by Amy Field
“A delightful new friendship?” She said with a grin.
“Would you call it something else?”
“If I could. You?”
“I would.”
“Give it time.”
“I will, Catherine, I will.” He looked down into her eyes. “What would you tell me if I said that I couldn’t explain why it was so delightful?”
Katie giggled. “I’d say it fits you—that you didn’t make the stars, you just enjoy them.”
He laughed and grabbed her hand. Together they looked out on the horizon, seeing nothing but beauty before their eyes; distilled, almost, as in a liquor.
“The Sherpas,” he went on. “They used to say that when you look out on the horizon you can see your whole life ahead of you.” He paused and licked his lips. “Catherine,” he whispered. “What do you see?”
Catherine could see her whole life stretched out, or at least as much as she could conceive of at this moment, which seemed to involve multiple possible futures. She decided to avoid making hasty decisions she might later regret.
“Right now,” she said. “I see nothing but hope and optimism. I see beauty eternal. I see peace. I know now, right in this moment as I have never known before, that I will be loved and taken care of—no matter what.”
Later on, as she went over it in her head, she would not know who moved first. Did he raise her chin with his fingers? Or did she draw his face down with the baleful cast of her eyes? In either case, within a moment their lips had met and all was changed. She was his as he was hers, and that was, and would be, all that mattered.
A short time later he did walk her back to her room, and then went quietly back to his own. And though her legs were heavy, she felt light. And though her body was tired, her heart quivered with energy. Katie—Catherine—had found what she had come so far to find.
Chapter 5
The next morning the crew slept in, and as they departed mid-morning, there was a distinctly new spirit to the group. Lightness and freeness characterized the gathering, and would mark all of their interactions for the next two weeks. It was like the honeymoon that Catherine and Jacob were destined never to have, at least in the conventional sense. But their friendship blossomed, and their love grew. Days were spent in long hikes and quiet meditations over scenic mountain vistas. Nights were spent around campfires and in bars, closing the places down not for drinking, but for talking. And Dina, ever-faithful Dina, became a loyal member of this trio, and by the end of it was treating Catherine as though she were truly her sister.
For his part Jacob felt he could be comfortable with Catherine in a way he hadn’t know since Mona and her coffee cart so may years before. He was never weak, or mealy, but was not afraid to show emotion, to express anger or rage or disdain, and o a couple of very had occasions even to cry. He was strong and rugged but vulnerable with her, and she felt honored by his trust, respected by it. He was more a man than all the other men she’d known combined. By the time the trip was coming to an end she was totally and completely in love with him and was willing, even to leave everything and move to the mountains full time to be in his embrace. The problem was, of course, coming clean bout her past; being honest about who she was, and reasonable about what was possible with her future.
Nearly three weeks after they had started, with the delays owing to the weather, Jacob and Catherine and the rest of the crew found themselves back in the lodge where it all began. She was convinced that, whatever else would happen, she could not live long term without Jacob. He simply had come to mean more to her than anyone else ever could, and she was not prepared to leave that behind.
On the night of their last supper together, both had expected the other to be melancholy, but instead they surprised each other with their excitement.
“Catherine,” Jacob finally admitted over dessert. “I really, really, really don’t want to see you go.”
She nodded her head in turn. “I know, Jacob, I know. And I don’t want to leave. But I have to go back home, at least for a while. There are people there waiting on me, and I have a lot left to do if I want to be free to come back here and be with you.”
Jacob was quiet for a long time, then nodded his head. “I understand,” he said. “And I’m willing to help you do that, however I can.”
And with that he rose from the table and got down on one knee.
Marriage had always been a theoretical option for Katie, but not a very live one. She’d always appreciated relationships in the abstract better than in the concrete. Even the night she’d lost her virginity had been more about seeing what it felt like and not making the guy feel bad than about connecting with another person. She had genuinely, literally, never thought about what it would be like to have the guy down on one knee in front of her, and so in that moment she kind of understandably lost her mind.
Jacob ignored the crazy. “Catherine Cory,” he said simply, those unembarrassed tears back in his eyes. “Will you do me the honor of being my wife?”
And she broke out into tears; happy, spontaneous, unplanned for tears. She cried and snotted all over the front of her shirt, but that didn’t seem to bother her at all, nor did Jacob seem to notice.
“Yes,” she cried at last. “Yes! Yes! Yes!” And the dozen or so other people who had been on the trip with them broke into spontaneous applause. For the first time since she first started racing, Catherine felt like she was doing what she had been made to do.
After an engagement dinner and a hearty round of congratulator libations from the rest of their fellow hikers, Jacob and Catherine decided to go on a little hike of their own. Leaving the village proper, they walked a mile or so to an overlook directly above the lodge. It gave them a full view, not only of the opposing mountains and stars, but of the village below. The lights of the village sent up a vague glow, like the whole town had a kind of florescent halo. And the starts were dancing as they had been that first night.
