by Holt, Leah
He didn't say another word. Each turn he took, I said the name, and I was right with all eight turns. Jayden tried to fake me out, taking a quick left and then doing a u-turn, before going back in the direction he intended to in the first place.
Slowing to a stop, the shifter clicked into place, and the locks popped free. The motor for the window suddenly whirred, allowing the cool summer air to seep inside. Reaching my arm out, I was timid, waiting for my fingers to hit the glass.
“It's open all the way.” Jayden leaned in closer, his cologne swirling up around my face, reminding me just how close we actually were. A warm breath cascaded down my cheek as he exhaled.
I couldn't breathe. For a second time I was afraid to let this man invade my senses. It was a dangerous game we were playing.
He wasn't there to stay forever, he had only come to close a chapter to the horrible childhood he had endured. I could see it in his eyes at the wake, he enjoyed seeing his father in that casket. But it wasn't in an evil, psychotic way. Jayden was just happy he could finally shut the door to the torture, the pain, the horrific memories that made him hate this town.
And in my eyes, that was alright. He needed to see it to make it true, he had to be able to touch it and smell it, and know that it wasn't just a twisted joke.
Now he could finally move on. For the first time in his life, our little town we had grown up in didn't have to be the source of hate and resentment.
Whatever it was we were doing, it wasn't serious, it was just a fling, nothing more. Besides, even if I did still have feelings, deep seeded, undeniable feelings for that man, I had spent the last ten years living a lie.
How could I ever tell him the truth?
You can't, telling the truth will only hurt, it won't do any good.
He's hurt enough.
Jayden's hand cupped my elbow, pulling me back to reality. Manipulating my arm, he guided it out the open window. “Do you know where we are?”
With delicate fingers, I felt the air, pulling it in so I good take a deep breath of it. The air was slightly musty, reminding me of a late summer night after a really good rain. Everything had this damp, thick smell, but there was something mixed in those notes, something nostalgic, drawing me back in time.
It was a smell I would never forget. The scent of wet corn.
I know exactly where we are.
Twisting my face towards Jayden, I gave him a big toothy grin. “Of course I do. Did you really think you could pull one over on me?”
Bumping his shoulder against mine, I could tell he was looking out the window at my side. When he spoke, he spoke across my face, not to my face. He took a breath, his exhale moving past my face, and not against.
“Well then, tell me where we are.”
“We're at your old house.”
“Eh'nt,” he grunted like a buzzer.
“What? I know that smell, Jayden, it's your family's crops. I spent ten years living behind those fields.”
“I'm sorry, you're wrong. It's not my house.” Reaching up to my blindfold, he snatched my hand away so I couldn't take it off. “Nope, not yet.”
“Why not? We're here.”
“We're almost there.”
His door opened and shut, leaving me alone inside. I could hear him walking around outside the car, but he wasn't coming to help me out.
Leaning my face out the window, I called out into the darkness. “Jayden? Is this where the serial killer shows up?”
Jayden laughed from somewhere in front of the car. “No, but we—” His voice cut out, breaking away as he started gagging.
“Jay? Jayden? What's going on? Are you alright?” Digging my fingers into the rubber track of the window, I poked my head out more. “Jayden Henry, I swear, if you don't answer me right now—Ahh!” I screamed out as strong hands curled around my biceps.
“What? Did I scare you?” Jayden was cracking up, laughing hysterically as he squeezed my arms tighter. “You ready for the actual surprise now?”
Holding my chest, I snarled. “You scared the crap out of me.”
“That's what you get for not having any patience.”
“You have me blindfolded, you drove me to some secret location, and you still haven't told me what we're doing. So yeah, my patience might be a little thin right now.”
Pulling my door open, he took my hand, braiding our fingers together. “I'm sorry, I never meant to cause you so much stress. I forgot how much you hate surprises, which is not the reason why I decided to take you out on a date this way. . .” His words were thick with sarcasm, and I could hear him laughing under his breath.
“If you were anyone else, I wouldn't have even agreed to this, consider yourself lucky.” Swinging my legs out of the car, I felt the ground with my feet to see if I could get a better idea of where we were.
My heels sunk in deep to the soft and grainy floor beneath me. I felt each spike as it pierced the layers of grass and dirt one at a time, knowing we were at least in a field.
This has to be his house.
It smelled like his property. There was a distinct scent of a ripe cornfield. Lush, rich, with the sweetness of honey and floral notes. And when you took a big breath, there was no denying the taste of corn in the back of your throat.
Pulling me to my feet, Jayden pressed his lips against the shell of my ear. The touch of his lips sent a shiver down my spine as his hand moved across the small of my back. His mouth kept moving, tracing my ear and slipping down my neck.
Running his fingertips back up, I felt him untie the knot in the blindfold. His mouth was on my throat, spilling hot air against my skin. “It's a really good thing I'm not someone else then.”
Dropping the blindfold to the ground, I felt the cloth as it floated past my bare legs, landing over the top of my right foot.
I can't see a thing.
“Open your eyes,” he said.
