I pulled the phone away from my face and stared at it. Already tired and emotionally raw, my anger was quick to surface. “Yeah? Good luck with that. You are completely out of your mind, Adam. You want to bring a frivolous lawsuit to the courts, go for it.”
I ended the call and rolled my head back and stared at the ceiling. It was suddenly hard to fathom that I had ever been under the delusion that being with Adam was a better choice than growing old alone.
21
Mac
Mel was no longer on the island. I knew because, well, I just knew. The entire island was different without her. Something in the air had changed. It was heavier. The sun, while just as hot, didn’t seem nearly as bright.
I should maybe feel pleased that I’d saved us both from falling into a deeper bond.
I hadn’t been thinking only of myself. Sure, as a human, Mel was naturally more susceptible to ailments or injuries, and as a shifter I was tough, but fighting fires was a dangerous profession. I didn’t want her to have to suffer from a broken mating bond either.
And I felt like shit. Absolute shit. I went through every day like a zombie. I went to work, I cared for Ame, I helped with Warren.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
It had looked for a while as though Warren had taken a turn for the worse, but he surprised us all. His round of chemo ended, and he was looking and feeling better every day. He was still in the wheelchair for a portion of the day and tired easily, but he had color in his face, and instead of the droopy weariness, he was gaining strength.
Jenny had gone MIA, so unless I was at work, Ame was with me. The child was going through major growing pains. She was never happy. She fussed and whined, and threw tantrums. She did say her one word, though—Meewl.
“Meewl… Meewl… Meewl…” She said the same damn thing on repeat as though she were trying to tell me something. And maybe she was, but I refused to listen.
I avoided Parker or anyone else who wanted to ask about Mel. I just kept my head down, reminding myself repeatedly that I’d done the right thing, regardless of how miserable I felt without her.
The misery I was experiencing was nothing compared to how it would feel if I had to watch her slow descent toward death’s door. I told myself to give it time, but it had been over a week since she’d left, and I only felt worse.
It didn’t help that my wolf was inconsolable. He was angry and sullen. Lately, I couldn’t even shift. When I tried, he fought, refusing to emerge.
It wasn’t a complete surprise when Heather called me over to her house one night. She and Warren were seated at the dining room table. Warren’s face was pulled taut, but his eyes were sharp.
He and Heather exchanged glances before my sister went on the attack. “What’s going on with you, Hamish? You’ve been singing the blues for over a week.”
I grunted. “Naw, that’s light jazz.”
“I’m serious. Something’s going on with you and I want you to spill. You need to tell me. I can’t handle worrying about you too right now.”
“I’m fine, Heather. You’ve got enough going on here.”
Heather glanced at the clock. Then she pointed back and forth from me to her. “We’re not done here, but something’s going on with Jenny. I told her I’d call at four and I wanted you to be here.”
Heather held her cell to her ear, and when Jenny answered, she put the call on speaker and laid it on the table. “Hi, honey. You’re on speaker. We’re all here. Me, Dad, and Uncle Mac.”
“Bonus, then, you can all get the news at once.” Jenny sounded defiant, almost argumentative.
Heather glanced at me, then she and Warren locked eyes. “We’re listening.”
“I’m getting married.”
Tension filled the room.
“Jenny, where are you right now?” My words came out sounding harsher than I’d intended.
Heather held up a hand to silence me. “That’s wonderful, honey. Who’s the lucky man?”
“I’m in Seattle. Joe and I are tying the knot, then we’re thinking of heading down to California for a time.”
Warren’s jaw was working. It was obvious it was taking extreme effort for him to remain calm. “Jenny, you’re not the only person affected by your decisions. Your choices affect your daughter too.”
“I know that! You act like I’m stupid. Like I have no idea what I’m doing.”
My patience was thin. “How can you just move Ame away from her grandparents and uncle who love her? Not to mention, we’re your support system. You’re really just going to up and whisk her away like that?”
“I’m not taking Ame.”
The table finally fell silent, and I felt my stomach clench as Warren’s head drooped and his shoulders sagged.
Heather went to him and wrapped her arm around him. “Sweetheart, Ame is a wonderful child. You’ll come to love her as much as we all do. You just need to be around her more, get to know her better. Please come home for a while. Spend time with your daughter. I’m not implying you should end the engagement, only that there’s no rush.”
“Ame, Ame, Ame. I tell you I’m getting married and that’s all you can say. None of you give a shit about me!”
I rolled my eyes. “Jenny, we all care about you.”
“I don’t want to get to know her. I don’t want to be a mother. The only reason I had her was that you guys would’ve been disappointed if I’d had an abortion.”
Tears pooled in Heather’s eyes. Warren slumped in his wheelchair. I stepped back, feeling as though I’d been physically struck by Jenny’s words. “You can’t mean that.”
“I do. I really do. I won’t ever come back. Joe and I will make it on our own.”
I looked over at Ame, who was in the living room, sitting on a blanket spread out on the floor, playing with her toys while the tense conversation went on around her. “Jenny—”
“What?! I don’t want a daughter! I should have gotten an abortion. I don’t want any of this. I just want to live my life. If you like her so much, you take her.”
