‘I spend hours on the computer every night. I reckon the more I know about the disease, the better I’ll be able to help Ali. But it’s a minefield – I don’t seem to be getting anywhere. There are no answers, only a long, uphill road to recovery and sometimes I … uh … uh …’ I began to sob.
Paul came around and hugged me.
‘I don’t know if I can do it, Paul. I’m so tired all the time and it’s going to take years for her to get better. I can’t do it on my own.’
‘You’re not on your own. I’m here.’
I pulled back and looked him in the eyes. ‘Are you? Are you going to come home every night for dinner? Are you going to leave the pub whenever I need help?’
‘I’ll do whatever you need me to do.’
‘Do you promise?’
‘Ava, I know I’ve been working too much and that I’ve pissed you off lately, particularly on New Year’s Eve, and I’m sorry. The night I hit Ali, I realized I needed to spend more time at home. I really didn’t understand how bad she’d got. I honestly thought it was just a phase she was going through. I had no idea it was so serious. If it wasn’t for you she could have –’ He stopped, too choked up to go on.
‘It’s OK.’ I kissed his cheek.
‘No, it’s not OK. I can see how stressed you are and I promise I’m going to be around more to help you. I’d become obsessed with work but Ali being sick has shown me that success means nothing without a healthy, happy family. I’m sorry I’ve been so distracted but I’m going to change that. I’m hiring a second manager.’
‘Really?’
‘Yes.’
‘Oh, Paul, that’s brilliant.’ I threw my arms around him and we kissed, a long, deep, needy, passionate kiss.
My phone beeped. I grabbed it out of my bag to turn it off so it wouldn’t wake up Ali.
It was a message from Sarah: ‘I officially disown you and Dad. YOU SUCK’.
‘Oh, Jesus – the play!’
43
We hurried out of the clinic. I rang Sarah’s phone. Bobby answered.
‘Hi, Bobby, is Sarah there? Is she OK?’
‘Yes, she is. She’s here with me in my house.’
‘Can you put her on, please?’
‘I’m sorry, Mrs M, she’s actually just fallen asleep. She was kind of upset when you were a no-show at the play, so I brought her here and she cried herself to sleep on the sofa.’
‘We had an emergency with Ali. I never meant to miss the play. Is she very annoyed?’
‘Uhm, on a scale of one to ten, I’d say eleven.’
‘I don’t blame her. How did the play go?’
‘It was OK. To be honest, I’m just glad it’s over. It was wrecking my head. Sarah was great, though, really professional.’
‘I’m so sorry we missed it. I know how important it was to her.’
‘Yeah, it was a really big deal, but I’m sure she’ll be OK in the morning.’
‘Can you give me your address? We’ll come and collect her now.’
‘Sure, but I really think you should leave her here for the night. I can look after her and I won’t try anything on, I promise. I just don’t think there’s any point waking her up now.’
‘Are your parents at home?’
‘No. My mum made it to the play, which was, like, a total miracle, but then she went straight to the airport. Honestly, Mrs M, I’ll take good care of Sarah and you can swing by in the morning to pick her up. If she wakes up later and wants to go home or talk to you, I’ll call straight away.’
‘OK, Bobby, I think you’re right. I’ll see you first thing tomorrow. And thanks.’
‘It’s no problem, I like looking after her. She makes out like she’s so tough all the time but she isn’t.’
‘Sometimes we forget that. Thanks, Bobby.’
Early the next morning, Paul and I drove over to Bobby’s house. The driveway was a mile long and the house was a mansion. Large white marble columns framed the huge double front door. We rang the bell and Mia, the Chinese housekeeper, let us into the vast hall, which was the same size as the whole downstairs of our house.
‘Wow,’ I said, gazing at the ornate cornicing and parquet floors.
‘It’s a bit over the top,’ Paul muttered.
‘I agree, but still … wow.’
Bobby came into the hall. ‘Hi.’
‘How is she?’
‘Definitely more chilled, but still kind of angry.’