I was standing with my eyes shut, and didn't even realize it. Jayden was making me nervous, so nervous that it was hard to think. His chest was pressed against my side, his strong arm was wrapped around my waist, his kissable mouth was perched level with mine.
Blinking a few times, I expected any light to be over powering. Shielding my eyes, I looked at the ground, trying to catch my bearings.
It was a strange feelings. I knew every road we had traveled, I knew it from memory as Jayden took each turn. But standing there felt confusing, like I was lost in another world.
Standing slightly behind me, Jayden reached his arm across my chest and pinched my chin. “Look.” Whispering the word into my ear, he lifted my face.
Letting out a gasp of air, I stood in awe.
There was a table set up in a small opening, with a single lit candle in the center. A string of lights were hung across the tall cornstalks beside the table, creating tall shadows all around us.
“Oh wow, Jayden.”
“You like it?” he asked, setting his chin in the crook of my neck.
“This is incredible.” Cupping my mouth with my hands, I was blown away.
“Have you figured out where we are yet?”
“Yes,” I said, knowing the second the blindfold came off. “Where at my old house in the backyard.”
Kissing my cheek, he rubbed my lower back gently. “This is where we met.”
Giggling, images of that day played in my mind. “Yeah, you came rolling out of the corn like a tumbleweed.”
Walking me forward, he kept his arm around my back. “And you tended to my wound.” Pulling out my chair, Jayden pushed me in. “You can still see where the hole was too.” Holding up his finger, he pointed at the scar from the thorn.
Looking over the table, I was surprised by how much he put into this date. There were two silver domes, one in front of each of us, our silverware perfectly arranged at the side. I had a short, fat glass filled with water and an empty wine glass behind it.
“This is beautiful, Jayden, seriously.” The lights on the cornstalks created just enough of a
glow that I could see inside our small bubble. Behind Jayden was nothing but a black abyss, a void that looked endless and empty, like outer space without the stars.
“You deserve beautiful.” Reaching down by his side, he came back up with a bottle of red wine. “Cabernet?”
Nodding, I waited until he filled my glass halfway and lifted it to my lips. Taking a small sip, I just watched him. I couldn't deny that I was curious about this entire date and what he expected to get from it.
I hadn't heard from him since he left, not a damn word. He showed up for his father's funeral and the next thing I know where getting it on in the bathroom.
So what did he want? What was the point of all this romance now?
Obviously, I was alright with a little quickie—friends with benefits action, but that was it. I didn't want a relationship, I didn't need to have another person to worry about.
“What?” he asked.
“What?”
“You're thinking, I can tell you're thinking. What's running through your head right now?” Sipping his wine, he set the glass down and relaxed back in his chair.
“Nothing, I'm just—”
Jayden cut me off, his lips thinning as he spoke. “Don't lie, Blue, I know you.”
“It's Betty.”
“It's Blue to me, you'll always be Blue to me.”
Swirling my cup, I watched the deep red liquid as it danced in the glass. Peering up at him under hooded lids, I arched a brow. “What are you doing, Jay? What is the point of all this?”
“What are you talking about? We have history, Blue, a really long history. I wanted to do something nice for you.”
“I haven't heard from you since the day you left, so why bother now?”
“Look,” he said, reaching his hand across the table and taking mine. “I thought I was over you, but after the other night, I realized I was wrong.”
What is going on?
It was hard for me to understand where this was coming from. We weren't the same people anymore.
Our lives had ventured down different paths, and no matter how many times Jayden had crossed my mind, I didn't call him, and he never called me.
You're the one who broke it off, not him. Why would he ever call you?
I had to let him go, I had to.
Pulling my hand back quickly, I grasped my glass with both hands, and stared into the wine. “I don't know what to say, Jayden.” Running the pad of my thumb up and down the smooth surface, I smeared the drops of condensation. “Ten years is a long time, a lot changes, we're basically strangers.”
“Did it feel like I was a stranger when I touched you the other night? How about when I fucked you against the wall? Did I feel like a stranger then?” Stroking his jaw, Jayden relaxed deeper into his chair. “Because I know sliding my cock into your body felt like home.”
Swallowing hard, I peered across the table. “That was just sex, you were vulnerable, yo—”
Jayden let out an exaggerated laugh into the sky as he tipped his head back. His laugh echoed around us.
“Vulnerable. . . I wasn't vulnerable, Blue. If that was true, then what happened would have been a mistake, and I don't make mistakes.”
We both sat quietly, staring across the table at each other. I didn't know what to say to him about any of it. We had sex, but that was it, that was all it would ever be. It wasn't the start of something, it wasn't me confessing some hidden love.
Sex didn't have to be emotional, with hidden agendas, and buried feelings. Sex could just be sex, and that's what happened between us.
Was it just sex? Or am I just trying to convince myself of that?
“Jay—” A light off the road caught his attention, so I stopped talking.
“Nice, hope you're hungry.” Standing, Jayden chuckled to himself and shook his head as he started for the road. “Vulnerable,” he said to himself with a huge smile on his face.
