by Simone Elise
I cupped her face, my carefree expression replaced with one of seriousness. "Are you happy?"
She frowned. "What does that have to do with anything?"
"Are you happy?" I repeated my question after not getting my answer.
Her frown disappeared and her expression softened. "Yes."
"That's all I want."
"My happiness isn't an acceptable form of me paying you back." She narrowed her eyes at me, pouting. "Not even close."
I shrugged. "But that's all I want. I just want you happy." She was really giving me something she didn't even realize she was giving. I had always lived for the club, for my family but as soon as I found Chloe, I started living for her. "So I don't need you to pay me back because you don't owe me anything to begin with."
Everything I had, I'd give to her willingly if she would take it.
I gripped her shoulders and turned her around. "So, are you even going to look at your new car?"
I heard her sigh. "It's green. I love green now."
"What do you mean by now?" I frowned. I was keeping my arms around her and she wasn't pushing me away - yet.
"It's my new favorite color."
"You can't get a new favorite color."
"I can."
"Since when did green become your favorite color? And what was it before?"
"It was purple. But," she turned around, "That was before I met you."
"I changed your favorite color?" How was that possible?
Her fingers ran down my jaw, and she smiled. It was the kind of smile she used to give me before all that shit happened with Joe. It lit up her whole face, and it made me want to know the reason behind her sudden change in favorite color that bit more.
"It's the color of your eyes," she said, still wearing that perfect smile on her face. I was so mesmerized by the smile, I nearly didn't catch what she said. Wait a sec.
"You're joking, right?"
"What, don't you know the color of your eyes?" She teased and went up on her toes. "They're green, in case you didn't know." She stepped out of my arms. "Now I have a new car to look over."
And she left me standing there, stunned.
Chapter 64
Chloe's Point of View
I never got the point of cooking shows. All they did was make me hungry. Yet, I was watching it anyway because I was bored and there was nothing else on.
Members started rolling in this afternoon, so Chase had to go sort them. He was even more thankful I had organized the motel. At least they would have somewhere to sleep now. Then his brothers were all up for drinks and seeing old friends, so they disappeared with Chase. The girls weren't back from Sammie's test drive.
Which left me.
Home alone.
I frowned at the television, now how did he flip that without breaking it?
"Loud enough?"
I jumped. Marc. I quickly picked up the remote and turned the television down. I had it loud because I didn't like being home alone, and I really didn't want to hear noises in this big house.
"Sorry," I said once the volume was down.
Marc walked into the lounge. He wasn't stumbling, which meant he wasn't as drunk as I expected him to be right now. After all, catching up with old friends usually meant liquor.
"Why aren't you drunk?" I asked, while rubbing my neck.
"You mean like the rest of my family?" He sat, sitting down on my right-hand side, and frowned at the television. "Cooking, really?"
"Nothing is on!"
"Give it here." He took the remote off me.
I sighed. "I have been through all the channels. Anyway, why are you here?"
He shrugged and kept scrolling through the channels. I had a feeling there was a reason to why he was here. I just wasn't seeing it and he didn't want to tell me. Maybe something happened?
I had my legs tucked under me and a blanket over my lap, but I was slightly turned to face the television.
"Stop it," he snapped.
"Stop what?" I said, not seeing a reason for him to snap at me. That was rude! You don't just snap at people.
"Here." His hands landed on my shoulders, and a small moan left my lips as he started working out my cramped muscle. "So how did you do it?"
"I didn't do the correct form." And I was paying for it now.
"Not like you."
"I always lose form when I lift heavier."
"Maybe you shouldn't lift heavier weights?"
I scoffed. "Then what is the point in training if you don't up the weight when ready?"
"Well, you clearly weren't ready. Well, your body wasn't." His hand moved up, working on my neck. "Do you always have to push yourself?"
When did he get to know me so well? I noted the disapproval in his voice, but I also heard his general concern. And more than that, he really wanted to know why.
"I just always have." I frowned. "Always."
"Just in exercise?"
"No. Studies as well."
"You're too hard on yourself."
I knew that. Some would see it as a fault. I didn't. "Someone has to be." I might be hard on myself, but I also knew myself and I knew I deserved every ounce of pain I got, whether that be physical or not. So when it came to exercise, I didn't go easy, and, in high school, I did push myself to get the best grades, all so I could go to university.
I wanted to scoff at myself.
I studied hard for university but right now, I wasn't even interested in it. For some reason, I just didn't see myself working a nine-to-five job.
"You need to ease up on yourself, Chloe. Stop rushing yourself."
I turned. "What do you mean by that?" Why did I have a feeling we weren't talking about my exercising anymore?
He had a serious expression on his face. "You're rushing things with Chase."
"I don't know if you've noticed, but Chase is determined to make things go slow."
He reached out slowly enough for me to move, but I didn't. He tucked my hair behind my ear. "I meant you are rushing picking him." His words were soft, gentle.
