She nodded. “Once.”
Oh, dear Lord. “Once?” Guilt coiled deep in his belly. She must have seen it in his eyes, because she reached up with both hands and touched his cheeks.
“I’m not a virgin. You didn’t do anything wrong.” She was smiling, and the depth of emotion in her eyes brought his forehead to hers.
“I was aggressive. I shouldn’t have been so rough. Jesus, Jess, you deserve sweet tenderness.” He was panting. She felt so damn good, he was nearly ready to come, but now he worried. She deserved slow loving, and he figured they’d get to that, but if he’d known, he wouldn’t have rushed it, and he definitely would have led with more care.
“I wanted it just like this. With you. I didn’t want sweet tenderness. I mean, I do, but this is exactly what I dreamed it would be like making love with you. I’m happy, Jamie.” She leaned up and kissed him, arching her hips, taking in more of him.
“You said you were on the pill. You touched me like you’d done it a million times. I just assumed…” I’m an asshole. I know better than to assume.
“I’m on the pill to regulate my cycle. I touched you like my heart told me to, not out of practiced precision. It’s embarrassing to admit I haven’t done those things.”
He kissed her softly, brought his hands under her and cradled her head. “Baby, you have to tell me these things so I don’t hurt you, or ask you to do something you aren’t comfortable with.”
She nibbled her lower lip and nodded. “Okay.”
“There’s no need to be embarrassed with me. I adore you. I want to bring you pleasure in every way, sexually, in our daily life, but I have to trust that you’ll clue me in on things.” He touched his forehead to hers again.
“I promise. I didn’t mean to deceive you.”
“You didn’t—that’s a harsh word. I just—I like you so damn much, Jess. I want to do all the right things.”
“Then make love to me how you want to. Hard, slow, fast, whatever your heart tells you to. Jamie, I wish you were my first.”
Making love to her how he wanted to was easy, because after she alleviated his guilt, at least enough that he could push past it, what he wanted most was the physical and mental connection with Jess. And knowing that she believed he was as special to her as she had become to him, his urgency subsided, and deeper emotions grew.
Each time he entered her, he went a little deeper, soaking in the intensity of her tightness and drawing out the pleasure for them both. Their kisses heated up, and they moved in sync, faster, deeper, kissing and groping until the guilt subsided completely. He gripped her ass and tilted her hips, just enough to hit the spot that would bring her to the edge, where he held her, panting, grasping at his shoulders, begging for more. Until he was ready, too, and he took them both over the edge in a frenzy of pleasure-filled cries, groans, and loving strokes that awoke parts of him he never knew were sleeping.
He’d thought about making love to Jessica since the first time their eyes met, and now, afterward, there was a peace that overtook him, a desire to be closer than he’d ever felt with another woman. He usually rolled off and his mind moved on to other things. With Jessica, he didn’t want to move away, but he worried he was too heavy for her. He shifted his weight, and she pressed her hand to his hips, keeping him inside her.
“Please don’t move. I’ve dreamed of being in your arms, beneath you, feeling you inside me, for days. Please don’t go.”
Jesus, they were so in sync. “I’m not going anywhere, but I have to know, Jess. You’ve only been with one man. Why me? Why so fast? We could have waited.”
Her fingers moved lightly along his skin, up and down his back, and when she spoke, her eyes filled with seriousness, laced with emotion so deep he could fall into them.
“I always thought I’d know when the right man came into my life. The man I’d want to give myself over to completely. The first time I…did that was when I was very young. I was trying to fit in during my sophomore year in high school. We never even dated. It was like I dared myself to do it. I met him after school and we did it in his bedroom while his parents were at work.” A shadow of sadness washed over her eyes and just as quickly disappeared. “I was rebelling in the stupidest way imaginable.”
“Oh, babe. I’m sorry. High school boys can be such jerks.” He kissed her softly and shifted his weight so his thigh was over hers, his arm draped over her chest. He imagined some jerky kid sweet-talking her into giving up her virginity, and it pissed him off. He felt protective of her and wanted her to feel safe. He drew the sheets up to her waist and tightened his grip around her.