We followed him into a huge kitchen. It had wall-to-ceiling windows across the back, looking onto a beautiful garden with fountains and lawns, a tennis court and swimming-pool. The walls were painted duck-egg blue with a beige tiled floor and a big cream Aga sitting alongside a huge black range oven. Three enormous crystal chandeliers hung from the ceiling. The whole thing was spectacular but it looked like a show-house, not somewhere that people actually lived. It felt cold and impersonal.
Sarah was curled up on a couch in the corner, looking decidedly pissed off. Bobby went over, kissed her and told her he was going to leave us in private, but he’d be upstairs if she needed him. Then he tactfully left us alone.
I walked over to her. ‘Sarah, I’m so sorry. I know how much the play meant to you. We got an urgent call from the clinic and –’
She cut straight across me, eyes blazing: ‘Blah, blah, blah. Let me guess, Ali ate a slice of apple and all the freaks threw a party for her. You know what, Mum? I really don’t give a shit. I’m so sick of Ali and her eating/not-eating bullshit. It’s all about her. You barely notice my existence any more. And f.y.i., I’m the normal one. I’m the daughter who isn’t in a loony bin – so don’t you think you should be high-fiving me, and not the anorexic? But, oh, no – when Ali says, “Jump,” you two say, “How high?” It’s pathetic. She has you running around in circles while she sits on her stupid bed and moans about her past. Well, you’ll have all the time in the world now, because I’m out of your lives. I’m moving in with Bobby.’
‘Now hold on a minute,’ Paul said. ‘Sarah, I’m really sorry we missed your play but your sister had an emergency. We didn’t have a choice.’
She jumped up and screamed at him, ‘You always have a choice. Wasn’t one of you enough to go and hold Ali’s hand? Did you both have to go? Couldn’t one of you have bothered to turn up to the most important day of my life? Charlie’s girlfriend cares more about me than you do. And what an impression she made on Bobby’s mother. Oh, it was fan-fucking-tastic. She really thinks her son hit the jackpot with a girlfriend whose grandfather goes out with a pole dancer. She actually took a step backwards when she saw Nadia – who, by the way, was wearing her favourite leopard-print Lycra dress so the whole school could see her tits.
‘Seriously, it could not have gone any worse. I’d say Bobby’s mother will force him to dump me in the next week. Why would she want her son going out with a girl from a family that would blend right in on The Jerry Springer Show? When everyone kept asking me where my parents were, I kept saying, “They’ll be here in a minute,” and then when you didn’t bother to turn up or even call or text me to tell me where you were, I prayed you’d been killed in a car crash, because that was the only excuse that would have been good enough.’
‘OK,’ I said. ‘You’ve had your rant and now I’d like you to listen to us. We were on our way to your play when we got a call from the clinic to say that Ali’s friend Emily had committed suicide and Ali had completely freaked out. They had to pin her down and sedate her. She was in a really bad way. I’m sorry, Sarah, but we had to go.’
‘So now I’m not just competing with Ali for attention, I have to deal with all the loopers topping themselves too. Don’t you see? There’s always going to be something. One of the fruitcakes topping themselves today, tomorrow it’ll be one of the fatties exploding from overeating. Well, congratulations, you totally humiliated me in front of my whole school.’
‘We didn’t mean to let you down, pet. We were really looking forward to seeing you perfor
m. Now, come on, tell us how it went,’ I said. ‘Charlie told me you were fantastic.’
‘Actually, it didn’t go all that well. Obviously when I first turned up on stage, everyone, like, gasped because I looked so amazing and totally Italian. But I was so upset that my parents hadn’t bothered to turn up I kept forgetting my lines. Then, the Nurse – as in Juliet’s supposed nanny – walked on stage in her PVC Internet nurse’s uniform and her dad – who did actually bother to turn up – freaked out and jumped onto the stage to cover her with his coat. They had this big tug-of-war and eventually, our English teacher, Mr Goggin, had to drag them both off the stage. So then I had no one to say my lines to, so Mr Goggin came on stage in his suit and this really stupid wig and pretended he was the Nurse.
