‘Like what?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘He said he was going to end this, Sam, what the hell does that mean?’
‘Izzi, sweetheart, right now I know as much as you do. But he isn’t a stupid man…’
‘He’s going to finish the job.’
I turn to look at Mack. ‘And what does that mean, Mack?’
He leaves a couple of beats before he replies. ‘Sam wants him to kill his own father.’
My head shoots back around to face Sam, whose expression is so impassive it’s frightening. But then I remember that woman I used to be not that long ago – a woman who was willing to do anything it took to avenge the death of the people she loved. I remember that look, that almost dead-eyed expression. I remember it, because I’ve been there.
‘Sam?’
‘Kes – Zeb’s father – he robbed me of the life I could’ve had by killing the girl I loved, and you more than anyone should know what that feels like, Izzi.’
I shake my head because I don’t understand this, any of it. ‘You asked him to kill his own father?’
‘Kes needs to know that no matter how long ago this happened, I never forgot that pain, the agony of not knowing if that life I could’ve had would’ve saved me from the life I ended up living.’
‘This doesn’t make any sense…’
‘It makes perfect sense, Izzi. You know that, sweetheart, you’ve been here.’
‘You put my husband in danger…’
‘Zeb can handle himself.’
‘Did he agree to it? To killing his own father because you asked him to?’
‘He resisted.’
‘And now he’s disappeared. Jesus, Sam, yes, he can handle himself. But he isn’t thinking straight, and we all know what he’s capable of… I mean, what do you want me to do here? Sit back and wait for him to come home, like he’s just popped out for some fucking cigarettes? What the hell are you asking him to do?’
‘Izzi?’
I glance over at Mack who’s standing calmly at the back of the room, leaning back against the countertop, his arms folded.
‘We can go. Now. Just the two of us. We can leave all this crap behind us. It’s that easy.’
I stare at him for a second or two, and I don’t know what I’m feeling now. I don’t know what to do.
‘Mack… is this wise?’ Sam’s voice is quiet and calm, but there’s also a hint of warning in his tone.
‘Come with me, Izzi.’
I walk over to Mack, and it’s not because I want to, it’s like I’m being pulled in his direction by some invisible string, and I can’t stop myself. ‘I can’t, Mack. Zeb – he’s my husband, and despite anything you might think, he loves me…’
‘So much that he just ups and leaves, for what reason, huh? To carry out some twisted vendetta on behalf of someone else? To sulk because shit ain’t going his way? We don’t know where he is or what he’s doing and that’s selfish, Izzi. He’s left you behind, knowing you’re gonna worry about him, and you think those are the actions of a man who loves you?’
‘You don’t know what he’s feeling.’
‘And neither do you.’
His eyes burn so deep into mine, holding my gaze, I can’t look away. ‘He’s my husband, Mack…’
‘We pack a bag, grab our bikes, and we just ride, Izzi. Anywhere, it don’t matter, we just ride…’
I shake my head but I still can’t break the stare. I’m so confused now, so tired. ‘Please don’t do this, Mack.’
He stays silent, but his eyes are saying so much as he continues to stare me down.
‘I can’t leave,’ I whisper. ‘I can’t.’
He bows his head, and I take that as my cue to walk away. To leave before something happens that I don’t need, none of us do. Things are complicated enough, and this – it can’t happen. I can’t let it…
Mack
‘The Mack Slayer I know wouldn’t run from something like this.’
I look up and stare at Sam. ‘You don’t know the first thing about me.’
‘I never had you down as a coward.’
OK. He wants to push me? He’s got his wish. I stride over to him and grab him by his collar, shoving him back against the wall, the kinda anger rising up in me that I ain’t felt in a long time. ‘You call me that again, and you’re gonna wish you’d lost the ability to fucking speak.’ I let him go and step back, taking long, deep breaths as I try to calm myself.
‘You’re a sanitized version of the man you used to be, Mack.’
