“It would be no wonder if the poor man thought meanly of the rest of the world! And yet he takes on the responsibility to protect my family, which I should be surprised if he truly regards or esteems. Even in my grief, I could see the remorse he felt at his perceived inability to protect his sister.”
As a brother, a landlord, a master, she considered how many people’s happiness was in his guardianship!—how much of pleasure or pain was it in his power to bestow!—how much of good or evil must be done by him!
“Who cares for him? A much younger sister, who looks up to him almost as a father, could never provide the support a man as burdened as he is needs and desires.” Elizabeth felt the compliment of his affection again. That he should look to her for companionship and believe her worthy and capable of running his household, assisting his tenants, and entrusting the endurance of his family legacy was more than her vanity could credit.
Elizabeth concluded that her hatred for Mr. Darcy had vanished early that morning, and she had spent most of the day ashamed of her previous dislike. Convinced of his valuable qualities, she now felt respect for the man —a feeling that would have been repugnant only the day before. She respected, esteemed, and was grateful to him for his affection, and she felt a real interest in his welfare.
She began to comprehend that he was exactly the man who, in disposition and talents, would most suit her. Although his understanding and temper were unlike her own, they answered all her wishes. The union would be of advantage to both: by her ease and liveliness, his mind would be softened, his manners improved; and from his judgement, information, and knowledge of the world, she would receive benefit of greater importance.
Looking over her notes a final time, she let out a contented sigh and allowed a satisfied smile to grace her lips. Yes, she could certainly like and respect the man. It was enough. She took her parchment, walked across the room, and dropped it into the fire, rather than risk another reading it. Then she washed her hands of the ink. The action reminded her of Darcy rubbing circles over the back of her hand in the carriage, then of his lips upon her bare skin this evening. She blushed scarlet with the memory and the fact that she could only find the sensations pleasurable. Yes, it is quite enough. For now. Elizabeth made her way back to her bed, and this time found sleep quickly.
*****
Darcy House
By the time Darcy arrived at his home, he felt exceptionally weary. Although not late by ton standards, the travel and anxieties of the day exhausted him. As his sister resided with his aunt and uncle while he was away from London, and he could not see her before departing for Gracechurch Street on the morrow, he thought to write her a note. She would likely hear of his coming and going and feel concern. He shook his head and lightly chuckled, for he knew that Georgiana would be disappointed at not being able to greet him, but only for a moment until she learned of her new sister.
He entered his study and quickly penned three notes. Darcy desired to explain his betrothal in person to Georgiana and merely explained he was required to be of use to Miss Elizabeth and expected to return shortly. The second note was to Mr. Bennet. He only explained he would be arriving at Longbourn with both of his daughters. The last was to Mr. Bingley. Darcy asked if Bingley might open a room or two for him at Netherfield for the next few days and not so subtly recommended the man return to his leased estate. As he placed the notes on the tray in the hall reserved for any urgent outgoing mail, Darcy unsuccessfully attempted to keep his thoughts from pondering the difficult conversation with Bingley that lay before him.
Once upstairs and alone in his rooms, he was left to his ruminations on the day. His valet had returned to the house while Darcy was at the Gardiner residence, and he had arranged for his man to have his leave of the evening. Darcy still wore his day clothes, for obvious reasons, and was thankful he had decided against his first impulse to wear his most fashionable and tight blue coat for his call on Elizabeth. He could more easily undress himself in his current attire.
He breathed a sigh of relief as he donned his dressing gown and entered his bed chamber. He poured himself a glass of port, though he seldom indulged in a nightcap, and settled into his favourite chair next to the fire. His favoured cocker spaniel affectionately greeted him.
Alfred had been a gift to Georgiana shortly before their father passed. At the time, the young girl had insisted that what was the runt of the litter would grow to become the greatest and largest of his breed. Darcy chuckled at the memory. Despite her championing his size, Alfred had found companionship in Darcy, and Georgiana quickly discovered she preferred feline friendship instead. Georgiana’s tenacious streak was similar to Elizabeth’s; it had been among the first things to attract his notice. He felt certain she would love Alfred as he did, who was in many ways more a companion to him than any human.
Darcy greeted Alfred and gave him a nice rub down. He never came on the excursions to Lady Catherine’s, for “urgent business” frequently occurred that made Darcy leave her estate on little notice, and it was easier not to travel with Alfred in such a scenario.
Darcy knew, rather than felt, himself to be happy. He recognised the lack of ease and joy he had expected to feel upon his betrothal to Elizabeth but attributed it to the fact that his disposition seldom overflowed with mirth. Additionally, it had been a difficult day filled with more tension and anxiety than tender moments. Still, he felt the need to announce the realization of his greatest wish, for a lack of feeling did not dismiss the facts. His hand still on Alfred, he declared, “I am the most blessed man in the world, betrothed to the singular Elizabeth Bennet.” Alfred answered Darcy’s smile with a happy tail wag.
Recounting the events of the day, he realised, beyond the tumult created by his aunt and the forced nature of their betrothal, something unnamed made him uneasy. He had been initially shocked to learn that Elizabeth did not anticipate his addresses and even believed he disliked her. As he remembered her agitated response in the library to the news of that man’s true character, he grew concerned.
