One with You (Crossfire #5)

by Sylvia Day

  “Angel.” He nuzzled against me. “Your dad’s waiting.”

  Oh, God. I loved my dad, but his agony and helpless rage were pouring off him, battering me. I didn’t know how to comfort or soothe. There was a void inside me, as if I had nothing left to give anyone. But everyone needed me.

  Putting me back on my feet, Gideon searched my face again. “Let me be here for you. Don’t shut me out.”

  “I’m not trying to.” I looked away, toward the bathroom. There’s a towel on the floor. Why is it there? “There’s something wrong.”

  “Yes. Everything,” he said tightly. “It’s all fucked up. I don’t know what to do.”

  “No. Wrong inside me.”

  “Eva. How can you say that? There’s nothing wrong with you.” He cupped my face again, brought it around.

  “You nicked yourself.” I touched the little spot of dried blood on his jaw. “You never do that, either.”

  “What’s going on in that head of yours?” He wrapped himself around me. “I don’t know what to do,” he said again. “I don’t know what to do.”

  Gideon kept my hand in his as we returned to the living room.

  My father looked over from where he sat on the couch, then stood. Worn jeans. A faded UCSD T-shirt. The shadow of stubble on his strong square jaw.

  Gideon had shaved. Why hadn’t I processed that when I noticed the cut from the razor? Why hadn’t I noticed that he’d changed out of his tux?

  Some things came to me with strange clarity. Others were lost in the fog in my mind.

  The detectives were gone. Cary was curled up against the armrest of the couch, fast asleep, his mouth hanging partway open. I could hear him snoring softly.

  “We can step into my office,” Gideon said, releasing my hand to gesture down the hallway.

  With a curt nod, my dad rounded the coffee table. “Lead the way.”

  Gideon started walking. I fell into step behind him.

  “Eva.” My dad’s voice stopped me and I turned around. “I need to speak to Cross alone.”

  “Why?”

  “I’ve got things to say that you don’t need to hear.”

  I shook my head slowly. “No.”

  He made a frustrated noise. “We’re not arguing about this.”

  “Dad, I’m not a child. Anything you have to say to my husband has something to do with me and I think I should be involved.”

  “I have no objection,” Gideon said, returning to my side.

  My father’s jaw tensed, his gaze darting back and forth between us. “Fine.”

  We all went to Gideon’s office. Chris was sitting at Gideon’s desk, talking on the phone. He pushed back and stood when we came in. “Whenever you’re done for the day,” he said to whomever he was talking to. “I’ll explain when I see you. All right. Talk to you then, son.”

  “I need my office a minute,” Gideon told him when he hung up.

  “Sure.” His concerned gaze raked all three of us. “I’ll pull out some plates and things for lunch. We all need to eat something.”

  Chris left the room, which drew my eye to my dad, who was staring at the massive collage of photos on the wall. The one in the center was of me, sleeping. It was an intimate image; the kind of picture a man took to remember the things he had done with his lover before she’d fallen asleep.

  I looked at the other photos, noted one of me and Gideon at an event that I now knew had been captured by Hall. I turned my head away, feeling a prickle running down my spine.

  Fear? Hall had taken my mother from me, but who he’d really wanted was Gideon. I could be mourning my husband now. My stomach cramped at the thought, hunching me over.

  “Angel.” He was near me in an instant, urging me to sit in one of the two chairs facing his desk.

  “What’s wrong?” My dad hovered, too, his eyes wild. I couldn’t recognize my own feelings, but I saw his. He was frightened for me, more anxious than was warranted.

  “I’m okay,” I assured them, even as I reached for Gideon’s hand and held on tight.

  “You need to eat,” Gideon said.

  “So do you,” I countered. “The sooner you two get done, the faster we can do that.”

  Just the thought of food made me queasy, but I didn’t say that. They were both already too worried about me.

  My dad straightened. “I spoke to my family,” he told Gideon. “They still want to come and be here for Eva. And me.”

