‘I… hang on…’ I took a deep breath, quickly composing myself. There was no denying this had thrown me, but I had to get a grip on the situation, and soon. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘I needed to see you, Lana.’
‘No, Adam, please… No.’ I was shaking my head, so vigorously, as though hoping that, if I shook it hard enough, he’d go away. That this would go away.
‘Lana, sweetheart…’
‘Did Finn ask you to come over here?’
‘No, darling, he didn’t. He asked me to speak to you, to try and talk some…’ He stopped dead, bowing his head, aware that what he’d been about to say probably wasn’t something I wanted to hear.
‘He wanted you to try and talk some sense into me. Right? Because I’m largely ignoring him, is that it?’
He raised his gaze, his eyes meeting mine. And I still couldn’t believe he was there. Couldn’t believe this was happening. ‘I knew you wouldn’t listen to anything anyone had to say over the phone…’
‘So, you thought, what? You’d come all the way over here, make me listen to whatever it is you and Finn want me to hear, and then bring me home, is that it?’
‘Yes. If you want to put it that bluntly.’
Now I was just stunned. Surely this – this – had to be a dream. It had to be. Otherwise, what the hell else was it? The grown-ups banding together to bring the errant child back into line?
‘I don’t believe this is happening…’ I trailed off, leaning back against the doorpost, pushing a hand through my hair as I quickly tried to get my head into some kind of order. This was happening. And I was going to have to deal with it, whether I liked it or not. ‘I’m assuming Finn gave you this address,’ I sighed, my voice little more than a whisper. And I couldn’t look at him now, couldn’t face him anymore. I didn’t want to. He wasn’t welcome here. I didn’t need this. Everything had been good, so good. Me and Eddie – things were so bloody good! And I really didn’t need this.
‘Yes. He did.’
I took another deep breath, exhaling slowly as the situation began to finally sink in.
‘Come home, Lana. Whatever this is, this… this mid-life crisis you appear to be having…’
It was like we’d come full circle, back to the day I’d walked out on him. He was still saying the same old things, accusing me of the same old stuff. I started to shut the door on him but he put his foot out to stop me, and this time I allowed my eyes to meet his again, staring straight at him. ‘Don’t do this, Adam.’
‘We need to talk.’
‘You see, you keep saying that, but I don’t think we do. Whatever’s going on in my life now, it’s got nothing to do with you.’
‘So, I’m just supposed stop caring, am I? I never stopped caring, Lana. Never. If I didn’t care about you, do you think I’d have come all this way?’
‘I didn’t ask you to come to Vegas, Adam. That was your decision.’
‘I know,’ he sighed, pushing a hand through his hair. ‘Look… You do know you’re acting like some adolescent trying to prove a point.’
‘I’m not having this conversation.’
He moved his foot away from the door, sticking his hands in his pockets, looking briefly down at the ground before his eyes met mine again. ‘Just listen to what I have to say, Lana. That’s all I ask. Just humour me. Please.’
‘Eddie’ll be home soon. Now’s not really the time.’
I didn’t miss the way he flinched slightly when I mentioned Eddie’s name.
‘Then meet me, tomorrow. We can have some lunch, just talk things through. I’m staying at Caesar’sPalace. I assume you know where that is?’
I nodded, folding my arms tighter against myself, my fingers digging into my upper arms. ‘I’m just not sure there’s any point, Adam.’
‘Please, Lana. Just hear me out, okay?’
I looked at him again, this man I’d spent almost twenty years of my life with. Twenty years I’d thrown away, just like that, and all of a sudden a completely unexpected rush of guilt swept over me, so strong it almost knocked me off my feet. Mixed with the confusion Adam’s arrival and finding Eddie’s gun – I assumed it was Eddie’s gun – had thrown up, it might have only been early afternoon, but all I wanted to do now was sleep and hope that when I woke up I’d realise this had all been nothing but an elaborate dream.
‘Please, Lana.’
I breathed out, looking down at the floor because looking at him was just way too surreal for me right now. ‘Okay,’ I said quietly, raising my gaze to meet his.
