Colder Than Ice

by MacPherson, Helen

  Michela put down her pen and watched as Allison rubbed the base of her neck. I could do that for you if you like. She mentally slapped herself. “I know what you mean. It’s been years since I’ve had to write freehand. I’m sure recording my research would have been a lot easier if my digital tablet hadn’t died when it did. It’s amazing what we get used to, isn’t it?” Allison nodded. “Hey, have you found any reference to whether Elizabeth told the rest of the crew that they were being led by a woman?”

  “Not really. From what I can see, she traveled as a male and that makes a little sense. Who’s likely to follow a woman to the bottom of the world?” Allison rose and turned to the small gas stove. “Would you like a cup of hot chocolate?”

  “If you’re offering. Thanks very much.” Michela watched as Allison pulled her own mug from the makeshift shelf at the end of her bed. “You know if you put anything else on that it’s likely to break.”

  Allison looked at the shelf and then shook her head. “Nah, I’m sure there’s a little more space on it.”

  Michela laughed and then watched Allison’s back as she prepared the beverage. The relative warmth of the hut allowed them to dress in only one layer. Her eyes traced a path from Allison’s warm trousers to a long sleeved skivvy that clung to her curves. Not too skinny, that’s nice. Certainly nicely built for her outdoor work. Wonder what it would be like to run my hands over the delicately muscled planes of her back.

  “Earth to Michela, are you there?”

  Michela looked up. Allison was on the other side of the table, the skivvy offering a relatively unimpeded view of her shapely figure. Michela forced her eyes away from where they desperately wanted to look and stared at the steaming mug Allison had placed in front of her. “Thanks.” She picked up the mug, blew on the liquid, and took a sip.

  Allison sat down. “Can I ask you a question?”

  Michela took another drink of hot chocolate. “Ask away.”

  “You remember the night at the coffee house?” Michela nodded. “You said you’d been in a long relationship, four-and-a-half years, I think. Why did you break up? I mean, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

  “It’s okay. It’s a little easier to talk about now,” Michela said. “My partner, or should I say ex-partner’s name is Natalie. We were together for a long time, but most of that time I was away on one field trip or another. I suppose I can’t blame her really, breaking up that is. When I think about it now I can’t help but wonder whether I was running away from commitment, trying my best to not develop any lasting emotional ties. I’d been hurt before and now I’m wondering whether I was ever true with her in the relationship. Maybe she’s better off with someone else.”

  Allison pondered Michela’s response. “Did you love her?”

  Michela ran her fingers through her hair and gazed around the cabin as if looking for an answer. She returned her attention to Allison. “I used to think I did but now, well, I’m not so sure. What about you and Rick? That is, if you’re okay to talk about it.”

  Allison dismissively waved her hand. “No, I’m over it. I don’t really know what I saw in him in the first place. I suppose there was a time when I thought I loved him and believed he was the only one for me. But recently we’d grown apart. Strangely enough while I’m none too happy with his new choice of partners, it’s not that which bothered me the most. I think it was his deceit.” She took a sip of her hot chocolate. “I mean, if he’d had enough why didn’t he say so?”

  Michela nodded. “I know what you mean. Imagine my surprise when I came home from visiting Charlotte Finlayson, to find my work second-in-command with his hands all over Natalie.”

  “Did you say his?” Allison asked. “That had to be painful. What did you do?”

  “I walked out but not before saying that when I told him to keep abreast of the situation it didn’t mean fondling my partner’s breasts as well.” She paused at Allison’s reddening cheeks. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be that explicit.”

  Allison rose and turned to the small makeshift sink. “No, that’s okay. After all, you were only telling the truth.” And besides, Alli, your reaction has more to do with you thinking what it would feel like to have Michela’s hands on parts other than those not covered by clothes. “I really don’t want to go back to the diary just yet. How about a game of cards?”

  Michela laughed, happy to break the tension that had been building between them. “Are you a glutton for punishment? Last time we played I beat the socks off you. Are you sure you want to try again?”

  Allison curled a finger at Michela. “Bring it on, woman, bring it on.”