  Gideon half-sat on the edge of his desk, one hand running through his hair. “Okay. We were going to fly them direct to North Carolina. We’ll have to adjust the flight plan.”

  “I would appreciate that,” my dad said, grudgingly.

  “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”

  “Then why do you look worried?” I said to Gideon, seeing his frown.

  “It’s just … It’s a madhouse on the street right now. We can bring your family in through the garage, but if word gets out that they’re in town, they may have to deal with media and photographers at their hotel or anywhere else they may go in the city.”

  “They’re not coming to sightsee,” my dad snapped.

  “That’s not what I meant, Victor.” Gideon sighed wearily. “I’m just thinking out loud. I’ll work it out. Consider it taken care of.”

  I pictured how it must be downstairs outside the lobby, imagined my grandmother and cousins wading through a gauntlet like that. I shook my head and had a moment of clarity. “If they want to come, we should go to the Outer Banks like we planned. We already have the rooms reserved for them. It’ll be quiet and private.”

  Suddenly, I longed to be at the beach. Feeling the wind in my hair, the surf lapping at my bare feet. I’d felt alive there. I wanted to feel alive again. “We had catering arranged. We’d have food and beverages for everyone.”

  Gideon looked at me. “I had Scott talk to Kristine. We pulled out of everything.”

  “It can’t have been more than a few hours ago. The hotel probably hasn’t filled the room block in that short of time. And the caterer already has the things well under way at this point.”

  “You really want to go to the beach house?” he asked me quietly.

  I nodded. There were no memories of my mom there, as there were in the city. And if I wanted to step outside and take a walk, no one would bother me.

  “Okay, then. I’ll take care of it.”

  I looked at my dad, hoping that plan was good with him. He stood beside me, his arms crossed and his gaze on his feet.

  Finally, he said, “What happened changes everything. For all of us. I want to move to New York.”

  Taken aback, I glanced at Gideon, then back at my dad. “Really?”

  “It’s going to take some time for me to deal with work and selling my house, but I’m going to get the ball rolling.” He looked at me. “I need to be closer than the other side of the damn country. You’re all I’ve got.”

  “Oh, Dad. You love your job.”

  “I love you more.”

  “What will you do for work?” Gideon asked.

  There was something in his tone that drew my attention to him. He’d twisted a bit to face us better, drawing one thigh up to the desktop and resting his crossed hands atop it. He watched my father avidly. There wasn’t any of the surprise on his face that I felt.

  “That’s what I wanted to talk about,” my father said, his handsome face grim.

  “Eva needs a dedicated security chief,” Gideon said preemptively. “I’ve got Angus and Raúl stretched to their limits and my wife needs her own security team.”

  My mouth fell open as I registered what my husband had said. “What? No, Gideon.”

  His brows rose. “Why not? It would be ideal. There’s no one I could trust more to protect you than your own father.”

  “Because it’s … weird. Okay? Dad’s his own man. It would be awkward to have my father on my husband’s payroll. It’s just … not right.”

  “Angus is the closest I’ve had to a fat
her,” he pointed out, “and he works the same job.” His gaze lifted to my dad. “I don’t think any less of him. And Chris, as the head of a company in which I have controlling interest, also could be said to work for me.”

  “That’s different,” I said stubbornly.

  “Eva.” My dad set his hand on my shoulder. “If I can handle it, you should be able to.”

  I turned wide eyes to him. “Are you serious? Were you thinking about this before he brought it up?”

  He nodded, still somber. “I’ve been thinking about it since he called me about … your mom. Cross is right: There’s no one I trust more than myself to keep you safe.”

  “Safe from what? What happened last night … It’s not an everyday thing.” I couldn’t think differently. Living with the fear that Gideon might be in danger at any given moment? It would drive me insane. I certainly couldn’t live with putting my dad in the line of fire.

  “Eva, I’ve seen you more on television, the Internet, and in magazines than I have in person this entire last year and you were living in San Diego for most of that time.” His face hardened. “God willing you’ll never be at risk, but I can’t take that chance. Besides, Cross is planning on hiring someone anyway. Might as well be me.”

