We don’t say anything as Mila finishes her pie and then gets down to go in search of water. “This was nice,” Hailey says from the side, and I look over at her. She really is stunning without a stitch of makeup on, and looking at her, I see little freckles on her nose.
“Um, I want to say sorry about last night.” I sit up and place my hands on the table and look over at her.
“I was hoping I had imagined that conversation,” she says softly. “I don’t usually blurt out my feelings.”
“You know what they say.” I take my beer, pulling in some. “A drunken man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts.”
She taps her finger on the table in front of her. “Is that right? Well, I did call you an asshole, so that would be correct.”
“About that,” I start, looking around for Mila who is now sitting with my mother as she rocks her. “I would really like to start over.”
“Which time?” She pushes the plates from in front of her as she leans on the table. “Which time do you want to take back?” she asks as I look into her eyes. The sadness from yesterday replaced by a soft light.
“Every single time.” And ain’t that the truth.
She nods her head and looks down, no doubt calling me an asshole in her mind, but she turns to look at me and holds out her hand. “I’m Hailey.”
Her hand’s stretched out as a peace offering. I look at it, and I see she wears no rings. I lean over and take her hand in mine, the heat from my hand warming her cold, delicate one. “I’m Jensen or, as people call me, Walker.” She smiles. I don’t let her hand go, and we just keep shaking it up and down. “And I believe I owe you an apology and a thank you.”
“Do you?” she asks confused. “For what?”
“I’m sorry for being an asshole to you.” I start and let her hand go to fall to her side. “I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. For that, I’m genuinely sorry. And …” I’m about to continue when my mother approaches the table with a sleeping Mila.
“She is out for the night, I think,” she says as she glances at Mila’s head on her shoulder.
“I should go,” Hailey says as she gets up, and I grab Mila from my mom.
“I’m going to go also. We can walk out together,” I tell my mother as I place Mila on my chest. My mother kisses my cheek and gives Hailey a hug as we walk out. When she stops at her car, I speak. “I never finished what I had to say.” She looks up as she opens her car door, surprised I’m bringing it up again. “Thank you for putting my little girl before yourself.” I look over at her little cast, that is literally indestructible.
She reaches out and pushes Mila’s hair away from her face. “For her, anything,” she says, smiling. “Have a great night, Jensen.” She ducks and gets in her car as I continue to mine, the night playing over and over in my head long after I’ve fallen asleep.
Chapter Sixteen
Hailey
“Look at this,” I say as I open the screen door and see Mila standing with Delores and Heidi. “Isn’t it my three favorite girls?” I say as Mila walks in and takes off her shoes.
“We brought pie,” she says as she unzips her jacket and takes it off. “Blueberry.” She puts her jacket on the chair near the door, and continues inside.
“Did you? It’s a good thing because I’m really hungry,” I tell her as Delores and Heidi walk in. “Mila, look at the basket next to the fireplace.” I point at the pink basket I picked up this week when I made the roadtrip to Walmart. I picked up coloring books, crayons, and little stamps to keep her busy while I chat with her two grandmothers.
“Look at all this,” she says as she lifts the basket to the table and begins taking things out. “Is it all for me?”
“Who else would it be for?” I tell her as I walk over. “Why don’t you color a picture while we have coffee?” She nods her head and flips to the page she wants to color. I get up, going to the kitchen. “Okay, you two. We need to talk.” I fold my arms so they know I mean business. They look at each other and then at me. “Now, you know I love you guys, and I love, love, love the visits,” I tell them as Heidi goes to put the coffee on, looking back at me.
“I actually look forward to it more than you know,” she says, and I nod.
“But, and this is a big but.” I look at them. “I will not be in the middle of Jensen and you guys.”
They both look at each other. “The other night, he was surprised Mila came here, let alone all the things we’ve done.”
“Jensen came here?” Heidi says.
“Don’t change the subject.” I point at her. “He brought me home because my foot was throbbing, and I didn’t have my car. Now” I say, looking down, “I’ve come to love that little girl, but I will not have her here without her father’s consent.” I wipe the tear away, my stomach hurting at the thought of not seeing her again. Delores walks to me and holds my arms.
“Okay,” she says softly. “We never meant any harm.”
“I know,” I say, “but I was just put in an awkward position, and it didn’t help that he was blindsided.” I look over at Heidi who is on the phone.
“Walker, we are taking Mila to bring Hailey pie,” she starts saying. “Call me when you get this.” I shake my head and laugh at these two.
“You don’t play fair.” I point at Heidi.
“Why are you crying?” I hear Mila from the living room.
“I’m not crying,” I tell her, “I just got something in my eye.”
“That happened to Poppa to when he watched The Little Mermaid and she went to live with people,” Mila says as she looks down at her picture, coloring as we laugh at her.
“Now,” Delores says, “we are actually here for business.” She sits down. “The summer fair is coming up soon, and we thought we could do one of those web thingies.”
“A website?” I ask them as I sit down and cut the pie and serve myself a piece. “Mila, honey, you want some pie?” I ask over my shoulder. She brings her stuff to the table and climbs on the chair next to me, putting her book beside her.