Jacob was holding Catherine close with his left arm. She snuggled into him and looked up into those eyes, the eyes into which she’d fallen just a few weeks ago, and which she now hoped never to crawl back out of. Much to her surprise, however, their usually lively temper was clouded again with tears.
“Why are you crying, Jacob?”
She smiled down at her and sniffled, raising his right arm to wipe his eyes and nose with the cuff of his sleeve. “I’m just, I’m just so happy.” He raised his eyes up to heaven. “I really never thought I could be happy again, after Mona.”
She smiled through the tears welling up in her own eyes as well. Then, reaching up with both hands, she pulled his head down far enough to kiss him tenderly on the forehead. His hair smelt of the forest; of pine and cedar and that crisp morning frost.
“I’m happy too, and I’m sure that Mona would be happy for you.”
“I see her in you, you know?”
“You do?” She didn’t know whether to be flattered or bothered.
He sniffled again. “Ya, is in your eyes. You are both so ambitious, both so stubborn. You set your heart on something and then your mind finds a way to get you there.”
Now it was Catherine’s turn to sigh deeply. They were treading on dangerous territory here, and she didn’t want to turn things south on the night of their engagement. At the same time, she didn’t want to start off their life together in a lie.
“Jacob,” she said, after a few moment’s silence. “How much do you love me?”
His face broadened and his eyes danced again. “You know, so much,” he said, pulling his arms out and holding them wide. “As deep as the great seas and as broad as these high mountains.”
Catherine smiled and took in the range through her tears. “And why do you love me so?”
Now it was Jacob’s turn to bite his lip. He seemed to be weighing lots of options, then simply shrugged his shoulders and said, “I love you because I love you.” He reached out and pulled her close again, kissing her on the top of her head. “Love is like
that; our heads search for explanations, but our hearts are content simply with knowing that love loves love.”
“And nothing could ever change that?”
He gazed down at her, pain in his eyes. “Of course not, Sweetheart. That’s what love is, ‘for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health.’ You could grow old and ugly, become crippled or crazy, you would still be my Catherine; I would still be your Jacob. You have captured my heart, endlessly and hopelessly; now I am yours, period.”
Catherine treasured his words, but wondered if he meant them. She wanted so desperately to tell him the truth about herself, but tonight was just so perfect, she just couldn’t bear to ruin it. The truth could wait, at least I it’s entirety. For tonight, baby steps would do.
“Jacob, baby,” she cooed, looking up into his eyes. “We have so much to work out yet: where to live, where to work, what we’ll do…”
He pressed a finger to her lips. “Sssssh, one step at a time. There’s no need to figure everything out at once. To everything there is a season…”
“Turn? Turn? Turn?’
“Pardon me?”
“Never mind. It’s an old song.”
“I’d say. Ecclesiastes.”
“What?”
“It’s in the Bible.”
Catherine screwed up her face. “I’m saying that I have a life back home in the States. I have some things I need to tend to. It might take some time.”
“I’ve waited my whole life. I think I can manage a little longer.”
Damn that smile. It was so winning.
“And my family. They need to meet you.”
“Nothing could make me happier. Your parents must be very special people to have raised a daughter like you.”
She nodded, biting her lip. “I still need to return next week. Come with me?”
Jacob seemed to ponder that one for a moment. “I’ll need to make some calls tomorrow, but assuming the next group scheduled is small enough, I think Dina can manage on her own.”
Catherine breathed a sigh of relief. “One step at a time,” she told herself. “One step at a time.”
The following week’s group was much smaller, and they weren’t going nearly as far. It was a perfect chance for Dina to gain some experience on her own. So after a brief overnight to Jacob’s parents, who were some of the most genuine and friendly people Catherine had ever met, they were on a plane from Zurich back to Chicago. Her parents would meet her there and they would make the long drive back to Kansas City together. They would stay there for a long weekend with her parents, her brother, and his family, and then fly out to New York for Catherine to deal with some of the fallout from her publicist and to figure out next steps in terms of her career. Her mind was spinning with how to make all of this work, but for the first time in a long while, she felt hopeful about her life.
Jacob looked surprised when she rose as they called for preferred boarding. “No, wait, Catherine,” he said. “This is just the first call. They’ll announce coach in a few minutes.”
She looked down at him in his seat and smiled. “But, Honey,” she smiled. “We’re not flying coach.”
Jacob boarded the plane in a bit of a daze. They settled together in their seats, alone two to one side of the aircraft aisle. “I have never flown first class, Catherine. And I’m not complaining, but wasn’t it expensive enough to buy me a ticket at the last minute?”
She gave him her bravest smile. “Don’t worry about it, Sweetheart. I do have some money, and we’ll only be making our first trip together once.”
This seemed to satisfy him and he took her hand. Before long they were both dozing in and out as the plane made it’s way back across Europe, over the Atlantic, and into Chicago.
The whole last half of the flight Catherine’s stomach was in knots. She visited the bathroom twice to vomit, and assured Jacob that it was only the flight and the food. He clearly didn’t believe her but he didn’t press her either.
