by Holt, Leah
Scratching my fingers through my hair, I rubbed my face, trying to wake up. I heard the knocking again, this time louder and more demanding. “Alright, alright, I'm coming!” I called out, slowly standing on my sore legs, with tender muscles from the night before.
That had been one of the worst beatings I had ever gotten. My father didn't stop, and I don't even think he could have if he wanted to. His eyes were empty, nothing but cold dead orbs were filling the sockets.
I didn't see my father, I didn't see a man, or a person, nothing. He just looked soulless.
My legs cracked and popped at the joints as I crept through the living room like a frail old man. Shuffling my feet over the tiles, I rubbed my back to ease the soreness.
Bang Bang Bang
“I'm coming, jeez, give me a sec.” My voice was hoarse and scratchy as I did my best to make myself heard. Grabbing the handle, I cracked the door slowly.
“Jay?”
It's Blue. . . Shit, I was supposed to meet her this morning.
Keeping the door cracked, I tried to hide my face the best I could. “Hey, Blue.”
“You were supposed to be at my house for ten, what happened? Why didn't you come?”
It was easy to see the worry on her face as her eyes darted around the darkness I was hiding in. Panic filled her voice with a sliver of annoyance.
She wasn't sure if she should be mad that I stood her up, or happy to see I was still alive. I might not have been prompt one hundred percent of the time, but I would always show up.
“You shouldn't be here,” I said, keeping most of my face behind the door.
“Neither should you.” Pursing her lips, she veered her stare. “But here we are.”
Hanging my head, I nodded. “I know, I'm sorry, I just don't feel good today.”
And my face looks like I was in a bar room brawl.
How was I going to explain this to her?
A bruise here or there, a black eye once in awhile, those could be explained away as boys will be boys. But not this, not today. There was too much damage to write off as tripping or wrestling or getting into a fight with some ass from school.
“Don't feel good, huh?” Tilting her head, she squinted in disbelief. “Don't lie to me, you know it never works.”
“You used to believe everything I told you,” I said chuckling.
“Well, I'm not naive anymore, I know you too well to fall for it. Besides, you're a bad liar, your lip twitches at the corner when you're full of it.” Placing her hand on the door, she attempted to push it open wider. “So, let me in already.”
“No, Blue, really, I don't feel good. Why don't we just hang out another day later this week? I don't want to get you sick.”
“Jayden, I'm coming in whether you like it or not. Now, you can either let me in or I'll force my way in.” Sliding her hand up the door, her expression was stern and unforgiving. “I'm coming in one way or another, I don't care what you got.”
Clutching the door, I held it right where it was. “Blue, please, not today. I'm asking nicely, I'm not trying to be a jerk, so just let me be.” I was hoping she could hear it in my voice, the sound of desperation, the verbal plea to just leave me alone.
I don't want you to see me like this. . . Not like this.
We never really talked about my life at home. Not once had I offered her an explanation as to why I stayed out as often as I did, or why I wouldn't let her around my father.
And Blue never asked, but, she knew. I could see it in her eyes, in the way she looked at me, and how her eyes were drawn to the bruises and marks on my body.
She wasn't one to pry, and I was grateful for that. Why would I want to talk about what I hated? Why would I want to relive my pain with words, when I had to see it in my reflection and feel it under my skin?
Why would I want to taint the only happiness I had by feeding it garbage. Being with Blue made me happy, I never wanted the two worlds to cross.
It was better to forget it, to push it down into the depths of my stomach and lock it away. Not Blue though, she always felt everything. Right then, she was feeling agitated and annoyed, not at me, not at the fact that I hadn't shown up. She was upset for the secret I was trying to keep.
I think she had expected I would have told her by now, that our years of friendship would have been all I needed to know I could trust her.
She was wrong if she thought I didn't trust her. It wasn't that I wanted to keep a secret from her, but this wasn't a secret worth sharing. I wanted to protect her from it, from this life, from him.
I couldn't imagine losing her.
Grunting, Blue rested her shoulder against the door. “Last chance to just let me in on your own.” Setting the side of her foot against the trim of the door, she braced herself for a push and shove match.
“My father's sleeping.”
“I watched him leave already, I know he's not here.” Looking up at me under hooded lids, she smiled. “We both know he ain't coming home anytime soon. I'll be gone long before then.”
“Blue—” I started to say, but she cut me off.
“Fine, have it your way. Looks like I'm forcing my way in.” With one hard shove, Blue slammed against the door and pushed it open.
I didn't have the energy to fight her, not that morning. Any other day I would have been able to fend her off, she would never have made it into my house. But I was too tired to put any real effort in.
“Fine, have it your way.” Taking a step back, Blue was still using all her power, rushing full force—until I stood down.
Taking a step to the side, the door flew open as she stumbled over the threshold, barely keeping her balance as her arms flipped in wide circles and her legs wobbled back and forth.
Letting out a gasp, she grabbed the counter and stopped herself from falling forward. “What the heck, Jay, you could have given me some warning before—” Her voice trailed off as her eyes expanded. “Oh wow, Jay, I. . . wow,” she said, lifting her thumb to my eye and running the pad across my eyebrow. “Does it hurt?”
