Haley stared at him with wide eyes. “Wow. I am... That wasn’t any of my business.”
“The version I will tell Zasha will be kinder.” He could probably get by saying the woman had been his girlfriend, but that was for the future.
“I shouldn’t have asked.”
Konstantin met Haley’s wide-eyed stare. “You have every right to. And it was worth answering. If I thought there was the slightest possibility Zasha’s mother was involved, I’d want to consider it. Statistically speaking though, she’s probably dead.” And that would always weigh on his conscience.
“Zasha’s never asked about her mother that I know of,” Haley said.
He nodded, but didn’t offer his own thoughts. Zasha was aware that she didn’t have a biological mother in her life, but she was very conscious of Haley’s role.
Two years ago was the first time Zasha had casually slipped into conversation that Haley would make a great mom. Konstantin had been so surprised by the offhanded comment he’d been frozen, unable to say anything in reply. They’d kept watching TV, acting as though she’d never said anything.
If he were a normal man, it would be a no-brainer. Haley was intelligent, capable, beautiful and his daughter adored her.
Unfortunately, Konstantin would never be normal, and he would never again tie a woman’s life to his own. No, he would never know for certain what happened to Zasha’s mother, but it would always be his fault.
He couldn’t do that to Haley. It was a truth he’d lost sight of this week, but it was one he needed to remember.
A man like him, with his enemies, didn’t get to have a comfortable, happy life.
“Well, now that I’ve asked all the awkward questions, I think it’s only fair you get to ask me something,” Haley announced as she stirred the pot.
He should go into the office or upstairs, but he didn’t want to. Instead he soaked in the sight of Haley in his kitchen looking like she belonged. “What should I ask?”
She shrugged. “What do you want to know?”
Konstantin mentally flipped through what he knew of her. Parents were still alive. She was the middle of five kids. The second of two girls. The details he knew.
“What did you want to be growing up?” he asked.
“Oh, that’s easy.” She grinned. “I wanted to be a hero like my dad.”
Konstantin smiled. He hadn’t met Haley’s family, but he thought he’d like them. “How is he?”
“Good. Worried about us. He doesn’t know what’s going on, only that I’m stressed.
“Your family, are they proud of what you’ve done?”
“I think so. Oh, Mom still frets and worries over me, but I think she’s just about accepted this is who I am.”
He propped his chin on his hand. He knew vague details, like she had three brothers and one sister, but nothing personal beyond some vague details about her father and one brother. Now he wanted to soak it all up. “Are all of your brothers and sister in the military?”
“God, no.” She laughed. “Just me and my oldest brother. I don’t think my mother could have taken that. My second oldest brother is special needs, anyway. My sister is really close in age to him, and I think he’s why she went into nursing. Then there’s me. My youngest brother was an oops kid and will be going to college this fall. He’s not really the military kind of guy. Very computers and nerdy-cool, if that makes any sense at all.”
“I know a few like that.”
Konstantin had often wondered what families on that scale were like. His upbringing had been so very different.
Haley entertained him with stories about her family as she cooked and for almost half an hour everything felt normal. Nice even.
While she plated the food, he grabbed two beers and they met at the dining table. She’d put his plate at the head of the table where he normally sat while she took her normal spot in the middle.
Konstantin dragged his plate over to sit across from her.
For now, they weren’t in their roles. They were just two people sharing a meal. That was all.
They tucked into the food, eating in silence for a few moments, allowing his mind to backtrack.
“I’d like to go over the pictures tomorrow,” he said slowly. “Would you mind lending another pair of eyes?”
“I’d be happy to. Hunt down decades old KGB codes? Sounds exciting.”
Konstantin chuckled. “I gathered that a lot of the spy stuff was much less exciting.”
“What was that like? Growing up with a dad in the KGB.”
“The KGB was disbanded in ninety-one. I was, two? Maybe not even that. By the time I was old enough to understand who and what my dad was, he wasn’t KGB anymore.”
“He’s got to be older then, right?”
“He’s in his eighties.”
“What?” Haley gaped at him.
“Yeah.” He frowned as he thought about the ages. “It’s odd to think about now, but there’s thirty years difference between my parents. I wonder if that’s part of why she hates him so much?”
“Why though? Did they love each other?”
“God, no. It was a power move of some sort. Marry her, solidify control, that sort of thing.”
Haley shook her head. “Another time, another way I guess.”
It could have been his path if he hadn’t left.
“Sometimes I wonder what would have happened without Zasha.” He sat back in his chair and stared at the half-empty beer. “I don’t think I’d have left if it was just me. But her? She didn’t deserve that. I didn’t want a kid to be brought up the same way I was...”
Zasha had saved him.
That was the fact of the matter.
“How did someone so good come from all that?” Haley asked.
“I wonder that all the time. Zasha...”
She chuckled. “I was talking about you.”
“Me?” He scowled. Good wasn’t a word that felt right.