  “Were you?” I demanded, rounding on Gideon.

  He nodded. “Yes. It’s been on my mind.”

  “I don’t like it.”

  “I’m sorry, angel.” His tone of voice told me I’d just have to suck it up.

  My dad’s arms crossed. “I won’t accept any perks or compensation outside the scope of what you’re paying your other men.”

  Gideon unfolded and rounded his desk, opening a drawer to withdraw a paper-clipped sheaf of paper. “Angus and Raúl both agreed to let me share their salaries with you. I’ve also laid out what you can expect, to start.”

  “I can’t believe this,” I complained. “You were this far along and didn’t say anything to me?”

  “I worked on it earlier this morning. It hasn’t come up before now and I wasn’t going to say anything unless your father mentioned moving to the city.”

  And that was Gideon Cross: He never missed a trick.

  My dad took the papers, perused the top sheet, then looked at Gideon incredulously. “Is this for real?”

  “Consider that Angus has been with me for more years of my life than not. He also has considerable covert and military training. In short, he’s earned it.” Gideon watched as my dad flipped the page. “Raúl has been with me a shorter amount of time, so he’s not where Angus is—yet. But he also has a broad range of training and skills.”

  My dad exhaled in a rush when he flipped to the next page. “Okay. This is …”

  “More than you were likely expecting, but that spreadsheet gives you the info you need to gauge the offered compensation compared to my other chiefs. You can see that it’s fair. It’s predicated on the expectation that you will consent to further training and attain the necessary permits, licenses, and registrations.”

  I watched my dad’s shoulders go back and his chin lift, the stubborn line of his mouth softening. Whatever he saw, he was taking as a challenge. “All right.”

  “You’ll note that a housing allowance is included,” Gideon continued, in full-on mogul mode despite his matter-of-fact tone. “If you would like, there’s a unit next door to Eva’s former apartment that’s available and furnished.”

  I caught my lower lip between my teeth, knowing he was talking about the apartment he’d kept while Nathan was a threat. We had met there clandestinely for weeks while keeping up the façade that we were no longer together.

  “I’ll think about it,” my dad said.

  “Another thing to think about,” Gideon began, “is the reality of your daughter being my wife. Certainly we would be mindful of your personal role in Eva’s life and be respectful of that. But respecting your place as her father means we won’t be brazen. It doesn’t mean we won’t be intimate.”

  Oh my God. My shoulders hunched with embarrassment. I glared at Gideon. So did my dad.

  It took my father a long minute to unclench his jaw and respond. “I’ll keep that in mind while I’m thinking things over.”

  Gideon gave a brisk nod. “All right. Was there anything else we needed to cover?”

  My dad shook his head. “Not right now.”

  I crossed my arms, knowing I’d have more to say at some point.

  “You know where to find me, angel, when you’re ready to tear into me.” My husband offered his hand to me. “In the meantime, let’s get some food into you.”

  Dr. Petersen showed up around three, looking a little rattled. Getting through the throng on the sidewalk to enter the lobby had obviously been a trial. Gideon introduced him to everyone as I watched, trying to judge his reaction to meeting the people he’d heard such intimate things about.

  He spoke to me briefly, offering his condolences. He’d liked my mother and often was somewhat indulgent about her neurotic behavior, to my frustration. I could tell he was affected by her loss, which made me wonder how I came across to him. Evidently, he couldn’t quite tell. I struggled to answer his questions about how I was doing.

  He talked with Gideon for a much longer time, retreating with my husband to the dining room, where they spoke in hushed tones.

  But not for long. Gideon turned toward me and I understood their talk was over. I accompanied Dr. Petersen to the foyer and saw him out, but not before I spotted my clutch on an end table.

  When I retrieved my phone, I saw the dozens of missed calls and texts. Megumi, Will, Shawna, Dr. Travis … even Brett. I opened my messages and started to send out replies when the phone vibrated in my hand with an incoming call. I saw the name of the caller, looked up at Cary and found him talking with my dad, then headed down the hall to the bedroom.