When he awoke that morning, Darcy had believed he would patiently woo Elizabeth for the remainder of his stay in Kent. He felt sure, intelligent as she was, she had perceived his regard. If Darcy believed Miss Jane Bennet’s heart was not easily touched, the vivaciousness of Elizabeth’s temperament would be just the opposite. He admired her liveliness of mind and that she was so unlike the other women of his acquaintance who so openly sought his approbation. Certainly she would be attracted to his intelligence and knowledge of the world. Who else could she speak to on such equal terms as he?
“Truthfully, Alfred, I gave little thought to whether she was currently in love with me. I know our interactions were limited, and she displays her character much more openly than I. She was puzzled by my character at the Netherfield Ball, while I had determined hers to be the finest of ladies many weeks before. But you have heard all of that.” His faithful companion nodded his head in obvious remembrance.
While in Hertfordshire, Darcy had assured himself that his fascination with Elizabeth Bennet was merely admiration, infatuation, and lust. Sometime during his five months in London, away from her beguiling eyes, he had realised that it was love. He was astonished to find himself so ardently in love after such a short acquaintance.
In an effort to improve Bingley’s spirits, Darcy had attended more balls and other engagements with his friend during the Season than was his habit, and certainly more than he desired. Unfortunately, this only resulted in rumours within the ton that he was in search of a wife, and at each outing, increasingly greater numbers of young ladies were thrust upon his notice. He truly had made an effort, at first, to forget Elizabeth, but not one woman he met could match her unique combination of intelligence, wit, and sweetness. At last, he had admitted defeat and recognised his love for Elizabeth Bennet.
He explained to Alfred, “There is simply something about Elizabeth that makes me want to open up, to converse with her, and her alone. She is beautiful, yes,
but that is not what first captured my attention or held it when I had not seen her in months. I have never met another woman like her.”
In truth, he barely was sensible of half the words that flew from his mouth in her presence and regularly shocked himself upon recollecting what he had said and done with seemingly no control over himself. She had asked to know the true him, which he carefully hid away from most others. No one had requested such before —and he had never before been so tempted to comply.
Darcy had considered that mere love alone, the love he witnessed Bingley often experience, could not override his sense of duty and obligation to Society’s expectations. The same duty and expectation made him a prisoner in this life. Contrary to the belief of some, even with all his wealth and connections, he could not enjoy the quiet life he preferred, nor have the wife he desired. Darcy battled for weeks to settle the issue in his mind. He did not need more wealth or connections. He wanted a true companion for his life. He wanted Elizabeth.
Georgiana had made a chance remark that made him realise his taciturn demeanour had done neither of them any favours. He considered the loneliness he felt as a child after the death of his mother and the emotional abandonment of his father, and the effect that loneliness had not only on him but also on Georgiana. Surely his children deserved loving parents. Surely he owed them that duty. Who else could he love so ardently as Elizabeth? He left for Kent shortly after coming to this conclusion, still unsure how to ever meet with her again.
Acknowledging Alfred again, Darcy stated, “It must be fate. I had to conquer these demons before I could offer for her, even when there was little chance of meeting again. I never thought I could be so thankful for my aunt’s ridiculous parson.”
Darcy frowned as his words reminded him of the most recent actions of said ridiculous parson and his aunt. Shortly after the incident in the parsonage, Darcy forced himself to concede that it was likely Elizabeth did not love him as he did her. But he determined that respect and esteem were fine foundations for love. Surely that is all his parents had before their marriage, and he had witnessed their deep love for each other. It was no surprise for his regard to be stronger than hers; he had long desired her, and she felt unnoticed by him. She was sensible and would not have allowed what would be a fanciful wish to override her reason. She had no cause to believe he would offer for her, so how could she feel deep attachment?
Now, as he reflected on the day as a whole, his confidence began to waiver. It chafed that she would think him capable of dishonouring his father’s will. More alarming to him were her strong reactions to the revelations that she was wrong about Wickham —reactions he had witnessed in his sister’s disillusionment of the man, although Elizabeth claimed she did not love him.
“Of course, she believed Wickham. The man is charming,” he reassured himself again. Alfred cocked his head and raised his ears as if asking Darcy to think more thoroughly on the matter.
Darcy took a sip of his port, letting it slowly trickle down his throat while turning the glass in his hand, as though it would allow him to decipher the puzzle that was Elizabeth. He narrowed his eyes and stared in the fireplace, recalling the words she spoke in the carriage when she confessed to believing Wickham.
“She said she had been blind and foolish. She apologised before I even shared the truth about the man.” At the time, he had believed it a sign of her intelligence and generosity.
Darcy remembered the mortification on her face during her confession and had witnessed it again in Mr. Gardiner’s study. She believed he had made an error of honour. This would have been a gross failing, and his exoneration surely brought relief but would not explain such a reaction.