‘Then when Bobby came on stage, his whole rugby team started whistling and jeering at his Lycra cycling pants, and he got all hassled and started ad-libbing and saying all these really inappropriate things that Shakespeare would so not have wanted Romeo to say. Like at one point when Romeo’s under my balcony and he’s supposed to say, “Oh, Juliet, you’re so stunning and beautiful like the stars …” Bobby just glanced up and said, “Hey, Juliet, do you fancy a ride?” It was so pathetic and all his stupid team mates laughed, which just made him worse. In a way it’s a blessing in disguise that there were no talent scouts there because it wasn’t the performance I’d planned to give. So, my big day pretty much sucked.’
‘I’m sure you were wonderful. The scenes you performed for me and your dad were really impressive,’ I soothed.
‘Yeah, well, you weren’t there so you can’t say.’ Sarah looked out of the window, her bottom lip quivering. ‘I don’t want to live with you any more. You don’t give a shit about me, it’s all about Ali, and I’ve had enough. I want to live with Bobby. I’ll come and visit you but I’m not living with you.’
‘Sarah,’ Paul said, sitting down beside her, ‘I honestly can’t tell you how sorry we are. Believe me I’d much rather have been at your play than in that bloody clinic finding out some poor girl had killed herself with a tin can. Sometimes as a parent you have to make very difficult choices. Last night was one of those times. I know you feel left out and I promise to make it up to you.’
‘How?’
‘By being around more and being more involved in your life.’
‘Are you kidding me? The last thing I want is you sticking your nose into my life. You’ve already tried to scare Bobby off for snogging me.’
‘But I thought –’
‘Dad, I want you to turn up to things when I ask you. I do not want you suffocating me with your guilt. That would be way worse than being neglected.’
Paul looked at me helplessly. ‘Sarah,’ I said firmly. ‘We know you’re upset but you’re going to come home now and have some breakfast. I’ll call school and tell them you’ll be in late. You can have the morning off. We know we really let you down yesterday. We’re exhausted and we’re stressed out from trying to juggle everything at the moment, but we were only trying to do the right thing. I know it’s hard on you with Ali being sick, but we’re having a tough time too, so please cut us some slack.’
‘Well … you do look wrecked …’
Bobby popped his head around the door. ‘Is everything OK?’ he asked.
‘Come in,’ Sarah told him.
He sat down beside her. ‘My mum just called. She said she thought you were really cool.’
‘Did she?’ I could see Sarah was thrilled.
‘Totally.’
‘Of course she liked you – you’re one in a million,’ I said.
‘You’re a very lucky boy, Bobby,’ Paul added.
‘Spare me your guilty compliments,’ Sarah hissed. Then, to her boyfriend: ‘So she doesn’t think I’m a freak from a really weird family?’
‘No. I told her about Alison and her anorexia and she was very sympathetic. She said she used to have bulimia, so she can totally relate to eating disorders. She said the Gretta Lyndon Clinic is really good. She went there about ten years ago and they cured her. She only takes laxatives now before really big parties so she can fit into her dress.’
‘I cannot believe I never knew that about your mother. How could you not tell me?’
‘To be honest, babe, I was only six so I didn’t know what was wrong with her.’
It was nice to hear she’d been cured and thought highly of the clinic. I smiled at Bobby. ‘I’m really glad your mum got better. Hopefully Ali will too.’
‘She’ll pull through, Mrs M. We’re doing our best for her.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Every lunchtime at school Sarah drags me into the chapel to light candles for Alison. We do positive visualization too, which is supposed to cure anything.’
Sarah was blushing. ‘Do you really do that?’ I asked.
She flicked her hair back and glared at Bobby. ‘It was supposed to be a private thing. It’s no big deal, Mum. Don’t get all soppy about it. The sooner Ali gets better, the sooner this family can go back to normal.’
I resisted the urge to kiss her cross face. ‘Thanks for all your help, Bobby.’
‘Yes, thanks for looking after her for us.’ Paul shook his hand.
‘Come on, pet, let’s get you home. Have you had breakfast?’
‘No – Mia forgot to do a shop yesterday, so there’s nothing to eat but frozen pizza,’ she said.
‘Well, let’s go home and I’ll cook you whatever you want. Bobby, come with us – you must be starving.’
‘That’d be great.’
‘OK, come on, then.’
