"You walked right up to my porch just now," he said, pointing at me.
"Well first of all, you're gate was open, and you really can't see the sign when it's like that, and second of all, you came up to my house first."
"My gate was open because I'm expecting a delivery, and I wasn't the one who brought it to your house in the first place."
My brain latched onto the fact that he was expecting a delivery and I absentmindedly wondered what it was for a second before I realized what else he had said.
"Did you just say you weren't the one who brought this?" I asked, holding up the mace.
He nodded, still without a smile.
"Who brought it, then?" I asked.
"Your cousin."
"Cole?"
He nodded.
"How'd Cole get it?"
"I gave it to him," he said as if that was obvious.
"You saw Cole after I came here last night?" I asked, feeling confused and annoyed, and most of all embarrassed.
"Yes," he said simply.
"What was he doing over here?" I asked.
Jacob tilted his head and regarded me as if he was confused by my inability to quit overstepping my bounds.
"Seriously," I said, throwing my hands up. "Why are you okay with him coming out here?"
"Did you really just ask me that?" he asked, after a few second's hesitation.
"Yes," I said. And in a moment of being really real, I added, "It hurts my feelings for you to keep running me off. I've never had someone just hate me for no reason before, and it makes me feel bad. I barely slept last night."
"You barely slept?" he asked, skeptically.
"Yes," I said. "I don't think I've ever had someone just hate me for no reason before, and it makes me feel funny."
"I don't hate you, Ms. Martin, I just don't want anyone coming out here."
"Alex," I said. "Not Ms. Martin. And that's what I'm saying… you're fine with Cole coming out here."
He just stood there and stared at me after I said that. I had absolutely no idea what he was thinking or what he'd say next. There was a lot of shade, and the screen door made things darker, but I could clearly see his light eyes. I could only imagine how bright they would be up close and in the light.
I sighed and let my shoulders slump a little. "I'm not good at handling rejection, so if you just pretend to like me I'll probably be able to leave you alone. I just don't like to end things with you yelling at me to leave and not come back. That doesn't seem right to me. It leaves me with an unsettled feeling."
"What, do you need a hug or something?" he asked in a completely serious tone.
Something about it made me laugh, and I just stared at him as I giggled.
"Okay," I said. "A hug's a good start, I guess."
"A start?" he asked. "What do you need after that?"
I stood there for a second, wondering what it was that I really wanted from him. "Make me feel like I can come by any time I want… like Cole, where you wouldn't run me off if I stopped by."
"Yeah, but I don't want you coming by," he said, completely serious.
A rush of cold sweats hit me as it sank in that this encounter would probably end awkwardly like the others had.
"Why in the world not?" I asked. "I'm a good person. I come from a good family. We're neighbors." I hesitated before continuing. "Listen, I'm not saying I want to stop by every day—or even on a regular basis—I'm just saying I want to believe I'm welcome if I would ever decide to do it."
Even as the words left my mouth, I realized they made me sound petty and maybe even selfish, but I didn't mean it like that. I just wanted to feel like I was on cordial terms with him. It bugged me to think there was someone out there who specifically didn't want me around.
"I'll vote for you if you're running for mayor or whatever, but I don't really need a friend. Thanks anyway."
"What about Cole."
"He's as bad as you are about pushing himself on me, if you want to know the truth."
"Why'd you call him, then? Why'd you even tell him you were moving here?"
Jacob started to speak and then stopped as if my question had taken him by surprise and he needed a second to think about his answer. "I guess I don't really know the answer to that," he said. "Maybe I knew I needed a link to at least one other human. Not that it's any of your business."
"Well, Cole comes with a family, just so you know." I paused. "We all live out here, and we care about each other and our neighbors. I'm not trying to bug you, I just want to be your friend."
"That is bugging me," he said. He said it in that same dry tone he always used, but the tiniest hint of a smile touched the corner of his mouth. I stared at it, wondering if I was hallucinating, or if his expression had indeed lightened by a fraction of a percent.
"Can I come in?" I asked, trying to take advantage of the slightest sign of hope.
"No," he said, losing his barely existent smile, and returning to his normal scowl.
"Why not?" I asked. "I thought we were having a moment."
"A moment?" he asked in disbelief.
I nodded. "I thought you were just kind of smiling a little bit," I said. "I was hoping to get that hug and check out your workshop in there. Don't worry, I won't stay but for a second."
He regarded me cautiously. "You people are aggressively friendly down here," he said. "Like violently friendly."
"That's an oxymoron," I said.
He nodded as if he totally agreed. "I thought so too, until I moved down here. I'm just trying to disappear, and you guys keep inviting me to pot-lucks and asking for hugs."
"Because we think it's sad that you're trying to disappear."
"Oh, so everybody's been talking about how sad it is?" he asked.
"No, I, uh," I stuttered. "I'm not talking about anybody else. I don’t even know or care what they think. I'm just talking about me. I'm sad that you want to disappear."
"It has nothing to do with you."
"It still makes me sad," I said.
"That makes no sense."
I threw my hands into the air. "Feelings never do," I said.
"I don't want you feeling anything for me," he said.
"Too bad," I said.