I slowly look up at him, and I want to lash out again, show him the kind of man I could be if I open those floodgates, but I’m in no mood to prove shit to him. ‘She needs to get away from him, Sam. She ain’t the girl she used to be, and maybe you’re right. Maybe I ain’t the man I once was, either, but I’m no coward. And I ain’t running from nothing. This ain’t my mess, it’s yours. You dragged Zeb into something he didn’t ask to be a part of; you caused this. You pushed that wedge between him and Izzi, and you saw her just now, come on! She don’t know what the fuck she wants…’
‘And you aren’t helping, doing this to her. Confusing her.’
‘I saw it in her eyes, Sam. I saw it, it was there. She wavered, she actually thought about coming with me but there’s something – I dunno. It’s like she’s scared.’
‘This still isn’t her world, Mack. For a while she let it surround her, she let it take over and she did one hell of a job of making people believe she belonged here. She doesn’t. But she fell in love with Zeb, and yes, that was a curve ball even I didn’t see coming, and because of that I can’t force her to turn her back on him, to be disloyal, to leave him. I can’t do that.’
‘Do you care about her?’
‘You know I do. She’s like a daughter to me, I love her.’
‘Then you should want what’s best for her.’
‘Right now, Mack, this is only what you think is best for her. And you and Zeb, you’re hardly the best of friends. He doesn’t trust you, doesn’t want you around, and if I’m being honest I don’t think you being here is helping. In fact, it’s probably fuelling an already volatile situation.’
‘You want me to leave?’
‘I think it might be for the best. Yes.’
‘I wasn’t planning on going anywhere yet. I wasn’t planning on going anywhere without Izzi.’
‘I think it’s best you move out of the clubhouse, go find some place else to stay. Keep your head down, and stay away from her, Mack. Stay away from Izzi. Keep your distance and let her decide what she needs to do. You can’t force her to go with you, and you can’t make her love you. You need to give her some space.’
I drop my head and sigh, dragging my hands back through my hair. ‘I’m hoping for the impossible, aren’t I?’ I look back up, and Sam’s expression, it’s a little confusing.
‘I can help.’
‘Help with what?’
‘I said I can’t force her to leave Zeb, and I can’t. I won’t. But if that’s a decision she comes to all by herself… If Izzi decides she wants to be with you, I can make sure you both get out of here safely. I’ll guarantee that, I’ll make that happen.’
‘How the hell can you help?’ I don’t know whether to feel some kinda hope here, or whether to feel nervous that there’s some ulterior motive behind his offer. And as I notice his expression change again, I realize it’s the latter.
‘You need to do something for me first, Mack.’
I unfold my arms and dig my hands into my pockets, my eyes never leaving his.
‘Find Kes, and get rid of him.’
‘Get rid of him?’
‘Kill him.’
‘I thought that was Zeb’s remit.’
‘We don’t know where he is, do we? He might be with Kes, I don’t know. You’ll find out, if you do this for me. And in return, I’ll help you and Izzi get away from here.’
‘And if she doesn’t want to go with me?’
I say nothing. I can’t think of anything to say right now. This is so fucked-up but, hey. What the hell? That ain’t nothing new around here.
‘Kes took your mother away from you before you even had a chance to know who she was. He killed her and he ran like a low-down coward. And Zeb, he took Izzi, remember? He took the one person you learned how to love, and he made her his. This fight is yours to win, son. You want Izzi? I’m giving you permission to…’
‘I don’t need your fucking permission.’
‘But you need my help. Because if she does decide it’s you she wants to be with then you’re both in danger. And you’ll need to get out of here, fast. So you need my help. And I’m giving you permission to fight for her, so you better fight hard. Become the Mack Slayer you used to be, because you need to do that before you can become the Mack Slayer you want to be. Both of those men took people from you. Both of them. Remember that.’
I look away, out of the window, watching as another day dawns. Am I gonna spend this day wishing for something different, hoping for something different? Or am I gonna try and fight for what I really want?
‘Mack?’
I turn my head to face Sam, and for a couple of beats I just look at him. I stay silent, I let this whole crazy mess sink in. ‘I’m going for a shower.’