My lips parted just slightly. What did he mean? He wasn't saying…was he? Then before I could even think the next thought, he moved forward and his lips were on mine.
Chapter 65
Chloe's Point of View
I don't know what hit me first, the fact he was kissing me or the cold hard feeling that suffocated me. I love Chase. The realization hit me hard and fast in the face. My heart was basically screaming.
How the hell did that happen?
I loved Chase. That fact rolled through my body. That tiny bit of my heart that I had been holding on to, that tiny bit of heart I had gripped on to with all my strength – well, he had it. Chase had it. He had all of me.
I was completely and totally his.
I pushed Marc away from me.
"I love him." The words just came off my lips. HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN? HOW THE HELL DID I LET THIS HAPPEN?
I never loved anyone. Not my parents. Not a pet. Not a person. Never ever did I love someone.
"What?" Marc frowned.
"Chase." I got up. "I love him!" I was incredibly stupid – no, I passed stupid when I came here to live with him. I had put walls up. I had made sure to hold onto that piece of heart. I couldn't - I didn't - I just couldn't love him. Not with my whole heart.
Because I knew. I knew deep down that Chase would leave me. That we would break up. I knew that because nothing good ever came into my life and stayed. I would lose it. And I would be left alone again.
This was no different.
It was only a matter of time.
And this time, when we parted ways, it was going to nearly physically kill me, which had me on my feet.
"Not what I wanted to hear," Marc grumbled. "Wait a sec, where are you going?"
He wouldn't understand, but I did as soon as I realized things. I was doing the one thing I was good at - running.
>
States. I needed to put states between Chase and I. I had to for my own safety. He had the power to kill me and what was worse, I had given him that power.
My hands landed on the car keys. Marc must have realized what I was doing because he was quick to move around me and block my exit.
"Move, Marc."
"Just because I kissed you, it doesn't mean you should run to him." His words were hard and cold, direct.
But he didn't get it. I wasn’t running to Chase, I was running as far away as possible from him.
"Not running to him. Now move." I pushed him, but he didn't budge. Why did the McKenzies have to be built of fucking stone?
Realization covered his face. "You're running. That's even fucking worse!" He dove forward for the keys, but if there was one thing I had over him, that was speed. So I moved around him, opened the front door, and bolted for my car.
He didn't get it. No one would get it. I couldn't let Chase have that power over me. Because he, like everyone else in my life, would leave. So I was doing it first.
It was killing me, physically hurting me as I unlocked my car. My body wanted Chase. My heart was basically beating for him and him alone now, and even my brain was screaming all the reasons why I should stay. The main reason my brain was yelling was Chase could be different.
He mightn't leave me.
He mightn't abuse me.
He might love me back.
Or he could pull out my heart, stomp on it, and then when he finished doing that, he could physically start using me as a punching bag.
But this was Chase we were talking about. Not once has he hurt me, but one thing that had always sat unwell with me was when he was mad with me, when he got it in his head I was testifying against Jess, not for her.
He said that he wished Joe had hit me harder so I wouldn't have left that night and he wouldn't have come across me.
If he could think that then say it to me, it only confirmed one thing. Chase could hurt me.
I opened the car door after spending way too long debating.
I had it open and was getting in when two arms wrapped around me and pulled me away from it.
"I'm not letting you run." Marc dragged me out of the car.
"LET GO OF ME!"
"No."
"You don't understand. I have to go!"
"Running isn't the answer." Marc dragged me back into the house.
I was kicking. I was yelling. I was doing everything physically possible to get out of his grasp, but that wasn't working.
"Marc, let go of ME! I am an adult and if I want to go, you can't stop me!"
"Yeah, cause an adult really runs from problems," he scoffed.
We were up the stairs and before I could say another word, Marc pushed me into Chase and my bedroom, slamming the door shut behind me.
I had never been this furious before.
I wasn't just furious at Marc, I was furious at myself! I had let myself get into this situation. ME!
I had somehow let Chase get the rest of my heart!
I pulled on the door handle, but it wouldn't move. I didn't know if Marc was holding it closed, but then I heard a click.
How the hell could he lock me in here? Why on earth would Chase have a lock on the other side of the door?
It hit me hard and cold.
Unless he had been planning on locking me in here.
My worst memories revolved around being locked in a bedroom. Panic gripped me hard and fast, and I had to get out of here.
I started banging on the door, pulling at the handle, screaming to Marc, but all that didn't work.
The abuse always came after being locked in the bedroom. My entire childhood, I was locked in a room. I pulled on the door with more aggression.
Panic was flooding me, but what was worse was the memories; the ones of dying to go to the toilet but not being able to because I was locked in the room.
The times they would forget to let me out. The times I would starve. The times Joe would come back for round two.
I remember my eyes being swollen shut so tight I couldn't even make out figures.
All these memories were flooding me as I was faced with being locked in a room again.
