by Anne Mather
And this was when the argument had become less tolerant. Matthew had stated flatly that he had no intention of booking rooms in any hotel when his own family were perfectly prepared to accommodate them, and when Celine started to criticise his family he told her bluntly that he would not bring the Lawford name into disrepute in the town by revealing his wife’s imperfections.
It had become a terrible slanging match, with Matthew controlling his temper admirably. Inevitably, Celine had burst into tears and Mrs. Lawford, with her innate kindness, had led her daughter-in-law away and calmed her with coffee and aspirins.
But Celine’s behaviour had put a damper on the party, and when Jeff suggested that he and Darrell and some of the others went on to the nightclub in the town, they had all been eager to agree. Consequently, Darrell had arrived home in the early hours of the morning feeling exhausted and distinctly depressed.
Sunday was not usually a busy day at the Sedgeley General and the morning dragged by until lunchtime when there was an emergency appendectomy in the theatre. Darrell had her lunch with Carol Withers, a fellow staff nurse, in the hospital canteen, and then returned to the surgical ward until the evening. Visitors were allowed for two hours during the afternoon, and as there were no further emergencies, Darrell was able to write up her reports in Sister’s office without interruption. There was a minor upheaval soon after tea when the patient who had had the appendectomy recovered consciousness and was sick all over his bed, but the sheets were soon changed and Darrell spent several minutes assuring the poor man that he had not been the nuisance he imagined. Then it was time to hand over to the night staff, and Darrell collected her cape and handbag and left the building.
It had been an unsettled day, periodically raining and then becoming sunny, but the evening was quite delightful, the sky almost completely rid of the clouds which had caused the showers. She walked down Hollyhurst Road feeling more relaxed than she had done walking up it that morning, and was shocked out of her reverie when a long gunmetal grey car pulled alongside her. She didn’t recognise the car. It belonged to no one she knew, she was sure—an impression which was quickly allayed when Matthew Lawford climbed out.
He was wearing a dark suit in some sort of soft suede, and his tie was very black against his white shirt. The thick brown hair lay smoothly against his head, and his thick lashes hid the expression in his eyes. There were lines beside his mouth which she didn’t think had been there yesterday, and a feathering of anticipation slid along her spine.
“Hello, Darrell,” he greeted her quietly. “I’ve been waiting for you.”
“For me?” Darrell glanced all round her, as though she couldn’t believe he was addressing her, but the road was almost deserted. Then she looked into the car, and it was empty, too. Hot colour ran up her cheeks. “I—I don’t understand.” Or did she? “Why are you waiting for me?”
Matthew swung open the passenger side door. “Get inside,” he directed. “I have to talk to you.”
Darrell didn’t know what to say. All her emotions clamoured for her to do as he asked, but cold logic kept her standing on the pavement. “Whatever it is—whatever it is you have to say to me, can’t—can’t it be said here?” she stammered.
His eyes were narrowed. “What’s the matter, Darrell? Don’t you trust me?” he enquired, his voice acquiring an edge of coldness.
Darrell felt terrible. “It’s not that. Oh—oh, very well.”
With many misgivings, she climbed into the front of the car and he slammed her door before walking round to slide in beside her. He closed his door, but he did not immediately start the engine, and she tensed.
“It’s about Susan—Susan and Frank,” he told her steadily. “I gather you haven’t heard the news today?”
“The news? What news?”
Darrell was hopelessly confused, but something in his tone stirred a ripple of cold premonition inside her.
Matthew sighed. “There’s been a crash, Darrell,” he replied tonelessly. “Late last night. But it was early this morning before we got the news…”
“News?” Darrell stared at him blankly. Then: “You can’t mean—you don’t mean—the plane –”
Matthew looked down at his hand resting lightly on the wheel. “Susan and Frank are dead, Darrell –”
“Oh, no!”
“– they were killed instantly, I think. There were no survivors.”
“Oh, no!” Darrell moved her head disbelievingly from side to side. “It can’t be true. It mustn’t be true!”