  Through the slender windows, I could see how far the afternoon had progressed. It would be dark in a few hours and the first day without my mom would be over.

  “Hi, Trey.”

  “Eva. I … I probably shouldn’t be intruding at a time like this, but I saw the news and I was calling you before I thought about it being a bad idea. I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am.”

  I took a seat in one of the reading chairs, refusing to think about what the headlines might be shouting right now. “I appreciate you thinking of me.”

  “I can’t believe what happened. If there’s anything I can do, please let me know.”

  I let my heavy head fall back against the seat and closed my eyes. I recalled Trey’s handsome face, his kind hazel eyes and the little bump on his nose that told me it’d once been broken. “Look, Trey, I don’t want to lay a guilt trip on you, but you should know that my mother meant a lot to Cary. She was like a surrogate mom to him. He’s really hurting a lot right now.”

  He sighed. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

  “I meant to call you … before.” I curled my legs up beneath me. “To see how you’re doing, but also—well, there’s more. I wanted to tell you that I know you have to do what’s best for you. That said, if you’re thinking at all that you might want something with Cary, you should make up your mind quickly. The door is closing.”

  “Let me guess. He’s seeing someone,” he said flatly.

  “No, just the opposite. He’s taking some time for himself and reevaluating what he wants. You know he broke it off with Tatiana, right?”

  “That’s what he says.”

  “If you don’t trust him to tell the truth, it’s good you broke things off.”

  “I’m sorry.” He made a low frustrated noise. “That’s not what I meant.”

  “Cary’s healing, Trey. Pretty soon, he’s going to be ready to move on. It’s just something you need to think about.”

  “All I’ve done is think about it. I still don’t know what the answer is.”

  I rubbed the space between my brows. “Maybe you’re asking the wrong question. Are you happier with him or without him? Figure t
hat out and I think the rest will become clear.”

  “Thank you, Eva.”

  “For what it’s worth, you and I kinda took the same route. Gideon and I always said we were going to make it work, but that was … I don’t know …” I searched through my brain fog. “Bravado. Stubbornness. That was part of our problem, we knew it was a house of cards. We weren’t taking the steps to make us solid. Does that make sense?”

  “Yeah.”

  “But we both made big changes, just like Cary has for you. And big concessions.”

  I felt my husband enter the room and opened my eyes.

  “It was worth it, Trey,” I said softly. “It’s not wishful thinking anymore. We’ll still hit bumps, people will throw us some curve balls, but when we say we’re going to get through anything, it’s nothing but the truth.”

  “You’re telling me to give Cary another chance.”

  I reached out to Gideon, felt a soft stirring in my chest as he came to me. “I’m saying I think you’ll like the changes he’s made. And if you meet him halfway, you might find it’s worth the trip.”

  Chris left for the evening shortly after six to have dinner with Christopher. For some reason, he and Gideon exchanged a long look as my husband showed him out. I let it go without asking for an explanation. Their relationship had shifted. The wariness they used to regard each other with was gone. There was no way I was going to question it or make Gideon think too hard about it. It was time for him to make some decisions with his heart.

  My dad and Cary left around nine, heading back to my old apartment, since there was room for both of them there and not enough in the penthouse.

  Would my dad stay in the bedroom where he’d last made love to my mother? How would he bear it, if he did? When Gideon and I had been apart, I’d had to stay at Stanton’s. My room had too many memories of Gideon and the last thing I needed was to be tormented with reminders of what I wanted more than anything, yet feared I couldn’t have.

  Gideon went around the penthouse, turning off lights, Lucky following him every step of the way. I watched my husband move, his tread heavier than usual. He was so tired. I had no idea how he’d managed to get through the day, considering how busy he’d been in the morning’s aftermath—coordinating with Kristine, answering the occasional call from Scott, and catching Arash up on the visit with the police.