I flicked through a magazine I’d bought at the mini-mart next door as I ate my lunch, enjoying the solitude. I was alone in a crowd but that suited me just fine right now. My world was slowly starting to make sense again and maybe it was strange to some people, that I’d had to come all this way in order for that to happen, but something had pulled me back here. Something had made me come back to Vegas and I hadn’t ignored it. I’d acted on it and now I was here, it felt like the right thing to have done. Distance and space was everything.
Pushing my plate away I leant over to slip the magazine into my bag, feeling wonderfully refreshed and ready for an afternoon lying by the pool, listening to some music and chilling out. There was no harm in topping up the tan while I had the chance.
‘Anyone sitting here?’
My head shot up as I heard his voice, my heart almost stopping in my chest as I saw him standing there. Because he wasn’t someone I’d expected to see. Not here. Not now.
‘I… No.’ It was all I could get out. No other words were forthcoming.
Eddie pulled out the chair and sat down opposite me, leaning forward and clasping his hands together on the table in front of him.
‘What are you doing here, Lana?’
Oh, God, the way he said my name – was that ever going to stop making my stomach flip over like that? ‘I could ask you the same question. I thought you were in Los Angeles now.’
‘I’m in Vegas for Nate and Kaley’s wedding. They got hitched last night, in one of those little white wedding chapels they have here in town. Didn’t want a big fuss, just a few club members – and me.’
‘Things okay with you guys?’
Eddie smiled a small smile, his eyes dipping for just a second before he looked back up at me. ‘Aye. Nate’s a good friend, and we kind of need each other, you know, whether I’m a part of the club or not. And anyway, I still hold a stake in the garage the MC owns. We were never gonna lose touch. It’s just – it’s nice to not have it all on my doorstep anymore. I’m an old-school biker, remember? I like the freedom being out there on my own can give me. I never was one for worrying about anyone else. Takes enough energy to look after myself most days.’
I couldn’t help smiling too. Company was the last thing I’d wanted; the last thing I’d needed. But seeing Eddie again… I just had to make sure he didn’t kick up any unwanted confusion. I was done with all that now. I was trying to move on, from everything.
‘How did you know I was in Vegas?’ I asked, my eyes fixed on his. He looked the same as I remembered, but then, it hadn’t been all that long ago since I’d last seen him. ‘I mean, surely you bumping into me like this, it can’t just be coincidence. That would be too weird.’
‘A friend of mine saw you come in here. He didn’t know I was in town when he dropped me the text, of course, but seeing as I was… I hadn’t intended to travel back to LA until tomorrow anyway, so, I thought I’d come see how you are.’
‘I’m fine.’
‘Adam with you?’
It was my turn to look down, my eyes going straight to my left hand, and that third finger that had worn the beautiful black diamond engagement ring Adam had given me just a few short weeks ago for all of a few minutes. Yeah. That memory still had the ability to make my heart ache. Just a tiny stab of pain, but I could still feel it. That was all I was letting through, though. Just that one, tiny stab. ‘It didn’t work out,’ I said, determined to keep my voice steady.
Eddie raised an eyebrow, but he said nothing. Even though I could see he wanted to ask why.
‘You were right. In a way,’ I continued, deciding to answer his silent question. Even though I didn’t really think he needed to know any of this.
‘I was?’
‘It was never gonna work. Me and Adam. We’re too different. I mean, he tried, and maybe I could’ve tried harder but…’ I shrugged, not really wanting to get into this now. It was almost undoing everything I’d managed to achieve since arriving here. ‘I’ve changed too much,’ I said, my eyes back on Eddie’s. ‘And I don’t think it’s fair of me to ask Adam to change, too. Not if he doesn’t want to.’
‘And he doesn’t want to? Even if it means losing you?’
‘I don’t think he has it in him to change, Eddie, so, no. I don’t think it is what he wants. And if he can’t feel that, if he really doesn’t want to change, then… then I can’t make him. It isn’t fair.’