The liquor began to form a knot in his stomach as reality settled in. He declared to Alfred incredulously, “Conviction brought her reaction. After I begged forgiveness for interfering with Bingley, she looked at me with new eyes and realised I could never have been so dishonourable as to ignore my father’s will. She suddenly believed in my integrity. Did Wickham’s lies affect her opinion of me so grossly that she doubted my character entirely and did not think it an aberration?”
Darcy considered this for a moment, then concluded Elizabeth was too sensible and rational to be so blinded by the words of one man compared with all she knew of his worth. He knew everyone with sense respected him; surely his reputation would have preceded him everywhere there was gossip from Town. He was well known as a good and liberal master and landlord, a credit to the Darcy name. On the occasion this was unknown, his friendship with a man as amiable and reputable as Bingley would be another testament to his good character. He remained convinced that Elizabeth would esteem him, even if she thought he had a few faults, which he could easily disprove. Thus, in his somewhat wilfully blind arrogance, he readied himself for bed.
Tossing aside his doubts on Elizabeth’s esteem of him, he instead focused on the memory of her blushes and smiles from the day. After months of nothing but memories and imagined interactions, the intimate ones created during the day thrilled him. The way she seemed affected when he had traced circles on her hand and her delightful gasp at the touch of his lips on her silky soft skin danced in his mind. He could finally allow himself to enjoy each sensation he had suppressed during the day and anticipated a night of very pleasant dreams indeed.
Chapter Five
Tuesday, March 31, 1812
London
In his study, Mr. Gardiner looked at the determined young man across from him. “You take too much upon yourself.”
Mr. Darcy replied with grave sincerity, “The fault is mine and so I must resolve it. If I had not thought it beneath me to lay my private actions out for the world to see, then I would not have to face this possibility again.”
“Mr. Darcy, it is natural and just to want to maintain your privacy. Would you risk dishonouring your father’s memory or destroying your sister’s sensibilities? How could you have imagined your former childhood friend so capable of deceit and evil? Does it fall on you to protect every portion of the country you visit from every villain? Or shall you merely follow Wickham’s path for his lifetime?”
“What do you suggest then, sir?”
“You must find a way to end his dependence upon you. It will not do to have him returning so frequently upon your notice, to try to destroy the equanimity and happiness of your life, once you have married Lizzy. Shall you rob your children of part of their inheritance with each new payment? And if he truly desires to see you suffer, then he shall never rest. He shall grow more desperate as the years go on.”
“You are right, of course.” Darcy gave a small smile. “I once told your niece that I was capable of implacable resentment, and I had thought of Wickham at the time. I can see through your eyes that I am too lenient and forgiving towards the reprobate. However, I cannot challenge him; he is not honourable enough to attend the match.”
Mr. Gardiner shook his head. “What we need is a motivation to make him depart from whatever plans he currently has, and we need indisputable leverage to check him permanently.”
“Will that not teach him that I am still going to give him money? And will the blackmail not make him grow desperate?”
“I did not say a financial motivation. We can satisfy both necessities with one action, if you could obtain him leniency for some crime he has undoubtedly already committed. He sounds clever enough to concede defeat where necessary and to understand when the risks are too great.”
After a lengthy pause, Darcy realised his goals of protecting all the world from Wickham were impossible and conceded to Mr. Gardiner’s plans. “I have little faith that he would abandon his ways, and short of death or imprisonment, there is no way to keep him from the population at large. I suppose at this point, my best hope may be that he can be convinced to give up his personal feud against me and might choose another poor soul to attach himself to. For such a plan I shall need to hire investigators and should like to have my cousin, who is a colonel in the regulars,
assist me. Am I correct to presume that you employ men of this nature before acquiring a new business partner?”
Mr. Gardiner chuckled. “You will do very well with Lizzy! You are correct, sir. I should be happy to use my contacts to assist us in our endeavour.”
Darcy saw that he must graciously accept this aid but then addressed his next concern. “I insist on being intimately acquainted with all facets of this operation. This process, however, might take more time than my original plan to entice him with money. I should still like to speak with Mr. Bennet to protect the young ladies of Longbourn, and I wish I could do something to protect all of Meryton.”
“Do you still wish for my help in addressing Bennet?”
“I should like that very much. I confess that I am not quite sure what to make of him.”
“I should imagine not. I shall warn you that when I visited at Christmas, he quite liked Mr. Wickham.”
It seemed to Darcy that Mr. Gardiner had something else to say on the matter, but the gentleman appeared to think better of it, for he merely shook his head. “While you take your leave of Mrs. Gardiner and visit in the morning room, I shall draft a letter to my brother in hopes that he shall graciously accept your assistance.”
*****
While the gentlemen formed a plan in Mr. Gardiner’s study and Jane finished her packing, Elizabeth sat in the morning room and was approached by Mrs. Gardiner.
Her aunt sat next to her and took her hand. “Lizzy, I wish to speak with you.”
Elizabeth nodded; she had expected as much. “I assume Uncle spoke with you already?”
“Yes, and I could not be more shocked! You must remember all too well my recent advice concerning Mr. Wickham. It is well I spoke to you, and you had the sense to listen. I shudder to think what your life could be like married to such a man.”
Compromising Mr. Darcy: A Pride and Prejudice Variation Anthology Page 6