“But it is true, Darrell. I assure you.” Matthew drew a steadying breath. “How do you think the family feel? How do you think my mother feels? My father…” He shook his head. “Well, he’s getting good and drunk, but my mother…” He paused. “Will you come?”
Darrell nodded, pressing trembling hands to her cheeks, feeling the prick of tears behind her lids. Matthew looked at her, as though to assure himself that she was all right, and that direct stare was the undoing of her. Unable to prevent herself, she burst into tears, feeling the salty drops wetting her hands as they streamed unheeded down her cheeks. It had all been too much—the tension over the wedding and Celine’s outburst, her own troubled feelings towards Matthew, and now this… Poor Susan! Poor Frank! Not even their wedding night had been spared them…
With an exclamation, Matthew reached for her, pulling her against him, putting his arms around her and pressing her face against his chest. He had unbuttoned his jacket and his shirt was smooth and silky against her cheek. Beneath its softness she could feel the hardness of muscle, smell the shaving lotion he wore, inhale the clean fragrance of his skin. His heart was beating steadily in her ears, and his strength was something she badly needed just at this moment. But alongside this feeling were other feelings, and it was the knowledge of their presence even in these moments of stress which forced her to draw back from him and search blindly for a tissue.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m not normally so emotional. It was just a such a—such a terrible—shock!”
“I know,” Matthew nodded, buttoning his jacket again as he turned to the wheel. His voice was strangely taut as he commented: “It’s better to cry if you can. Releases tension, isn’t that what they say?”
Darrell dried her eyes. “I suppose so. Could we—that is—I’d rather not go—like this.” She indicated her uniform selfconsciously.
Matthew started the engine and swung the powerful car away from the kerb. “Just direct me to where you live,” he answered. “I’ll wait while you change.”
When they reached the flats, Darrell turned to him. “I—will you come in?” she invited awkwardly.
“Would you rather I didn’t?”
Darrell hesitated a moment and then shook her head. “No, please—come in.”
Matthew made a gesture of acquiescence and as she fumbled her way out of the door at her side, he climbed out easily and locked the car.
The cream emulsioned walls of the apartment building had never seemed more drab, the stair treads bare and worn in the centre. Darrell led the way upstairs on unsteady legs, finding her key and inserting it in the lock.
Matthew stood in the centre of the living room looking about him with what she felt sure must be feigned interest. He had never been here while Susan was living in the flat, and now that she was dead… Dead! She still couldn’t believe it.
“I won’t be a minute,” she said, flinging her handbag on to a chair and indicating the couch. “Won’t you sit down? I’m afraid I don’t have anything alcoholic I can offer you, but there’s coffee…”
“Thank you.” Matthew was polite. “But I don’t want anything. Take your time. There’s no hurry.”
Darrell left him sitting on the couch and entered her bedroom. As she took off her uniform she surreptitiously examined her face in the dressing table mirror. She looked pale, much paler than usual, and there were blotches round her eyes where she had been crying. What a mess! What must he think of her? She sighed,
shaking her head impatiently. Don’t do getting the wrong ideas about this, she told herself severely. It had been kind of him to come and break the news, but that was all.
She dressed in a plain navy skirt and a cream blouse, brushing her hair out of the severe chignon she wore for working, and securing it behind her ears with two combs. Cold water had removed almost all traces of grief, and a careful use of a moisturising foundation cream erased the rest. She didn’t bother with any other make-up, she seldom wore a lot anyway, and the result was still very pale, but composed.
Matthew rose to his feet as she re-entered the lounge, a dark blue suede coat over her arm. His eyes flickered over her briefly, and then he said: “You’re ready?”
Darrell nodded.
“Have you eaten?”
Darrell frowned. “Why—no. But it doesn’t matter. I’m not feeling much like eating anyway.”
Matthew thrust his hands into his jacket pockets. “You must eat something. As a nurse you should know that.”
Darrell glanced round helplessly. “It’s all right—really.”