He held my gaze for a few, long seconds, and I didn’t waver once. ‘You still love him though, huh?’
‘I came here to sort my head out, Eddie, and this isn’t helping.’
‘I know what would.’
‘Come on, then. Surprise me.’
‘No surprise, darlin’. Just climb on the back of my Harley and I’ll take you some place I can guarantee will clear that pretty head of yours of any crap you want rid of. You won’t get it any clearer any place else.’
I sighed, probably a touch heavier than I’d meant it to come out. But I wasn’t sure I needed this. I’d been getting used to the time on my own. Things were starting to fall into place, but now he was here…
‘What do you say, Lana? You up for a ride? For old time’s sake?’
I could quite easily say no, get up, and leave him to it, head back to the hotel for that afternoon by the pool I’d originally had planned. But the idea of being back out there, riding his Harley, out on the open road, it was a draw too strong to ignore. More fool me…
34
We’d done this ride before, the thirteen-mile loop around Red Rock Canyon, but it never failed to hit me, the undeniably striking views that surrounded us as Eddie rode his black-and-silver Harley along the quiet roads. It was breathtaking, the colours that seemed to sink into the desert cliffs – the reds and the oranges merging with the creams and browns of the dusty interior they sat in. It was like being in a different world all of a sudden. Nothing like the bright lights and brashness of the Vegas Strip. It was stunning. It had been one of my favourite rides from the second Eddie had brought me here and somehow, it felt like I needed to be back. There was something almost spiritual about this place, a pull coming from so deep within it shook me slightly.
Eddie swung the bike around, killing the engine, the tyres kicking up dust as it came to a halt. Pulling off his helmet he turned his head to look at me. ‘You okay?’
I pulled off my own helmet, shaking out my hair. ‘Yeah. I’m fine.’
He climbed off the bike, laying his helmet down on the seat, shoving his hands in his pockets as he leant back. ‘You still no closer to making friends with fate?’
I swung my leg over so I was sitting sideways on the seat, my hands clasped between my knees. ‘I think you already know the answer to that one.’
He stared out ahead of him, and I did the same, taking in the tranquil surroundings, the red-tinged cliffs in the distance, the cobalt-blue sky that was spotted with just a smattering of tiny clouds; the masses of cacti and desert plants that spread out before us in the clay-coloured, dusty-dry ground. The only noise I could hear was the sound of the desert.
‘So, you don’t think you came back here for a reason?’ He was still staring straight out ahead of him and I turned my head to look at him, unable to take my eyes off him. I didn’t want to.
‘I told you why I’m back here.’
His eyes met mine. ‘And you think that’s the only reason you’re here?’
‘Yes, I do. Eddie, I really don’t want to go down that route, okay? You may think it’s some kind of weird coincidence that both you and I happen to be back in Vegas at exactly the same time but, that’s all it is – a coincidence. And I’m not about to start reading anything more into that.’
He shrugged, turning right around to face me. ‘Well, whatever it was that brought us back here, maybe we shouldn’t completely disregard what it might be trying to tell us.’
‘And what is it trying to tell us, exactly?’
He said nothing for a few seconds, just let his eye
s bore deeper into mine. ‘That you and me – maybe we’re unfinished business. Because I still think we are.’
I climbed off the bike, shaking my head as I walked away, grabbing just a few feet of space between us, but enough to make me feel slightly less claustrophobic. ‘Don’t, Eddie. Please.’
I kept my eyes on him as he walked over to me, tilting my chin up with his thumb and forefinger, making me look right at him. ‘You have your opinions, Lana…’
He was saying my name again. He was saying my name…
‘… and I have mine.’
‘I’ve just walked out on my husband, for a second time.’
‘Ex-husband. He’s your ex-husband, remember?’
Yeah. I remembered. ‘Don’t, Eddie. Don’t.’
‘That life we talked about, Lana, we could still have it. You’d love it out in LA, and I truly believe that’s where you should be…’
‘With you?’
His eyes were still burning into mine. ‘With me.’