“It’s okay. It was a good lesson, actually, and it was my choice. I wasn’t forced or anything. I wanted to be normal badly enough that I believed that might do it. It didn’t, but it wasn’t horrible. It was kind of like when you try a food you don’t love, but maybe if someone else had cooked it you would try it again, because you know it’s supposed to be really good. Anyway, after that night I decided that rebelling would have to happen in safer ways, and it made me realize that sex was in no way tied to not feeling lonely. I still felt lonely. But that, I realized, came from within. I learned how to deal with the loneliness, and I rebelled by playing the music I wanted instead of what my mother chose. I’m lame, a nerd, whatever. I know, but it served the purpose.”
“But, Jess, all these years? Didn’t you miss being touched?” He was a sensual man, and Jamie loved being touched as much as he enjoyed touching. He couldn’t imagine going all those years without being intimate with a woman.
“I don’t think you understand how focused I’ve been all these years. Dating wasn’t ever part of my daily life. In Juilliard I practiced nonstop, graduated top of my class, and after…” She shrugged. “It’s not like I’m a saint, Jamie. I went out with a few guys, but I never felt anything for them, so they never got past second base.” Her cheeks pinked up. “And now here I am.”
“So was this…was I…some sort of rebellion?”
She ran her finger over his lips. “No. I’m past rebellion. I’ve moved on to self-discovery. When I arrived here the week before I met you, I was hit on by guys. Several over the course of that week, actually. If this were rebellion, any of them would have done. I told you, I don’t rebel with my body any longer. I’m twenty-seven, Jamie, and in all those years, I’ve never felt drawn to a man like I was, like I am, with you.” She inhaled deeply and blew it out slowly. “Besides, I never knew what I was missing. I imagined what it might be like to make love with someone I cared about, and I hoped it would be like this, but before the…what we did on the beach, I hadn’t, you know.”
He blinked several times, wondering if she was saying what he thought she was. “You never had an orgasm?”
She shook her head.
“You’ve never pleasured yourself?”
She bit her lip and shook her head. “Never even considered it.”
If I had your body, I’d never stop touching it. “But you were so open with me. You knew just what to do, how to act.” He’d never met anyone like her, so pure and honest. So openly loving.
She shifted so they were nose to nose. “That’s because it wasn’t an act. I finally allowed myself to let go of what I’d been taught about how to act and of right and wrong. You know, they didn’t cover proper orgasm etiquette at Juilliard.” She laughed, a sweet, sensuous laugh that he wanted to always remember. “I just let myself feel, accepted what you had to give, and I gave what I wanted to share.”
He drew her body against him, wanting to take care of her and show her all the ways she deserved to be loved and cherished.
“Was it okay for you?” she asked just above a whisper.
He leaned back and met her gaze. “Being with you before we made love was never just okay. You make me think and feel and want in ways I never have before. I’ve never felt closer to anyone in my life.”
And I doubt I ever will.
Chapter Nine
AFTER MAKING LOVE again
and finally eating those bagels, they spent the day with Vera and the others down by the pool. Jamie, Caden, Kurt, and Tony sat at one of the round tables, playing poker beneath an umbrella. Bella brought a radio, tuned to a top forties station. Jessica, Bella, Jenna, and Amy were lying in the sun on lounge chairs. Leanna was still at the flea market, and Vera was reading beneath an umbrella close to the girls.
Jamie’s head was still spinning from making love to Jessica earlier in the day. He couldn’t get over how trusting she was. Not that he couldn’t be trusted. He was a trustworthy guy, but with Jessica he had nearly zero control. She barely knew him. He could have been an asshole. Maybe he was one. How would he know? Would an asshole have continued making love to her when he realized he was only the second man she’d ever been with? He couldn’t have stopped if his life had depended on it. She had a crazy hold over his emotions, and it became stronger with every second they were together. He’d been a second away from asking her to shower with him, and he’d forced himself to back off, because he knew if he saw all those naked, luscious curves glistening wet beneath the shower spray, the memory of how good she felt beneath him would be too fresh. He’d go back for more without thinking. Instead, he’d rinsed off alone, smelling her scent all around him in the small bathroom.