Matthew regarded her for another unblinking moment, then he shrugged. “Come along, then.”
It was amazing how quickly one could reach Windsor Street if one did not have to rely on buses, Darrell thought bleakly, trying to put the picture of Susan and Frank’s mangled bodies out of her mind. One could by-pass the town centre completely, taking the direct route on the ring road. There were plenty of cars about on this warm summer evening and it seemed incredible that for most of these people another plane crash would arouse nothing more than an exclamation of sympathy for those involved. But for Susan and Frank…
She pressed her lips tightly together. She must not get emotional, not now. She had been Susan’s friend, but the Lawfords were her family, her flesh and blood. Somehow she had to be strong enough to bear their grief and absorb some of it if she could.
Matthew, who had been silent on the journey, glanced sideways at her as they turned into Windsor Street. “This is going to be pretty harrowing for you, Darrell,” he said quietly. “But thank you for coming. My mother—all of us—appreciate it.”
His words affected her more than her thoughts had done, and she nodded quickly, not trusting herself to speak. When the powerful car drew to a halt at the Lawfords’ gate, she thrust open her door and climbed out before she succumbed to the crazy desire to comfort him as he had comforted her a little while ago.
The next few hours were gruelling ones as Matthew had predicted. The house seemed full of people, and the kettle was constantly boiling to make tea. Relatives from out of town who had attended the wedding the day before and who had been staying overnight before returning home were still there, and there was a lack of organisation that Mrs. Lawford would never have permitted had she not been stricken with her own grief. She gathered herself sufficiently to tell Darrell that the airline was sending all the bodies home for burial, and that Evelyn and her husband had flown out to Palma, at the airline’s expense, to attend to the details on their behalf. Frank’s father had gone too, she said, but Mr. Lawford was in no fit state to go anywhere. Darrell guessed what it must have cost her to tell an outsider this, and respected her for it.
Darrell herself was soon busy in the kitchen, washing dishes and generally making use of herself. There was still a certain amount of disorder left from the night before, and she stacked cakes and pastries into tins and threw out dozens of empty bottles and sandwiches whose edges had curled unappetisingly. Penny, the Lawfords’ youngest daughter, appeared from time to time, her eyes red-rimmed from crying. She was no assistance, but Jennifer, the other married sister, remained by her mother’s side. Darrell understood that at a time like this Mrs. Lawford needed someone to lean on.
Susan’s brothers seemed to have taken over the dining room and were keeping out of the way. The majority of people milling around were aunts and uncles and cousins, and one or two of Frank’s relatives. Laura Vincent, Mrs. Lawford’s sister, came to help Darrell with the washing up and it was she who explained how the news had been broken in the early hours of the morning.
“We hadn’t heard any news, you see,” she said, shaking her head. “Not having the television on, or anything. Frank’s family were getting ready to go home when these policemen came to the door.”
“It must have been terrible,” put in Darrell sympathetically, and Laura nodded.
“It was—terrible! Our Margaret just collapsed, and Jim—well, he—he wouldn’t believe it.”
“I still find it hard to believe,” murmured Darrell, with feeling.
Laura picked up a cup and began polishing it absently with the teacloth. “It was just as well our Matt was here. He was a tower of strength. Pulled his mother round, he did. I don’t know what she’d have done if that toffee-nosed wife of his had had her way and they’d left directly after the wedding. That was what she wanted to do, you know. And causing that scene after tea! Conceited, that’s what she is. Thinks herself too good for the likes of us!”
“Oh, please…” Darrell didn’t want to get involved in a discussion about Celine Lawford. “Er—Evelyn left this morning, then?”
“For Palma, yes. Matt would have gone himself, but our Margaret begged him to stay. The funeral’s likely to be on Thursday. Joint affair, so I believe. Susan and Frank. Susan and Frank!”
Tears appeared at the corners of her eyes and she dabbed them away. But it was difficult to remain immune from the awful tragedy of it all.