As they landed the stewardess informed the passengers that it was now okay to use their cell phones. Catherine made a split-second decision and texted her folks. “Arrived on time,” she wrote. “But held up at customs. Be half an hour late.”
“Everything alright?” Jacob asked.
“It’s fine. Mom and Dad are just held up in traffic. They said we should find a restaurant in the airport and get something to eat while we wait. They’ll text once they’re here.”
So, after managing customs and gathering baggage, they found themselves in O’Brien’s, a quaint little Irish pub inside O’Hare. They sipped shandies and ate take-away Japanese from the restaurant next door in the food court.
“Catherine,” Jacob said, leaning in and looking at her intently with those gold-flecked eyes of his. “What’s wrong? What are you afraid to tell me?”
Her lips began to quiver and the tears welled up. “Oh, Jacob,” she blustered. “I’m so sorry. I’m not who you think I am.”
“Catherine, Catherine.” He took her hands in one of his and slid the food and drinks to one side of the table with the other. Then he got up and moved to her side of the booth. “This has all happened so fast. Of course there are things we don’t know about each other yet. I’m just looking forward to knowing you better and loving you more each and every day.”
She looked up at him with fear in her eyes. “My name’s not Catherine, it’s Katie.”
There was a deadly silence, and for just a moment Catherine worried that he might know who Katie Cory was. She needn’t have worried.
His gentle laugh rumbled from deep in his chest and he drew her close. “Catherine? Katie? I’ve been Jacob and Yakov too, at different times. You having a nickname back home doesn’t scare me, Dear One, and it doesn’t make you any different a person than the one I know and love.”
“I don’t only work in advertising for sporting goods, I’m one of the models.”
“Of course you are, you’re ravishingly beautiful.”
“I’m not poor. I make a lot of money.”
“Well, obviously, you could afford to hire me.”
“Dammit, Jacob, this isn’t some kind of joke. I’m not Catherine Cory, some hayseed from Kansas City. I’m Katie Cory, a professional speed skater and the U.S.’s best chance for a gold at next year’s Olympic games.”
His brow furrowed a little bit and he looked deep into her eyes. She wanted desperately to look away in shame, but the way he held her gaze wouldn’t permit it.
“Well, then I guess we do have a problem, then.”
Her heart sank and her face started to flush. She steeled herself for the worst. “Jacob, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to deceive you but…”
“I won’t know whether to root for the States or Switzerland next year!” And just like that, with a kiss on the head and another generous hug, she realized that her deceit wasn’t as clever as she thought it was, and that the person she’d hurt most in all of this was herself.
Her parents were waiting as they approached the arrival door. There was a moment when her dad and Jacob were both sizing one another up; it was primal, almost animal. Then, all of a sudden, her dad extended a hand and brought her fiancée into the largest bear hug she’d ever seen. Her father seldom hugged even her. This was big.
The trip back to Kansas City was long but uneventful. Jacob told stories of growing up in the Alps, life in the mountains, and of his time in the Swiss Guard. Katie’s mother, who was much more of a talker, told him about life in the Midwest, about how they had started as a newlywed couple on a small farm and running a single gas station by themselves, and how they had grown their business and their family. And, of course, Jacob wound up getting the essential highlights of Katie’s skating career as the stories were told. Periodically he would look over at her and smile, as though something were clicking about her inside of his head. By the end of the trip it was like all of them had been family.
The next morning Katie’s mother was up before the rest to
fix some breakfast. She was surprised when she came through the living room to find Jacob’s large frame folded into a pretzel on the couch, cozy under a blanket. When Katie rose herself a few minutes later her mother asked her about it.
“Did you guys get into a fight last night, Sweetheart? I made up the room for the both of you.”
It took Katie a minute to figure out what she was talking about. “What? No, no, of course not. We’re just not sleeping together.”
Her mother was in the middle of cracking an egg for pancakes but stopped mid-crack. “You’re what?”
“We’re not sleeping together. He wants to wait until we’re married.”
Her mother blushed and smiled at the same time. “Why, Katie, that is so mature of you. I just, I never expected, because I know…”
She’d come to her mother herself and asked to be put on birth control at sixteen, and she never made any serious effort to hide her sexual activity from her parents. This was new territory for them both.
“Is he some kind of religious nut?” Her mother’s face showed real concern.
“I don’t think he’s any kind of nut, though he certainly seems to have a close relationship to the Man Upstairs. He’s just principled, Mom, and very, very strong-willed.”
“Like your father.”
“Mmmmm. He reminds me a lot of Dad.”
“I can see that. You know, when your father and I first got together we had to work all of this stuff out too.”
Katie stuck her fingers in her ears. “Lalala, lalala, I don’t want to hear about your and dad’s sex lives when you were in your twenties! Lalala, lalala!”
Her mom flicked a towel at her playfully. “Not just that, though that was important too. No, we had to figure out how to sort out our dreams, and which we could pursue together, and which ones we’d have to let go of for the sake of the other.”