  Oh, Alli, if you only knew. Michela retrieved the cards and dealt the first hand of their card-playing war—one that lasted the stormy afternoon.

  MICHELA TRIED HARD not to laugh. “You said nothing of the sort.”

  Allison pulled on a flannel shirt over her skivvy as a tinge of cold seeped through the warmth of the hut. “I did, too. The deal was whoever lost at the cards not only had to cook tea, but wash up as well. I can’t help it if you couldn’t focus on the cards.”

  It was entirely your fault. If I wasn’t preoccupied in trying not to look at you, I’d have whopped your rather pleasant ass. Michela kicked herself for the fortieth time that day, reminding herself to keep her mind above her belt buckle. “Don’t worry, we’ll try again after tea and I’ll leave you for dead.”

  Allison shook her head. “Maybe tomorrow. I really do have to get some more of the diary read. I know once we get back to Sydney, it’ll become the centrepiece of old Peterson’s collection.”

  Michela frowned. “Peterson, Flinders Museum patron? Isn’t that Di’s last name?”

  Allison nodded. “Daddy’s the museum’s patron.”

  “So that’s where Di fits into all of this. That explains a lot.”

  “I’ve no doubt in the near future she’ll be the head of at least one of the Museum’s departments. But for the moment, the diary’s under my charge and so I’m going to make the most of it.”

  MICHELA WAS STRETCHED out on her bed studying her notes when she thought she heard a sniffle. She looked to where Allison was seated reading the diary and frowned at seeing her silently weeping. She quietly put down her notes, went to Allison’s side, and put a soothing hand on her shoulder. “Are you all right?”

  Allison’s distraught tear-stained face nearly broke Michela’s heart. Michela pulled around a chair, sat beside Allison, and took her hands in her own. “Honey, what’s the matter?”

  “I’ve just read the diary entry where Elizabeth reconciles she’s not only lost most of her crew, but their ship hasn’t turned up. They’re stranded, with no possible hope of rescue. The pain in her words is too much to bear. I can’t help but wonder what must have gone through her mind, knowing she’d never see her wife again. That must have been heartbreaking.” She sobbed. “How could she stand such a separation?”

  Without thought, Michela took Allison into her arms, allowing her to weep. She could only offer murmured words of encouragement.

  Finally Allison looked up and searched Michela’s face.

  “Why are you so kind to me?”

  Michela brushed away a stray tear from Allison’s cheek. “Why shouldn’t I be? As I said before, no matter how much we disagree, I’m still your friend and friends do this for one another. They’re there when the other needs support.”

  Allison took a tissue and wiped her eyes. “I don’t know what came over me. I was okay until I started thinking of Elizabeth here, dying all alone and away from Charlotte, who’d never really know what happened to her. The more I thought about it the worse things got.” She blew her nose. “Do you think they were really lovers in the true sense of the word? Or was it merely a Boston marriage?”

  “Does it really matter? I think loving someone has more to do with how they make you feel and how you make them feel in return. Were they soul mates? Most likely. I think being lovers has more to do with
the emotion behind the act than the act itself. Boston marriage or lovers in the sexual sense, does it make a difference?” Michela closed the diary. “I think we’ve both done enough work for today. At this rate, by the time the storm breaks we’ll be blind. How about we both get some sleep?”

  Allison nodded. “I suppose you’re right, yet again.”

  Michela stood and headed for her bed when Allison grabbed her hand. Michela turned back and was rewarded with a hug.

  “Thank you for being my friend,” Allison whispered before she broke contact and went to her side of the room.

  Michela uttered a small “good night” and prepared for bed. This storm’s got to finish soon. Or I’m likely to implode.

  ALLISON AWOKE AS the relentless wind buffeted the small apple. Snuggled up against the wall she swore she could feel the fiberglass structure flex with the wind. While she knew she was safe, her thoughts were preoccupied with what had been her sole focus for the last eight weeks. What if the barrier Rob put up doesn’t hold and snow gets into the hut? We could have done more harm than good in creating a wind tunnel inside the structure. That wind tunnel has the potential to blow the fragile building across the snow.