He smiled, and all that did was make me feel sad. Sad for what we’d once had. For everything I’d wanted our life to be. For all those years I’d just thrown away because, seeing him standing there, it hurt. Like someone was slowly nipping at my heart, picking away at it bit by bit. This man had once been my world, and now…
‘I really need you to go, Adam.’
He reached out, gently touching my cheek with the palm of his hand and for the briefest of seconds I allowed fleeting memories of me and him to flood my mind, before pushing them back where they belonged.
‘When did you get so beautiful?’ he whispered, cocking his head slightly as his eyes locked with mine.
‘Please, Adam. I can’t do this right now.’
‘Is he treating you well?’
‘Adam…’
He smiled – a small smile – before pulling his hand away and stepping back. ‘Tomorrow. I’ll meet you in the foyer of the hotel, around one o’clock?’
I nodded, watching as he backed away down the path before turning around and walking to his hire car. And all of a sudden the old Lana was racing back to invade my head with everything I’d tried to forget, everything I’d tried to push aside. She was edging her way in, making an unwelcome return, and the only person I wanted right now was Eddie. At that very second I needed him like I’d never needed him before. My world had, once more, shifted on its axis and that, more than anything, was what scared me.
14
‘Hey, what’s happened, darlin’?’
I looked up as Eddie walked into the living room, swinging my legs down from where they’d been tucked up underneath me, the bottle of vodka now half empty on the table in front of me.
‘Nothing’s happened,’ I sighed, pulling my legs back up, crossing them underneath me this time.
‘You sure?’ Eddie frowned, sitting down beside me.
‘Everything go alright at the meeting?’
‘Fine. You gonna talk to me?’
I looked down at my fingers, watching as they picked at the frayed knee of my jeans. ‘Adam’s here.’
He said nothing for a second or two and the silence was almost deafening. ‘Here in Vegas?’
I nodded.
‘Have you seen him?’
I nodded again, mainly because I had no idea what to say. My head was all over the place, and I still hadn’t called Finn. So part of me couldn’t help wondering if it would have been better to have got that conversation out of the way, to have vented some of the anger and confusion I was currently feeling before Eddie had got home. The last thing I wanted to appear in front of this man I still barely knew was weak.
‘What does he want?’ Eddie went on.
I raised my head, my eyes meeting his. ‘He wants to talk. I’m meeting him tomorrow.’
‘Lana…’
‘He just wants to talk, Eddie.’
‘He’s come all the way from England to talk? He could’ve done that over the phone.’
‘I know.’
‘When you left him, Lana…’
‘We’d just grown apart. I already told you that.’ My voice was quiet as I realised that was about all I’d told Eddie about my split from Adam. He had no real idea what had brought it about, or how I’d really felt when I’d walked out on twenty years of my life. I hadn’t thought it mattered. Until now. ‘There was no fighting, no bad feeling, nothing like that. We’d just grown apart.’ I looked down at my han
ds again, my fingers still pulling at a stray thread in the torn knee of my jeans. ‘I found a gun, Eddie. In the kitchen drawer.’ I wasn’t even sure I’d meant to say that out loud, or maybe I had. Maybe I’d seen it as the perfect diversion from a conversation I really didn’t want to have.
I heard him sigh, looking back at him as he pushed a hand through his unkempt hair, his expression almost stoic. ‘I meant to put that away.’
‘Is it legal?’ I asked, waiting until his eyes met mine, holding his gaze.
‘Aye. It’s legal. And no, it isn’t loaded.’
Whether it had been loaded or not hadn’t even crossed my mind, and that caused a small wave of nausea to rise. I really shouldn’t have touched that thing.
‘Look, Lana, sweetheart, things are bound to be different…’
‘I know that. I’m not stupid, Eddie. It was just a shock, that’s all. Guns aren’t something I’m overly familiar with in my world.’
That deafening silence fell between us again, but still my expression didn’t waver. Our eyes were still locked together and all I could feel was my heart beating so hard inside me it almost felt out of control.