“Dude, you going to stare at her all day, or are you going to make a move?” Tony arched a brow.
Double entendre noted, Jamie gave him one right back. “Can’t beat an ace in the hole.”
“Unless you’re wielding a longer sword,” Kurt added with a smirk. “Come on, boys, put away your dicks and play your cards.”
Jamie set down four aces. “I was talking about my cards.” And thinking about Jess. He’d never had sex with a virgin, but if he had, he imagined it wouldn’t have felt much different from making love to Jess after only one kid had been there before him, at least ten years earlier. Heat streaked through him. He shifted in his seat and tried to distract himself as best he could.
“Son of a bitch.” Tony tossed down his cards. “I thought you were day dreaming.”
Caden laid his cards facedown. “You guys are too hot for me today. I’ve got to pick up Evan at TGG. Anyone need anything in town?”
“Condoms, Jamie?” Tony asked. “They sell ’em small.”
“Yeah, that’s why I can’t buy them at the same places as you.” Jamie clasped his hands behind his head and relaxed back in his chair. “They don’t carry triple XL.”
Kurt shook his head. He threw his cards on the table and leaned closer to the others. “I think Tony’s jealous.”
“Pfft. I’ve got women coming out my ass.” Tony ran his hand along his muscular pecs.
“That’s the problem.” Caden rose to his feet. “You’re supposed to come in them. They’re not supposed to be coming out of anywhere, especially your ass. I’ll see you guys later.”
Kurt pushed out from the table. “Hold up. I’ll walk with you. I have to get some writing done.”
Jamie’s phone rang. He watched Jessica walk over to the pool steps and stick her toe in the water. She held on to the metal railing and stepped down onto the first stair, looking sexy as hell in her pink bathing suit. His phone rang again.
“Get your phone, bud.” Tony pushed the ringing phone closer to Jamie.
He answered the call from Mark, but his attention was focused on Tony as he joined Jessica on the steps of the pool. Tony’s dirty-blond hair had sun-kissed streaks of lighter blond. His muscles glistened in the sun, and Jamie knew the way he was leaning against the concrete edge of the pool, his palms flat, elbows behind him, was a purposeful pose to pump up his enormous biceps. Bastard.
“Sorry, Mark. What were you saying?” He’d been too busy watching Tony to catch what Mark had said.
“Jesus, Jamie. Focus. This is important. There’s something going on with the search engine, and it’s worse than we thought. A bug. Every time kids search for…” Jamie lost focus on Mark’s voice as Jessica walked into the water and Tony reached for her hand, drawing her deeper. What the fuck is he doing?
“What do you think?” Mark asked.
“What?” Jamie snapped, angry about Tony fucking around when he knew Jamie was with Jessica. Tony never did shit like this. Jamie didn’t know what was up with him today, but he was acting like he was looking for a fight.
“Damn it, Jamie. What are you doing? This vacation was a mistake. I told you it was. You should be here dealing with this shit,” Mark seethed.
“It’s my first vacation in eight years, Mark.”
Tony grabbed a raft and lifted Jessica onto it. His goddamn hands wrapped around her waist, and when she shifted, her ass was about an inch from his face. Asshole. Jamie shot a look at Amy, who was scowling, unlike Bella and Jenna, who were rolling their eyes.
“I’ve got to go, Mark. You can handle it however you see fit.” He ended the call, stalked to the deep end of the pool, and dove in. He broke the surface on the other side of Jessica’s raft and shot Tony a dark stare.
Jessica reached for his hand. “Hi.”
“Hey, babe. Enjoying the sun?” He shifted his eyes to Jessica. Good Lord, it was a good thing he was in the water, because he was getting turned on just looking at her, despite his annoyance at Tony, who swam away.
“Yeah. It’s nice. Want to climb up with me?” She patted the raft.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
She wrinkled her brow; then her eyes bloomed wide as understanding dawned on her and she dropped her gaze to the pool with a sexy smile. “Oh.”
Bella, Amy, and Jenna jumped into the water, splashing both of them. Jamie pulled himself up halfway on the raft to shield Jessica from the splashes.