I start to walk out of the room but he grabs my arm as I come past him. ‘Do we have a deal, Mack?’
I hold his gaze and wait a couple of beats before I reply. ‘I’ll let you know.’
Chapter Thirteen
Izzi
I don’t know who to trust anymore. I feel sick as I remember Sam’s words; his betrayal. Oh, he didn’t know I was still there, that I could hear them talking, but I heard it all. And I’ve never felt so alone or so scared. So angry.
I stand in front of the mirror and run a hand over the tattoo Zeb recently completed on my thigh. It’s healing nicely, I can touch it without flinching, and the colors are really starting to come through again now. And then I close my eyes and I miss him so much it hits me like a sledgehammer to my solar plexus. I can’t breathe. And I don’t know if I can go another night here at home, alone in our bed, not knowing where he is.
I pull on some cut-offs and a T-shirt and head back downstairs. I don’t feel any better after that shower, I don’t feel like I’ve washed Sam’s words away, they’re still there. So maybe I need to drink to forget, and I reach up into the cupboard for a bottle of whiskey I know I put there a day or so ago. But when I find it it’s almost empty and I throw it at the wall in frustration. ‘Fuck you, Zeb!’ I almost scream the words out, and it’s only the sound of the doorbell ringing that prevents me from taking any more frustration out on some other inanimate object.
I’m not really in the mood for visitors, and I contemplate ignoring the door. But it might be Cora, and the idea of seeing her, talking to her – playing with her, that’d take my mind off everything, for a little while. I could go for that. And fuck Zeb. He wants to run off, he wants to deal with shit this way; we all have our own ways of dealing with crap. This is mine.
I fling open the front door, but it isn’t Cora. And I should just close the door in his face but instead I stand aside and let him in. He’s carrying two bottles of whiskey, and I need them more than I need his company, but if he comes as part of the package… I close the door behind us and follow him into the kitchen.
‘What’s that bottle done to you, huh?’ He jerks his head at the shattered glass and puddle of whiskey on the floor.
‘Be almost empty.’ I take the whiskey from his hands and place the bottles on the counter, screwing the top off one of them and pouring out two more-than-generous measures. ‘Thanks for these.’
‘You’re welcome.’
The corner of his mouth twists up into a smirk as he takes the tumbler I offer him. I swallow my drink in one mouthful and immediately pour myself another one, and he raises an eyebrow as he watches me. ‘What?’
‘You might wanna slow down there.’
‘You can leave if you’re gonna start lecturing me.’
He finishes his own drink and comes over for a refill. ‘You OK?’
‘I heard you. Talking.’
He looks at me and frowns.
‘You and Sam. You thought I’d gone but I was still there. And I wasn’t deliberately listening in, I’d left my phone on the table and I was on my way back to get it, but I heard you both. Talking.’
He leans back against the counter and drops his head, sighing quietly.
‘So? Are you gonna do it? Are you gonna kill Zeb’s dad in the hope that I’ll agree to ride off with you into the sunset?’
His head shoots up and his eyes are blazing. ‘This isn’t a fucking a game, Izzi.’
‘Oh, believe me, Mack, I get that.’
Neither of us says anything for a couple of beats, we just stare at each other, and my heart’s beating so fast, my stomach’s in knots, and I don’t want him here. But I don’t want him to leave, either.
‘I get that, OK?’
My voice is quieter now. Calmer. I think the alcohol hit is beginning to take hold. I might even start to relax if I drink enough.
‘I ain’t here to be a pain in your ass, Izzi.’
‘Glad to hear it.’
‘I care about you… shit! That’s a fucking understatement…’
‘What me and Zeb have, Mack, it’s complicated. It’s messed-up and it’s different and I doubt there are many people out there who understand it. We met under fucked-up circumstances and things haven’t really changed all that much. I just learned to accept things the way they were. We settled down… or we tried to…’ I push a hand through my hair and down my second drink. ‘I’m not making any sense…’
‘I’ve made a decision, Izzi.’
I look at him, but his eyes are down.