‘Do you want to talk to him?’ Eddie asked, his voice tinged with a slight hint of irritation.
‘I have to,’ I whispered.
‘Do you? I thought that part of your life was over. I thought you were moving on.’
‘I am. I’m trying to, but… I’ve got to do this, Eddie.’ I just wished I knew why.
He reached out, touching my face, his thumb stroking my cheek, his mouth moving closer to mine and I closed my eyes, falling against him as he kissed me slowly.
‘Things are changing for me, too, Lana. You, being here, it’s changing everything I’ve ever known.’ I rested my hand lightly over his, our eyes once more locking together. ‘For most of my life I’ve been alone, because that’s the way it’s…’ He broke off, looking down, his fingers clinging onto mine. ‘It’s the way I wanted it. I’ve never needed anyone else, never wanted anyone else.’ He looked back up at me. ‘There were always enough women out there willing to accept that all I wanted was sex and a quick goodbye. But you…’
I shook my head, resting my forehead against his. ‘Adam being here, it changes nothing between us, do you hear? I’m not going back to him, and I’m not leaving here. Whether you want me or not, I’m going nowhere. This past year, I really thought I’d started to make progress, you know? I thought I was finally starting to get everything into some kind of order; that I knew what I was doing, where I was going, who I actually was. But there are still so many things I need to work out. I’m finally that person I really want to be, or I’m getting there, anyway. And being here, with you, this was the adventure I needed, Eddie. I needed you. You’ve made me feel…For the first time in my life I actually feel like me. It’s taken me a long time to find that person and I’m not going to let Adam turning up ruin that; ruin us.’
He kissed me again, and again I fell back against him, letting that kiss take over, pushing aside any thoughts of Adam and the confusion his arrival had kicked up. A confusion I hoped was only momentary.
‘Come on, gorgeous.’ He stood up, taking my hand and pulling me to my feet. ‘We’re going for a ride you ain’t ever gonna forget.’
I rested my chin on Eddie’s shoulder, my arms wrapped tight around his waist. All I could see was desert either side of us, the quiet, almost traffic-free road stretching out in front of us, as far as the eye could see. The sun was about to set, the only noise the sound of the bike – it was perfect. I’d become so used to these rides in the short time I’d been here. I craved them now. They were my drug of choice– holding onto my biker boy, the two of us alone, with just the Harley and the open road for company. I was in a bubble I didn’t want to escape from now. Everything I didn’t want to think about was gone, pushed away for the time being. I wanted to bottle this experience and keep it forever, so I would always remember, at this very second in time, how free and alive I felt. How nothing could touch me, nobody could get to me. I was who I wanted to be, doing what I wanted to do, with the person I wanted to be with. Right at this very second in time, my life was perfect.
Burying my face in his shoulder, I briefly closed my eyes, breathing in the smell of leather and engine oil, my fingers gripping him tighter as he pulled the bike into a lay-by, the tyres screeching, kicking up dust as he spun it around, putting a foot down on the ground to finally bring it to a stop.
I let go of him, pulling off my helmet and shaking out my hair.
‘Good?’ He turned his head slightly, smiling at me.
‘Yeah.’ I smiled back, the feeling of exhilaration still lingering. I wasn’t sure anything could surpass it. ‘Good.’
He climbed off the bike, laying his helmet down on the ground. I made to get off too, but he put a hand on my shoulder, pushing me forward slightly, straddling the bike again, but behind me this time. ‘I asked you if you’d ever fucked on a Harley, remember?’ His mouth was so low, and so close to my ear I felt my stomach almost hit the ground, and I took a deep breath, exhaling slowly as his hand slid around to rest on my stomach.
‘I remember,’ I breathed.
‘And you haven’t, right?’
‘Right,’ I whispered, leaning back against him, his lips now travelling along my neck, his breath warm on my skin.
‘So, maybe it’s time to change that, huh?’
His voice was deep and gruff; so sexy I felt the ache between my thighs intensify within seconds.
‘You gonna be my bad, beautiful biker girl?’ he growled, and I couldn’t stop a groan from escaping. Right now, I was going to be anything he wanted me to be. I had no intention of putting up any kind of fight.