We piled into Paul’s car and drove away from the stunning, but sterile, mansion.
When we got home Charlie was in the kitchen having toast. I set about making breakfast for all of us.
‘There she is, our very own Elizabeth Taylor,’ Charlie said.
‘Isn’t she the wrinkly old woman in the wheelchair?’ Sarah snorted. ‘I sincerely hope I don’t look like her!’
‘Ah, you kids today, you’ve no sense of history. She was the most stunning film star of her day. Men fell at her feet.’
‘She didn’t age well. I guess she was pre-Botox.’
‘And what about Romeo himself? Well done, son. You were like a young Richard Burton.’
Bobby looked blank. ‘I don’t know who that dude is, but I’m guessing it’s a compliment, so thanks – but I’ll stick to the rugby from now on. That’s where my real talent lies. Sarah’s the star,’ he said, as she basked in his praise.
‘You were pretty good too. Everyone was totally jealous of us, even if we did forget some of our lines.’
‘You were the hottest Juliet ever.’
‘We so rock,’ Sarah said, kissing him.
‘Although I’ve no idea what language they’re speaking, it’d warm your heart to see young love like that,’ Charlie said, as we tucked into our breakfast.
*
After breakfast, Paul gave Bobby a lift to school and was going to pick me up on the way back to go and visit Ali. Sarah waved her boyfriend off and came back into the kitchen.
‘Bobby’s a really nice guy,’ I said to her.
‘Hello! I know. I’m the one going out with him. He totally saved my life yesterday. And just so you know, you’re not forgiven and I’m still furious. And if anything like this happens again, I’m leaving home and you won’t be able to stop me. You are so lucky that Bobby’s mother had bulimia and is all understanding about eating disorders and clinics, because if she was a normal mother she would have made Bobby dump me to get away from my freaky family. And if he had broken up with me, I would have blamed you for the rest of my life and probably ended up in the bed beside Ali, bitching to some shrink about my crappy parents.’
‘Well, thankfully, that didn’t happen and she likes you, as well she might. You are fantastic.’
Sarah rolled her eyes and then yawned. ‘I’m exhausted. I didn’t sleep well at all last night. I’m going for a nap.’
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‘Have a nice rest,’ I said, hugging her as she squirmed.
‘Muuuum, get off me – I told you you’re not forgiven yet.’
I kissed her cheek. ‘OK, but I want you to know that I’m really proud of you.’
‘It’s a pity you couldn’t say that to me on a day when you hadn’t totally let me down. But I’ll take it all the same. It’s about time you realized just how amazing I am.’
‘Have a nice rest. Dad and I are going to see Ali now. I don’t know how long we’ll be. I’ll call you when we’re on the way back and give you a lift to school.’
She turned at the door. ‘Actually I’ll come with you.’
‘Are you sure you’re up to it?’
‘Yeah. I want to see if she’s OK,’ Sarah said, and went to get her coat.
44
When we arrived at the clinic Denise told us that Ali was in her room and had just come from a session with Mary Boland that had gone well. She was much calmer. Denise looked better too – less traumatized.
We found Ali sitting up on the bed, looking tired, pale and very red around the eyes from crying.
I hugged her. ‘How are you, pet?’
‘I’m OK. Sorry I gave you a fright last night. I just completely lost it.’
‘So you’re not going to try and kill yourself?’ Sarah asked.
‘No. I was just upset when I found out about Emily. She was a really good friend. I still can’t believe it.’
‘It’s terrible,’ Paul said. ‘The poor girl.’
‘Everyone’s in shock. It’s never happened here before. It’s just so awful.’ Ali was trying not to cry.
‘It’s horrendous. Poor Emily,’ I said.
Sarah’s phone beeped for the millionth time that morning. ‘Turn it off,’ I snapped.
‘I can’t help it if everyone wants congratulate me on my performance.’
‘Oh, was the play yesterday? How did it go?’ Ali asked.
‘Well, your little room-trashing episode meant Mum and Dad missed it because they were here playing nursemaid to you.’
‘I’m sorry they missed it but my good friend died so of course I reacted badly.’
Pieces of My Heart Page 31
