visit. Wanted to know if you’d be willing to take his dog. Said he was moving in with his daughter in Phoenix. Seems he was tired of Trap too.”
My eyes shoot to my hairline. “Teddy? How did you get him to the warehouse without him taking your leg off?”
“Oh, his bark is worse than his bite,” he says, smirking at me.
“Maybe he can just sense good people,” I tell him.
He shrugs his shoulders, blushing at my compliment.
“I love you, big guy.”
“I love you too, doll.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
Jesse
◆◆◆
When I get back to the warehouse with Dan my dad is waiting for us. He smiles when we walk in. We visit for a short while before I head upstairs. “Well I better go check on Teddy.”
“That dog is a sweetheart,” my dad says. “Looks meaner than all get out, but he’s a softy.”
“Really?” I ask, confused. I can’t believe Teddy has let so many people near him. He is usually a grouchy old dog.
“Yeah, and good luck finding him in your room. I do believe Katie has snuck him into hers.” My dad and Candice moved Katie and Ally to a room across the hall from us.
I stop by their room before checking my own and sure enough Teddy is lying on Katie’s bed down by her feet. He bops his head up when I open the door, his ears high in alert. When he sees it’s me he jumps down and comes to me wagging his tail. I pet him for a few minutes whispering how good of a dog he is. Once he gets enough pets he jumps back up on the end of her bed. Seems Teddy has a new job, as Katie’s personal bodyguard. Could this day get any damn better?
Smiling I make my way to my room to shower. When I get out I glance at the clock. It’s getting late. I thought for sure I would get some alone time with my guys. It was a long day though so maybe they went to bed.
I stretch out on my bed thinking about all the wonderful things the day brought. This was my best birthday ever.
Tink.
I sit up and listen. What was that?
Tink.
Jumping from my bed I scoot towards the window.
Tink.
I jump a foot as I near the window. Something is hitting the glass.
Peeking out I see Raffe down below. He smiles when he sees me and gestures for me to join him. Giggling I pull on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. I should have known my guys wouldn’t disappoint me.
Tiptoeing I make my way out the backdoor. He’s waiting for me on the patio. I take the seat next to him. “Where’s Dirk?” I ask, looking around.
“He’ll be here shortly.” He tucks my hair behind my ear, his eyes taking me in. “I have something I need to talk to you about before he gets here.”
I shift nervously. “Okay.”
He looks away. “This wasn’t something I planned to do on your birthday. You know I would never purposely hurt you right?”
Raffe raises his gaze to meet mine. Now I am nervous. “Yes. What is it, Raffe? Your scarring me.”
He takes my hand in his. “I’ve enjoyed getting to know you these past few months, but I think it’s time for me to step away and let you and Dirk explore your relationship without me.”
A burning pain starts to throb right where my heart used to be. “What? No. No. Raffe, now that we are free to start something more, you are giving up before we even begin?”
“Do you love me?” he asks, calmly.
“Yes. You know I do.”
“Do you love Dirk?”
I turn away from him. “Yes.”
He grabs my face turning me so he can look i
nto my eyes. “You see? It’s different. You felt something else entirely even though the question was exactly the same.
“But, I do love you,” I say quietly, a tear slipping down my cheek.
His bright blue eyes bore into me. “And, I love you. That will never change but our love is one of friendship. It’s not the same as what you feel for Dirk.”
I try to pull my face away from him, but he won’t allow it.
“I’m not mad, Jesse. I’m so fucking happy for both of you. But, it can’t include me. I’m not going to take this to the next level, and have it spoil what I think could be an incredibly special relationship between the two of you.”
“Dirk loves you, Raffe. How could you spoil it?” I ask with a tad bit of sass. I’m angry. He isn’t even giving us a chance.
He sighs letting go of me. “Today when I saw you two together it woke me up. You need Dirk and Dirk needs you. I don’t fit into that, Jesse. It’s not fair to me and it’s not fair to either of you. And, once we take the next step, it will eat at him. He will always see you and I together, he won’t be able to erase it from his mind.”