I could see his shadow as it moved through the tall grass, pushing the thin strands out of his way. At the road, Jayden met someone else at the front of the car. The headlights shone against his face, highlighting his strong jaw and sharp cheekbones.
His skin had always been a little rougher than most of the guys I knew. While we were younger, the guys in school had baby smooth skin, with a perfect complexion and perfect smile.
Even through those puberty years, the boys seemed like they stepped out of some hot farmer magazine. But Jayden, he had a real man's complexion. With a five o'clock shadow at the age of thirteen, dirt under his nails from working in the cornfield, and pimples across his forehead.
I couldn't tell you then, just like I can't tell you now, but I always found him so damn sexy. Even after the acne had faded, and he was left with circle scars, I thought he was the most attractive man I had ever seen.
Remnants of those teenage years were still visible. If the light hit his skin just right, you could still see some of the small scars on his face. The five o'clock shadow was like a permanent shade on his jaw, the hair on his chest was now spread across firm muscles, and trailed down marble cut abs.
Jayden Henry was hard to resist. I couldn't resist him as a young girl, I couldn't resist him after a ten year void, and I wasn't sure I'd be able to resist him now if he decided to throw me on that table and take what he wanted.
Coming back, he was holding a pizza box and a greasy paper bag. “Dinner is served.”
“Wait, I thought dinner was under these domes?”
“Just because I'm older, doesn't mean I can cook any better.” Setting down the pizza, he smiled. “I wanted to make sure you had a dinner you could actually eat.”
My lip curled at the corner, and my stomach tumbled as I looked down at our dinner. He had ordered my favorite pizza, with white sauce, spinach, olives, and feta cheese. The paper bag was an order of mozzarella sticks with a side of ketchup.
“I can't believe you remember how I like my pizza.”
Jayden pulled the domes off and set two slices on both our plates. “I remember everything about you. You're not an easy woman to forget, Blue, and trust me, I've tried.”
“You really remember everything?”
“Yup,” he said, taking a bite. “Everything.”
“What's my favorite color?”
“Pink.”
“When's my birthday?”
“September fourth.” Swallowing his bite, he raised his brows. “Come on, give me something harder than that.”
“Alright,” I said, picking up a mozzarella stick and dunking it in the ketchup. Keeping my eyes on his, I bit the end and thought about what I wanted to ask.
There were so many things I could ask him about, but right then, I couldn't think of a damn thing that was important, because I believed him.
Asking him about our past served no purpose. We both knew each other better than we knew ourselves. There was no point in asking about who we were then, what he should be asking me was about my life now.
“Why don't you ask me something that you don't know instead?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, we both know the past, but what about what happened between then and now? Ask me something you want to know, not something you already know.”
“I can ask anything I want?”
“Anything,” I said, giving him a nod.
“And you'll answer?”
“Yes.”
Do you really want to do this, Blue?
Think about what you're giving him permission to do!
Tapping my nail on the table, the feeling of worry and dread began to fill my body. I had just given him the green light to ask me anything he wanted. There were no rules, no guidelines, nothing was off limits.
But there was one thing that should be, and that one thing could change everything between us.
“How long were you married for?”
Shit. . .
“Three years.”
Jayden let his eyes hover on my face. It felt like he was studying my
reaction, doing his best to read my answer. Was it a good three years? Was it horrible? Did I end it? Did my ex end it?
There were so many ways to interpret those two little words, but there was only one right answer. None of it meant shit.
Because my heart would only belong to one person.
Holding up another piece of pizza, he flicked his brows and glanced down at my plate. Shaking my hand, I declined another piece. I wasn't sure I could even eat another piece, not after giving him permission to get the answers to whatever the hell he wanted.
What if he asks why I broke up with him?
What if he wants to know why I gave up on us?
How could I ever tell him the truth?
Chapter Nineteen
Jayden
“Three years, that must have been hard on your daughter.”
Blue frowned and nodded instead of answering me out loud. Her eyes kept moving around, from my face to the sky, to the ground, to the field, she was everywhere.
She's uncomfortable.
You don't need to ask her these questions right now.
As much as I wanted to know where she had been all these years and what I missed out on, I knew that it could wait. Because I was here, I had tasted her again, and she was all I could think about.
I was hooked.
“I've got something I want to show you,” I said, standing up and holding out my hand for her to take.
Her big hazel eyes met mine as thin lines creased her forehead. “That's it? That's all you want to know?”
“We have plenty of time for the in between, let's be right here, right now.” Wriggling my fingers, I waited for her to take my hand.
The prettiest smile emerged as her body relaxed, creating a slight twinkle in her eyes. “What do you want to show me?”
“This way,” I said, pulling her behind me. Stopping at the edge of the field, I spoke over my shoulder. “You might want to kick off those heels.”
Blue quirked a brow, but did as I asked without question, her smile growing wider. She loved little things, things that you didn't buy in the store, things that had meaning. Blue was a woman who saw sentimental value in actions, not things. It didn't matter how much money her family had, or what brand of clothing was in her closet; if you made her smile, that became more important than a pair of fancy sneakers.