“So what is this summer fair?” I ask them as they fill me in on this street festival that takes place right around Independence Day; there’s a farmers market, as well as pony rides, and local artists come out. It sounds amazing. “Okay, so how about you guys bring me some pictures that I can work with and I will put something together?”
“How much will it be?” Heidi asks as she takes a piece of pie.
“Nothing,” I tell them as I take a bite of my pie and smile at them.
“You can’t do it for free.”
I sit up and take a deep breath. “You guys gave me life again.” I look back down and then up again. “I thought I wasn’t going to survive. And then I came here, and you guys gave me back me. I could never repay you,” I tell them as they both look at me speechless. Nothing needs to be said. They don’t visit for much longer and promise to send me the pictures for the website. I continue my work for the day, not looking up until almost seven.
Crystal comes in drained from work, grabbing a piece of pie and going up to her room. I make myself something quick and grab my laptop to eat outside on the swing, flipping through my emails and planning my day. I close it down and get up, making my way down to the beach. I love being so close to it, love that I get to breathe the salty air all the time. I wrap the knitted sweater around me and sit down, letting my mind clear.
It started as my therapy to purge Eric from my system, but now it’s more about finding out what I want for me. A dog barking makes me look down the beach. He runs to me, this time coming in to lick my face. “Flounder.” I push him away as he sits beside me, and I see Jensen walk toward me. His blue jeans torn at the thigh, his caramel-color sweater casual with a red t-shirt sticking out a bit from the bottom. His scruff still present as he walks to me smiling. He is so handsome, and he doesn’t even realize it.
“Shocking meeting you here,” he says as I look up and smile at his joke. “Mind if I join you?” I turn my wris
t, my hand gesturing for him to have a seat.
“Where is Mila?” I ask as he looks at me. “Spending the night at Nana’s house. It’s her paint night, and Mila somehow convinced them she should be there.”
I laugh at the thought. “She is going to make a great lawyer one day.” I look at Flounder who sits right by our feet. “So how was your day?”
He nods his head. “It was good, busy. Spring is always a busy time. People coming out of hibernation. People changing things. People wanting a new house.” He puts his hand behind him and leans back, stretching out his legs. “What about you?”
“I finally got my email count down to zero.” I put my hands up in a cheering motion. “I took about a month off when Eric died, or maybe more, I don’t really remember much, but it feels good to get back.”
“How long were you married?” he asks.
“Six months, twenty-one days.” I smirk as he raises his eyebrows. “Not that I was counting. What about you?”
“Julia and I were together since we were in high school.” He looks at the water. “Isn’t that a cliché?”
I cross my legs. “Yes, but everyone has the dream to marry her high school sweetheart.” I smile.
“Then cheat on him,” he counters, laughing.
“Not the cheating part. Not everyone cheats.” I look at my fingers then look up. “So can I ask you a question?”
He looks at me confused. “That is a loaded question.”
“When did you wake up and not have the pain?”
“I can’t pinpoint it, but I think it’s still there, just lingering in the back. In the beginning, I would wake up every day with hatred for her, but then still long for her to come back.”
“Yeah, I’m at that stage now,” I tell him. “Lately, though, I don’t even want him to come back. I just want him gone, out of my mind.”
He laughs at me. “I burned all of Julia’s pictures,” he tells me. “Every single one of them. Except one.” He doesn’t say which one, and I don’t ask.
“When did you start dating again?” I think about the question and about how it’s not a question he needs to answer.
“Hailey, I live in a small town. A town that if I walked down the street with someone, it would probably be the town gossip for the month. I don’t date.”
I look at him in shock. “You don’t date?”
“Are you just talking about sex?” He laughs as he looks at me.
My mouth opens and closes. “Um …”
“Because if your asking that …” he starts, and I hold up my hand.
“NO,” I yell as I jump to my feet.
His hand comes out, and he grabs my hand, bringing me back down next to him. “Sit down.” He laughs as his hand still holds mine as sand gets between us.
“I don’t want to know that,” I say, pulling my hand away from his and brushing off the sand.
“There isn’t a set time for you to feel like yourself. There isn’t a right or wrong time for you to want to date. No one knows but you.”
I nod my head, thinking about what he is saying. “Thank you,” I tell him as I put my hands behind me and lean back, “for letting me stay in your house even though you hate it.”
“In all fairness, I had no choice.” He looks over as he leans back on his hands again, the heat of his hand so close to mine I feel it. “But you’re welcome.” I laugh at his words because it couldn’t be more right; no one gave him a chance to say no.
“Favorite food?” I ask him, switching it up.
“Ribs, chicken, steak,” he answers without thinking about it.
“So a meat guy?” I joke. “I almost gave up meat my senior year of high school,” I tell him, and he covers his mouth with his hand in shock. “I know. Trust me, I know. I just couldn’t go the final step.” I laugh.
“Favorite movie?” he asks.
“Sixteen Candles,” I say, and he groans.
“You know that Jake Ryan dude is a carpenter now, right?” he tells me.
“He is so hot. I bet he could do lots with his hands.” I wink at him as he pulls his knees up and hangs his hands on them.