“I'm fine,” I snapped, brushing her hand away. “What did you want? Why are you here?”
Blue softened her expression, resting her hand on the handle of the basket she was carrying. “You're not fine and you know it.” Setting down the basket, she looked around. “Where's your first aid kit?”
“If we had one anywhere, it'd be in there.” Pointing to the door on the far side of the kitchen, she turned and walked away quickly. I could hear her moving things around, and dropping stuff into the the porcelain sink.
“What are you doing?” I asked, leaning to try and see.
“I'm helping.”
“Blue, stop, I said I was fine.”
“Have you actually looked in the mirror?” Opening cupboards and digging around through drawers, her voice was muffled as she spoke. “Because I don't think you'd be asking me that if you had.”
I knew I could feel what my father had done on the inside. I hurt everywhere, not one inch of my body wasn't screaming in pain, wishing to be numb. But how bad could it really be?
“I'm fine, how many times do I need to tell you that?”
With her arms full of stuff, she came back into the kitchen and dropped it all on the small table. “Sit,” she demanded, her arms hanging with precision at her sides.
“Blu—”
“Sit down right now, Jayden Henry or so help me—”
“Alright, alright, I'll sit.”
That tone, when she used that tone my body just reacted, following her orders. The command and power in her voice was so intense I didn't have a choice.
Blue organized the items on the table, putting them in some type of order that she saw in her head. She had band-aids, alcohol, and the old, dirty first-aid kit we'd had for as long as I could remember.
Blue went to the sink and washed her hands, wiping them dry with some of the toilet paper she gathered. Leaning over me, she gripped my chin and lifted my head higher. I could see
my reflection in her giant pupils, my swollen eyes and the gash across one eyebrow.
She was examining me, her eyes scanning my face as she glanced between her tools and the damage to my skin. “You can't leave it like this, we need to clean it.”
Picking up the cream from inside the kit, I looked it over. “This expired four years ago.”
“So? It's not rancid, it's just old. My mom says that medicine doesn't really go bad, it just loses its potency. We'll use a little more than it says, that's all.” Stepping to the fridge, she opened the freezer and took out the ice tray. Dumping a handful of cubes into a wash cloth, she twisted the end shut and set it on my forehead. “Here, hold this right here and don't move it.”
Following her directions, I watched her. She looked different that day. Her hair was more shiny, her skin was glowing, and her cheeks were flushed a light shade of pink.
It could have been that she was running around my house, on a first aid treasure hunt, but she even smelt different, like that first day in spring where all the flowers open at the same time, and the air becomes more than just oxygen.
Taking an extra breath, I inhaled her deep into my lungs, allowing her scent to fill me. My muscles began to buzz lightly, my throat became dry and chalky. I felt like I wanted to kiss her, but I could—wouldn't ever do that.
Blue was my friend. Period.
Dabbing the end of another wash cloth into a bottle of alcohol, she held my chin with her fingertips. “This is going to sting,” she said, setting her eyes on mine.
“I can handle it.”
“Mm hm,” she mumbled as her eyes moved back to my forehead. “We'll see.”
“Ah,” I hissed as she gently tapped the icy cold liquid against the open wound on my head. “You weren't kidding.”
Blue giggled as she kept working on my face. “You know I don't lie.”
Her touch was gentle and kind, caring for me in a way that no one else had in a really long time. Washing my cuts, she covered them with band-aids, making sure she didn't miss one.
Swiping her hands back and forth over each other, she took a step back. “There, good as new.” Resting open palms on her hips, she looked proud of the work she had done. “At least now you shouldn't have to worry about anything getting infected.”
I couldn't take my eyes off her right then. She didn't look like a thirteen year old girl who played in the dirt and liked to climb trees, Blue looked like a young woman, she looked. . .
Beautiful.
“What?” she asked, dropping her arms and glancing herself over. “Is there something on me?”
Clearing my throat, I tore my eyes away. “Oh no, you're fine. Thanks for doing this,” I said, placing the wet ice cube rag on the table and running my fingers over the band-aids. “I didn't realize it was this bad.”
“Well, I fixed you, so now you can forget it was that bad, and we can do what we planned to do today.”
“What we planned?” I asked confused.
“Yeah, we had a plan.” Her smile thickened as she bit her bottom lip. Bending over she opened her basket and pulled out an apple. “We're making an apple pie, remember?”
“I don't think I agreed to that. I know I said we'd replace it, but I was thinking we'd get one from the store.”
“Nope, you ain't that lucky. We're baking our own.” Picking up her basket, she plopped it down on the table with a thud. “Let's get cooking.”
My house smelled amazing that day. It hadn't smelled that good since my mother was alive. The warm air from the oven covered the house in cinnamon and apple. I kept taking in big breaths of air and holding them in.
This house will never smell this good again.
“That smells delicious,” I said, reaching out in an attempt to dip my finger inside and taste the filling.
“Uh uh,” she snapped, slapping my hand before it even came close to disrupting her perfect pie crust. “It's not for you, it's for Mrs. Vicki.”
“Come on, that's not fair. We made this pie, shouldn't we get to enjoy it?”