Raffe puts his arm around me. “Remember when you told me that when I saw a fellow survivor in you, I was finally seeing myself?”
I nod, brushing tears away from cheeks.
“I realize that I deserve a lot more than I’ve let myself have. I deserve the kind of love I see between the two of you. It’s okay to let me go. It’s what I want. Don’t feel bad about it. I don’t. I’ve had a blast with the two of you. It’s been nice having love with no sex. Do you know what I mean?”
Thinking about it, I trace invisible circles on his jeans. I do know what he means. “I think so.” I let my eyes connect with his. “When I first met you and you smiled at me, I thought how nice it was. It didn’t make my shackles come up. Is that what you mean?”
“Yeah, something like that. People have always looked at me and never saw beneath my devilishly good looks,” he jokes. “You and Dirk will always…” He shakes me. “Always, be my very best friends.” He looks longingly out at the lake. “And, maybe someday I’ll find someone who looks at me as if nothing else in the world exists.”
We sit quietly for a few minutes.
“You know that’s how you look at each other, yeah?”
I shrug my shoulders.
“Do you know that today was the first time I’ve heard Dirk laugh. I mean I’ve heard him laugh at people for being stupid, he’s laughed at dirty jokes but today he laughed because he was free. He’s free with you, Jesse. Dirk feels safe with you, safe enough to step out from behind all that dark ink he has shielded himself with.”
Dirk told us about his little sister going missing. He told us that was the day he turned mean and vowed to use it to protect those who couldn’t protect themselves.
“I’m sorry,” I say.
“Jesse, there is nothing to be sorry about. I’m glad I saw it before we went any further. You both need this. I’m going to be your biggest cheerleader. I’ll help Bill and the others understand when the time comes, I promise.”
“I don’t how I got so lucky, Raffe.”
He smiles, squeezing my shoulders. “Because, you, Jesse Miller, are one of a damn kind.”
I laugh lightly. My heart is happy and sad all at once. It’s a confusing feeling. “I’ll always love you, Raffe.”
“I know you will, and I’ll always love you.” He suddenly gets serious. “Now, I’ve got a special birthday surprise set up for you just past the dock about 100 yards in the trees.” He pulls out a flashlight, handing it to me. “This will help light the way.”
“Wait. What?”
He stands pulling me with him. “Don’t worry, Dirk will be along shortly.” He glances at his watch then raises his eyes, winking at me.
My heart starts thumping loudly in my ears. Oh. Oh god. It’s my birthday. I’m eighteen and I’m about to be alone with Dirk. “I…I can’t do this without you.”
He tips my chin. “You both have been using me as a buffer. It’s time you do this alone. The both of you. You feel safer having me around because he makes your heart beat a little faster and it scares you. He feels better when I’m around because he thinks I can give you something he can’t. He thinks he can’t be gentle and caring but he can.”
My eyes dart to the warehouse.
“No. You’re doing this. You know here…” he pokes his finger over my heart, “that he will only go as far as you’re ready to go. So, go on and enjoy the last few hours of your birthday. It will be worth it. I promise.”
He kisses me on the forehead and shoves me down the path to the dock. I glance back at him before entering the tree line. With the light of the moon I see him tap two fingers over his heart before walking away.
I choke back a sob and straighten my shoulders for what awaits me in the darkness of the forest. I shut the flashlight off when I reach my destination. A tent. I crawl inside and find little white lights strung along the top and side posts. It’s filled with pillows and blankets. I laugh when I see a cooler with a happy birthday sign on it. I crack it open finding fruit dipped in chocolate and drinks.
When the flap to the tent suddenly opens I jump a foot. Dark temptation crawls through the opening. When our eyes connect my breath catches in my throat. Dirk glances around briefly before resting his eyes back on me. “Where’s Raffe?” he asks.
I bite my lip, trying to control my emotions. He settles in front of me, so we are facing each other. He waits patiently for me to answer. “He’s not coming.”
When he doesn’t say anything, I chance a look at him. His eyes are on me.