Darrell was making fresh sandwiches in an effort to tempt the men to eat something at least when the kitchen door opened and Celine came in. Up until then, Darrell had assumed she must have got her way and been installed in some hotel, but it was obvious from the petulance of her expression that this was not so.
Heaving a heavy sigh, she came and perched on the corner of the table, watching Darrell working with a jaundiced eye. “You must like being here,” she commented, grimacing. “Imagine coming back at a time like this.”
There was no evidence of grief in Celine’s bored expression and Darrell wondered that anyone could remain unmoved by what had occurred. Particularly when that someone was so close to the family. But then Celine would probably tell her that she was not close to the family. She probably hadn’t met Susan above a dozen times. They were virtually strangers to her. All the same, even a stranger might find it difficult not to respond to the pathos of it all.
“I hope someone’s hungry.” Darrell avoided any open confrontation. “I wonder if everyone likes cheese with chutney.”
“I suppose, being a nurse, you’re used to situations like this,” remarked Celine, bringing a pack of cigarettes out of the pocket of her well cut slacks. Although she was small, she was very slender, and the masculine attire accentuated her femininity.
Darrell nodded now. This at least was safer ground. “Yes. Although one never quite learns to accept it.”
Celine lit her cigarette. “Oh, come on,” she exclaimed. “You don’t mean to tell me you feel for every passing corpse that comes your way!”
Darrell didn’t care for her turn of phrase. “Death is always unexpected,” she replied carefully. “I can never quite get over the feeling of loss when two people are in a room together and suddenly one of them –” She broke off. “I’m sorry. That was morbid of me.” She quartered the pile of sandwiches and began arranging them on a plate. “When—when are you leaving? After—the funeral?”
Celine exhaled smoke through her nostrils, looking irritable. “God alone knows, I don’t! Matthew should have left today at the latest. He has a board meeting tomorrow afternoon, and he leaves for New York on Wednesday.”
Darrell turned to rinse her fingers at the sink. “I—I believe the funeral’s not until Thursday,” she murmured.
“I know that. But Matthew’s a busy man, his work is important. He can’t just neglect everything because there’s been a plane crash…”
“It is a family bereavement,” Darrell pointed out
quietly.
“Do you think I’m not aware of that, too? My God, it’s been thrust down my throat ever since I came here. Family this—family that. It’s sickening! What has Matthew in common with his family now? He doesn’t live like they do, he doesn’t think like they do, he doesn’t act like they do. His world is not their world. All right, so Susan’s dead, and that’s a pity. But you could count on one hand the number of times he’s seen her in the last five years!”
“Nevertheless, she was his sister, and his mother needs his support –”
“His mother needs his support! What about me? Don’t I need his support, too? My God, what has his mother ever done for him? What has his blessed family ever done for him?”
Darrell dried her hands and found a tray for the sandwiches. “If you’ll excuse me…” she murmured uncomfortably.
Celine slid off the table and paced restlessly about the kitchen. “Oh, yes, go on, go and play nursemaid to all of them. I’m superfluous here. I’m not even allowed a lousy drink to drown my sorrows, do you know that?” She snorted angrily. “Tea—that’s all they can think about. The universal panacea. Well, not for me!”
Darrell determinedly exceed herself and left the kitchen. She knocked at the dining room door and went in. The younger Lawford brothers were playing cards at the table, while Matthew and the next oldest brother Martin were standing together, talking in low tones. Martin was married, too, but his wife, Alison, came from Sedgeley, and as she was eight months pregnant at this time was spending the day with her own parents. They all looked up at Darrell’s entrance, and Jeff made an effort to act naturally.
“That was a kind idea, Darrell,” he said, getting up and taking the tray from her. “What have we here? Cheese? Ham?”
“It’s a mixture. Some are cheese and chutney, some are ham. It was all I could find, I’m afraid.”
“Well, I’m starving,” announced David Lawford, getting up as well and taking one of the sandwiches. He was eighteen and the youngest of the brothers. “Is there any beer? I could do with a drink as well.”