“Mr. Chivalrous, look at you,” Jenna yelled as she doggie paddled around the deep water.
“Lame excuse to get closer,” Tony hollered.
“What’s up with him today?” Jamie asked Bella.
“Ames had a date last night.” Bella swatted Jenna as she tried to cling to her. “He’s been grumpy ever since.”
“Poor bastard. He had his chance. How’d it go, Amy?” Jamie climbed off of Jessica but kept his hand on hers.
Amy had a foam noodle beneath her arms as she floated around the pool in her baby-blue bikini. “It was nice. We’re going out again tonight.”
“We’re all going so we can check him out.” Jenna grabbed a noodle and floated over to Jessica’s raft. “You two should come. We’re going to listen to a band play at Marconi Beach. I’m going to make Petey dance with me.”
“I’ve never even seen a band on a beach.” Jessica squeezed Jamie’s hand. “Do you think Vera would want to go?”
“You have no idea how much I love that you want to include her, but she’s been going to bed early these days. I’ll ask her, but it’ll probably be just us. Do you mind if I go spend a few minutes with her?”
“Of course not. Go.”
After a quick kiss, he swam the length of the pool, grabbed a towel, and joined Vera, the call with Mark all but forgotten.
“YOU CAN BURN a hole through a man if you stare too much,” Bella teased.
“Do they sell full-body heat protectors, then? Because there’s no chance that I’ll be done staring at him anytime soon.” Jessica couldn’t believe she’d admitted that out loud, but she was practically salivating over Jamie’s muscles as they bunched and flexed while he dried his delicious body—the taste of which was too fresh in her mind to forget.
“Said by the woman who suspiciously didn’t answer the door this morning at seven thirty.” Bella raised her brows.
“Bella!” Amy yelled. “We said we wouldn’t embarrass her.”
Jessica pulled Amy’s noodle closer and asked quietly, “Did you guys really come by?”
Amy nodded. “Don’t worry. We didn’t stick around and listen or anything. But we heard enough to know that we shouldn’t bother you.”
“Oh my God. Oh my God.” She covered her mouth and shot a look at Jamie
. He was laughing with Vera. She loved how attentive he was to his grandmother. “Oh no. Did Vera hear us, too?”
“No, Vera was playing her violin,” Amy assured her. “Tony was too angry about me going on a date to be aware of anything, Kurt had his nose in his computer, and Caden was out running, so it was only us girls.”
“Oh, thank God. I’m sorry I didn’t answer the door.” No, she really wasn’t. She’d had the best morning of her life, and every time she revisited the feel of Jamie lying on top of her, or remembered the feel of his tongue stroking her most private spots, or… She had to stop thinking of him. Her nipples were already erect.
“Don’t be. At least you’re not like Leanna.” Amy laughed. “She leaves her windows open and all of Wellfleet can hear her. That’s probably the real reason they stay at their house on the bay instead of the cottage.”
“Oh, that’s awful. If we ever do that, please, please tell us, because I’d be mortified.” She realized she’d used the term us. It felt natural. It felt good.
“You guys are such a cute couple. I wish my favorite surfer dude would ask me out. I’ve been in love with him forever.” Amy’s eyes went soft when she looked at Tony lying on a lounge chair.
“If he’s that mad over you dating, it means he likes you. I know he was only helping me onto the raft to make you jealous.” Jessica lowered her voice to a whisper. “He looked right past me and stared at you.”
“Well, he sure doesn’t act like it, but I do like the guy I’m going out with,” Amy explained. “Jake Ryder, he’s Blue’s younger brother.”
“Much younger brother. She’s a cradle robber,” Jenna said.
Did that make Jamie a cradle robber, too?
“He’s only twenty-eight, but he’s some kind of hot, mountain rescue guy, so...” Jenna wiggled her eyebrows in quick succession.
Amy swatted Jenna’s arm.
Jamie and Vera walked by, and Jamie crouched beside the pool. “I’m going to help Vera get situated. She doesn’t want to come this evening, so it will be just us. Okay?”
Seaside Sunsets Page 12
