She moved about, describing corniced ceilings and marble bathrooms, but she’d lost me back at drawing room. I’d grown up in a five-room crappy apartment that could have fit onto one floor of this house. Twice.
I shook my head to clear it. I needed a nap before I tackled more of the house. “Lottie, where are we sleeping?”
“I thought the Healer and the mortal might want to share a room.”
“Gee, thanks,” Lucy said, with a wry twist of her mouth.
Lottie shrugged. “I thought the Healer girl might feel more comfortable in a room without a Protector.”
“The Healer girl has a name,” Erin snapped, returning to the room.
I winced. This was going to be fun if we couldn’t get along for five minutes.
Lottie simply shrugged again. “Whatever. You two will take Asher’s room on the top floor near mine. Gabe and Asher will share his room. And Remy will take the basement room.”
They were hiding me in the basement, with a whole floor separating me from the others. Awesome. Had that been Asher’s choice? When would his rejection lose its sting?
Lottie saw my expression and added, “It was Gabe’s idea. Yell at him.”
I held up both hands. “I’m too tired to argue. I think I’ll head down and take a nap. Where did Asher and Gabe go?”
“Not sure. I think they’re upstairs arranging rooms.”
Good answer, I thought, dragging myself to the staircase with a wave at the others. I hadn’t slept at all on the flight, and I was so tired that I was stumbling into walls. Between the scene with Asher on the plane and the weird glances Gabe had tossed me at the airport, I couldn’t wait to be alone for a while.
I took myself down two flights of stairs, happy to let my mental walls relax once I was away from the others. Keeping my defenses constantly up took energy I didn’t have. At the bottom of the stairs, I hesitated, unsure which way to go. With a shrug, I went toward the direction that faced the street. I passed through the family room Lottie had mentioned and ended up in the wine vault. Dozens of bottles were slotted into the wall in front of me and lined the wooden counters on both sides.
“This place is like the Met,” I muttered. I’d once gotten lost in the huge New York museum, and I felt the same way now.
“It’s easy once you know your way around.”
I whipped around to find Gabe standing in the doorway blocking my exit. He didn’t seem inclined to move aside, either, crossing his ankles and bracing a lean hip against the doorjamb. He watched me, his mouth quirked with another of those odd smiles he’d worn on the plane and at the airport. He reminded me of a cat who had found a mouse to toy with.
“Oh, I think you’re more the cat than the mouse,” he said in a silky voice. “Like a cat, you’re crafty and hard to pin down.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Very funny. Does that make you the mouse?”
“Catch me and find out,” he challenged, his green eyes darkening.
I sucked in a breath as unwanted awareness scorched through me. Embarrassment burned my cheeks. He couldn’t have meant that how it sounded. Because it sounded like the kind of thing a guy told a girl he liked.
“In case you’re confused, Remington, that was me flirting with you. And I more than like you.”
My systems went on red alert, shrieking warnings to my brain. My hands went damp with nerves, and my heart raced like I’d chased a Red Bull with a gallon of espresso.
“Uh, Gabe. I don’t think . . .” I stumbled to a stop as realization hit. Gabe was flirting with me. If Gabe was flirting with me, then he knew . . .
His full lips curled into a satisfied smile, making them look more sensuous than usual. “That you and Asher broke up? Hell, yes.”
And damn it if he didn’t look happy about it.
“How?” I said, reduced to a one-word response.
“Lucy. She let it slip on the plane. And before you get angry at her, she had no clue that I didn’t know.” Gabe straightened, taller and bigger than I’d remembered. More everything than I’d remembered. I took a quick step back and he matched it with one forward. “What I find really interesting, Remington, is that you didn’t tell me in all the times we’ve talked.”
It was ridiculous to feel stalked, right? I knew Gabe. He was my friend. And yet I glanced both ways, looking for a way to escape. “Don’t read into it. Asher’s reasons for breaking up with me are tied to what’s happening to him. I thought it wasn’t my place to tell you about that.”