“Jenny, you can’t just give your child away!” I focused on Heather and Warren. “Tell her she can’t just give her child away!”
“People do it all the time, Uncle Mac. There’s even a word for it. It’s called adoption.” Jenny huffed. “Someone will take her. She’s a cute kid.”
I growled.
A honk sounded through the phone in the background.
“Gotta go. Don’t call me, I’ll call you.” She giggled as though the whole thing was some big joke to her.
Stunned, I just stared at the phone wondering what the fuck had just happened. I glared at my sister. “How could you just let her get away with that?”
She looked up from Warren and broke into sobs. “I don’t know what else to do.”
Warren had tears streaming down his face.
I swore and moved over to them so I could rest a hand on both of them while Heather fell apart in Warren’s arms. “I’m sorry. I’m just angry, Heather. You didn’t do anything wrong. That girl is just… Ugh!”
Heather sniffled. “She’s just young and confused.”
I ground my teeth to keep my opinions of my niece to myself. “What about Ame?”
Heather pushed her shoulders back and lifted her chin. “She’s our granddaughter. We’ll take care of her.”
I stared at the two of them, both barely holding on as the stress and fear weighed them down. “No. I want to adopt her.”
“What?”
I cleared my throat and nodded. I could look confident, even if internally I was shitting my pants. “I’ll adopt her. I couldn’t love Amethyst more if she were my own daughter, and I’ve been taking care of her for months. I’ve loved her from the first day I saw her. She needs so much and you’re both already so overwhelmed. Please.”
Warren looked up at me and covered my hand with his own. “We appreciate everything you do for us, don’t think we haven’t noticed and aren’t grateful, but we won’t burden
you with our grandkid, Mac. You have a life. From what I heard through the gossip vine, you have a mate that you’re being stupid about. You don’t need a kid.”
“You don’t understand. Ame is not a burden to me.” And I meant that. I didn’t realize how much I meant that until I heard the words from my own mouth. “Being a single dad isn’t perfect and won’t be easy, but I’m already doing it. Unless you’re going to tell me that you can balance everything going on and a little one who will be walking soon, I think you should consider letting me take her.”
Warren and Heather stared at each other. They were clearly having a silent mental conversation.
It dawned on me that I hadn’t adequately expressed my feelings. “No, wait a minute. It’s not like that. We’re talking about Ame as though she’s a thing we have to hand off, but that’s not it at all. It’s not who will take her. I want her. I want to be a dad to her. I want to teach her how to read, and throw a baseball, and cook a mean eggplant parmesan. I want to drop her off on her first day of kindergarten and be the one to go to parent-teacher conferences. I feel in my heart that drool-dlebug is supposed to be with me.”
Heather was eyeing me with an odd expression. “What if Jenny comes back and tries to claim parental rights? It could get messy. Jenny’s our daughter, and despite our disappointment with her right now, we will never turn our backs on her no matter how misguided she is, and Ame is our granddaughter. We’re all family.”
“I’d never keep Jenny away from Ame, or vice versa, unless it was in Ame’s best interest.” I had little hope that Jenny would see the light anytime soon, and in the meantime, Ame deserved a good life with a parent who loved and truly wanted her. “We’ll figure that out if we get there.”
The reality of the situation settled over us, and I found myself sinking into the chair across from Warren. Resting my hands on the table, I sighed. “Life throws curveballs.”
“Yeah.” Warren barked a laugh. “It sure does.” Then, he looked longingly over at the liquor cabinet they kept locked up tight and sighed again. “I’d kill for a whiskey.”
Heather kissed the side of his head and sat beside him. “No.”
Warren shook his head and looked back at me. “So tell us about this mate and why you won’t be with her because she’s human.”
Heather’s eyes narrowed. “Yeah, tell us about that.”
I held my hands up. “Not much to tell. She’s not right for me.” The lie didn’t feel great. “It is what it is. She’s gone and I don’t know where she went. Easy as that.”
“What’s wrong with a human mate?” Warren grunted. “Besides the obvious.”
Heather watched the way Warren gestured to his beat-down body and her eyes narrowed as she looked back at me. “Yes, Mac. Tell us why you’re not willing to mate with a human.”
I growled. “You know why.”
Warren looked between us and then scoffed. “Me? You won’t take a human mate because of me?”
“He means because you got sick.” Heather scowled and stood up. Marching over to the liquor cabinet, she grabbed the whiskey and took a long pull from it. “You’re really that big of a chickenshit?”
Warren stared at the bottle but spoke to me. “That’s fucked. Your sister and I have had worlds together before this. You know that. You saw some of them.”
Heather slammed the cabinet shut and glared at me. “You rejected her because you’re afraid.”
“I couldn’t do this, Heather.” I swallowed and looked away. “I wouldn’t be strong enough.”
“If you don’t go after your mate, you’re a fool.” Warren wheeled himself away from the table. “Come on, Heather. Bedtime.”
“You’ll never forgive yourself if you waste more of the time you could have with her, Hamish. I promise you that.” Heather shook her head, her disappointment in me palpable.
I rubbed my chin, then bent over and scooped up Ame. “I need to get her to bed. We can talk more tomorrow.”