Chase was meant to be different, but how the hell was this different compared to what did happen to me? Me being forced to be in a locked room, doing what I was told, having no freedom.
I banged on the door again, yelling, screaming for Marc to let me out. I was basically begging at this point now. The tears were running down my cheeks, streaming down hard and fast.
If there was a God, I prayed to please let me out.
I can't be here.
I can't face my childhood.
But when the door didn't open, when Marc didn't unlock it at my pleas or screaming, I was being forced to face my worst memories.
***
I don't know how much time passed. My knuckles were red raw from the banging. Basically bleeding. The memories had flooded me, resurfacing over and over. I had been suffocated by them to the point I couldn't move.
I was so stuck in the past I didn't hear the door open.
I didn't even realize someone else was in the room until the lights flicked on.
"Geez Chloe, are you okay?" Chase's face was painted with concern as he basically ran for me.
But I didn't care about his concern. I saw the open door. I bolted, pushing past him, running down the hallway. Not stopping when he was calling after me. I just kept running. Down the stairs. Seeing the front door.
"Hey Chloe, are you going to cook… ”Oliver’s words were cut off when I ran out the front door.
Air. Fresh air.
I inhaled as much as I could.
I was out.
I was free.
"CHLOE, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?"
I was too busy trying to get fresh air to listen to him. Wasn't until his hands landed on my shoulders and he forced me to face him that anger flooded through me.
"Get your hands off me!" I shoved his hands off my shoulders. "YOU and ALL your family. JUST STAY AWAY FROM ME!"
Chase's eyes narrowed. "What the hell did Marc do to you?"
His question was falling on deaf ears, because I wasn't acting like this because Marc kissed me. I was acting like this because of what Chase could do to me.
But how the hell was I going to explain that? Screw it. I don't have to.
Chapter 66
Chloe's Point of View
You know the terror that fills you when you are locked alone in a dark room with no power and the only sound is your own breathing? Waiting and scared stiff of what might happen next? I guess being scared of the bogeyman.
Well, when I was little, my bogeyman was real. And that terror I used to feel when I waited for the unknown, well, that's the type of terror I was feeling now.
"Chloe, what happened?" Chase walked towards me, talking to me as if I was a crazy person.
"No, did you not hear me?! I SAID STAY AWAY FROM ME! ALL OF YOU!" I was still trying to get my breathing back to a normal rhythm. After being locked in that room for hours, being pulled back into my childhood, it was fair to say maybe I did look and sound like a crazy person.
But that didn't change the fact that Chase had my heart. And I had to get it back.
But how the hell did I do that?
"Chloe, I need you to calm down."
I shook my head. "I want my keys. I want to leave."
His fingers curled into tight fists at his side. "So, we are back to this, are we? You handing yourself in?"
"This isn't about Joe." I looked at him, never feeling more determined in my life. I had to get out of here. He already had my heart, and now he had the ability to kill me - slowly.
He frowned. "Then why are you leaving?"
"YOU! BECAUSE OF YOU!" I waved my hand at him. Didn't he get it, I was madly in love with him. I've never loved anyone. Never gave anyo
ne that power over me.
"Me?"
"Yes, you!"
"I thought you and I were doing good? Hell, I made sure we were going into this relationship slowly!" He was frustrated. I could hear it in his voice, along with confusion.
Before, when he left, things were good between him and I. Things were actually pretty darn perfect. I was the one that wanted to speed things up and, realizing that, it should have sent a warning to my brain.
But it wasn't until Marc kissed me that I realized it. That tiny bit of my heart that belonged to me and me alone was gone. Chase had it. All of me.
I wasn't just attracted to him - I was past that. I passed that as soon as I saw the soft side to him. I passed that when he saved my life. And then I came here, and what do you know? He took the part of my heart that hadn't been beating just for him.
"I need to leave. Please let me leave," I begged. I wanted to run. Not just from him, but from what I was feeling. I had to. I couldn't let someone have that type of power over me. "I have to go."
"Chloe, just tell me what I've done and I'll fix it." He took the few steps that I had made sure to keep between us. His hands landed on my shoulders. "Please don't leave me. Just tell me what I've done wrong."
He was being loving and caring and really kind to me, but I would rather him yelling. At least then it would make it easier for me to run. Tears swelled up in my eyes and they started to fall. He was quick to wipe them away.
"Just talk to me, Chloe. Just tell me what's going on?" His expression hardened. "Did Marc hurt you?"
By locking me in that room, yes. But I shook my head. How do I tell Chase he hadn't done anything wrong? It was all me.
I was wrong. Me. I was the one with a screwed-up need for him. I was the one in love with him. God, was this what love felt like? The physical need to be sick, because that's how I felt when I thought I would never see Chase again.
"Please just let me go," I squeezed out while crying. I didn’t think the tears would stop because I felt as hard as Chase was holding on to me, the stronger I was pushing him away.