“No,” Gabe answered emphatically, taking another sure step when I stumbled back. “That’s not it.”
Affronted, I came to an abrupt halt. “Excuse me? Are you calling me a liar?”
“About this?” He stopped, too, and tilted his head to one side like he was considering it. Then he said, “Yes.” I gathered myself up to yell at him, but he stalled me by pressing a finger to my lips. “Before you argue, let me add that I don’t think you’re doing it intentionally.”
“What are you talking about?” I mumbled against his skin.
He dropped his arm. “I think maybe you know that you and I could have something, and it scares the hell out of you. You didn’t tell me about Asher ending things because you’re afraid to give us a chance.”
I glared at him. “Nice theory, but I’ve told you that we’re just friends. It’s been two weeks since Asher and I broke up, and my feelings haven’t suddenly changed because we’re not together.”
I thought maybe I’d gone too far, that maybe I’d hurt his feelings, but Gabe raised one brow and leaned forward to say, “I agree. You’ve had feelings for me since San Francisco.”
Denial rose up fast and furious, and I shook my head. He was insane. He’d gone completely mental. I opened my mouth to tell him, and that’s when he took two giant steps forward, invading my space with all his muscles. I tripped away until my back hit the wall. I had nowhere to go, and Gabe was practically plastered to my front. I threw a panicked gaze his way and slid to one side to duck past him. He planted a hand on the wall by my shoulder, ending that plan. He did the same on the other side, before the thought occurred to me to change direction.
I was caught between his body and the wall. I stared up at him, helplessly confused. “Gabe . . .”
“Have I ever told you what it was like when my parents died?” I shook my head, thrown by the non sequitur. The last thing I’d expected him to talk about was his parents. “Asher was eighteen and Lottie sixteen. We had suddenly become immortal in a battle that we didn’t intend to fight. Our parents and older brother were dead. And I’d become responsible for keeping my family together.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, trying to concentrate on his words. It became more difficult when our breaths synchronized and our bodies brushed with each inhalation.
“We got by. Everything I’ve done since that day has been about keeping my family safe. All of my choices have been about them. Where we lived. How we lived. What was best for them, even when it meant giving up what I wanted. Because I was the oldest. And I was okay with that.”
I got that. Hadn’t my life changed when Lucy had become my responsibility? Gabe’s breath brushed my face, and I trembled. Duh, it’s cold in here, I told myself.
“And then you came along. Tradition and history say the Healer bonds to the oldest brother, but then you’re not like other Healers.” He shook his head ruefully. “No, you fall for my brother and bond to him. I wanted you for myself, but I stepped aside. Because I love Asher. And I hated watching you together, but I tried to be okay with that, too.”
He took an extra deep breath, touching me from chest to waist in an action I suspected was deliberate. I held my breath for all of two seconds and then gasped for air. Because I’m dying from lack of oxygen. Obviously.
“Why are you telling me this?” I asked, jumping when his hands landed on my shoulders.
“When you chose Asher in September, I left to give you both space. But now my brother has made his choice. I love
him, but he had his chance, and I’m not leaving again.”
Gabe’s fingers traced my shoulders and stroked upward to cup my neck. His thumbs tipped my chin up. The heat in his eyes weakened my knees, and I would have fallen if my hands weren’t braced against the wall behind me.
“I’m rushing you, and I’m confusing the hell out of you. This isn’t the right time. I know that. But I heard your thoughts on that roof, Remington. You’re planning on leaving when we find your dad. I can’t let you go without giving us a try. This time I’m going after what I want.”
He bent his knees and leaned in to press his lips to my neck. His mouth kissed a damp path to my ear, and I shuddered at the steam, hotter than fire, curling under my skin. His words tickled my hair when he whispered, “This is me giving you fair warning that I’m going to chase you with everything I have, and when you decide to let me catch you, you’ll never doubt how much I love you. Even when I become a weak human and you can kick my ass six ways to Sunday.”
My eyes filled with tears. “Don’t say that. You can’t know that.” Asher had promised the same thing.