They didn’t argue with me as I collected the baby and her toys. Holding Ame against my chest, I felt tears prick my eyes. Ame’d been rejected and abandoned by her mother because Jenny was a selfish brat. I didn’t miss that irony that Mel had also been rejected and abandoned. All because I was scared to death.
22
Mac
Between Ame, my wolf, and missing Mel, I was a basket case.
After putting Ame down to sleep, I sank into my couch. I couldn’t remember a time when I’d felt so exhausted. Exhausted and unable to sleep. I was barely eating.
My days were filled with an unhappy baby whose life was undergoing a lot of changes. Somewhere along the line, she seemed to have started blaming me. Or maybe I was just the closest one around as she acted out. She growled at me all the time and had recently taken to biting me.
If you think a small mouth with only three teeth didn’t hurt, think again. Those little bites stung, but they hurt my feelings even more. All her little baby frustrations seemed to be coming out at me. I had broad shoulders, I could take it. I only wished I could take all of her burden. It wasn’t right that a little one her age should have anything to cry about except to let me know it was time to eat or change her diaper. I only wished I could take on all her anger and frustrations for her, or that I could communicate to her—let her know that from here on out, I would be her rock. I’d never let her down.
My wolf was another bone of contention. He was still not playing fair. He fought constantly. He stopped refusing to shift and now I struggled against uncontrolled shifts—and at the most inopportune times. No matter how much I told myself it was crazy, I couldn’t help wondering if they were both mad at me for the same thing. I missed Mel too. I could still smell her in my house.
It was late, later than Ame should’ve been up, and I couldn’t stop feeling the worst loneliness creeping over me. It felt like I would be that way forever. The thought of missing Mel this much for the rest of my life gave me chills.
The more time passed, the more my decision made less and less sense. I didn’t know how I could go on feeling the way I did. I’d shunned my mate. Every day was just a replica of the day before. I got up feeling crushed, took care of Ame feeling crushed, went to bed feeling crushed. I worried that I’d been wrong. Even as I thought it, though, I felt the same panic I’d felt the night she’d passed out. I’d been helpless. She could die right in front of me from a cold gone wrong. Humans were so weak.
I sat forward and held my head in my hands. I had to do something. I had to at least check on her. Not knowing how she was doing since she’d left the island was killing me.
Even though I felt like I was breaking the rules I’d set for myself, I pulled out my phone and dialed McClintock. She answered on the second ring and grunted. “What do you want, Mac?”
Groveling had never been my style. “I need your new boyfriend’s number.”
Silence for several seconds. “Is this about Mel?”
“I just need to talk to Ben.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
“No. I’m just… I just need to talk to Ben.” I blew out a rough breath. “Okay, yes, it is about Mel. I need to see if she’s okay.”
“News flash, dumbfuck, she’s not. Her mate rejected her. You men. I swear the only reason y’all wear your head on the end of your neck is to make you look taller.” She growled. “I’ll text you his number.”
I hung up and waited for the text. As soon as it came through, I dialed Ben’s number. I couldn’t wait after deciding I was going to check on her.
Ben answered, sounding confused. “Yeah?”
“Ben, it’s Mac.” I started to say more, but he went from zero to furious, protective cousin instantly.
“Oh, you fucker. Why are you calling me? Trying to make sure you did a thorough job of fucking my cousin over?”
I grunted. “How is she?”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” He swore. “Mel is great. Fantastic. She’s back with her ex and they’re talking a
bout marriage.”
I was on my feet, furious. My wolf howled in my head. “No, she is not.”
“No, she isn’t. She’s pouting and mopey and mourning you, for some god-forsaken reason. She’s fucking depressed as hell, and with every single wedding she sings at, it gets worse. Happy? Or you want to hear more of the gory details of how you snuck out in the middle of the night and trashed a good woman?”
I sank back onto the couch. “No. I don’t want to hear that.”
“Then why are you calling me?”
I searched for the words I wanted to say, but none of them were meant for Ben. They were all for my mate. “I don’t know.”
“Then fuck off.” He hung up on me and left me reeling, wondering what the fuck I was doing.
My phone rang and I answered it, hoping it was Ben again, with advice. “Yeah.”
“How’s Ame?” Heather’s voice was soft, and I knew that Warren was sleeping near her.
“Sleeping. I’m pretty sure she hates me.”
“Get used to it. That’s par for the course when you have a kid.” She sighed. “The lawyer in Seattle called. Jenny stopped in and signed the papers relinquishing parental rights. It’s just a matter of the formal adoption going through the courts, which should only take a matter of weeks.”
I walked over to Ame’s crib and looked down at the sleeping little drool-dlebug who had me wrapped around her little finger. “I’ll never understand her.”
“Everyone makes mistakes, Mac. This is Jenny’s. I hope she’ll wake up and see that one day.” She released a wobbly sigh and cleared her throat. “I really thought she might change her mind and come home.”
“I’m sorry, Heather.” I quietly backed out and closed the door to Ame’s bedroom. I sat on the living room couch. “Just tell me what and when and I’ll be there.”
Craved Mate: Cybermates Page 10