"Too bad for you," he said. "Just stop."
"It's too late," I said. "I want to be your friend, and I'm pretty stubborn."
He narrowed his eyes at me like he was thinking something. "Are you trying to hook up with me because you think I have money?" he asked.
I couldn’t believe the accusation.
"If anything, you should be wanting to hook up with me because I have money," I said, defensively.
"Are you stuck down here in the swamp with no eligible men or something? Because I promise, I'm no catch."
"Obviously," I said. "And no, in spite of your winning personality, I'm not trying to hook up with you. I came over here the first time to be nice, and I came just now because I thought you'd been on my front porch." I stopped and sighed, knowing I'd been misunderstood. "We've already blown it way out of proportion. It's not that I want to stop by in the future, it's just that I want to feel like you'd be okay with it if I did."
"I get what you're saying, but I already said I'd prefer if you didn't," he said.
I stood there and gawked at him, unable to believe that he continued to be unfriendly. I could see the goodness in his eyes, and it made me crazy that just when I thought he'd say something to turn everything around, instead he says something mean and final. I let out a groan and turned to head away from him, not planning on saying anything else.
Chapter 6
"I thought you said you needed a hug," I heard Jacob's deep voice say from behind me as I turned to walk away.
I stopped and threw my hands up, but didn't turn back to face him. "I do need a hug," I said, since I knew I'd be mad at myself if I stormed off like instinct was telling me to do. "And so do you," I added without bothering to turn and face him.
"What makes you th
ink you know what I need?" he asked.
I could hear by the tone of his voice that he was still wearing a serious expression, and I had a passing thought that he might not even be capable of smiling. I turned to glance at him over my shoulder.
"Everybody needs a hug," I said. "Even if they don't want one, they need one."
"I don't."
"That exact attitude is all the more reason why you do," I said. I continued to look at him, expecting him to say something, but he didn't. After several long seconds, I turned to walk away again.
"Fine," I heard him say as I took the first step.
I glanced back at him with my eyebrows furrowed. "Fine what?" I asked.
"Fine, we can hug or whatever. You guys are so weird down here."
"You're weird for yelling at me," I said.
There was another slightly awkward silence, and then he said, "So how's this supposed to go down?"
"A hug?" I asked with a sarcastic edge to my voice. "You put your arms around each other and squeeze." I gestured in front of me. "It helps if there's not a screen between you."
"You're talking about physical contact?" he asked.
I nodded. "That's what a hug is."
"Will you sleep at night if we go ahead and do it?" he asked.
This made me let out a humorless laugh like I felt sorry for him. "It's not just about me," I said. "You need it, too."
"Fine," he said. "Let's just do it if we both need to so bad. Then we can get on with our lives."
"Fine," I said. "But you're gonna have to do something about the screen door."
Just as I said that, he reached forward to open it. In one swift movement, he stepped out onto the porch before letting the screen close behind him. He was only a few feet from me now, and I could fully appreciate his size and the brightness of his eyes. He had a few days worth of facial hair lining his jaw, and I stared at it along with the rest of his face. I repented of my sins, past, current, and future as I stared at him. I felt a surge of emotion that I knew was attraction, and it made me feel guilty, like I was lying when I said I just wanted to welcome him into the neighborhood.
I was lost in thought when I felt his arms come around me. He stepped forward, and pulled me into his embrace as if it was the most natural thing in the world. He was taller than me, so his arms wrapped around my shoulders. I put my arms around his middle, and knowing this would probably never happen again, I gave him a good squeeze. I did it tightly at first, but then relaxed to a grip that was still firm but slightly less urgent. I thought he would break away instantly, but he held me there for several long seconds. Being in his arms felt like such a relief—especially with the way he hurt my feelings the day before.
I laid my head on his chest and continued to hold him, giving a little squeeze to his ribs. I felt his body relax underneath me and I smiled to myself as he took a deep breath in and then out. He moved his hand to my head and gave me one last squeeze, holding my head securely to his chest for a split second before pulling back and breaking contact altogether.
"You were probably right," he said as he turned to walk into the house. "I'm sure I did need that." He opened the door, and stood with his hand propped against it as he turned to look at me again, still not cracking a smile.
"I needed it too," I said. "Thanks for not kicking me off of your property. I'll sleep fine tonight, just in case you were worried."
He stood there and looked me over before letting his eyes meet mine again. I swear I saw that same tiny glimmer of amusement somewhere way down deep, like I'd find a smile if I looked hard enough.
"I won't bother you anymore," I promised as I smiled and gave him a little wave.
I slowly turned to head down the steps, which gave him ample opportunity to stop me. He didn't do that. He just let me walk away. I left his property without either of us saying another word to each other. It wasn't as bad as the day before, but it still wasn't the farewell I was looking for. I had to remind myself that Jacob didn't owe me anything. I had probably already said and done too much, anyway.
I wish I could say Jacob left my mind after that, but he didn't. I thought about him in spite of telling myself not to. I knew he didn't care anything about me and it was just a waste of my time and energy, but forgetting about him was easier said than done.