“Yes, I do. Don’t make the mistake of thinking my brother and me are alike. We’re not. I’m not going to play fair.”
He already wasn’t. His tongue touched my ear, and I lit up. He began to trace a path to my chin, and the idea of him kissing me was too much. I panicked, shoving against his shoulders until he stepped back. I stayed leaning against the wall as he retreated. When I dared to meet his eyes, he’d put on the calm, arrogant mask he always used to wear when I first met him. Except now I saw how his eyes burned like a banked fire and his chest lifted in fast breaths. How much had I missed because he didn’t want me to see it or I hadn’t dared to look?
“I can’t do this right now,” I pleaded.
Disappointment flashed across his face so quickly I thought I’d imagined it, and then the mask returned. “Okay. It’s been a long day. Your room is that way,” he said, pointing in the opposite direction. “There’s a small, private courtyard connected to it, and I thought you would appreciate being able to go outside when you liked.”
His change in gears had given me whiplash. “Thank you,” I said. I winced at how out of breath I sounded.
He nodded and turned to go.
“Gabe?” He paused in the doorway when I said his name. The more distance he put between us, the more my brain seemed to recover its higher functions. I had to stop this before it went any further. “This can’t happen. You have to know that. I don’t think I can trust somebody again after Asher.”
“Hm.”
My announcement didn’t seem to affect him, and I glared at him, irrationally irritated by his indifference. “What does that mean?” I asked.
He smiled, bracing an arm against the jamb. “You trust me more than you realize. Think about it.”
He left, and I heard him humming some song as he disappeared and started up the stairs. The second he was gone, my legs gave out and I slid down the wall until my butt hit the floor.
What in the hell was that? I’ve been ambushed.
I stared vacantly into space, trying to jump-start my senses back to normal. A normal that wasn’t filled with the scent and feel of Gabe’s skin. It was a good five minutes before it occurred to me what Gabe meant about trust. My walls had been down, and I hadn’t bothered to put them back up when Gabe walked in. He’d heard every overheated thought I’d had about him.
I’m so dead.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
I’m a ho.
I’m a ho. The thought popped into my head before I’d even opened my eyes the next morning. It was the same thought I had when I tried to wear red lipstick. On other women, I found red lipstick beautiful. Daring and sexy, like Lottie wore it. My stepmom had made it look classy when she wore it on special occasions. But the second I painted it across my lips, I morphed into somebody’s judgmental, prudish grandmother with dentures and the morals of a Victorian miss. The red-lipped girl in the reflection was a hussy, and that was that. Of course, the truth was that I lacked confidence. Women who wore red lipstick looked so bold, and I . . . wasn’t. Enter Gabe and suddenly my inner grandmother was raising her head and shrieking at me like a bloody banshee.
This morning was definitely a red-lipstick morning.
I moaned and pulled the covers over my head. This wasn’t like me. I had almost kissed Asher’s brother. How could this have happened? It wasn’t right to feel . . . attracted . . . to Gabe when I’d hardly begun to accept that things were over with Asher. What kind of girl was attracted to two brothers at the same time?
A ho, my inner grandmother accused, and I wanted to punch her in the face.
What was Gabe thinking? We had enough to deal with to find my father and keep everyone safe in the meantime. Why did he have to go and confuse everything by declaring his intention to chase after me? Whatever that meant. I shivered, thinking about yesterday and the way he’d leaned into me. If that was “chasing,” I was toast.
I clambered out of the oversized bed, tripping over the blanket that I tucked around my shoulders. In bare feet, I padded across the wood floor to the glass doors on the wall opposite the bed. I peered outside at the courtyard. About eighteen by seven feet, the small enclosed garden had ivy climbing the far brick wall and potted trees spaced here and there on a wooden deck. It wasn’t much to look at in the dead of winter with the rain pouring down on everything, but Gabe had been right: I wanted to be outside where I could clear my mind.
Stupid Gabe. He doesn’t know everything.