I kept my eyes closed as he continued to kiss my neck, his fingers pulling at my jacket, yanking it off and tossing it aside. I did the same with my t-shirt, and it wasn’t particularly warm out there in the desert, with the rapidly darkening sky, but my body was burning up so fast he was the only heat I needed.
‘Swing your legs out to the side, baby.’ In an action that shouldn’t have been, but actually was, incredibly erotic, he helped me wriggle out of my jeans, pulling off my underwear, leaving me completely naked. And I didn’t care. This was freedom personified. Whoever I’d become now, whoever this person was who seemed hell bent on taking me places I hadn’t even allowed my dreams to go, I liked her. I liked her a lot. ‘Now put the boots back on,’ he murmured. ‘And get back on this bike. Keep your back to me, darlin’.’
Slipping my knee-high biker boots back on I once more straddled the leather seat, leaning forward, my fingers gripping the handlebars as he held onto my hips. I’d never felt so sexy, so wanted; never felt more like acting the low-down dirty bitch for a man who could, quite honestly, turn me on just by opening his mouth.
Pulling me back, just slightly, I closed my eyes as I felt him slowly push into me, his groans merging with mine, the denim of his jeans rough against my skin, but that was good, that was so good! I was naked, on a Harley, in the middle of the Nevada desert, with one hell of a hot biker fucking me from behind. And the angle of my body the bike’s seat had caused me to adopt – Oh, Jesus! The pleasure was indescribable! Everything that was happening, everything I was feeling, it was worth every single sacrifice I’d made to be here, with this man. It was worth it all, to feel what I was feeling right now.
Arching my back, pushing myself harder against him, I cried out loud, almost screaming his name, the sensations I was experiencing so intense I couldn’t hold them in, and why even try? We were alone. And even if we weren’t, I didn’t care. The whole world could watch him fucking me and I wouldn’t mind. In fact, the thought of that just turned me on even more.
I gripped the handlebars tighter, arching my back deeper, his fingers digging into me as he thrust in and out, my body slamming back against his, the cool breeze on my skin heightening everything, every nerve ending standing to attention. And when he came, his almost ani
malistic cries filled the air, echoing around the silence that surrounded us, his body stiffening slightly, his hands still holding tightly onto my hips. It was just seconds before I felt myself start that climb, thanks to him and the friction of the leather seat against me; felt it building up, washing over me, causing me to cry out twice as loud as him. Because I could. Because I wanted to. Because he was making me feel like the most incredible woman in the world.
I kept my eyes closed as he pulled me up, and I leant back against him, listening to his breathing, letting what we’d just done sink in. ‘Bad enough for you?’ I gasped, reaching up to bury my fingers in his hair.
He laughed, low and deep, and I felt the tiniest of shudders hit me, his hands covering my breasts, his mouth kissing my shoulder. ‘Bad enough for me, darlin’.’
It was dark now, the only illumination available coming from the beam of the Harley’s lights, and I was amazed at how calm I felt, out there in the middle of nowhere with a man who was, in reality, still a stranger to me. Yet I’d never felt closer to him than I did right now.
Winding my fingers in his hair, my eyes still closed, I groaned quietly as his hands moved down, running over the curve of my waist, my hips, lightly stroking my thighs, moving inwards. I arched my back again as his fingers found home, touching me gently, easing out of me tiny gasps that seemed to get just a touch louder as his fingers probed deeper. And when he finally slid them inside me, those tiny gasps all seemed to roll into one, long, drawn-out moan, my head thrown right back against his shoulder, his mouth finding mine in the most erotic of kisses. I opened my legs wider, giving him permission to push deeper, not that he needed permission to do anything. Right now, he could do what the hell he liked to me and I’d take it, all of it, whatever it was. Because this – this was my fantasy, a once make-believe world I was finally living. And I needed it. Craved it. Wanted it. I wanted Eddie Fletcher. Oh, God, did I want him!
Shirley Valentine Goes to Vegas Page 12