“We already enjoyed the one we borrowed—remember?” Arching her brow, she smirked. “Now we can enjoy returning what we borrowed.”
“Please? Just a little taste?” Giving her my best set of puppy dog eyes, I pushed out my lower lip.
Shaking her head, she covered the pie with a red handkerchief she had stowed away in her basket. “Not a chance. But we can make another one tomorrow just for us.” Wrapping a white ribbon around the handkerchief, she tied a big bow on top.
“Fine, we'll do it your way.”
One corner of her lip pulled back as thin lines creased her forehead. “We're doing it the right way—not my way. Not everything is about one person, sometimes you have to just do what's right.” Carefully, with two hands, Blue placed the pie in the basket. “Let's clean up and then we can bring this to her.”
“Are we actually—”
Giggling, she shook her head as she spoke. “No, we're just going to leave it outside the door.”
“That's good, I'm not exactly wearing an apology face right now.”
“You look fine, Jay, handsome as ever.”
My stomach fluttered as her words swept through my head. Swallowing hard, I shook off the feeling and began cleaning up the table.
Blue started the water for the dishes as I gathered up the bowls and utensils. We had a nice system going, she washed and I dried and put them away. I kept glancing at her from the corner of my eyes, her profile glowing as the sun came through the window.
She took my breath away. That was the first time I realized how beautiful she really was. For all the years we had known each other, I had always seen her as a friend. But that changed, that day was the exact moment where I knew. . .
I loved Betty-Sue Fable.
Blue looked up at me, I was looking down at her, our shoulders were barely touching, but I could feel the warmth of her against me. A warm sensation flowed up my arm, moving across my chest and down into my gut.
We didn't say a word, we just stared into each other's eyes. I knew without even thinking it that I wanted to kiss her, that I should kiss her. It was an instinct, something I felt inside, something that didn't need verbal directions.
Leaning in slowly, Blue moved her face up. I was watching her lips as they came in closer and closer, parting slightly right before our mouths touched. Her lips were soft, smooth, and fit perfectly against mine.
There was no tongue with our first kiss, it was all lips and eyes. Neither one of us shut our eyes, we kept them open, peering at each other. The water was still running and I could see the steam fogging up the window as we just stood still, lips on lips.
A small bubble from the dishes floated between our faces, causing us both to follow it. It came out of nowhere, moving in between us like a ghostly orb. And then it popped, splashing both of us with dish soap in our eyes.
Blue started laughing as we both jerked away and started to rub our eyes. “My eye, it stings so bad.”
Opening my eye after rubbing it for a second, I blinked quickly. “As if I didn't have enough wrong already. . .” Sighing, I chuckled with her.
Tires on the dirt driveway caused me to jump. Leaning to look out the window, I saw my father pulling up to the house.
“Shit, we need to go, my dad's home.” Grabbing her hand, I picked up the basket with the pie and dragged her out the back door.
Blue ran with me, gripping my hand tightly and not letting go. It felt right, having her hand in mine, the way her fingers curled up between my knuckles and held on.
Cutting through the field, we came out on the other side in her yard. We didn't let go of each other right away, we stood, catching our breath, but not once did either of us loosen our grip.
Looking down at our tangled fingers, Blue peeled hers away, realizing that we were in view of her house.
The warm feeling I had was still there, filling me from head to toe. I was trying not to smile, but it didn't work. It was as if I had be
en unknowingly holding that in, keeping my feelings for her to myself.
Forcing a cough, I rubbed my chin and tried to act casual. “That was weird,” I said, handing her the basket.
Blue took in a few slow breaths and smiled. “That wasn't weird, that was fate.”
“Fate? I don't think that was fate, that was way to close, if my father found you in our house—”
“No,” she said, cutting me off. “ He didn't see me there because he wasn't meant to see me there. I think your mom is trying to save him.”
“My mom?” Arching a brow, I frowned. “I don't think so. I don't believe in that stuff.”
Nodding, her smile grew wider. “I'm telling you, it's no coincidence that just happened.”
I wasn't someone who believed in life after death. I couldn't believe that there was someone up there who made decisions that destroyed lives.
Who had the right to take from others? Who had the right to decide that someone who was so incredible was better served in Heaven instead of here with her children? Why would a power so great leave two children in the hands of a merciless man?
I was an innocent kid, and so was my sister when my mother passed away. My mother was a saint, she was an angel that walked on earth, not someone that belonged as a memory. And then she was gone.
Looking up at the sky, I started to wonder if maybe I had been wrong.
Maybe she did come and warn me. Maybe she had been warning me all along about things and I had been missing the signs.
Blue took a step closer, gently brushing her hand down my arm. It was so light, but that single touch went deep.
“I know you don't believe, and that's alright. But don't ignore stuff either, open your eyes, Jayden Henry, you might be surprised by what's staring you in the face.” Waving the basket in the air, she tilted her head. “Now let's go deliver this pie.”
Blue swung the basket at her side, dipping down to grab a bright white daisy. With slender fingers she gently pinched the very edge of a petal and plucked it free. Dropping it to the ground, her lips were moving in soundless words.