Haley held up her hand. “I don’t know everything about you, and I don’t need to. You’re not a bad guy, Konstantin.”
His chest tightened as he looked at her. How he wanted to be the kind of man who could accept that compliment, but he knew the truth about himself. He would always put those he cared about in danger simply by virtue of who he was. That would never change.
He picked up the beer bottle, studying his distorted reflection in the glass. “You make me question the people you know.”
She didn’t respond to that, which was for the best.
Konstantin finished eating the last of the meal, then gathered his dishes and took them to the sink. He felt Haley’s eyes on him the whole time as he began cleaning up the kitchen.
Despite his attraction and Zasha’s attachment, perhaps it was best if Haley left. There would be no more moments like these with the drawn out, unspoken conversations passing between them.
What could he say to her? How did he begin to make her understand?
Eventually Haley brought her own dishes and empty beer bottle to the sink. He took both, rinsing the bottle before adding it to the recycling, then her plate before loading the dishwasher.
Instead of going about her evening, she leaned against the counter and watched him.
He finished with the dishes, added soap and closed the appliance, leaving it to do the dirty work. Only then did he turn his attention to Haley, still openly studying him.
Maybe he was a bit too raw, but he purposefully stood a little too close.
She tipped her head up and looked at him, not the least bit flustered.
He’d tried this last night and it hadn’t worked out according to plan.
Konstantin braced a hand on the edge of the sink and let himself just look at her.
The moment drew out, teetering on the edge of disaster once more. He wasn’t sure this attraction would ever go away.
“Go to bed, Haley,” he said.
She arched a brow at him. “Because I said something you don’t like?”
/>
“Because we don’t want a repeat of last night.”
“So we’re talking about that now?”
“No.” He just wanted her to go away with this he was a good person bullshit.
“You don’t get to do that.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Either we continue pretending it never happened, or we talk about it. You can’t straddle that line.”
He leaned toward her, invading her personal space. “What would we say? It happened.”
Haley didn’t shy away from him, which only made him feel rotten. “You’re under a lot of stress right now—”
Konstantin laughed. “Kissing you wasn’t about stress. If that’s what you’re telling yourself, you’re lying.”
Now she shifted, her chin coming up a tiny bit. “I was going to say, you’re under a lot of stress. Maybe now isn’t the time to talk about it. But go ahead. Tell me how I’m lying to myself.”
“This would be a lot easier if you were as obedient as the rest of my security.”
“I’m not your security, though, am I? It’s actually my job to talk back.”
His gaze was locked on her sassy mouth. She could be perfectly professional, and then she could also be this. He’d actually missed this. That first time she’d dressed him down had startled him and was possibly the first time she’d given him a boner. He remembered hiding in his office.
Him.
Hiding in his own home.
From her.
“Let’s talk about it then.” At this point he was going to fantasize about her mouth all night. Why not make them both miserable? “I kissed you because I wanted to, and you kissed me back. Quite enthusiastically, I might add.”
Sure enough, her cheeks tinged the faintest shade of pink. “I was enthusiastic?”
“You did moan beautifully.”
“And? You kissed me. It was a good kiss. I liked it.”
God damn it. He should have gone to bed.
This was a trap.
“This was the wrong way to have this conversation.” Haley shook her head and let her arms drop to her sides. “We’re adults. We kissed. It’s not that big of a deal.”
He grit his teeth.
They’d shared a fanfuckingtastic kiss. And she wanted to downplay that?
Konstantin took one step and caged her between him and the counter. Her words stopped, leaving her lips parted.
He bent his head and pressed his lips to hers. She sucked in air and her hands went automatically to his shoulders. She didn’t even feign pushing him away. Her hands fisted in the fabric and her mouth moved with his. It was as if the last twenty-four hours hadn’t happened, and they were simply continuing what they’d interrupted.
Konstantin leaned against her, relishing the feel of her body against his. He held her face while stroking a hand up her back.
Only when his head began to spin did he break the kiss. For a moment they both sucked down air, not speaking.
“Not that big of a deal,” he got out, though his voice was far rougher than he wanted it to be. “Got it.”
HALEY CLUTCHED THE edge of the counter and stared at Konstantin’s broad shoulders as he walked away from her.
What the hell was she doing? She’d known down this path lay disaster, and she’d charged ahead, anyway. Now it wasn’t her brain doing the talking. It was everything else. Her heart most of all.
She hadn’t missed the scorn when he talked about himself. For whatever reason, Konstantin saw himself as broken or lacking. It wasn’t the first time, either. She couldn’t begin to understand a childhood that had made him believe such things about himself, especially when she saw the little things no one else did. Like the carefully organized holiday care packages that went out to all of the entry-level workers across three companies. Konstantin protected his family time, but he gave freely to the community and charities.
Those weren’t the markers of a bad man.
And then there was everything she saw at home, when no one else was watching. The way he was with his daughter. How he treated his staff.