I scratch my head. “Um, he told me he’s bowing out.”
“What the fuck does that mean?”
“He thinks we should go on our own from here on out.” I quickly wipe a tear away before it escapes down my cheek. “Raffe thinks that my love for you is different than it is for him.”
“Is it?” he asks.
“It is,” I whisper, my bottom lip trembling.
“We should go back to the warehouse.” He starts to back away, but I throw myself at him.
He struggles to untangle us so he can get away.
“What are you so scared of?” I cry.
“Jesse, I can’t be what you need.”
“What the fuck do you think I need?”
He stops fighting. “I can’t give you romance.” He twirls his finger around the tent that Raffe set up for us. “I can’t give you nice.” He turns his head to stare at the opening of the tent.
I shove him in the arm hard and clamber away from him. “If that’s what you think I need then fucking go.” I rummage through the cooler, grabbing a beer and cracking it open.
“Jesse,” he watches me guzzle half the beer.
“No. If your spooked go on.” I wave my hand at the entrance. “You know I thought you would be different.”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” he says, flippantly.
I take another drink and then level my eyes on his. “I thought you would show me what it’s supposed to be like.” I finish the beer and toss it into the corner of the tent then flop onto my back, staring at the lights twinkling above me. “It’s fine, Dirk. Go. Just, fucking go.”
He hesitates a moment then crawls out of the tent.
I lay there wondering how the day went from perfect to shit in the matter of minutes. It’s fine. It’s fine. I’ll just stay here and drink and drink and drink.
The tent flap flies open and Dirk barrels in. He crawls over the top of me, standing on his knees. His eyes swirling storms of emotion. He grabs the back of his shirt pulling it over his head. My eyes trail over his torso as the soft cotton rises. Jesus Christ. I try to scoot up but his thighs clench tighter over my hips holding me captive.
“You want me to show you what it’s supposed to be like?” he asks as he unbuckles his belt tugging it out of the loops.
My heart skitters like an unbridled horse.
<
br /> I watch as he pops the button on his jeans, sliding the zipper down slowly. My eyes rise to his. He flicks the ring in his lip, and I swear the temperature rises thirty degrees. I can’t take my eyes off this goddamn man. He is all fucking sorts of dark gorgeous.
Dirk bends over me bracing his inked arms on either side of my head. “Last chance to back out, sweetheart.”
“Have you ever known me to back out of anything,” I whisper.
The swirl in his eyes slows. His thumb brushes over my temple. “You know I’ll stop if you tell me to.”
“I won’t want you to stop.” I raise my head and press my lips to his.
As quickly as a strike of a match the tent goes up in flames. His mouth is everywhere, leaving tracks of heat in its wake. His warm hands slide under my shirt. Dirk incinerates every memory of touch that came before him. He pushes my shirt higher. I raise my shoulders so that he can pull it over my head. His eyes roam over my body, even those seem to leave scorching paths behind. “You are so fucking beautiful,” he whispers over me. His words warming me from the inside.
His hands are rough and hot and goddammed perfect as they trail over my tanned skin. My eyes fall closed as I focus on them. Jesus it feels good to have him touch me. I’ve never felt so…so fucking good.
I thought I would be scared. I was worried my skin might crawl. I was terrified it would feel too much like them.
God was I wrong.
I grab his shoulders and pull him closer so that he is laying on top of me. When I open my eyes he is there, right there, staring deep into my eyes. He searches my face for signs. His thumb rests over the pulse in my neck.
“How do you feel?” he asks, hesitantly.
“Fucking amazing.” I draw my leg up, so my foot trails up the back of his calf.
He settles between my legs. Slowly he shifts and presses his length against me. My stomach flips when he tilts his hips, grinding gently against me. Dirk smiles when I groan and push back against him.
He slides down my body. His fingers glide under the waist band of my shorts, kicking my heart into overdrive. He raises his eyes to mine. I give him a tiny nod before he slides them down my legs and off my toes. He tosses them to the side, not taking his eyes away from me.