‘I’m leaving, whether you decide to come with me or not, so, I don’t see what I got to lose, by doing what Sam wants.’ He finally looks up at me, and I feel a real, physical kick to my gut. ‘I got nothing to lose, darlin’.’
‘Where are you gonna go?’
He shrugs, his eyes still locked with mine. ‘Anywhere the road takes me, baby.’
I smile slightly, and he returns it, and the atmosphere’s now heavy with something we should both be trying to extinguish.
‘He scares me, sometimes,’ I whisper, and I don’t know why I’m saying this, where these words are coming from but they’re falling out of me and I can’t control them. ‘There are days when I love him so much and days when I don’t want to be near him; days when I’m terrified of what he might do, but then he touches me, and that fear; his anger, it all just melts away.’
‘You still think he’s your future?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘What do you really want, Izzi?’
‘You should go…’
‘What do you really want, Izzi?’
I stare at him, right into his eyes and it’s like a showreel of everything we once shared is flashing up in front of me, from the fucked-up sex to me shooting Viper dead, it’s all playng out like some messed-up movie.
‘You need to go, Mack.’
‘Everything you went through. All that pain and fear, all that shit, Izzi… everything you went through, and you’re willing to just settle?’
‘That isn’t what I’m doing…’
He puts his drink down and moves closer to me, his hand cupping my cheek, and his eyes are dark and dangerous and I feel my stomach contract in waves of nerves and fear.
‘You ain’t good for me, darlin’. You’re young and beautiful and, God forgive me, I ache to be inside you every day of my sorry, fucked-up life but you ain’t good for me. I should’ve gotten back on my bike and left this place the second I saw him fucking you. I shoulda left it there, rode away and forgotten all about you but you’re like the worst kinda drug, I can’t leave you alone. I can’t.
I’m fucking addicted, you’ve ruined me. You’ve broken me. And I can’t leave you alone.’
I close my eyes and shake my head and I feel his breath warm against my neck as his mouth brushes my ear.
‘You ain’t good for me, but I need you. And I wish I didn’t, Jesus… I wish I didn’t, but I do. And I think you need me, too.’
‘No,’ I whisper, but I’m losing this, I know I am, because I could fight it, if I wanted to. I could push him away and make him leave but I’m not doing that, am I? ‘Mack, please…’
His thumb strokes my cheek as his eyes once more lock on mine, and I feel that kick to my gut happen again, stronger, more powerful than before and with it comes another wave of fear because we could cross a line here. A dangerous, forbidden line and I’m scared. And excited…
‘You need me, Izzi. ‘Cause this life will kill you in the end, darlin’, it’ll pull you down so far you ain’t ever gonna be able to get back up…’
‘He said nothing would hurt me, he wouldn’t let it…’
‘You ain’t that naïve, sweetheart.’
‘You should go.’
‘I ain’t going nowhere, Izzi. And I think you know that.’
I breathe in deep and I close my eyes and I know it’s going to happen. He’s right. I’m not going to make him leave, and me telling him to go is just a waste of breath. And then his lips lightly brush mine, and he pulls away, and I take another breath before his mouth crashes back down onto mine and the kiss is both brutal and beautiful and I’m taking it all. I bury my fingers in his hair as his hands in the small of my back push me against him, and I moan quietly into him as they slide up under my T-shirt, and the second his fingers touch my skin I know – it hits me like a rocket launcher, slams into me with a terrifying force.
Mack Slayer was always meant to be my future…
Mack
I stand in the doorway for a second or two just watching her. She’s sitting on the edge of the bed, staring down at her hands clasped together in her lap and it breaks my heart to look at her. This ain’t the girl who walked into Laney’s all those months ago, full of anger and attitude. This girl’s different. And I think she was drawn to Zeb; I think she married him because she thought she had to cling onto that attitude, had to remain that hard and angry woman to be happy in a world she thought she had no escape from. But she’s wrong. She don’t need to be that woman no more, and she don’t need to stay here, in this shit-filled world living this God forsaken life, she can walk away. We both have a chance to do that.
Betrayed (Soldiers of Darkness MC Book 2) Page 15