I stared back at him, some invisible force rendering me unable to look away, no matter how much I wanted to. ‘I didn’t come here for this, Eddie.’
‘Which is why you really should try and believe in fate a bit more. You didn’t come here for this, but it found you anyway. Doesn’t that tell you something?’
I pushed his hand away and walked back over to the bike. I didn’t need this. But it was my own fault. I shouldn’t have come. So much for not going backwards.
‘I should be getting back to the hotel,’ I said, without a great deal of conviction, running my fingers lightly over the Harley’s leather seat, looking down at the black and chrome machine that had brought us here. So powerful. So beautiful.
‘Why? You got somewhere you need to be?’
I looked at him standing there, all biker-hot and strikingly sexy with that messed-up hair and those dark, almost dangerous, eyes. ‘Yeah. Away from here. Away from you. When I said I didn’t need this, Eddie, I meant it.’
He walked over to me, not stopping until he was right there in front of me, so close I could feel the heat of his body. ‘You sure about that?’
I stared up at him, laughing quietly. ‘I’ve made my mind up, Eddie, and I can’t…’ It was all I could get out before his mouth was on mine, kissing me in that wonderfully deep and dirty way he’d always used to kiss me. And, despite myself, I gave in, for a few, weak seconds. I gave in to his touch, to the feel of his body against mine, and those few, weak seconds grew into longer, weaker minutes because now he was kissing me, now he was this close to me again, every memory of every time we’d had hot, heavy sex came flooding back, swamping me, engulfing me in a blanket of emotions I was quite willing to push aside and ignore, just so I could feel him fuck me one more time.
‘Remember the sun beating down on your naked skin,’ he murmured, his mouth resting gently against the side of my neck. ‘Remember the breeze cooling you down because, baby, we were so hot together.’
‘You pushed me away,’ I breathed, shrugging off my jacket, hearing it fall to the ground with a light thud.
‘I wasn’t in a good place, Lana.’ He cupped my cheek in the palm of his hand, his eyes burning into mine. ‘I hadn’t dealt with my demons. I’d let them take over, allowed them to guide me, make me think I didn’t need everything I really wanted…’
I took his hand, slowly shaking my head. ‘This isn’t fair on you, Eddie. Because I’m the one not in a good place now. And if we… if we do this… it isn’t fair on you.’
His mouth lowered down onto mine again, and I just melted in his arms, until I forced myself to push those memories aside, to step away from him.
‘Take me back to the hotel, Eddie. Please.’
He held my gaze for a few more beats, and the intensity in his eyes was so strong I felt a red-hot shiver physically shake my body.
‘No,’ he whispered, shaking his head. ‘No, Lana. I’m not gonna do that.’
His fingers caressed my neck– so lightly he was barely touching me – tilting my head to one side as his mouth touched my skin, sucking the fight out of me, destroying any last remnants of strength I might have had left.
‘We’re gonna do this, darlin’.’
Yeah. We were. And I was going to love every single, wrong second of it. But how could it be wrong? I wasn’t with Adam anymore. I wasn’t with anyone. So this wasn’t wrong. It was just something I wanted to do. With a man I hadn’t really managed to push to the back of my mind just yet
He loosened my jeans, sliding his hands down over my hips, my thighs, pushing them down, and I wasn’t fighting it now. I was running with it.
‘Sit down,’ he whispered, and I did as I was told, sitting down on the bike, leaning back slightly as he pulled off my jeans, reaching back up to remove my knickers, and I closed my eyes, my fingers gripping the leather seat. I felt almost detached from the situation, as though I was letting it happen, allowing him to do this, but I wasn’t totally involved.
‘Once more on a Harley, darlin’. That’s all this biker needs.’
I opened my eyes as he pulled me up, into his arms, his mouth crashing back onto mine with a force verging on violent, yet beautiful in its harshness. Raising my arms up above my head he freed me of my t-shirt, the touch of his hands on my naked breasts drawing a long, deep moan from me. I ached for this man now, for sex with this man. I wanted him in the worst way, and I just didn’t care.