  No matter how hard she tried to rationalize Rob’s work, she couldn’t sleep. She looked at Michela and was relieved to see she was still in a deep slumber.

  Allison dressed in her multiple layers, trying to make as little noise as possible. She pulled on her snow boots and snatched at her goggles that sat on the overcrowded small shelf at the end of her bed. Without warning the end of the shelf tilted, and books, containers, and other personal items crashed to the floor.

  Allison wheeled to Michela.

  Michela frowned and tried to force her sleep-filled eyes open. She rubbed her face, as if to remove the effects of her sleep, and finally opened her eyes. “What’s going on?” Michela looked at her watch. “Why are you dressed like that at this time in the morning?”

  Allison pulled on her gloves. “I couldn’t sleep and I was worried about whether Rob’s improvements to the hut have done more harm than good. I’m just going to do a quick check on it and then I’ll be straight back.”

  “What? Don’t be stupid.”

  Allison glowered at Michela, shoved her beanie on her head, and reached for the door handle.

  Before Allison got any further, Michela unzipped her sleeping bag, quickly rose, and closed her hand over Allison’s, effectively halting her escape. “What the hell do you think you’re doing? It’s at least minus thirty degrees Fahrenheit out there. You could damn well get yourself killed.”

  Allison ripped her hand from the door handle and stood toe to toe with Michela. “How dare you raise your voice to me!”

  “Don’t even go there, woman. What did I tell you, no, what did I tell all of you about leaving the huts in this weather?”

  “I heard what you said, but—”

  Michela grabbed Allison’s upper arms. “If that’s the damned case then why did you try to disobey me? In fact, what is it with you? You seem to take a perverse pleasure in going out of your way to do exactly the opposite to what I ask you to do.”

  “I don’t go out of the way to disobey you at all. I’m the only remaining archaeologist here and that bloody hut’s my responsibility!”

  “That may be the case, but you’re my responsibility. As long as we’re out here, that’s the way it has to be Allison. I don’t intend to lose anyone else,” Michela yelled, stepping closer to Allison.

  “Of course, we couldn’t have that happen, could we?” Allison caught herself as she saw her barb had struck home.

  This has nothing to do with the loss the camp’s already suffered. It’s you, Alli. It has only ever been about you. Can’t you see that? Closing her eyes, Michela hung her head in defeat. She softened her grip on Allison’s arms.

  “Have you any idea what I feel for you? What would happen if I lost you? I told you only yesterday that I thought I found love with Natalie, but when I met you, you changed my whole focus. No matter how hard I try to hide my feelings and force them to be otherwise, I can’t help but feel like I’m falling in love with you.”

  Michela stepped back from Allison. “I find myself wanting to know the smallest things about you. What’s your middle name, how old are you? Do you have any brothers or sisters, what’s your favorite food? That morning here, in this hut, when we returned from looking for Ewan, you don’t know how much I wanted to kiss you. If Sarah hadn’t knocked on the door then I’d have made a big fool of myself. I’m sorry, you’re probably disgusted by this, but I can’t take it any more.” She turned around and went, arms folded and frustrated at her inability to keep her emotions in check, to her side of the hut.

  Mouth agape, Allison was at a loss for words. She’s falling in love with me? So how do I feel about that? She closed her eyes as images flashed through her mind. Her first meeting with Michela. Their first confrontation. Her disdainful treatment of her and Michela’s rescue of her on the glacier at Mount Cook. That night in the coffee house, the touching of hands. Allison’s insistence on little meetings during their sea voyage. Her reaction to Maddi and the time in the emergency hut. I think I feel the same. So where do I go from here?

  Michela felt Allison’s arms snake around her waist. She turned and found Allison in her arms.

  Allison tentatively brushed Michela’s cheek. “Jane, hence my nickname AJ, thirty-two but closer to thirty-three, one brother Justin and he’s a doctor, chocolate, always chocolate, and why don’t you finish it?”

  “Finish what?” Michela asked.