We spend the next hour talking about everything and nothing. At the end of the night, I didn’t want him to leave nor did I get the feeling he wanted to leave either. He gets up on his feet and holds out a hand to help me stand. Flounder looks over his shoulder from his spot on the sand. “This was nice,” I tell him.
He puts his hands in his back pockets, the sweater pulling across his chest, and he smiles. “It was a good evening.”
He smiles and looks down and then up at me, or down at me since he’s that much taller. “Go on up.” He motions to the house with his head.
“You going soft on me, Jensen?” I laugh as I start to walk to the house then turn. “You aren’t that scary, you know?” I turn back and run to the house as his laughter fills the night. I walk in and shut off the lights, but don’t leave till I see him walk away. Holding his head high, he walks down the beach with his hands in his pockets.
“Late night visitor?” Crystal says from behind me, causing me to jump and yelp.
“You scared the shit out of me,” I tell her as she leans on the doorjamb with a coffee cup in her hand. She smirks at me.
“So your visitor?” she asks as she looks at me.
“You want to do this? What about the hickey on your left boob?” I point at her as her eyes go to slits.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She feigns ignorance.
“Really? So who is the guy?” I ask her, and she just shrugs her shoulders.
“Again, you’re changing the subject,” she points out to me.
“So are you,” I tell her as she turns and walks away. “Night, hooker.” She flips me the bird as she walks away.
My dreams that night aren’t of the storm brewing but of calm waters with the sun shining.
Chapter Seventeen
Jensen
I lock the back door as I walk through the house, going straight to my room. The phone in my pocket buzzes, so I take it out and see a shit ton of missed calls, some from Gabe, some from Brody, and one from my mom.
I open the text message from Gabe.
There is this bowling shit this Friday. Are you in?
Why haven’t you gotten back to me?
Where the fuck are you?
OMG ARE YOU WITH A GIRL? YOUR HAND MIGHT GET JEALOUS!
I laugh at the last one and send him the finger emoji.
Then my phone lights up with his name.
“Where the fuck were you?” he asks as I hear Sports Center in the back ground.
“I went for a walk on the beach. Mom has Mila,” I tell him, taking off my shirt.
“So are you in for this bowling shit? I asked Brody, and he said he would.”
What are you talking about?” I ask him, kicking off my shoes.
“This weekend at that retreat, they said we should have office gatherings, and someone mentioned bowling,” he says as he sighs. “So if I have to suffer, I’m bringing my people in.”
I laugh at him. “Okay, I’ll talk to Mom about babysitting Mila.”
“Good, and who knows, maybe you might meet someone.”
“Thanks,” I tell him as Hailey’s face flashes through my mind, “but I’m okay.”
“Whatever, dude. If your hand keeps you that warm, I don’t want to break up a happy home.”
“Fuck you,” I tell him. Hanging up, I bring up the other texts. My mother sent me a painting by Mila, and I swear it looks like a dick with balls, but it’s a pink spaceship.
I also text asking if she can babysit for me, and she calls me back. What is up with people and texting today?
“Hey, honey,” she says as soon as I answer. “Mila is sleeping.”
“Okay? Was everything okay tonight?” I ask as she tells me about the night, but the only thought I can think of is my walk on the beach.
“So can you watch Mila on Friday?” I ask her.
“Where are you going?”
“My friend and I are going up to the springs for a weekend of hiking, and we will be stopping at Eleanor’s ranch.”
“Oh yeah, she’ll love that,” I tell her as we finish the conversation. She promises to bring Mila home sometime tomorrow. When I finally fall into bed shortly after, my dreams are of the beach, the sun, and blond hair running in the distance.
The next morning, I decided to take a walk on the beach. Bringing Flounder’s ball, I throw it and he chases it. I walk by the house with the drapes still closed, wondering if she’s sleeping, wondering if she had any more nightmares about her dick head ex. I shake my head, thinking how stupid he could have been.
For the whole day, the conversation I had with Hailey last night played on my mind. The question of getting over the bad. I let it all fester inside me. Let it simmer, letting me work through my own thoughts.
I’m thinking of her the whole time I take a shower on that Friday night; the whole time I touch myself in the shower, it’s her eyes I envision. I get out, planning to see her tonight, even if I have to sit outside the house on the beach. I grab my light blue jeans and white dress shirt, slipping my black V-neck sweater over it. Running my hands through my hair, I put on my black boots, then grab my wallet and keys and make my way to the bowling alley.
I look down at my phone after I park and find a couple of missed texts from Brody.
Telling me to hurry my ass up.
I walk in and wave at a couple of people I know when I turn, colliding with Hailey. Her scent of flowers invades me. “Hey,” I say as I grab her to make sure I don’t knock her over.
“Hey, yourself,” she says as she steadies herself, and I take in her fucking outfit. It’s just jeans, but they have tears all down the front, and they are tight and mold to her. Her big knitted sweater goes down in a V, till just above her tits, where she has some lace shit on under it. “Are you here with someone?” she asks as she holds her bowling shoes in her hand. My stomach falls as I think she might be on a fucking date.
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