He straddled the bike, pulling me down opposite him, our eyes locked together, and the anticipation I felt was like nothing I’d experienced before. It was almost painful, and I welcomed it. Craved it. Needed it.
Pushing my thighs apart he freed himself, pulling me onto him, pushing into me before I had a chance to set the breath caught in my throat free and I threw my head back, crying out as loud as I could, all the pent-up frustration rushing forward, escaping in the most beautiful of ways. I wrapped my legs around him, his hands on my hips keeping me steady as his thrusts speeded up, the force of them building steadily, growing stronger, until his cries merged with mine. He was flooding into me, I could feel him, filling me up with every fantasy he’d created inside my head, and I clung onto him, closing my eyes, letting those last few seconds of peace and calm wash over me.
‘Lie back,’ he whispered, gently lowering me down. ‘And keep those beautiful legs wide open, darlin’.’
The fantasy was still ongoing, and I was fine with that. I wasn’t sure I was ready to let go of it just yet and as I felt his mouth touch me, his tongue pushing me towards an all-consuming second climax, I let go of everything except this moment. I even let myself, for one brief second, wonder if fate really had played a part in what was happening here. But then I felt his mouth trail lightly up my stomach, his fingers taking the place of his tongue as they pushed inside me and I groaned quietly, opening my legs as wide as I could as he touched me so deep inside. So deep…
Arching my back, I felt him give one last push, his breath warm on my skin as he literally pulled that climax out of me, my body shuddering with the force of it all, the most incredible feeling. I was aware of my cries filling the silence around us, of me calling out his name, of his mouth back on mine, kissing me back to reality as those final few tingles eased their way over my skin. I wasn’t sure I wanted to leave here now. Wasn’t sure I was up for going back to that reality.
‘You still haven’t found what you’re looking for, have you, Lana?’ he whispered, pulling me up, his hands still holding onto my hips.
I didn’t answer him. Because he was probably right.
‘Do you even know what you’re looking for?’
It was like a switch had been flicked, and all of a sudden I wished I hadn’t come here. Wished I’d been strong enough to say no to him. Wished I’d been strong enough to handle a whole lot of other things way better than I had done. ‘I know exactly what I’m looking for,’ I said quietly, my eyes once more meeting his. ‘I’m just not sure I can have it.’
‘Then look
for something you can have.’
‘It’s not that easy,’ I whispered, holding his gaze, feeling a million different emotions all clashing together inside of me that were painful and hard, but also exciting and confusing.
He took my hand, his thumb gently stroking my knuckles and I looked down, watching its every move, its slow, rhythmic motion creating an almost calming effect. ‘My life’s still changing, too, Lana.’
I continued to stare down at his hand in mine, not really knowing what to say. It was like my brain had just stopped working.
‘I know I go on about freedom and not wanting to have anyone else to think about but…’
‘Eddie, please. Don’t do this.’ I didn’t want him to spoil what had just happened here by talking too much. By making both of us face up to things neither of us were ready to face.
‘Together we could take on the world, baby.’
I shook my head, because even though I’d just had sex with this crazy, wonderful man, I still couldn’t get past Adam. I couldn’t get past the man I really wanted, the man I loved; the man I couldn’t have because I was unwilling to be that woman he needed. So, in reality, how much did I really love him? If I couldn’t do that, couldn’t make that sacrifice to be with the man I wanted, how much did I really love him?
‘If you need to forget, then going back home isn’t gonna help, darlin’. It isn’t. It’s gonna make things worse, deepen that pain. You need to harden your heart, Lana. Believe me, it helps.’
Maybe he was right. Going back home wasn’t going to help me forget. But neither was staying here. Nothing was going to make me forget. I just needed to learn how to live with it. ‘You once asked me if I was going to run away from everything that needed dealing with.’ I raised my gaze, my eyes locking with his. ‘If I go with you to LA, I’d be running away from something I really need to deal with. Once and for all.’
Shirley Valentine Goes to Vegas Page 29