  “This.” Allison put her hand on the back of Michela’s head and drew her close.

  Surprised by Allison’s boldness, Michela pulled back, only to find her lips pursued by Allison’s. Surrendering to the sensations coursing through her, she tentatively mapped Allison’s back with her hands. Despite the layers of fabric, she was painfully aware of Allison’s muscular strength.

  Allison broke the kiss and put her head against Michela’s chest, surprised that the rapid beating of Michela’s heart matched her own. She’d never meant to react the way she did, but was glad she had. Seeing the pain and honesty in Michela’s eyes had shattered her resolve and, despite what she kept on telling herself, she could deny it no longer. The feelings she had for Michela were equally strong. The kiss was sweeter and more passionate than anything she’d ever experienced before. She smiled into Michela’s sleeping shirt.

  “I don’t think I could have said it before but you make me feel the same way,” she said. “You’ve had me off kilter since the day at the crevasse in New Zealand when you held me and called me honey. Not only that, but whether I liked it or not, before things ended with Rick I found myself irrationally measuring you up against him and he was failing dismally. No matter how hard I tried to run from it, when you looked my way I felt as if I was melting from the inside out. And as for that second night in the emergency hut, you were generating so much heat, I severely doubted that we needed a sleeping bag. I was so incredibly aroused it was only doubt and a degree of ignorance that stopped me from doing heaven knows what.”

  Michela chuckled and kissed Allison’s forehead. “Me, too. When you snuggled back into me I thought I was going to die. It was only my promise I wouldn’t compromise you that stopped me from taking it further.”

  Allison shyly leant back from Michela. “I still feel as I did that night in the hut. Where do we go from here?”

  Michela slightly leant back and frowned. “Are you sure this is what you want? This has been a very stressful time out here for everyone, not the least of which you. I don’t want you to think you have to commit to something you don’t—” Allison placed a silencing finger on her lips.

  “I’ve been known to be indecisive, but I think, no, I know I’m sure about this. It’s not about stress or being here for as long as we have, it’s about how I feel for you. It has been for a while now, I was just too stubborn and proud to admit it.” Covering her
shyness, Allison leaned in for a kiss just as the final cup that had been precariously balanced on her bookcase fell and shattered on the floor.

  Allison bent her head down and chuckled. “I made a bit of a mess, didn’t I.” She moved out of Michela’s arms and turned to the broken cup. “Let me clean it up.”

  “Leave it.” As Michela opened her arms in invitation, Allison eagerly entered them. With one finger, she gently lifted Allison’s chin and kissed her. Lightly stroking Allison’s face, Michela was engulfed by emotions. Almost tentatively she stroked the tip of her tongue across Allison’s lips and smiled when entrance was granted. She lightly teased Allison’s tongue and her senses caught fire as Allison’s tongue shyly entered her mouth.

  Allison was on sensory overload. When Michela had brushed her lips she honestly thought her legs would fail her. The sensations now went far beyond what she’d ever experienced before. The heat in her stomach was a raging inferno that was rapidly engulfing her body. She broke away from the kiss and managed to whisper into Michela’s ear, “God, I want so much more. I don’t know what to do.”

  Michela relaxed her embrace. She cupped Allison’s cheek in her hand as she lightly stroked it with her thumb. “Do you remember what we talked about yesterday, about Elizabeth and Charlotte?” Allison furrowed her brows. “You asked me whether the two were lovers or in a Boston marriage. Do you remember what I said?”

  Allison shook her head.

  Stroking Allison’s face, Michela gazed into her piercing cobalt eyes. “I said it didn’t matter whether they were lovers or not, it was the emotion behind the act and not the act itself.” Allison nodded. Michela lightly grazed Allison’s lips with her own. “Let your emotions lead you, the rest will follow.” She pulled Allison to her and they stood, relishing in the warmth and comfort of each other.

  Michela stepped back and held out her hand to Allison. “Let me show you.”

  Allison took the hand and Michela led her to her bed. Michela slowly undressed Allison, only pausing to scatter feather-soft kisses on her face to convey the depth of emotion she felt.