Her instinct was to go to him, but that wasn’t her place. He was her boss, and this thing they were doing was unwise. And yet, she wanted him with every fiber of her body. It was a yearning she’d controlled for years, but now that they’d opened that box there was no going back. She couldn’t ignore this.
“Konstantin, wait?”
He crossed to the sliding doors that led out onto the wrap-around porch. His hands clenched into fists and he stopped an arm’s length away from the doors.
Did he just remember that he’d said they were to stay indoors?
“Will you stop?” She pushed off the counter finally.
Her knees held well enough. She even managed a good, angry stalk across the space to him. She circled to stand between him and the doors.
He turned his head, unwilling to look at her. She might have laughed if she weren’t so frustrated.
She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him. “Is this how we’re going to act now?”
Zasha had better behavior.
“Leave me alone,” Konstantin said.
She leaned to her left, into his line of sight. He had to see her.
Haley wanted to wring his neck, and yet after what he’d said about his mother, she had to wonder what scars had been left where no one could see. In her world, her parents were a source of love, belonging, a soft spot to land when everything went wrong. But for Konstantin? Parents and home weren’t good words. His first examples of what relationships should be like were toxic.
“I could fire you.” He finally looked at her.
“You aren’t going to.”
“Want to bet?”
She shrugged. “Go ahead.”
He wasn’t going to do it.
She saw the angry spark in his eyes wink out the moment he realized she was right.
“I’m not trying to piss you off, Kon. I’m trying to talk to you. With you. And you keep shutting me out. That’s not going to work.”
“I am aware of your stubborn streak.”
“Again, not what I meant.” She threw up her hands. “Jesus, it’s like you’re trying to find a problem with everything I’m saying. Do you want to fight? Is that it? Will screaming at each other make you feel better?”
Or was he picking a fight to push her away?
It was hard to see this side of him. She was used to the ever patient father and the considerate boss. This insecure, bruised version of him was new. It was the him he hid because he had to be strong every moment of every day to protect what he cared about.
They stared at each other for a moment as she collected her thoughts.
“I don’t want to fight with you,” he finally said and scrubbed a hand over his face.
Haley could feel the invisible line between them under her foot.
She was already venturing into forbidden territory. What was wrong with taking it a bit farther?
There would be no going back once she decided which side she wanted to be on.
“Why don’t we back up?” She let her hands drop to her sides. “I am not unaware of your flaws. I know you have secrets. But what I know best from watching you with Zasha to the way you are with your other employees and how you treat me is that you’re a good person. You chose to be, regardless of what happened or what you did before. You can take issue with that all you like, but that’s what I see.”
His gaze narrowed. He might not see himself the same way she did, and that was okay.
“Second, yes, there are sparks when we kiss. I’m not denying that or that I kissed you back.” She swallowed, still teetering on that line. “But in the grand scheme of things, that isn’t important. It’s the kind of thing that can be figured out later.”
The sudden riot of butterflies in her stomach was hard to ignore.
Looking at him with his messy hair and warry gaze, she realized a very important piece of the puzzle.
She was already in love with
him.
“Later?”
She licked her lips, hyper aware of every inch of her body.
“Yeah,” she muttered. “Later. Or now. Whenever.”
Did she just tell her boss she’d greenlight making out with him again? Because that felt like what she’d just said.
“Haley...”
“Just shut up and come here.”
She grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled. He wasn’t that far away. All he really did was sway toward her. A hand splayed against her back and her heart did a little flip-flop. Konstantin bent his head at the same time she went up on tip-toe. Their mouths met in a hungry kiss.
It wasn’t just her. It had never been just her. This was something they’d mutually ignored until they couldn’t.
He pressed her back to the glass door. The gauzy fabric hung around her, creating a sheltered, private moment. She let herself sink into the kiss all while her fingers curled through his hair.
His thigh pressed between hers, trapping her there with him all around her.
It was exactly where she wanted to be.
She’d known her attraction to Konstantin was a problem. For the last year she’d said no to dates, good dates with men that looked like a perfect match for her on paper, because she couldn’t bring herself to feign interest in anyone else. She’d told herself it was because she was focusing on Zasha and any number of other excuses, but the truth was her feelings for Konstantin were too big to allow for anyone else. And she’d stubbornly ignored it.
He palmed her ass, pulling her toward him. Bodies pressed together and his mouth on hers, her world felt complete. And yet, she wanted more. She wanted him, to the detriment of their working relationship and her job.
“Away from the window,” Konstantin muttered against her mouth.
“Mm.” She hoped he translated that single sound as, good idea, let’s do that.
He walked backward, pulling her after him. Suddenly he pushed her sideways.
Haley yelped and landed on the sofa. She caught a glimpse of Konstantin’s grin before he pounced on her, forcing her onto her back and his mouth going once more to hers. She arched her spine and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him down on top of her. He relented and his weight pressed her into the cushions.
Just Business (Aegis Group Dangerous Ladies Book 1) Page 9