I turned my back on the garden and focused on the room that I’d hardly noticed yesterday. The bed had a giant, black leather-paneled headboard. Instead of a closet, the room featured a black wardrobe. On the other side of the bed, a giant TV had been mounted to the gray wall. This room had been done up in grays, black, and chrome, all modern and shiny.
The decadence blew my mind, and I decided to see what the bathroom might hold. I flipped on the bathroom light and jumped back at the reflection of myself in the floor-to-ceiling mirror that comprised one entire wall. Oh, heck no. If I can’t even bring myself to wear red lipstick, how am I going to strip down naked in front of that to shower? I shuddered and flipped another switch, but couldn’t figure out what it did.
Then, as I brushed my teeth, I felt the floor beneath my feet begin to warm. My bare toes curled into the tiles, as I considered a world in which floors could be heated. A world that I did not belong in. This was ridiculous. I had to tell Gabe to back off. Honestly, I cared for Asher. Even if you took that out of the equation—and how could you?—I couldn’t watch another person grow to hate me when I made them human again. I wouldn’t survive another beating like that, and no matter what Gabe said, I didn’t trust him. Last night, everything had gotten complicated and messy, but the simple truth was that I had been right when I decided to leave when I found my father.
I would not risk my heart on another Blackwell.
After showering, I went hunting for Gabe only to have Erin explain that he and Lottie had gone out hours ago.
“What time is it?” I asked.
“Noon. We were all getting a little worried, but Asher said to let you rest.”
I’d slept over twenty-four hours. Between the pain and Asher, I hadn’t been sleeping well lately. I guess my body had finally decided to take what it needed.
“Where did Gabe and Lottie go?” I asked.
“They said something about trying to reconnect with their friends to see what they could find out about the Morrisseys,” she said. “They might be gone for a few days. They didn’t want to chance leading anyone back here.”
Oh. I felt deflated. I’d been ready to lay down the law with Gabe, and he’d left without saying anything. I was not going to be upset about that, either, because that would be ridiculous.
Erin sat at the dining room table with seating for eight. Sometime between yesterday and this morning she had accepted this place as her temporary home
. She looked completely relaxed with a bowl of cereal and a laptop cracked open in front of her.
“What are you doing?” I asked, coming around the table to peer at the screen over her shoulder.
“Ordering clothes. Gabe gave me a credit card and told me to pick some things out since we can’t leave the house and we didn’t bring anything with us.”
I scowled. Bastard. Why did he have to be so thoughtful?
Erin misinterpreted my expression. “He had Lucy order some things for you, too. He said you didn’t like shopping, but I don’t think he’d care if you picked out a few things.”
“Thanks. I’m good with whatever Lucy picked out. She has better taste than I do.” Unless she picked out a bunch of skirts and dresses, which was possible considering how she felt toward me at the moment. I went off to the kitchen to scrounge for food.
That’s where Asher found me, standing perplexed in front of two ovens. From his expression I guessed he didn’t know that Gabe had confronted me, and I didn’t feel ready to talk about it. Asher appeared tired, and I wondered if nightmares still plagued him.
“Why do three people need two ovens?” I asked in desperation.
He grabbed a container of milk out of the fridge. “I think one is a convection oven.”
“Convect . . . You know what? I’m not even going to ask.” He took two glasses down from a cabinet and offered to pour me some milk. I nodded and ducked into the pantry. “Do you want soup? I think I can manage soup.” I reappeared with a can of tomato soup and headed in search of a pan.
Asher took the can from me and set me bodily to one side of the kitchen. “I’ll do that. You scare me in the kitchen. Do you want a grilled cheese sandwich?”
I sighed happily. “Have I told you lately that I love you?” The words landed in the room like a gas bomb, and I smacked a hand over my mouth. For a minute, we’d been like our old selves, working together as a team. Asher shot me a wry smile, as he buttered slices of bread, and I dropped my hand. There were two ways to deal with the weirdness between us: wallow or make the best of it. I chose to make the best of it. “Well, that wasn’t awkward at all.”
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