Even though I didn't know all the ins and outs of his story, I sympathized with it. I don't know how to describe it other then I felt personally responsible for making sure he didn't spend the rest of his life in miserable solitude. I'm sure Cole, and aunt Debbie, and everyone else in town felt the same way, which is why we all had a hard time leaving him alone.
Every day, I felt the urge to go over there, but I fought it and made myself stay away. I didn't even ask Cole about him, which was extremely difficult. I resolved not to mention it, and I had stuck by that choice. It had been over a week since the last time I saw Jacob, and I was still doing my best to forget he lived out there.
We were at Uncle Steve and Aunt Debbie's when my cousins brought up his name. My middle sister was about to move back to Lafayette for the fall semester, and Aunt Debbie made hashbrown casserole and fried chicken, which was Wynn's favorite.
My parents and sisters along with Cam and Cole all came over for Wynn's farewell dinner, and that's where I heard Jacob's name for the first time in what seemed like forever. We had already been there for a while, and I had gone outside to give their dog some of the table scraps when I heard Cole talking to Cam in the driveway. He had backed his truck up to their dad's boat and was hitching it up.
"Jacob wanted me to show him where the frogs were." I heard Cole say.
"Is he gonna eat em?" Cam asked.
I had been stooping down to feed the dog, but I stood up so I could better hear their conversation.
Cole laughed. "I don't think so, unless he gets really desperate for food and doesn’t want to go to the store. I think he just wanted to learn how to do it. He hears those frogs at night. He was asking about them, and I told him we catch em."
Cam laughed. "I'll go with y'all," he said, as if his brother had already invited him and he was just now agreeing to it.
I thought Cole was going to say something to deny his brother—something about how Jacob wouldn't want extra visitors. But he didn't—he just kept hitching the trailer to his truck like he was going to allow his brother come along.
"I'm coming if y'all are going froggin'," I said, walking toward them.
Cole and Cam both turned to face me. It wasn't all that unusual for me to ask to go along on one of their boating excursions, so I said it like it was already set in stone.
"It's not just us," Cam said.
"I know. I heard y'all talkin' about Jacob."
"You're not going to try to talk to him," Cole said. "He already told me about you going out to his property when you dropped your mace. I told you not to go out there."
"He likes me," I said, shrugging. It was a bit of a stretch, but I knew there was at least potential for him to like me. Cam and Cole regarded me with identical skeptical expressions. "I'm serious, he likes me. Imma ride out there with y'all, and if he says he doesn't want me to come along, I'll leave."
"I don't care if you want to come," Cole said shrugging. "But you better go get sprayed for mosquitos."
Soon after that conversation, we left for Jacob's land. "I'm surprised he doesn't have a boat," Cam said, as we pulled past his house and Cole did a three-point turn to back the trailer onto the ramp.
"He does," Cole said. He gestured to the nearby dock even though it was mostly dark. "I told him I'd bring Dad's out here. He's using the old one Mr. Breaux left, and he's thinking bout getting one like Dad's."
I got out of the truck while my cousins took care of getting the boat into the water. I was watching them work when I heard Jacob's voice from behind me.
"You should have called me; I would have helped you," he said, obviously to my cousins. He hadn't been talking to me, but his words caused me to whip around
to look at him. There wasn't much light where I was standing, but I clearly saw him look at me when I turned.
"She said you wanted her to come," Cole said when he saw the two of us notice each other.
"I didn't say that," I said. "I said he would be okay with me coming, because I thought you would," I added, glancing at Jacob.
"It's fine," he said to me before looking over my shoulder at Cole. "I appreciate you bringing the boat over," he said. "Can I help you with anything? I thought you would just drive over on the water."
Cole shook his head. "We've got it. Dad had the boat on the trailer, so I decided to just go ahead and pull it over here. He said we could leave it here for a few days, and you can just dock it at his house sometime next week. Our mom's usually at home, so she can drive you home if you don't want to walk."
I glanced at Jacob and watched his wheels turning as he thought about a potential ride home with Aunt Debbie.
"I'll figure something out," he said. "Tell your dad I really appreciate him letting me use the boat."
I just stood there quietly and listened to their conversation. I loved hearing Jacob talk like a normal person. He still hadn't smiled, but he also wasn't angry. They talked for a few minutes while Cole and Cam took care of the boat. Jacob went down there as well so he could see what they were doing. I was content to stand by and take it all in. It intrigued me to hear him having a normal conversation with my cousins.
While they were talking, Jacob said he had a piece of heavy equipment that he needed help moving and asked if they wouldn't mind. They agreed, but didn't ask what sort of equipment it was or any other details about it. I was so curious about his workshop and what he was doing in that living room, that I almost broke my silent streak and asked what he was talking about. I decided to hold it in and just listen to them talk, however. I always seemed to get tongue-tied around him, anyway. Who knew, maybe they would move the mystery equipment tonight, and I would be able to see for myself what it was.
Chapter 7
I had been froggin' plenty of times in my life, so all the information my cousins gave Jacob was old news to me. For those of you who don't already know, you always go froggin' at night, and your only tools are a flashlight, and something to put the frog in once you catch it.
Loved Bayou (Martin Family Book 1) Page 4
